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Moral dilemma
Perpetual
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Last year when I was dating my ex, there was a situation where we were in bed and I accidentally hit her front teeth with my forehead. We both laughed about it but she did mention that one of her teeth started moving.
Anyway she just called me saying she finally went to the dentist and they said there are two procedures to fix it, one is a somewhat crude solution that costs 1000 bucks and the other involves a "crown" that costs 3000. She is asking if I can pay for it.
Morally I feel compelled to pay but I wanted to ask you guys what you think.
Anyway she just called me saying she finally went to the dentist and they said there are two procedures to fix it, one is a somewhat crude solution that costs 1000 bucks and the other involves a "crown" that costs 3000. She is asking if I can pay for it.
Morally I feel compelled to pay but I wanted to ask you guys what you think.
Perpetual on
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If you feel compelled to pay, offer some, but definitely not over 50% of the bill, especially if she chooses the 3k solution.
Bother me on steam: kabbypan
Which brings us to the next point, which I believe is legal. IANAL, but from what I understand, there is a period of time which is deemed reasonable to establish the liability of another party in these cases. If you knocking out her teeth caused enough trouble for her to get them fixed immediately or, say, in a month or two, then she would probably have a case in small claims court. As it stands, however, it took her a year to do something about it, and she never bothered to establish any liability during that time. This means that: a) it apparently wasn't a big issue when you did it, and b) she's almost certainly done something to make herself personally liable (even if it's just normal wear and tear).
Legally, I'm pretty sure you're in the clear. Morally, well, that's up to you. I don't think it would make you a douchebag if you just walked away, but I'm guessing there are some people who probably would. If guilt is a huge issue for you, it might be safer to just help her out a bit and put yourself in the (psychological) clear. Do keep in mind that agreeing to pay any sum might also establish legal liability for the whole kit-n-kaboodle, though...
This is what happens when people don't just take care of shit up front.
If she has insurance, I absolutely would not pay for it.
If she insists on the more expensive procedure, I absolutely would not pay for it.
If she doesn't have insurance and I was feeling super-special-nice I would maybe pay for half of the cheaper option.
Honestly though it's a year later and I don't really think you're obligated to pay for any of it at all.
If it were loose right after you accidentally bonked her with your forehead, sure - but a year later? Sounds a bit dodgy
How you go about this also depends on if you're still on good terms or if she's an awful bitch though. I've got one ex I'm still friends with, and I've got another that refused to return more than a thousand dollars of belongings, in addition to embarking upon a campaign of character assassination with every mutual acquaintance we had.
Unless she's totally awful though, I would probably go half 'n' half with her, or you pay for it if she doesn't have the money and it's no problem for you, with the expectation that she repays you for half.
If she is insisting on something that is unnecessary though, fuck that.
If the president had any real power, he'd be able to live wherever the fuck he wanted.
Seriously, just sounds like she's trying to milk you for some cash.
I know it's the same tooth because it kinda sticks out when she smiles.
I don't know why she waited for almost a year to go to the dentist. I know she was in China for several months, and she got it checked out there, but I don't know the details of that because we weren't dating at that point.
In any case, paying for half if she goes for the cheaper operation is probably what I will do.
We broke up on good terms, but I don't think it's relevant.
It's a REALLY REALLY BAD idea to pay anything without talking to a lawyer first. If you even offer her $20 to go away, that can set a precedent that you admit partial guilt. If she decides to sue you after the fact, you're screwed. If you are being a nice guy and want to pay half, she could still come back and sue you for the other half. I'm not saying she is an evil gold digger out for revenge, I'm saying that is what you are potentially opening yourself up to. Depending on what the money is for, it can even reset a statute of limitations for damages (because you are effectively admitting fault.)
If you feel morally compelled to help her pay, talk to a lawyer and do it through arbitration in the first place, instead of a gift opening you up for later cash gouging.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
Well, shit. I didn't think of that.
I don't think she would sue me though.
Fucking up a tooth like that, it's probably some sort of slow degradation to the root. I don't see the time frame as extraordinary as it probably slowly got worse until she felt it had to be looked at.
By asking you for the money, she's already shown that the financial aspect is a significant concern. Why pay three grand when she could get it fixed for free?
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
1. She asked him for the money.
2. This isn't the first time she had it looked at (although it's possible this is the first time it was looked at by a dentist covered under her plan.)
3. It's a lot of money to ask out of someone, even if they are a good friend.
I'm not saying she's trying to screw him over. I am saying that unless subby wants to risk paying out $3000, he should consider how his actions can result in him having to do just that.
edit: as for the time frame and "slow degradation to the root", I'm not a dentist. Are you? It's kind of silly for us to speculate in what ways this might or might not be his fault when that requires her actual medical information.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
Nobody is saying that she's definitely trying to screw him. We are saying that if she was, this is how it could start though.
If OP really does want to help pay, perhaps an injury release of some sort would be worth looking into.
Where does it say this isn't the first time she had it looked at?
While this is the way things would happen if she was planning to screw him over, it's also the way things would happen if she just doesn't have the money to cover it and it was an accident they were both partially responsible for.
If I was in the OP's situation and she didn't have a precedent for awful selfish behavior I wouldn't sweat it if I was able to afford it.
OP do what feels right.
The fact that her teeth are having problems today is not your concern. Either she did something to them and dosnt want to pay the cash and is trying to blame you over a year later, or she has horrible dental health, which is not your problem either.
I wouldn't pay a dime.
If it was from your head butt it would have had issues, if any were going to come of it, long before now.
I've marked it in gold. It wasn't the first post, and I snipped the quote tree.
I absolutley agree, he should do what feels right, if she can show that this is related to the original injury.
I also think it's really important that he should do so in a way where it is legally settled and he doesn't have to go back and do MORE than what feels right just in case he's wrong about her intentions. I know I can't afford to lose $1500+ on a feeling. Talking to a lawyer or making some kind of "signing statement" or whatever that he is not admitting fault would be an important part of that.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
That's just to give some idea of her perspective about her personality.
Me:
i thought about it and talked to some people
what happened to your tooth was an accident so i dont feel obligated to pay for it
my suggestion would be to speak to a couple of other dentists to get second opinions before doing anything
im sorry - i feel bad but i dont think me paying for it is the right thing to do
her:
ok
We can close this thread. Thanks everyone for your advice - you saved me at least 500 dollars. :P
Shouldnt have said that, in my opinion.
Should have said that happened between you too happened so long ago that any complications would have expressed themselves long before now. That you are sorry for whatever her current problem is but it can not be related to a headbut from over a year ago.
And so you know, any complications from that would have shown up within days to weeks, if they were going to show up.
Now she has a written record that you think that what you did contributed to her injury.
Again, hopefully this is the end of it, but I would REALLY check in with a lawyer at this point. The call itself should be free.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
The only thing I would say for the future is "don't word conversations with friends like you're serving them with papers." "I don't think I should pay for this" is probably enough.