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Boring injury stories.
oogmar
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, in the past three months I have managed to break myself in not only mundane but embarrassingly boring ways. As somebody who enjoys injuring herself in highly interesting ways, this is a terrible burden to bear.
Example 1) I tripped over some luggage. The result? An over-extended rotator cuff and fractured clavicle.
Example 2) Slipped on ice, skinned knee. I tended to said knee, which was fine (barely noticeable to a longboarder, tbh). Said knee gave out walking down some stairs a few minutes after being tended to, which ended up with me landing and twisting my foot very painfully. Twin tortion fractures in my major metatarsal.
Other examples: Routine burns at work turning into way more grief than should ever be necessary.
BORING.
But painful.
So. Tell me about your injuries, fascinating or not. The resilience of the human body is always good for some entertainment.
tl;dr: We've all broken ourselves. Tell me how you have.
Example 1) I tripped over some luggage. The result? An over-extended rotator cuff and fractured clavicle.
Example 2) Slipped on ice, skinned knee. I tended to said knee, which was fine (barely noticeable to a longboarder, tbh). Said knee gave out walking down some stairs a few minutes after being tended to, which ended up with me landing and twisting my foot very painfully. Twin tortion fractures in my major metatarsal.
Other examples: Routine burns at work turning into way more grief than should ever be necessary.
BORING.
But painful.
So. Tell me about your injuries, fascinating or not. The resilience of the human body is always good for some entertainment.
tl;dr: We've all broken ourselves. Tell me how you have.
Rane, you lazy bastard, you can shut the hell up.
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The concept of consequences escaped me at that age.
At one point I found some metal chain lying around nearby and started playing with that just to rile it up. I figure it might get scared and run inside.
Instead of running away, it ran up to me.
And bit my penis.
it is just now healing up without being painful
I didn't wear high socks and I got too excited going around turns while the boot dug into my leg
The skin sort of oozed away.
okay so back in elementary school, during the winters there would always be long patches in the schoolyard which are lower slightly than others, and naturally ice would form in those patches
kids would slide down them, like a slip-n-slide, and if you know the science you know that as kids do this, the heat of their bodies and the friction smooths the ice over, so the longer this goes on the more slidey the ice gets
so after like, a week, you'd get a pretty fuckin' sweet slide going
now, there's a bit of schoolyard courtesy involved in a thing like this. you take your turn, slide down the thing, get off, run around the slide on the snow to the end of the line, and wait for your turn
standard playground etiquette
anyway, i took my turn, slide down to the end, and stood up to walk off the ice at the end to take my next turn
some little bitch didn't observe basic playground etiquette and obviously took her turn before the track was clear, possibly imagining that i'd be gone before she made her way down there
well, i wasn't
took the legs right out from underneath me, she did.
it was basically like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMkV-B9RSEI
only faster, and pretty much all the impact on my forehead
very first concussion i ever received, that
terrifying as hell when you are a little kid and don't even know what a concussion is or why you are suddenly blind.
I blame her for my vision suddenly becoming worse and she gets pissed every time
(she ruined my vision)
it's like
okay you know if you look at a lightbulb or the sun for a few seconds and the image is burned into your eyes and just floats there for a lil bit?
imagine this but your entire field of vision. you've got small amounts of peripheral vision, but nothing else
and it doesn't go away and you aren't sure what has happened
that is scary shit for a little kid, man
Also, dogbite to the penis is pretty much the worst thing I can imagine.
The worst was in 5th grade PE. We were playing kickball, and I slipped on home plate and got the wind knocked out of me.
Don't get me wrong. That sucks. 2nd scariest experience in my life. Just the feeling that you can't breathe, like you're drowning in air. But that's not a concussion or any other sort of severe trauma.
I know it's unreasonable, but sometimes I get the feeling that will catch up to me someday.
h-how are you
how do people like you exist
i know lots of you do
but it's fucking weird and it's hard for me to relate to
i've broken or at the very least fractured nearly every bone in my body, some on multiple occasions
The first time the wind got knocked out of me was falling off of a horse. I'd had countless angry horses around me when I hit the ground, but this fairly innocent, non-"on a mission to brain your sorry ass" horse shaking his head all confused was the most TERRIFYING THING IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE because I couldn't breathe. I hear you. Things that are just fine and normal when you can breathe suddenly become invading mutant cyborg rape hordes when your wind is gone.
