So, looks like we nee another thread since the other one has reached its allotted size. I'm taking suggestions for the title. And yes, I readily admit that I totally ripped off wide swaths of this OP
So, you want to join the wide world of ONLINE DATING. Want to meet some folks of the opposite gender to woo and live in your own private little paradise of happily ever after.
Figure 1, some random hotties Malkor found with GIS. These women here? They're out there.
Well, probably not. Regardless, your mighty neckbeard won't impress them.
So let's get down to brass tacks shall we? Sure, you could spend ages messaging a perfect 10 like the ladies above with killer lines like "sup" and "omg u look amazing lol", but so is everyone else.
Figure 2, or how men are idiots.
So what to do? Well, that's what we're here for. Consider this thread your little corner to practice, commiserate, and craft you the profile worthy of the people you're trying to message. So, without further ado...
Different people have luck with different sites - a lot of it depends on your local geography and who tends to use what. That being said, the vast majority of people around here use one or both of the following:
- the more "trendy" of the two, and the easiest one to get started in. Also, they give us the awesome graphs and statistics.
- The latest and greatest website out of the 90s school of website design. However, inexplicably, this one has more people than pretty much any other site, so you might find it worthwhile to check out.
There's other websites, but most of them are pay sites, and fuck that noise. Also, there's Craigslist, but we're not going to help you with that one
Okay, got a profile, now what?
Something Awful has some rather good advice on profile making (OKC specific, but the general advice is sound)
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
As for Plentyoffish (and possibly any other site):
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.
I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.
-Don't mention the zombie apocalypse. You think you're being unique, but a stupid number of guys reference it. Just don't.
-Don't overthink things. Don't. Over. Think. Things. You'll manufacture problems where none exist.
SHIRTLESS PHOTO SECTION
So if you look like this with your shirt off
Then go here
Or another such location where being shirtless is normal. Don't take the douchebag photo in the mirror shot.
Well, that being said, don't take that photo if you want a lady who would find a blatant shirtless photo kind of crass and excessive. There are a lot of women who wouldn't mind a brazen shot, so go for it if you feel like it.
And finally, the OKC Blog:
If you want to get some statistical breakdown of what works and what doesn't, read the above articles
. Always keep an open mind and whatnot, but here's some random highlights:
People lie in their profiles
Republicans get along with themselves better
Older women are awesome
Not all pictures are created equal
Guys disproportionately go after hot women. Women are overly critical then go for unattractive guys
Don't speak like a fucking fourth grader
People in the north have horrible hygiene
How often do you bathe or shower?
So anyway, have at! If you want someone to look at your profile, realize that a lot of people do so and give advice, but it can't always be the same people - offer some advice of your own in return.
Also don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
Online dating is a tool for meeting people, and not necessarily the best tool. Don't treat it as the end-all be-all.
What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose.
And as always, we part with some legendary advice:
Too good looking for you? Son, let a girl figure out why she won't sleep with you. Don't do it for her.