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Fuckin' Total War

FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
edited July 2010 in Social Entropy++
So there's a great series out there most of us history faggots and regular faggots like a lot, consisting of

Shogun_Total_War.jpg

The one I haven't played, along with

256px-Medieval_Total_War.jpg

HOWEVER!

I have played the fuck out of Rome: Total War, Medieval II: Total War, and Empire: Total War, and I intend to play through one of them again. Probably the first one, because it's in a constant competition to be rad with Medieval II.

This thread is here because of the ensuing sequel to the very first title in the series, Shogun: Total War 2 which runs on the same engine as Empire but we have been assured it won't suck ass! Like Empire did!

But what is really important is - "How do I conquer the world, and who do I play?" The answer is the Parthians. If it isn't them, then the answer is Denmark.

Should I play a R:TW game as Rome? Should I try to put England, and perhaps even Europe itself under Scottish rule? Moorish? These games are awesome!

I'm currently playing a game as the parthians. I'm only five turns in and the wealth of the world does not flow through their empire. Openin' screen lied to me. I've been listening to this podcast about the History of Rome, so we can talk about how cool it is to play as the only major power the Romans couldn't take down!

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Fandyien on
«1345

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    Iron WeaselIron Weasel Dillon! You son of a bitch!Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Shogun was great fun back in the day. I thoroughly enjoyed the assassination videos.

    I really wish the diplomatic AI in Empire wasn't so stupid.

    Iron Weasel on
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    BackwardsnameBackwardsname __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2010
    Couldn't, or didn't want to

    I mean yeah them horse archers is scary shit

    but it ain't like the Parthians could ever crack the Roman army worth a damn either

    both had easier targets in their own respective spheres of influence

    woulda been kinda silly for them to go after each other

    Rome totally woulda kicked Parthia's ass though

    Backwardsname on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Couldn't, or didn't want to

    I mean yeah them horse archers is scary shit

    but it ain't like the Parthians could ever crack the Roman army worth a damn either

    both had easier targets in their own respective spheres of influence

    woulda been kinda silly for them to go after each other

    Rome totally woulda kicked Parthia's ass though

    I dunno, man, in a war like that the Armenians, Scythians, and shit would probably go full on revolt along with some other client-kings and possibly Judea

    Fandyien on
    reposig.jpg
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    Scipio AfroScipio Afro Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Rome would have kicked everyones ass forever.

    Scipio Afro on
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    ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Empire is very pretty but it sucks.

    Butters on
    PSN: idontworkhere582 | CFN: idontworkhere | Steam: lordbutters | Amazon Wishlist
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    Der Waffle MousDer Waffle Mous Blame this on the misfortune of your birth. New Yark, New Yark.Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Couldn't, or didn't want to

    I mean yeah them horse archers is scary shit

    but it ain't like the Parthians could ever crack the Roman army worth a damn either

    both had easier targets in their own respective spheres of influence

    woulda been kinda silly for them to go after each other

    Rome totally woulda kicked Parthia's ass though

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman%E2%80%93Parthian_Wars?

    Der Waffle Mous on
    Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: DerWaffle#1682
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    nateknatek unh unh Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    this is a game that my computer cannot handle anymore because of power supply issues

    another reason to be so damn excited for my new computer
    rome: total war was fun while I had a chance to play and I really want to try medieval II

    natek on
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I got a game called King Arthur kinda like total war I guess?

    It's fun but hard.

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    DarricDarric Santa MonicaRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I only ever played Shogun because ninjas.

    Darric on
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    captainkcaptaink TexasRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I fuckin' love me some Medieval. Smashing faces with cavalry charges, withering rains of arrows, yeahhhhh.

    captaink on
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    captainkcaptaink TexasRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Conversely, I was super terrible at Empire and hated it.

    captaink on
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    OlivawOlivaw good name, isn't it? the foot of mt fujiRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Medieval II is pretty darn good

    I liked Rome a whole bunch

    Empire is really pretty but kinda bad (naval battles are awesome though)

    Looking forward to Shogun 2 in a big way!

    Olivaw on
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    nateknatek unh unh Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I remember the mods for rome making it into an entirely different game where archers and horses did damage and things made sense

    natek on
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    captainkcaptaink TexasRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Wasn't Roman cavalry actually bad though? They didn't have stirrups or something, right?

    captaink on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Roman Calvalry was pretty effective, but not compared to Eastern Calvarly

    When it was still a republic charioteers were still big in most of the world

    Fandyien on
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    NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    captaink wrote: »
    Wasn't Roman cavalry actually bad though? They didn't have stirrups or something, right?

    yeah, but think about how fit a guy would have to be to ride a horse without stirrups

    ass of steel

    julius caesar could apparently ride without stirrups and with his hands behind his back, just steering the horse with his thighs

    Nuzak on
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    nateknatek unh unh Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    none of the cavalry in the game could do anything it seemed

    natek on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    natek wrote: »
    none of the cavalry in the game could do anything it seemed

    naw

    Samatian mercenaries, cataphracts, anything with cantabrian circle

    Fandyien on
    reposig.jpg
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    captainkcaptaink TexasRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Nuzak wrote: »
    captaink wrote: »
    Wasn't Roman cavalry actually bad though? They didn't have stirrups or something, right?

    yeah, but think about how fit a guy would have to be to ride a horse without stirrups

    ass of steel

    julius caesar could apparently ride without stirrups and with his hands behind his back, just steering the horse with his thighs

    That's true, but without stirrups you basically can't hit people nearly as hard and stay on your horse.

    captaink on
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    nateknatek unh unh Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    before any mods I don't remember any sort of flank attack with horses being as damaging as I thought it would be

    natek on
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    autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    the roman sword is sill the deadliest weapon in history, isn't it? still having a higher death toll than the AK-47..

