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[INTERNET DATING] It's like video games, except not
Jragghen
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, looks like we nee another thread since the other one has reached its allotted size. I'm taking suggestions for the title. And yes, I readily admit that I totally ripped off wide swaths of this OP :P
So, you want to join the wide world of ONLINE DATING. Want to meet some folks of the opposite gender to woo and live in your own private little paradise of happily ever after.
Figure 1, some random hotties Malkor found with GIS. These women here? They're out there.
Well, probably not. Regardless, your mighty neckbeard won't impress them.
So let's get down to brass tacks shall we? Sure, you could spend ages messaging a perfect 10 like the ladies above with killer lines like "sup" and "omg u look amazing lol", but so is everyone else.
Figure 2, or how men are idiots.
So what to do? Well, that's what we're here for. Consider this thread your little corner to practice, commiserate, and craft you the profile worthy of the people you're trying to message. So, without further ado...
The sites
Different people have luck with different sites - a lot of it depends on your local geography and who tends to use what. That being said, the vast majority of people around here use one or both of the following:
www.okcupid.com - the more "trendy" of the two, and the easiest one to get started in. Also, they give us the awesome graphs and statistics.
www.plentyoffish.com - The latest and greatest website out of the 90s school of website design. However, inexplicably, this one has more people than pretty much any other site, so you might find it worthwhile to check out.
There's other websites, but most of them are pay sites, and fuck that noise. Also, there's Craigslist, but we're not going to help you with that one :P
Okay, got a profile, now what?
Something Awful has some rather good advice on profile making (OKC specific, but the general advice is sound)
As for Plentyoffish (and possibly any other site):
Other advice
-Don't mention the zombie apocalypse. You think you're being unique, but a stupid number of guys reference it. Just don't.
-Don't overthink things. Don't. Over. Think. Things. You'll manufacture problems where none exist.
SHIRTLESS PHOTO SECTION
And finally, the OKC Blog:
http://blog.okcupid.com/
If you want to get some statistical breakdown of what works and what doesn't, read the above articles. Always keep an open mind and whatnot, but here's some random highlights:
So anyway, have at! If you want someone to look at your profile, realize that a lot of people do so and give advice, but it can't always be the same people - offer some advice of your own in return.
Also don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
Online dating is a tool for meeting people, and not necessarily the best tool. Don't treat it as the end-all be-all.
And as always, we part with some legendary advice:
So, you want to join the wide world of ONLINE DATING. Want to meet some folks of the opposite gender to woo and live in your own private little paradise of happily ever after.
Figure 1, some random hotties Malkor found with GIS. These women here? They're out there.
Well, probably not. Regardless, your mighty neckbeard won't impress them.
So let's get down to brass tacks shall we? Sure, you could spend ages messaging a perfect 10 like the ladies above with killer lines like "sup" and "omg u look amazing lol", but so is everyone else.
Figure 2, or how men are idiots.
So what to do? Well, that's what we're here for. Consider this thread your little corner to practice, commiserate, and craft you the profile worthy of the people you're trying to message. So, without further ado...
The sites
Different people have luck with different sites - a lot of it depends on your local geography and who tends to use what. That being said, the vast majority of people around here use one or both of the following:
www.okcupid.com - the more "trendy" of the two, and the easiest one to get started in. Also, they give us the awesome graphs and statistics.
www.plentyoffish.com - The latest and greatest website out of the 90s school of website design. However, inexplicably, this one has more people than pretty much any other site, so you might find it worthwhile to check out.
There's other websites, but most of them are pay sites, and fuck that noise. Also, there's Craigslist, but we're not going to help you with that one :P
Okay, got a profile, now what?
Something Awful has some rather good advice on profile making (OKC specific, but the general advice is sound)
Every Section
:arrow: STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
:arrow: STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
:arrow: STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
:arrow: STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
:arrow: STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
:arrow: STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
:arrow: YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.
Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
:arrow: STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
:arrow: STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
:arrow: STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
:arrow: STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
:arrow: STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
:arrow: STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
:arrow: YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.
Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
As for Plentyoffish (and possibly any other site):
Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?
Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.
I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".
Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.
Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".
About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.
First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.
