girls and me and stuff

drxand?

ok heres the situation
i am 21

i've been in only 3 relationships, and they've all been miserable failures.
i've never been so good with the ladies, as i am shy and keep to myself most of the time, but i get real crazy many other times.

the first relationship i had lasted 2.5yrs, the second lasting around a year, and the 3rd lasting something like 2 months (although we were attached by the hip for those 2 months, always together seriously every day)

the last relationship i had was really the worst, as the girl was emotionally unstable when it came to expressing her feelings and i like to keep things out in the open. She pretty much broke my heart because she wasnt straightforward with me on her intentions, and i'm pretty sure she cheated on me.. shrug

anywho coming out of this, its been probably 4-5months since then and of course i'm completely over her

right now i have been set on staying single for the while and currently have 2 girls that i am having relations with and are probably interested in persuing a relationship... i have told them both i am not looking for a relationship anytime soon, but i guess i must be good at swooning them over because they seem both smitten with me.

i am fairly sure i am deciding to stay single because of how bitter i am from the last relationship, what i'm not sure of is that i dont know how i will choose between them, because they both are completely different girls and strike me in different ways.

pretty much what i'm asking for is advice on the matter

is it wrong to sort of lead them on even though i have been completely blunt about not wanting to start a relationship anytime soon?
Should i just keep up the single act and enjoy how much fun i'm having now?
Should I pick one of them for a relationship? (i guess that one is more like a personal question, but i might as well throw it out there)

what would any of youse do in a similar situation as that i am in now?

SOLUTE

No.
Yes.
No.
Same.

Black Ice

"Back in the day," going out with more than one girl (not both girls on the same date, of course) was perfectly acceptable. You just didn't kiss them or whatever and you weren't a couple.

I haven't heard of any cases of this in the past 40 years, probably because I've never talked to anyone but my parents that would have any experience doing this sort of thing.

It always struck me as odd but I would suggest going out with one of them, i.e. get some coffee for like 30-60 minutes and sit outside (if it isn't too cold). Make sure you get a good place where you guys don't get bored and there's no shortage of things to talk about - people going by is an alright topic if there are awkward silences.

The reason I suggested this last thing - it sounds like these two girls are interested in you, I'd hate to go from having two girls being interested to losing interest because of a "bad time," but at the same time you should get to know them as individuals.

drxand?

for the record, i am having sex with both of them and have already gone on a few "dates" with each, but neither know that they're not the only girl i'm seeing.

and michigan is very cold right now, very very cold

i wont give them a bad time, i've just never been put in a situation where i have 2 girls i'm persuing more than friendships with at the same time.

VeritasVR

drxand? wrote:

for the record, i am having sex with both of them and have already gone on a few "dates" with each, but neither know that they're not the only girl i'm seeing.

and michigan is very cold right now, very very cold

i wont give them a bad time, i've just never been put in a situation where i have 2 girls i'm persuing more than friendships with at the same time.

Yeah I would call you an asshole if you didn't make it clear that this is completely casual.

Pants Man

VeritasVR wrote:

drxand? wrote:

for the record, i am having sex with both of them and have already gone on a few "dates" with each, but neither know that they're not the only girl i'm seeing.

and michigan is very cold right now, very very cold

i wont give them a bad time, i've just never been put in a situation where i have 2 girls i'm persuing more than friendships with at the same time.

Yeah I would call you an asshole if you didn't make it clear that this is completely casual.

nah, i'll still call him an asshole. casual or not, he's basically forcing two girls to be a part of a chain of sexual encounters that neither of them wanted to be a part of. i don't know if any of the three of you have STD's, but that's kind of the point: neither do either of the girls.

the fact that you apparently suck at being in relationships just further drives home the point that you are screwing up. "casual" or not, the women you're sleeping with deserve to know that you're opening them up to the chance of disease by sleeping with someone else at the same time. if you're too much of a wuss to do that, you don't deserve to be in a relationship with either of them anyways.

actually, the hell with that, by essentially dating two girls at the same time and therefore lying to two girls at the same time, you're an asshole and don't deserve either of them on that basis alone. the sex thing is just icing on the asshole cake.

SilverWind

Wait, they both don't know that they're not the only girl you're seeing? And having sex with?

You're not being clear enough to them about it, and yes that is a rather assholish thing to do.

Yes, it is wrong to lead them on if it's like what you've just described. Stop it, pick one or the other, or--well, clear up this whole lot and start new.

Docken

You are damaging those girls the way your ex damaged you.

Stop.

Fawkes

Oh ho ho.

One. You totally made this post to brag.