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
    kFJhXwE.jpgkFJhXwE.jpg
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    didn't samurai start as mounted archers?

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Cataphracts charging, wedge-style, into the flank of a phalanx? almost as beautiful as when you do it with elephants

    Fandyien on
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    the roman sword is sill the deadliest weapon in history, isn't it? still having a higher death toll than the AK-47..

    The gladius hispanius was only outclassed by the AK47 recently.

    More confirmed kills, more numbers made...

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    FerrusFerrus Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I tried to get Medieval 1 to run on my laptop but apparently it won't run on modern machines.

    I was sad, because Viking Invasion was fucking awesome. I'd really like to see a Total War: Dark Ages that goes from, I dunno, 600AD to 1066 or so.

    Ferrus on
    I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
    My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
    And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    You know what sucks

    Trying to play R:TW as the Greek city states. There's so much wealth and all these wonders around but the Romans and the Macedonians and the Carthaginians all declare war on you three turns in

    Fandyien on
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    PhonehandPhonehand Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Fandyien wrote: »
    You know what sucks

    Trying to play R:TW as the Greek city states. There's so much wealth and all these wonders around but the Romans and the Macedonians and the Carthaginians all declare war on you three turns in

    but its cool cuz you have SPARTANS

    Phonehand on
    pmdunk.jpg
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Sorry I misspelled the second part of it's name and I can't find it anymore.

    But yeah I know too much about the history of weapons, especially the ones developed in and around WW2.

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    cavalry were very handy if you used them right, mainly for quickly charging an exposed flank and scaring the shit out of that unit, also mopping up the battle field.

    Then again I played on normal I'm some kind of pussy

    FAQ on
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    NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    captaink wrote: »
    Nuzak wrote: »
    captaink wrote: »
    Wasn't Roman cavalry actually bad though? They didn't have stirrups or something, right?

    yeah, but think about how fit a guy would have to be to ride a horse without stirrups

    ass of steel

    julius caesar could apparently ride without stirrups and with his hands behind his back, just steering the horse with his thighs

    That's true, but without stirrups you basically can't hit people nearly as hard and stay on your horse.

    but with stirrups you can't pick up enemy chicks and show them a good time nearly as well

    Nuzak on
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    FerrusFerrus Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Irish light cavalry in Kingdoms was absolutely boss. A single unit was like 40 people, they were fast as fuck and carried armor piecing axes.

    They ruined shit.

    Ferrus on
    I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
    My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
    And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
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    Iron WeaselIron Weasel Dillon! You son of a bitch!Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Nuzak wrote: »
    captaink wrote: »
    Nuzak wrote: »
    captaink wrote: »
    Wasn't Roman cavalry actually bad though? They didn't have stirrups or something, right?

    yeah, but think about how fit a guy would have to be to ride a horse without stirrups

    ass of steel

    julius caesar could apparently ride without stirrups and with his hands behind his back, just steering the horse with his thighs

    That's true, but without stirrups you basically can't hit people nearly as hard and stay on your horse.

    but with stirrups you can't pick up enemy chicks and show them a good time nearly as well
    Enemy chicks are only good for lamenting.

    Iron Weasel on
    Currently Playing:
    The Division, Warframe (XB1)
    GT: Tanith 6227
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I wanna play a historical wargame in the tabletop.

    Maybe an army from the Crusades.

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    OlivawOlivaw good name, isn't it? the foot of mt fujiRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    If you can stave off war with any significant powers as Greece until you get some ports built (and take Rhodes) you will have more money than you know what to do with

    At that point you have already won, it just takes a while for the rest of the world to realize it

    Olivaw on
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    WietWiet Mao Mao Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I recently started playing R:TW again with my favourite mod, Europa Barbarorum. A lot of the gameplay changes work really but I play it simply for the neat ''the year in history'' popups that you get to read every couple of turns. History nerding is great.

    I also play it to smash Macedon. and their enormous stacks. I wish my screenshots would work to illustrate it but every game Macedon always dominates everything in the neighbourhood only to come after your Roman ass next.

    Wiet on
    XStly.jpg
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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I really don't know anything about history that isn't WW2. And even then I wouldn't say I am a buff.

    I was playing Tide of Iron 2 once, managed to build up like 40 million troops in Russia.

    The Germans never fucking attacked me.

    Tallahasseeriel on
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    PhonehandPhonehand Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    welp this is getting reinstalled when i get home. dammit.

    Phonehand on
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    PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I dislike Europa Barbarorum because the waiting time between turns is atrocious.

    Platy on
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    my cd drive doesn't work anymore :[

    FAQ on
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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Olivaw wrote: »
    If you can stave off war with any significant powers as Greece until you get some ports built (and take Rhodes) you will have more money than you know what to do with

    At that point you have already won, it just takes a while for the rest of the world to realize it

    I was rolling in duckets, I had something to the tune of three wonders

    Still got steamrolled by all the seperate factions who came together in rape

    Fandyien on
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