Vampire Slave Leia

backlash99

Hey guys. I have a new video for y'all to see. We take down the myth that is Olivia Munn, and we have a hot girl dressed as Leia in the Slave Girl outfit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiJDEnK0dDU

Let me know what you think.

Tam

There's no need to make multiple threads. You're expected to put your body of work in one thread only, until it falls off the page. I think this is more etiquette than a written rule though.

backlash99

I apologize for that, I wanted this particular video to get special attention. It won't happen again.

Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name

Tam wrote: »

There's no need to make multiple threads. You're expected to put your body of work in one thread only, until it falls off the page. I think this is more etiquette than a written rule though.

Just as a sidebar, threads may fall of the page, but they never die. Everything is archived, so you can find an older thread by changing the page display parameters.

NakedZergling

Wow maybe some people think this is funny, but wow did i think it was garbage.
So you star a douche who shit talks olivia munn about being hot comparing her to a prostitute, but then sell the video as having a hot chick in a slave leia outfit, but then joke about the fact you're doing exactly what you're bitching about thus making it funny?
And you're veiled attempt at humor just to bash jews? really? Not to mention that the jew hating character wasn't necessary or funny.
The acting was poor, the editing was bad (except ironically the part with the cute chick) and everything was way too long winded.
I'm assuming this guy is a self hating closet case homosexual and thats why he has such contempt for hot chicks? or is you main character just a dick?
all this in a video bashing what a lot of people in "nerd culture" or whatever you want to call it like, but it's ok because you reference kevin smith, starwars, and japanese culture.

No thanks.

Iruka

Actually watching the video, (which I had to skip through) I agree with NZ. There are alot of easy ways to rant about G4, But tearing down one chick is just laborious, they jokes been made, and it just makes me think "who the fuck is this asshole." I realize "ranting" is sort of a part of gaming humor, but even looking at zero punctuation, it doesnt take him 7 minutes, and hes critiquing a game and not trying to rip apart a chick personally by calling her a whore.


I think that the quality overall (acting and editing) shows potential to improve, But you aren't being especially clever, and its really drawn out for no good reason. If we are supposed to be poised to agree with the douche, then you are doing a terrible job of it. He didn't make any jokes or reveal anything in a funny way, it was a bit of a chore. I would work hard on the writing, its really letting you down.

thejazzman

This belongs in writers block, you know as well as us that this has nothing to do with the art this forum covers.
Nobody here is a sitcom writer, please take it to the writing forum, and for gods sake dont make a new thread every time, it just highlights this as a means of promotion rather than really wanting a critique.

The Lovely Bastard

I am a screenwriter

That was not good screenwriting

people don't speak in monologues

The Lovely Bastard

actually let me elaborate:

rants are rarely funny.

they are cheap and a cop-out. you don't have to think about any other characters, and you can just keep going until you find something that may or may not be funny. the problem being that 85% of the dialogue they say in between the so-called bits of humor are pure fluff and don't need to be there.

there is a way to make a rant work, but that is only if the ranter is not the one delivering the punchline. however, even still, you have to make it really good. and few can even pull that off. I struggle with it from time to time, and tend to avoid any character talking too much like the plague.

what you did was not that at all. all your other characters exist only to fuel the rant, with stupid little one-liners that only fan the flames. they are non-characters. their only purpose is to say something you think is "stupid" so as to further the only character you have written to talk more.

except for the crazy jew guy who makes no damn sense but to prove that maybe you can make a bad joke about something that isn't video games.

however, the problem with the character that is doing all the talking is they have nothing important to say. it's literally just a torrent of hatred about something no one cares about. I'd wager most of the people who even know what attack of the show is like it or are blase about it, so you have a niche within a niche audience.

that is not how you do comedy.

you do not use references to other things to build "cred."

you do not make fun of something that isn't even a blip on the radar of most people.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: If I need prior knowledge to even get what you are joking about, you are joking incorrectly. You need to either give people some idea of what is being made fun of, or make fun of something everyone knows.

Jokes need a set-up.

You don't just dive right in.

It's the shallow end of the pool, you're gonna paralyze yourself.