The Great Egg Hunt

BalrogsBain

Hi i'm new around here and thought i would post my little comic all critiques are welcome, for me i don't think the text is all that solid I think i could work on that more .

Thank you

Visti

It doesn't read very well. Where did he find the egg? What is he pointing at in the upper-right? Is this actually supposed to be a one-off funny strip or part of a narrative?

Also, comic traditions usually dictate that speech bubbles with no pointer aren't actually speechbubbles and it's quite confusing to read. Especially in the second panel, where it's not immediately obvious who is saying what.

Agent Coleman

Welcome to the AC.

I imagine he's pointing at the egg, but I can see what you're saying. The rest of the comic reads well enough so you know what's going on. Also it couldn't hurt to make your speech bubbles a little bigger in panels 2 and 3.

Wassermelone

I think maybe you need a writer. Right now, your humor is very... antiquated. Slipping on a banana peel? Covered in egg? Obligatory everybody laughing in the last panel like the end of a 60's cartoon? It just doesn't really work.

The connection of the writing to the artwork is off as well. Aside from the need for tails on the speech bubble to indicate who is actually speaking (rather than just narrator), the lack of punctuation for emphasis makes the various expressions seem odd and unconnected. The "I can't find one" in the third panel seems like extraneous text without purpose. The fourth panel seems unrelated: hes pointing randomly at something and is happy, but apparently he hasn't found any eggs yet. Why would he be happy? Unless hes pointing at the big egg.... then why is he so shocked in the next panel if hes already reacted to it?

To summarize, you need a writer, or to go down to the writing forum and get some solid critique there.

Mustang

Wasser wrote:

I think maybe you need a writer. Right now, your humor is very... antiquated. Slipping on a banana peel? Covered in egg? Obligatory everybody laughing in the last panel like the end of a 60's cartoon? It just doesn't really work.

That's basically what I thought, except with more curse words and spelling mistakes.

tynic

Oh, he's carrying an egg in the 6th panel. I did not get that at all; initially I thought it was a background element, mostly because of the red gradient and the lack of cast shadows. And because it seems to be delicately balanced on the tips of his fingers, rather than actually being carried. Why the gradient? Is it meant to be a shadow? Why red?

The writing issues have been previously summarized.

BalrogsBain

Thanks for all the Critiques; I now see what you mean about the flowing of the story how and where he found the egg. When I first started this comic strip it was three panels then I thought the story needed more explanation and it grew from three to eight panels.
The story if anyone knows the British Comics The Dandy and Beano it was for that sort of age range but I can see where you coming from, the story does need working on.
I have always been doodling with cartoon type characters and this was the first time I had tried putting them in some sort of situation, and it also took me a couple of weeks and when I posted it on here I was still not sure about it
Thanks again for the suggestions

BalrogsBain

so 5 months have gone by and i thought i would look at this comic i did and damn :v:,
but what i thought i would do is to try it again and this time around I would go in and do some re working on the artwork re-do the text and yes adding brackets to speech bubbles, so what i thought i would do is add the quick first pannel I have started its still at the pencil stage but i feel I have grown as a cartoonist and i know its not much to comment on but anything will do
thanks

mully

Good attitude!

flowerhoney

The mayor is already 100% cuter in your sketch than in the comic

Keep it up!! It has the potential to be very adorable, comics dont have to all about the laughs as long it as makes sense

simonheros

Grammer ,like in the beginning the letters weren't capitalized.
The story doesn't really make sense it just seems like a straight-to-it comic.
Speech bubbles look kind of awkward.
Other then that it was pretty good ;P
Keep up the good work.