Other advice
-Don't mention the zombie apocalypse. You think you're being unique, but a stupid number of guys reference it. Just don't.
-Don't overthink things. Don't. Over. Think. Things. You'll manufacture problems where none exist.
SHIRTLESS PHOTO SECTION
So if you look like this with your shirt off
Then go here
Or another such location where being shirtless is normal. Don't take the douchebag photo in the mirror shot.
Well, that being said, don't take that photo if you want a lady who would find a blatant shirtless photo kind of crass and excessive. There are a lot of women who wouldn't mind a brazen shot, so go for it if you feel like it.
Then go here
Or another such location where being shirtless is normal. Don't take the douchebag photo in the mirror shot.
Well, that being said, don't take that photo if you want a lady who would find a blatant shirtless photo kind of crass and excessive. There are a lot of women who wouldn't mind a brazen shot, so go for it if you feel like it.
And finally, the OKC Blog:
http://blog.okcupid.com/
If you want to get some statistical breakdown of what works and what doesn't, read the above articles. Always keep an open mind and whatnot, but here's some random highlights:
People lie in their profiles
Republicans get along with themselves better
Older women are awesome
Not all pictures are created equal
Guys disproportionately go after hot women. Women are overly critical then go for unattractive guys
Race matters
Don't speak like a fucking fourth grader
Be specific
People in the north have horrible hygiene
How often do you bathe or shower?
Republicans get along with themselves better
Older women are awesome
Not all pictures are created equal
Guys disproportionately go after hot women. Women are overly critical then go for unattractive guys
Race matters
Don't speak like a fucking fourth grader
Be specific
People in the north have horrible hygiene
How often do you bathe or shower?
So anyway, have at! If you want someone to look at your profile, realize that a lot of people do so and give advice, but it can't always be the same people - offer some advice of your own in return.
Also don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
Online dating is a tool for meeting people, and not necessarily the best tool. Don't treat it as the end-all be-all.
What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose.
And as always, we part with some legendary advice:
Too good looking for you? Son, let a girl figure out why she won't sleep with you. Don't do it for her.
Jragghen on
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Posts
Think relocating my profile there in advance would be a good idea?
what then
It's the internet. I'm sure you can find someone who shares your tastes in fine equine urine.
Maybe. But choosing which movie to see requires negotiation between the parties who are to see it, and if you haven't gotten that far in your pre-date conversations (or worse, haven't had any pre-date conversations), then choosing a movie that both parties will enjoy is going to be a bit of a crapshoot.
Especially if you are going the route of "one person arranges the date, the other follows along and enjoys the ride."
I just started dating a girl who did this. She'll be moving to the area next week. I met up with her while she was in town for apartment hunting.
One of the best first dates I ever had was going to the zoo. We walked around holding hands, looked at the cutesy animals, laughed at the monkeys it was pretty sweet.
So anyone else got ideas for a great first date?
I think a movie is only a good first date if you both LEGITIMATELY want to see the same movie. Since I legitimately want to see a lot of movies in a bunch of genres it's fairly easy for me to arrange this. I've had some pretty decent first dates that were movie or television related, though more often the "let's rent something and hang out" kind than the "out at the theater" kind. I do realize most guys and most girls don't have really similar movie tastes. Well... I realize this NOW anyway.
I remember when I was a kid I was in line for some movie (it might have been the Star Wars rereleases? I don't remember) and a couple in front of me was arguing. The girl was whining about not wanting to see whatever action movie the guy wanted to see. Naive kid that I was, I wondered "why the heck you would ever date someone who you can't even agree with about a MOVIE?"
I now realize that without the "rom com one week, shoot 'em up next week" deal, the human race would probably go extinct.
Triwizard Drinking Tournament - '09 !Hufflepuff unofficial conscript, '10 !Gryffindor
Nerd blog at culturalgeekgirl.com
My best first date remains the 4th of July carnival and fireworks.
Pity that one didn't work out, since it started so well.
I just didn't care after such a soso experience
maybe when dating someone you've known, but not when it was a "talked for an hour at abar then got her number" kind of thing
SteamID: devCharles
twitter: https://twitter.com/charlesewise
Damn good start to age 28 for me.
This is for all of those who thought she was trying to sneak-break up with me.
