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I Want to Help My Mom Stop Suffering
Hexmage-PA
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My mother has several health problems that have caused her consistent suffering over the years. She has osteoporosis, fibromyalgia and facet's disease which cause her to feel severe aches, she frequently experiences migraines, and she has extreme difficult sleeping (she sleeps about 4 hours a night and is only able to stay asleep for an hour at a time). The lack of sleep is especially troubling, as she hasn't been able to get a good night's sleep for years and it has most definitely caused her overall mood to worsen. She also takes pain pills frequently and sleeping pills nearly every night, despite their ineffectiveness in treating her problems. Keep in mind that she's only 45 years old.
She's complained about these problems for years, but as of late she seems to be especially miserable. A few days ago she actually said to me that I (her only child) am the reason she lives her life. I don't know if she meant that to sound morbid, but it did to me.
I want to make my mom feel better, and so far no doctor has been able to treat her problems. Does anyone have any ideas concerning what I can do to help her?
She's complained about these problems for years, but as of late she seems to be especially miserable. A few days ago she actually said to me that I (her only child) am the reason she lives her life. I don't know if she meant that to sound morbid, but it did to me.
I want to make my mom feel better, and so far no doctor has been able to treat her problems. Does anyone have any ideas concerning what I can do to help her?
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If a doctor can't help, find another one. That's all you can really do there, if he isn't going to try more than one set of meds.
You might also look up associations for those conditions, like a "National Facets Disease Association", or whatever it might be called for resources and advice on navigating the medical system.
Also, just because one doctor says there's nothing wrong, that doesn't mean he is right. I had a doctor tell me I was fine and then I ended up staying in a hospital overnight with pneumonia after I went to another doctor for another opinion.
If she does go to another doctor or hospital, demand they do a full series of tests, if they don't suggest it first. If she is paying them, they pretty much have to do what she wants.
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Sirchrissypoo is right, chronic pain like this tends to cycle with depression, which can manifest into physical symptoms, which then leads to more depression. It is a nasty cycle, but there are things she can do to chip away at it.
What does your mother do to fill up her day? Does she have a good social circle? Friends? Hobbies? If she is creative, encourage it.Does she have things to look forward to during the week? Even something as small as say, a weekly water aerobics class can improve a person's quality of life.
(I mention water aerobics because it is the only exercise my mom can do with any fervor because anything else is too hard on her joints).
My mom lives with constant pain, to a degree I can't even imagine, but she does her best to live her life around it since it is never ever going to go away. She spends time with her friends, she goes out to eat, she sews elaborate costumes. She nerds out about Harry Potter and she rants about politics on the internet. She does her best to live.
It's hard though. She has days where she is overwhelmed, she barely functions, she can't leave the house, can't feel anything but pain ,and nothing anyone can do or say is any help. And that is a truth that can't be escaped from.
There will come a time (maybe already has) when you will look at her and know that there is Nothing you can do. You can't take the pain away, you can't make it better. It is HER pain and all the love and good intentions in the world can't make a dent.
So here is my advice for you. Not your mom. You.
You have to live your life. Do the things you want to do, pursue your dreams, all of that. Show her that she brought a successful, happy, well-adjusted person into the world, because in the end it is all you can do.
I can't make my mom's pain go away. I could win the lottery and give her millions of dollars to live on and it wouldn't matter, because she will still wake up some mornings and be unable to get out of bed because it hurts so much. But I can live my life and be a happy grown-up person to the best of my ability and I know that she is proud of me.
If I could hug you through the internet I would, OP. I wish that there was some magic way to make it better but there isn't. All I can do is tell you that you're not alone.
My mother isn't at that bad of a state yet, but she is quickly entering it. Her past drug-use is catching up to her, and her mental state appears to be deteriorating at times. She never leaves the house and is living off of painkillers.
Aurora really has the best advice, which is to make sure you live your own life as best you can. There comes a time when there isn't anything you can do other than stay in touch and show them you will always love them. I truly hope there is still hope for your mother, and I would suggest you follow the advice myself and the others here have given.
