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Lies my parents told me
emnmnme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ah, young children. New to the ways of the world. Tiny blank slates who have nothing but trust for authority figures.
... the temptation to mislead them must be overpowering. Growing up, my family members sold me some whoppers which I continued to believe for years after hearing them. Maybe they did it to curb any budding bad habits or maybe they were having fun at my expense. There's a third possibility that they fell for an urban legend themselves and passed along the bad information to me. Regardless of the reason, I'm sure every parent tells lies to their children regularly. Share your experiences.
One lie I took dead seriously was back when I was in grade school. The family was visiting my grandma's house where we stayed for a few days. One morning, while Grandma was serving breakfast, I walked to the fridge to grab a can of Coke, too. She saw me sipping on it and told me bluntly, "Put that back! Are you trying to kill yourself?"
"...w-what?"
"If you drink that this early in the day, you'll get really sick and we'll have to take you to the Emergency Room."
It was a matter-of-fact tone no kid could argue with. I quickly put the half-finished Coke in the fridge and tried to drink some orange juice but the damage was already done. I had an upset stomach for the rest of the day and stayed in bed. The stomach pains probably were all in my head but that belief lingered for years: drinking Coke in the morning can kill you.
Another one was after my Dad left my Mom for another woman, my Mom steadily fed me lies about how that other woman was worse than a whore and a kidnapper so I was terrified of her whenever she and my Dad came over for visits but that story's not as cute. I remember that if my Dad, the Stepmom, and I went to a restaurant, I would pretend I had to use the bathroom, then I snuck away and called home on a payphone to tell my Mom where I was IN CASE ANYTHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME.
So there are good lies and malicious lies. Which did you get an earful of when you were growing up? Do you ever fool your kids with tall tales besides the usual Santa Claus/ Tooth Fairy stuff?
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Everything that I thought might have been a lie, at least one of my parents still believes. Like aliens/ghosts.
Otherwise, it's some weird social tradition that for the most part doesn't exist in public anymore - like helping people based on what sexual organs they have, or taking off your hat to eat.
And that's why there was discarded tire tread on the side of the highway. It was the pieces the Tire Devils didn't get back to their bushes.
Always saying 'If you're a good boy then you'll be in heaven!' and 'Don't be like him because you'll be tortured forever in hell!'.
Then I asked "How can I be happy in heaven knowing that some people that I know will be tortured forever in hell?'.
Still waiting for the answer....
This the kind of lie that fathers have to tell their children. Just to keep them on their toes.
On the reverse side of this as a child I pretty much lied about everything. I learned early on that yes if I got caught the punishment was worse than if I told the truth. However I also found that I was pretty damned good at not getting caught, something that has served me well in the Customer Service industry.
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My parents never really said much. One of my friends had a good one though. When he was 7, they lived out in the woods, and at night his dad would come in and tell him that if he was bad, that a big wolf would come through the window and take him away to eat him.
....then in the middle of the night the dad would go outside and scratch on my friend's window.
Clearly you are my clone.
you know you were adopted right?
I'm the oldest. Immunity!
I am a terrible person for how hard I'm laughing at this.
He also told me that there was a vengeful indian spirit known as a Manitou living in the woods near our home.
I think I might keep his presents for myself this year.
As the eldest I was the one telling the lies yet again.....
Maybe i'm not that nice of a person after all O_o
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Oh really now?
As the middle child my older brother and I just gave a ton of shit to our little brother.
Trickle down economics may not work but trickle down shit-giving is a force of nature.
My sister had it the roughest. She was the middle child and my younger brother and myself gave her endless amounts of shit her entire life, to be fair though she was pretty much evil incarnate until she hit age 20. Among the objects she has thrown at me there have been curling irons, Full bowls of cereal (plus utensils) and I think at one point a full sized Hair Dryer.
Plus she hid my Nintendo 64 controller and that's just crossing the line! :twisted:
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For the win!
My dad asked me once if I would want the truth, or a story to ease the blow of something sad. I told him the truth.
If the waves were on the Right side of the picture, it was obviously the Atlantic Ocean. If they were on the left side, it was the Pacific. Because the Atlantic ocean is on the east coast East is Right. And the Pacific is on the West Coast and West is Left.
Obviously.
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That butterbeans were actually tasty and I was just being a baby. Nope, they still taste like ass. :evil:
Don't worry, I did too when he first told me. I now plan on doing this to my son someday.
I'm going to construct a machine, complete with a picture of a wolf that comes up right before the scratching.
It really upset me at the time. Nevermind that I'm a blond haired blue eyed white guy and my family's never been to china, I still believed them.
As far as things that aren't real and Christmas are concerned, Santa's just the tip of the iceberg.
ahahahaha
I can't really think of any myself, this made me laugh though.
My childhood was terrifying.
Also, he told me that my name to our family friends was 'horny' and that I should be polite and go introduce myself. So I'd go up to people at parties and say 'Hi, I'm Horny'
My Dad is the man.
Coran Attack!
My parent's never told me lies. We didn't talk a lot.
I also told my sister that bales of hay were sleeping Buffalo. Also chocolate milk came from brown cows. She believed those for SO long.
Also coffee would make children sick and should never be touched until you are 16, at least. Fuckers!
Our top story tonight: a child found dead from drinking bleach with a note attached reading "RAWR I'M A CROKODILE!"
When we were young my sister had a pet rabbit that she neglected a whole lot, then one day it disappeared and the conclusion was that it had been taken by a fox or stolen. Its enclosure was decidedly fox proof.
I've never felt the need to confront or bring this up but I'm pretty sure the rabbit found its way to a for sale ad and later a new household.
Answer: for the lulz.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lulz