What's the 1st scariest experience, if you don't mind my asking?
I have successfully avoided serious injury by never being an idiot
or by never playing sports
nerd
8-)
I'm an introvert. Kind of hard to get seriously hurt when you spend the vast majority of your time indoors throughout nearly two thirds of my lifespan.
The worst I've ever done was smacking my foot into the wall while running down the hallway, dislodging the toenail from the little toe.
The nail was still attached by a thread of skin, even. Blech.
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But never a bone.
super stereotypical
You know Pony, I actually did have some fun with sports throughout high school.
But because I wasn't allowed to leave the house (as my Dad had no other idea on how to keep me out of trouble, after all the shit I pulled in my elementary years), I became too out of shape to really have much fun with it.
In a way, gaining some fat actually made me even more dangerous on the football field, as once I really picked up momentum I was pretty much stoppable.
Part of this is because most of the kids at my school were vietnamese transfer students, who were by and large not very tall and pretty skinny, wheras I was basically Heavy Weapons Guy.
i tore my knee during football and because of that i didn't play ever again
now, i could say "I could've gone pro, if it weren't for that old injury!"
but the truth was i got slotted into the defensive lineman slot because i was large and hit with the power of a moose on PCP
however i was rubbish in all other aspects of the game
so
yeah
It was fun. But it hurt.
I was flipping a pan full of tiny chicken chunks, which was on fire (what? It's faster than when things AREN'T on fire). I was doing my thing, sending off four-foot towers of flame every time chicken bits landed in the pan and upset the already flaming oil. I look up, and I see something familiar.
I realize it's my mother, sitting at the front bar, right in front of the kitchen window.
At this point, I am in the apex of my "flaming chicken flipping" maneuver. My hand falters. My fingers come down on the cast iron handle that's been over fire for quite some time, now that my faltering hand has let my towel slip. I half-way let go. I realize that letting go is a bad idea, as a lot of flaming oil is now going out of its formerly under control arc. This realization comes too late, and two ounces of boiling oil (that is on fire) comes down on my hand between the second knuckle of my index finger and my wrist.
1-3rd degree burns. I'm told I was bodily hauled from the line while declaring calmly, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."
The owner was on site. He poured whiskey into me, redressed my very hasty (read: shitty) bandaging job, and handed me some cash so I could cab home when I reluctantly left the kitchen that night.
I WISH I COULD GET INJURED LIKE THAT AGAIN.
Nope. Tripping over luggage.
PS: Though I could do with less giving my mother a fucking heart attack. She warns me if she's going to show up at my workplace now.
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that sucked
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And then I fell over into the stinging nettles.
|look at my bird | listen to these | wishlist | my etsy favourites
Sprained my wrist.
I was driving on the freeway one day almost 6 years ago. I went through a small patch of water that everyone else on the road in front of me had gone through without incident. Unlike them, next thing I knew I'm hydroplaning on the interstate and I'm just spinning around in circles.
It probably only lasted 15-30 seconds but it felt like an eternity. Just totally helpless and out of control, hoping that no one would hit me.
Fortunately, no one did, and it was on a generously wide 4-lane freeway in Nashville (I-440, to be specific). I came to rest in the left shoulder facing backwards. I sat for a couple minutes to calm down and got going again. The really shitty part is that I was driving all the way back to Atlanta, so I was on edge the whole time.
I am now super paranoid about driving on wet roads, even though I have a better car now. I hate driving when it's raining, period.
Were you stripping?
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I poured shampoo into the bottom to make it slippery enough to slide on.
I needed stitches in my chin from the result of that one.
|look at my bird | listen to these | wishlist | my etsy favourites
Did the cut bleed?
Also, hey Whippy,
Bedtime. I hope I don't break any ribs en route.
I didn't realise this at the time and went back to class, the teacher thought I was just being a baby and forced me to write with it (it was my right hand and I'm right handed) so 8 or 9 year old me was all "fuck you" and wrote really really slowly with my left hand for the rest of the day
later on it swelled up more so we went to the hospital and ended up getting a cast up to my elbow for some reason, came to school the next day and she was all "oh my god I'm so sorry" and I just stared at her with my most "I fucking told you so" face on
then I did no work and fucked around on the shitty old computers there for the next few weeks
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it bled a little! I know, hardcore
it's nice to see you around