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Getting Married,Can't choose a Best Man
Havok417
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I'm getting married in March,and I have to help my fiance decide on the guest list and then try and choose my Best Man.I'm already having a fairly small wedding,so I only have 3 groomsmen from whom to choose.I have my 2 best friends and my cousin who is like my figurative 3rd brother.I originally chose him to avoid conflict between my two friends,but as it turns out,my cousin may not be able to make it down here for the wedding.
What do I do,choose the friend I've known the longest,or choose the friend to whom I've remained closest,if only by proximity?
Also,who knew that my future wife and I knew so many people,or even cared to invite so many.As of last count,I think we are around 110. >_<
What do I do,choose the friend I've known the longest,or choose the friend to whom I've remained closest,if only by proximity?
Also,who knew that my future wife and I knew so many people,or even cared to invite so many.As of last count,I think we are around 110. >_<
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Or just tell them together that they need to play rock paper scissors for it.
Street Fighter Turbo contest
best of three
Ditto.
As far as I was concerned, it was better that everyone involved was mildly disappointed than any particular person felt slighted.
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Stick with your cousin and if he can't make it then leave it without one. I hate when people choose someone just for the sake of having someone. This is how I hear it, "Hey, my real best man couldn't make it so I need a plan B and I guess you'll do."
Also, Holy Batman, March?!? Get those STD's out ASAP, invites will need to be out soon! Also, think about now if you're doing children, children over X years or no children and +1 for all singles or +1 for serious relationships. Do you know what your venue can max hold or what your budget is per head/total?
If there are no responsibilities, then choosing a best man is only an expression of preference, and you don't want to do that.
If there are responsibilities, then just make it clear to them that your choice is based on who wants to/can handle the position. And if they both want to do it, then just let them share the job and the title.
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This, my husband went with one that was able to come that he had known the longest instead of a friend he'd known for a lot shorter of a time that was a lot more dependable, and he regretted it. The best man's supposed to be helping you, not making you tear your hair out because you can't find him, he doesn't respond to things, and he's doing the absolute minimum and treating it like a vacation for himself and his girlfriend.
Secondly,I think that sticking with my cousin and if he can't make it,just not having one could be the best idea.I can't imagine there being too many responsibilities for him to fulfill,our wedding is pretty low key.
As to having BOTH of them be Best Men,my fiance is already having 1 Matron of Honor and 2 Maids of Honor and no Bridesmaids.Maybe I'll make them both Best Men to match her.Something to consider.
And Save The Dates are a pain in the ass because we have to figure out who to leave out.There aren't many children invited so I think leaving them out would be more inconvenient than helpful.
When it comes to the guestlist I suggest setting some baseline rules to keep things sane, especially if your folks are the kind who think it's their wedding too and have bigass lists they want invited. Also, don't be afraid to cut people you're not close too. There is nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry, our venue is small so we're keeping the wedding small" to people presumptuous enough to ask for an invite. Some people do A and B lists but I find that kind of tacky.
She just has me add another person her mom invited whom I've NEVER EVEN HEARD OF.
At this point,she and I are gonna tell them to shove it and just go elope.We can have a party later after the sexcapades end.
Also assume many people will either send regrets and/or not show up. However also assume about an equal amount of uninvited guests will come so pass on getting "extra" dinners.
We didn't have much to do, but he still had to chose which one of us stood right next to him :P
Yea, this is a line you need to draw early. And don't be afraid to tell her mom or yours that you're very sorry but you won't be inviting Susie & John and that you're sorry she already told them they're invited but that you're just not able to include them.
And I wouldn't assume that people are going to not show up when planning. If you rely on No's to not go over on you max number you may run into a big problem.
I think not having one is best.
For a friend's wedding, he had 3 groomsmen, and then a hole in a lineup where the best man was, even though he was actually in Japan at the time.
Moral of the story, do whatever works out for you and yours. Don't feel tied in to doing something because it's expected.
I like this.
I appointed my dad as my best man to avoid hurting any of my friends' feelings. It's really hard to get pissed at the groom for choosing his dad as his go-to guy.
All of my groomsmen planned all the stuff, but my dad got the title to avoid conflict. It worked out well.
There's got to be a better abbreviation for that.
Although, it has inspired me to send out my own with the envelope labeled, "STDs from Taximes & Fiancee inside!"
2011 PAX Warmachine/Hordes Champion
Anyway, in my case, when it came down to it, I went with neither. My uncle (who's been like a father since I lost my parents) is the best man, the two prime candidates are ushers. Neither of them can really say they were shorted by the pick, and it also gives me a good reason to give them some of the best man responsibilities anyway - my aunt made very clear her husband will have nothing to do with a bachelor party on her watch.
I was the best man for one of my fraternity brothers, who had a relatively informal wedding at the beach. My "duties" amounted to giving the toast at the reception and helping like, move some chairs around once (aside from the ceremony, that is.)
If your wedding isn't going to be a complex thing with a lot of explicit Best Manly duties that will need to be accomplished, I would just not have one. If you do need to pick one, I'd go with whoever you are closest to / whoever is the most dependable. If something about the wedding does wind up being stressful, you want the person you're most comfortable with to be your designated troubleshooter and interference runner.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat