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Wife Cheated, Do I Have Any Rights?
LondonBridge
__BANNED USERS regular
__BANNED USERS regular
Caught my wife cheating last night (not the 1st time), with audio proof. Anyways, it was ugly afterwards and I'm sure a divorce is down the road. Thankfully we have no kids.
We have a car and house in both our names. I make more than double she does and pay for most of the bill. My question is since she committed the adultery do I have any rights? We live in Virginia if that matters.
We have a car and house in both our names. I make more than double she does and pay for most of the bill. My question is since she committed the adultery do I have any rights? We live in Virginia if that matters.
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Sorry about your marriage.
This might help clarify things.
I won't bother quoting it, because most of it seems relevant, so go read it all. You want to pay particular attention to the sections "1. What are the Grounds for Divorce?; Divorce from the Bond of Matrimony; b. Adultery, sodomy, or buggery" which explains that you have grounds for divorce if you have evidence of her infidelity, "2. What property rights are created by marriage and Divorce?" which explains that there is generally an 50/50 dispersal of 'marital property' and "3. When is Spousal Support Awarded?" which suggests that, as the primary bread earner, you may get hit up for spousal support.
As I understand it, even although she is guilty of the infidelity, she doesn't necessarily forfeit her rights to half of everything you communally own or spousal support.
I doubt anyone posting is a divorce lawyer in Va.
You will need a divorce lawyer licensed in Va.
Hesitating on getting one or doing what you think you should do or what the internet told you to do is a BAD idea.
Call a lawyer.
You've obviously got grounds, although there's always the cop-out "we just don't get along." The fact that you have proof isn't going to be all that useful other than to work as a starting point, and a backup in case she fights it.
Good luck / bad luck, however you look at it London, but really, see a lawyer.
This is pretty much wrong depending on state laws. Honestly having gone thru 2 divorces and my state laws in all honesty he who can afford to fight wins.
This notion lots of people have of "she gets 50%" is usually BS. Best advice is get a lawyer and if you really give a fuck about keeping what you think is yours, don't get emotional and fight as long and as hard as you can.
You might get a greater share because you make more and have brought more to the marriage, but then again she's 'used to living' at the current level and some judges think it's 'wrong' to take that away from someone.
Unless your wife is really some horrible, evil person - and just being unfaithful usually doesn't qualify - I'd hesitate to try to fuck her over as much as possible. While I'm sure this is painful for you, you (I assume) shared a lot over the years, and she probably doesn't deserve to be kicked out into the street with nothing but a suitcase full of clothes, even if it's in your legal right to do so.
If nothing else, you'll have the piece of mind of being the bigger person, here. I'd probably try to do as close to a 50/50 split as is practical, though if you own a house with a lot of equity, this could be difficult. Still, your focus should be on getting through this, not sticking it to the hussy.
Divorce is handled by the courts so you are asking for advice that is of a legal nature. Since laws vary by jurisdiction the advice you receive in an international forum by people discussing "the law" may not be applicable or advisable in your situation. Furthermore, much depends on circumstances beyond what you have posted.
Due to this I would strongly advise you to seek qualified legal representation ASAP. Not just for answers to your questions, but for your own protection in the event your unfaithful wife decides to legally act first. Divorce can change people and while you may be willing to be the bigger person, you should be prepared for anything. I would tend to agree with my divorced friend that having the former love of your life lie about his actions to police and judges "sucks".
And even if you decide to attempt to overcome this incident, your council can advise you on the best way to document your attempts at reconciliation in the unfortunate event of a relapse and subsequent divorce proceedings.
As in many things, the best way to find a lawyer is by word of mouth. If you do not already have a relationship with a trustworthy lawyer that could provide you with a qualified specialist, ask friends and associates that do retain legal services you could consult for a referral.
One piece of advice to tide you over until you speak with a professional is "DO NO HARM." Do not assault or threaten, do not close bank accounts, do not change locks, do not call her family friends or job. Judges seem to take a very dim view of these acts and you may be liable for damages.
The best thing to do is to make it as easy on yourself and amicable as possible, under the circumstances. I realize that that's probably impossible, but the less you fight, the more the two of you end up with, and the less the lawyers get.
So, basically, get a lawyer. But if you can look at these before you go in you'll know what kinds of things you'll get asked and you will know what your best arguments are.
The main reason that I wouls suggest you see a lawyer as soon as possible is because if she is cheating on you (multiple times) and you can prove it, there is a chance she may already have a lawyer of her own.
While you may or may not want to stick it to her, you'll definitely want to protect your own interests, especially if (financially) you have been the one who has provided payment for the majority of the house, car, things like that.
Don't play dirty, but don't assume she won't.
Steam / Bus Blog / Goozex Referral
After I showed her that I 'caught' her cheating. She tried to walk away and ignore me and we had the worse fight ever. Surprised the cops were never called as things were smashed. Threw all her clothes down the stairs, poured lube all over clothes and the bedroom, smashed our wedding picture with glass going all over the place. It was a very ugly scene.
I think she should leave for cheating on me, isn't that how it is in the movies? My PC, home entertainment center, my dog, and everything else is in that house. I am not leaving. May sleep in different beds for the weekend but hopefully tomorrow I can reach a lawyer, if not then Monday.
As for the police thing, if you two get in a fight again and she starts flipping out, don't be afraid to call the police yourself. I realize that your story may be one sided (as in, you may have also done stuff that wasn't exactly "friendly"), but watch out for your personal safety, man.
Get a good lawer. Give her 0%.
You can't post on these forums anymore!
lol nub!
Perosnaly I think she should get fucked, move in with her mother or something, you keep the house with all your belongings. She obviously doesn't care for your feelings or anything, don't let her fuck you over. And don't trust her at all.
EDIT: Don't let her steal shit either, take things that are important to you over to a friends house or something.
If you can prove adultery you won't have to pay alimony.
I'm not sure about the acquiring of assets.
That site has some great articles, thanks. As for an update we're somewhat still together. Divorce is a pain in the ass and expensive so I'm doing what I can to keep the marriage alive. So far her willingness is very low so may talk to a lawyer this week.
Do you know why divorce is so expensive?
[spoiler:6e50859c17]Because it's worth it. [/spoiler:6e50859c17]
That is an excellent point. She isn't showing much remorse so if I stay it in the way it is then I'm setting myself for more disappointment.
F' 'em all, call a lawyer now. A good one.
Edit: By the way, who'd she cheat with?
Anyway, all state bar associations have a lawyer referral service. It's all tied into a national one as well. Here's Virginia.
Referring someone to their state bar's referral service is the official answer to any legal question.
Anyways, we have a car valued at $20,000 (BMW Z3) and a house at $300,000 (we paid $200k). I'm thinking of giving her the car and maybe a low ball amount a month for maybe a year to see if she'll leave, I keep the house and everything inside. I'll try to sell this by saying she can start fresh while she is young (26) and we don't have to involve lawyers or family.
For instance, in Nebraska, the only way to get divorced is to be legally seperated for an entire year. If there's a simliar law there, any loan/thing/credit line she takes out, you will be responsible for it too.
Not that this can help out a fellow man whose had his heart ripped out but me living and getting divorced in NE I can say that this is not true.
Now I'm not accuse you of hitting women or anything like that. But from now on, be damm carefull about any fights you get in. If she can prove she has been abused then she can argue that she was driven to cheating and it can help a long way in the divorce proceedings.
Like it was said earlier, don't be afraid to call the cops.
Satans..... hints.....
My ex tried to keep our cat just to be a spiteful bitch. If you animal is registered with local humane society (which it should be) who's name is on the paperwork?
I got to keep the cat simply because I was the only name on the humane society paperwork.
If it's not registered go do it ASAP.
My buddy had his Rot taken by his ex ...what a fucking whore.
My mom told me that this - the year-long separation - was the case in VA, based on when she started to divorce my dad. I don't know if it applies in all cases, though; my dad died before they could go through the entire divorce. But definitely look into this, because if it applies to you you'll need to separate ASAP.
I think I'll be back here on how to cope
So... bad idea to throw a party once she leaves?
No, good idea. Just don't sleep with anyone, and don't get drunk. Watch a comedy that doesn't deal with cheating or infidelity.
this is a defensive mechanism that she uses to make herself believe that doing one of the worst legal things in the world wasn't her fault.
P.S. party hard when she's gone. don't invit her friends
Agreed. Be sure you do not let her guilt you into thinking this was your fault.