I do feel for you, and I hope that things can get better.
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It is a very effective pain killer and can also help someone sleep.
I knew someone in Florida who had broken his back and was lucky enough to be able to walk after surgery, considering it was around 35 years ago, and the only thing he is able to kill the pain with is cannibis. This also is what helps him sleep as a result.
It's not conventional advice, but you sound desperate and it may be something worth try.
All in all, I hope for the best. I remember when my mom was suffering (completely different way) it was difficult to watch. So I know how you feel.
Edit:
I guess I should mention that you should only try this if it is legal for medicinal use where you are.
Odd advice, but fairly sound. So long as we're talking about chronic pain, Cannibis doesn't do much from my understanding when it comes to acute pain.
Is she seeing a pain specialist?
She may need something that has a terrible stigma attached to it. I would also suggest she see a therapist. A lot of people with chronic pain don't want heavy pain killers because of the associated loser addict image society pounds into the general populace. This is where talking to someone would help her quite a bit.
There are quite a few people who take very heavy narcotics at the proper dose and live much better lives from it.
Cannabis is worth trying but it doesn't work great for sleep from pain. It's good for IBS and things like that, though.
There's some all right advice in this thread but as someone who suffers from pain personally, the the pain clinic can give her another chance at an active life, and a better prescription. They will teach her how to live with pain, because no one will be able to get her out of it.
PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE MY ADVICE.
This is what I sometimes worry about for Lewie. I'm in pain most of the time - have CFS, arthritis, Poland's syndrome and stuff. I hurt. The more I do, the worse I hurt. It sucks sometimes, and taking pain meds/ anti spasmodics only does so much.
I worry cos I rely on his daddy, him, his sister, her boyfriend ... Lewie's who I see the most, he sees me when I'm low; I worry about putting on him sometimes.
There are very strong links between pain and depression - when you're restricted in what you can do because you hurt, life can suck a bit, sometimes a lot, and those restrictions combined with constant pain are very wearing and can lead to depression.
BUT you are not responsible for your mum, she is. Yes, of course you support her, care for her, help her and love her, but she has to manage herself and her pain.
I second the advice about a pain clinic, or at least getting her meds checked out. I probably see my GP every 6 months to review my meds, sometimes the dosage needs increasing, as my body gets used to the drugs. We discuss how effective the meds are, talk about my pain management schedule, and if it needs tweaking a bit. The main thing is to not wait until you're in pain to take meds, but take them before, when you know what you're doing will cause pain - at PAX and Eurogamer, I rattle, I'm taking so much stuff - but I'm having a great time, doing what I love, with brilliant people, so the pain is worth it.
I tried weed, but it didn't have any effect on the pain - someone I know has MS, she uses weed as pain relief, it works for her. I just got high, which I didn't like. (Sorry, Tube, I know my mum doesn't post on these fora)
Does your mum have friends/outside interests? Maybe part of the problem is she's lonely and miserable, as well as in pain and sad. Can you encourage her, or does she have a friend you could talk to about how she's feeling? Having something to do with her time will help her feel more positive about herself.
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But the biggest problem would be finding competent hypnotherapist who would actually know his stuff. In USA, for example, 90 percent of the guys out there are just hacks. Their only "certification" for the job has been sitting for three days in seminar, taking notes, and not even hypnotizing even single people during that period. These guys just fling shit on the wall, and hope that something happens.
* Anchor is specific task that subconscious mind has associated with certain state. I.e. pushing your thumbs against each together, hearing certain sound, seeing certain color, and so on.
For years, doctors doped her up on codien, vicodin, and a dozen other high end painkillers with only a little effect. She finally started seeing a pain specialist and she's still hurting, but they've found things that work.
1)She uses an electric blanket set on low for most months outside of the summer. That really helps ease her joint pain at night.
2)She listens to recorded books at night to help her get to sleep and keep her mind off of other things.