Thanks!

ThreeCubed

Thanks for the help. Removing evidence to the best of my ability

Cajiggers

The right choice is to set him up with a nice single woman that is not you after he divorces, so he doesn't have to waste too much time finding one on his own, which can be a pain in the ass the older he is.

ThreeCubed

Thanks for responding. I've considered that. I often joke that I'm going to buy him a gift certificate for a "full-body" massage, mainly to deflect.

You have an excellent point. I need to come to grips with the fact that after the divorce, he's going to date other women. Who aren't me. Who are likely to be way better than me.

Druhim

There's nothing inherently wrong with being there for him as a friend, but your feedback/support may be very slanted by your feelings for him.

Cajiggers

Margarazzi wrote: »

You have an excellent point. I need to come to grips with the fact that after the divorce, he's going to date other women. Who aren't me. Who are likely to be way better than me.

Exactly, after a divorce, a man is faced with a new found feeling of freedom and opportunity. He's gonna go out there and he's going to try again, he's going to try to find what he's really been looking for, but this time with the wisdom of his failed marriage in hand.

ThreeCubed

Druhim wrote: »

There's nothing inherently wrong with being there for him as a friend, but your feedback/support may be very slanted by your feelings for him.

Yeah, I worry about that. I've hung out with the wife plenty, so I do have some first-hand knowledge of what's going on with them. When it comes to "what should I do" time, I usually stay quiet and act as a sounding board for him. I know dudes don't usually need someone just to listen (they like feedback), but I mainly just nod or give encouraging "uh-huh"s and "go on"s when he's talking about the floundering marriage.

Nylonathetep

Patience is my only advice.

ArbitraryDescriptor

Best friends? Then swallow your feelings and just be his friend.

If he thinks, that on some level, you're just waiting out his marriage, he may start to feel less at ease being with you for fear of leading you on, or making a mistake with you that will ruin the friendship. He may also feel guilty dating again, for fear of hurting you.

It could be a load off of his mind if you start dating; [edit] or at least start making an honest effort to do so (internet dating profile, etc).

ThreeCubed

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bsjezz

are you quite sure that there's no chance of a serious relationship with this guy? love is hard to come by, much harder than friendships (which are bound to either implode or wither away over the years anyway), and it'd be silly to deny yourself an opportunity at a fine partnership if you know there's winning chemistry there. i say, be brave. play your cards, and force him to play his. let him know that if he's genuinely ready to move on - which he should - you want to be with him

if that's not going to happen for whatever reason (and there are a few), you need to pick up some other relationship prospects pronto. if you care for your friendship primarily, it's only by falling in love with someone else that you can really engage with him as a friend, rather than a fantasy

ThreeCubed

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Nylonathetep

try asking your question here: http://www.courting-disaster.com/

So, for all intents and purposes, I'm going to say that a relationship is pretty much out of the question.

That maybe how you feel, but are you sure that's how he feels?

So, for all intents and purposes, I'm going to say that a relationship is pretty much out of the question.

But every little bit of advice is helpful.

Looks like your mind is set already and you are here just for a confirmation of your ideas. Not saying it's not a good thing because we are all outside watching in and will never know the whole circumstance.

It's just important that you go with how you feel and that no matter what you choose at this point there will always be regret. I've been in a similar situation (a lot less complex, but equality stressful situation) and funny enough I've made the same choice and reject any other possibility of working out as remote and non-sensible. In some way it just strengthen your resolve so you have to make a painful, but sensible (at least in your point of view) choice, convincing that there's just no other way of working out and dismissing any remote hopes that you two will somehow by miracle be happily together.

I can only wish you good luck on whatever you decide to do. The way I see it... you'll lose your friendship either way. I can't image you two staying friends even after fessing up your feelings for each other. It's just awkward.

P.S. Where's Ish when we needed some relationship advice? haha

Blake T

Well my real question is how the hell is staying together for the kids a good idea? Kids aren't stupid they know when shit is up and it makes a crappy environment for them to grow up in.

Also if he wouldn't date you because you don't have enough cash I'd reconsider your feelings for him because he doesn't sound like a nice dude.

ThreeCubed

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ThreeCubed

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VisionOfClarity

Dear Abby and Prudence would say back off because this is just flirting with disaster. Not that you can't be friends but that it wouldn't be smart to be close to him while all this is going on.

Usagi

Does he have other outlets to discuss this besides you? I think that's probably an important thing to establish, no matter how hard you try your attachment is going to color any reaction to him

Corvus

If you want to get over a romantic attachment to someone, time and distance from that person are really the only things that work IMO.

If you do want to get into internet dating, check out the thread in D&D for it, it is full of good folks with lots of good advice.

ThreeCubed

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ThreeCubed

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