Two.

drxand? wrote:

is it wrong to sort of lead them on even though i have been completely blunt about not wanting to start a relationship anytime soon?

No, you haven't. In English, "I don't want a relationship" does not exactly translate into "I'm fucking around".

Three. If you have to describe what you are doing as 'leading them on', no matter how blunt you think you have been, you are still leading them on. If this is a problem to you, don't do it.

Four. The answer to your question is to tell each girl that you are seeing and sleeping with the other. If they are cool with this, you are toasty. The fact that you clearly haven't told them this suggests that you know they aren't going to like it.

Zek

They both probably think they succeeded in changing your mind. It doesn't sound like either of them realize that they're just your casual sex playthings.

You need to stop lying to them. Either break it off with one and tell the other that you're just fuckbuddies, or tell them both that you're sleeping around and see how they react.

Menthol

Stop using other people's bodies to masturbate with.

If you don't want a relationship, grab some lotion and tissues.

Unless a chick explicitly says "Meh, let's just fuck" then it's pretty safe to assume that they think that this is "going somewhere."

GrimmyTOA

Unless they both know that you're seeing another girl and have stated that they're okay with it, you have to assume that they wouldn't be. If they aren't okay with it, or aren't aware of it, then you need to stop. Now.

Etch

Seriously duder, this is what fucks up girls emotionally, because they're gonna find out. You have to realize that no matter how adamant you are about saying it's just something casual, that it never really is. If you're having sex with someone, there is obviously going to be a lot of emotion, and more than likely some attachment. If they don't know that you're having sex with both of them, then they each probably think that you want to be with them.

Also, fuck you.

Librarian

Etch wrote:

Also, fuck you.

Marravica

Have them both meet. They'll know instantly that you're sleeping with both of them, girls are very good at perceiving things like that.

Then, if they're cool with it, k. Otherwise, at least you were honest.

Men like you give us a bad name, if these girls are heartbroken over this they will probably be saying things like "all men suck" for years, pissing off all the men that actually don't and further compounding their pain and loneliness.

Fireflash

I'm surprised at all the bad rap the OP is receiving right now. Altho I've never dated more than one girl at once, I don't necessarily think it's wrong to see different people in the same timeframe, as long as it is understood by all parties that there's nothing serious going on.

Isn't this how many people swing in the year 2007?

Menthol

Fireflash wrote:

I'm surprised at all the bad rap the OP is receiving right now. Altho I've never dated more than one girl at once, I don't necessarily think it's wrong to see different people in the same timeframe, as long as it is understood by all parties that there's nothing serious going on.

Isn't this how many people swing in the year 2007?

The entire point is that these girl's DON'T know.

And he's taking advantage of their affection for him to get laid.

drxand?

well i'm not intending to be taking advantage of them to get laid
my sexual drive has been fairly low for quite a while

i didn't intend for it to happen with either girl, but they jumped MY bones

all i wished from them was some makeouts, hugs, perhaps a spooning or two, nothing sexual, but when its intiated by someone else and its the heat of the moment, it seems like the right thing to do. (i suppose that seems like a big excuse, sigh sigh)

i would also like to stress that they persued me, and i am not some kind of guy who takes advantage of girls to get down their pants (although, i sort of am doing right now, i suppose, sadly)

additional info:
both girls just got out of relationships with guys that treated them like shit by emotional abuse, cheating, and/or hitting them. I feel very much like a rebound as they are both like literally coming out of these at pretty much the exact moment i started to see them for.

i honestly didnt make this thread to brag, or be a macho dude or some crap like that, i just dont wish to hurt anyones feelings, and i wanted to figure out the best way to bring this out in the open, as it has just started (its not like i've been leading them on for a while)

one of the girls i'm pretty sure would be completely cool to just be friends with benefits, but the other is hard up for a relationship (which i think is because she had a worse time with her last boyfriend than the other girl and she's more of a depressive sort, kinda like myself)

i am going to tell them both that i wish to remain single and that we are not exclusive. I really dont want to be a jerk, but i'd rather be honest about the matter.

Any suggestions from you lot as a tactful way to approach the subject ?... i'm sure i could just blurt out "oh yeah, i met another girl and we're fucking" but i dont wish to be so rough about it.

A-Rod

Just tell them your desire to remain single. You enjoy being with them but you still are going to be seeing others casually as well, and you are. I think they would appreciate the honesty. They may leave or stay hoping to convince you to become exclusive, or go casually with others as well. Who knows.

Nexus Zero

Yeah, I remember having a couple of girls at the same time; they were both made fully aware that it was just casual and it was just sex, but as a few guys here have said, they just don't get it.