The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Oopses and Expecting Before You Were Expecting
clearsimpleplain
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is short because I have to go to work, but I wanted some feedback sooner rather than later. I'll fill in some blanks when I get the chance.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years; she's 23 and I'm 26. I have one more year of University left before I get my B.A. (English Major~), after which the plan was to move back to her hometown in California, where I'd spend the year getting my teaching certificate and then presumably teach elementary/middle/high school, wherever I could although middle would be the preference. She has no postsecondary education.
We stopped being careful a month ago (ie, she went off the pill and we started pulling out). This was irresponsible, I'm aware; we were giving "Oops" a chance to happen because her older sister is having problems getting pregnant and I worry about the side effects of The Pill. My wife just sort of wanted to get pregnant.
End of the month has rolled around; period expected any day now, but she was feeling nauseas so she took a home pregnancy test. Two lines = pregnant.
I guess I'm looking for stories from other mid-20s parents here, or maybe some advice. I think we're both a little more scared than we thought we'd be. We both have decent "jobs" at the moment, her slinging smoothies for $13.75 an hour and I've been working in a butcher shop for 2 years@$14.90, but these are "jobs" and not "careers" and I'm very worried about what happens now. A big move a year from now away from two sure-thing jobs, good economy, Canadian health care, and safety seems quite a bit more risky now.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years; she's 23 and I'm 26. I have one more year of University left before I get my B.A. (English Major~), after which the plan was to move back to her hometown in California, where I'd spend the year getting my teaching certificate and then presumably teach elementary/middle/high school, wherever I could although middle would be the preference. She has no postsecondary education.
We stopped being careful a month ago (ie, she went off the pill and we started pulling out). This was irresponsible, I'm aware; we were giving "Oops" a chance to happen because her older sister is having problems getting pregnant and I worry about the side effects of The Pill. My wife just sort of wanted to get pregnant.
End of the month has rolled around; period expected any day now, but she was feeling nauseas so she took a home pregnancy test. Two lines = pregnant.
I guess I'm looking for stories from other mid-20s parents here, or maybe some advice. I think we're both a little more scared than we thought we'd be. We both have decent "jobs" at the moment, her slinging smoothies for $13.75 an hour and I've been working in a butcher shop for 2 years@$14.90, but these are "jobs" and not "careers" and I'm very worried about what happens now. A big move a year from now away from two sure-thing jobs, good economy, Canadian health care, and safety seems quite a bit more risky now.
clearsimpleplain on
0
Posts
I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice for you, but we have had a few excellent threads asking for advice. Here is one of them and here is another.
Best of luck to you!
Get her on prenatals, preferably ones that have a good amount of iron
Start thinking of names
And most importantly, deal with it. Don't freak out, I know people who are doing just fine on less money. Sit down and redo your budget early. Find things you can cut (nonessentials like cable TV, eating out less often, etc) and start building up some cash reserves. You've got roughly 8 months to build up some extra savings which you will need when she takes maternity. But don't get too caught up in the minor details, keep an eye on your big picture together and make things work
PSN - MicroChrist
I'm too fuckin' poor to play
WordsWFriends - zeewoot
I'm 24, My wife is 28.
We were engaged in Febuary, found out she was preggers in march. She lost her job in April, we got married at courthouse in April for insurance, had a real wedding in May that we paid for (mostly) on my one income. We both have car payments, and our mortgage.
Seeing as you both have jobs, that's a good start. My wife lost her job shortly after we found out, so we have been on my income for a while now. To top it off, we are in a one bedroom condo. (600ish sqft).
First, take a deep breath. You both have decent jobs, and people are pregnant all the time with much less income than you.
Live within your means and you will be okay. Start thinking about things you will need, and start saving.
Crib (and crib mattress), toys, diapers, wipes, storage for baby clothes, will she breast feed? Look at pumps so you can still work, daycare costs, doctor visits, hospital stay.
Just start saving now, as month 9 approaches it will be harder to get things that you NEED.
Start reading up about babies, Get the book What to expect when you are expecting, there are many others as well, but that one covers a LOT of random ass stuff you could ever be wondering.
For guy books, I got the Practical handbook for new dads, which was a nice funny way to look at being a dad. Also, the baby/pregnancy manuals are fun to read together while still being very informative.
Find out what hospital your OB will use as the primary facility, in a few months look at scheduling birthing classes, breast feeding classes, birth suite tours, etc... They were immensely helpful for me and my wife.
Do your best to go to her OB appointments, the support will go a long way for her!
That's kind of an overview of what it was like for me. Her water broke at 30 weeks so we didn't get to do all the classes we wanted, but 4 weeks in a hospital is more than enough training. 2 weeks to go!
Also, all women react differently to having a parasite growing inside of them. Some women "glow" and are super happy. Others tend to go insane. My signifigant other was the latter. If your better half suddenly becomes emotional and irriational, don't be suprised. I was treading on egg shells for about 6 months, twice now. Be supportive. Think twice before opening your mouth. Show lots of love and affection.
And congradulations
And don't panic, you'll do fine.
She will be upset/angry/cry for what seems like no reason, but the hormones do some crazy things. Just comfort her and it will pass!
Not sure if you already did, but go see your doctor for a real pregnancy test and start on prenatal vitamins, and schedule with her OB!
Also, don't go crazy buying newborn-sized diapers and clothes. Chances are your baby will have outgrown them in a couple weeks after birth if not AT birth. Just buy more of the next size up.
I am also canadian and depending on what province you are in you might consider putting your names down for daycare NOW if you want to get in by the time your maternity leave runs out.
That's if one of you is going to return to work.
This doesn't make sense, does it? It's not really an "oops" and you were sort of already "expecting." You stopped taking precautions on purpose and your wife wanted to get pregnant. Where's the accident there?
My cousin is raising a 1 year old and she's near the same age as you. She's doing it with less of an income than you are.
So I guess what I'm saying is you might want to consider choosing someplace else to move to if you're set on becoming a teacher. California is a very tough place for that right now. Definitely try and line up work before you move, or be prepared to get a job that isn't teaching. (And with unemployment rates the way they are that won't be easy either)