I use a lot of hyphens with this girl.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
I have never seen a movie listing that didn't have showings throughout the day.
If it isn't a weekend, most people have work until about 5. If you want a couple hours to get back to your place and get ready, it'll be around 7. Most movie theaters generally time their movies in blocks anyway, and the sweet spot for most movie times during the evening are scheduled to start from about 7 to 8, and then they do it in blocks around 10-11.
That's how it worked when I worked at a movie theater in high school anyway, and it seems to continue to fall along those lines from my experience unless you have one of those giant movie theaters with like 24 screens.
SteamID: devCharles
twitter: https://twitter.com/charlesewise
there is an ancient castle ruin next to my house that is a prime makeout location :winky:
You realize this sounds like the setup for a horror film.
Meh.
I can watch and enjoy just about any movie. My DVD collection is filled with comedies, classics, rom coms, action, drama.... pretty much every genre available.
Speaking of horror-film dates, on a first meeting, after dinner, the girl took me for a drive to check out some houses she's thinking of buying. The neighbourhood is 10 mins out of town, past some wooden area.
So being driven down an empty dark forest road at night in a rental car with a person I've just met. I kicked myself for not checking the trunk for shovel and rope before getting in.
Don't leave us in suspense. Did she murder you?
Yeah, she killed me!
...
I got better.
really nice food and a lot more walking + talking
...I don't go on dates, basically ever.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Profile critique, anyone? I'm sure there's something wrong with it.
www.okcupid.com/profile/darklingtears
I like your second picture better. The semi-scruff does you no favors.
Other than that everything is cool. If we were on the same continent I'd message you.
Triwizard Drinking Tournament - '09 !Hufflepuff unofficial conscript, '10 !Gryffindor
Nerd blog at culturalgeekgirl.com
Should I change it?
I think you'd get a different set of ladies there. Let's not kid ourselves. The women who use dedicated internet dating sites are desperate. So are the guys but it's a bit more socially acceptable for men to use these sites. And there's probably a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women on these sites. Most any woman on these site will be bombarded with messages no matter how stupid their profile is or what sort of picture they put up. So if these women can't get something going with a fairly short time either their standards are too high (bearing in mind that you can't expect too much from the dudes of internet dating either) or they have some serious social problems. Do you want to spend time with either group of women?
Also, appearance. I don't want to be shallow but I've browsed these sites to a pretty good degree. There are some hot chicks. But I think they're scams or there has to be something seriously wrong with those women.
In any event, the hot chicks are extremely rare. Much more common are just normal, average-looking women. And of course there's a good number who aren't...well, I don't want to use euphemisms because that would look cutesy and I'm being serious. There are a lot of unattractive women on these sites.
So when I'm browsing these profiles, I totally get why the overwhelming majority of these women are on there. They're unattractive or just average-looking gals. Nothing wrong with that and it's surely the same with the men there. I don't have a career in the modeling industry myself.
So with these dedicated dating sites, you're going to get a lot of flaky women always looking for somebody better, they very well may have mental health problems, and they'll be average-looking at best. These are all problems.
But with Craiglist, a lot of the women aren't there for dates. They're there because they want a secondhand sofa or they're looking for a new apartment or a job or whatever. Then on a lark, they'll check out what wacky shit people are writing about in the dating section.
So these are theoretically normal, perhaps decent-looking women who don't use internet dating. But they're browsing the site, check out the dating section, and if they see an interesting ad, maybe they'll reply.
And that's another benefit of Craiglist and their ilk. You can put a photo up but almost nobody does (at least on the site I used). So it's entirely down to your written profile. If you write like crap, it's a problem. But if you write well, you can see some action. I had my ad "featured" or something once. I got an assload of replies after that.
Anyway, my experience with a Craiglist-like site was full of mostly unattractive, mentally-ill women. So I say all of this in theory only. But in any event, Plentyoffish and Okcupid also seem to populated by the same. I think with Craiglist you at least have a chance of a normal woman stumbling across your profile and you getting something going with her.
I don't actually recommend replying to any ads on Craiglist, though. Same theory as with Plentyoffish and Okcupid. If a woman has to use internet dating, exercise extreme caution. Same applies with dudes, of course.
Hahah yesss!
This is me.
Maybe better change it.