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Girls POV Wanted: I Can't Reach the Faucets in the Restroom :(
Red_Arremer
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
(Ok actually I can I just have to jump on top of the soaking wet counter or something) Alright, I'm 19, three and a half feet tall, mostly proportional (most of my help/advice threads start this way) and I have no idea how girls in general feel about that, in relation to physical attraction. I've never been in a relationship and I have no idea how attractve I am, if at all. I've had a few bouts of very low self esteem but overall, I really don't think I'm disgusting or ugly or anything, and in fact sometimes I even think I'm handsome! I've asked three girls out and been rejected three times. I'm starting to wonder if my height and overall size matters way more than I thought it does with girls. It seems the only times girls flirt with me is when they're drunk. I can only think of two occasions where a non-drunk girl has expressed possible interest.
And really I don't get it. I'm not overweight; in fact I'm visibly muscular. I feel like I have a good bone structure in my face. I don't have acne. I like myself to a normal degree. I'm just small.
Basically, I'm wondering if me being small makes me a disgusting gremlin that no woman would ever want to be with and I only think that I might be handsome because I've grown accustomed to myself. Honestly it's starting to get to me.
And really I don't get it. I'm not overweight; in fact I'm visibly muscular. I feel like I have a good bone structure in my face. I don't have acne. I like myself to a normal degree. I'm just small.
Basically, I'm wondering if me being small makes me a disgusting gremlin that no woman would ever want to be with and I only think that I might be handsome because I've grown accustomed to myself. Honestly it's starting to get to me.
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After all, if you are sporting a six pack or something, you're doing better than I am =D
A lot of people are going to get weirded out by something they've never encountered before. While i'm not equating your stature with a disability, I'm going to go ahead and say that blind and deaf guys understand your pain. From what I can tell, it's hard enough out there for any 19 year old boy.
I'd say the self-confidence issue is probably more important than the height. Women can smell low self esteem like a dog smells fear. Unfortunately, girls like dicks (as in guys who act like dicks) because they exude a confidence and arrogance. I daresay you can probably get away with being very direct with chicks, especially at bars (Stand facing her and say "hey, babe, look. I'm the perfect height.") Or go the gentlemen route and point out that the tall guys around her are enjoying the view down her shirt. Point out that you'd never do that.
You don't have to be some bitch's clown, but girls like a guy who can laugh at themselves.
Don't let the world get you down, man. I don't know if that's the last thing you wanted to hear. But you *will* start to meet girls that aren't shallow.
Ok, not a girl, but I just want to point out that the above is true.
It's true that women (especially younger) tend to be more attracted to taller guys. I've also found that the taller women don't give a damn about height (maybe they're conditioned to being taller than the guys they date, I don't know!).
In any case. It doesn't really matter. Keep trying and you'll find someone who matches up with you well.
I'm 6'4", devilishly handsome, and rejected by the first (insert large number here) girls i asked out.
There's no secret formula, it's a numbers game. The more women you ask out, the more likely you are to get dates. The more dates you get, the more likely you are to find someone you mesh well with.
My girlfriend of a little over 2 years is just under 4'9" and when we were dating, size was never an issue, even though I'm more than a full foot taller than her. I liked her for who she was, and we are very close, even though what I always thought of as my 'type' was completely different from her.
In other words, what I'm trying to say is there is always someone out there who will appreciate you. Just keep trying, and eventually things will work out.
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Accept you are what you are and to hell with anyone who judges you for it.
Also being turned down by three women at 19 is in no way a shocking statstic for anyone. It's already been said it's a numbers game, you have to go through x amount of "no" to find the one "yes".
I wouldn't joke about it or point it out too obviously as a casual point of conversation with someone you just met, it would come off as covering an insecurity even if you've made peace with it. Joking about it after a few weeks of knowing someone however can show you really don't care.
I am told this is not normal. I am poorly acquainted with normal, but I guarantee there are others out there at the very least. If you are confident and meet the above criteria (trade my hobbies for any hobbies), you will find them.
And come to terms with your shortness. Become comfortable with it, embrace it. You can't change it barring silly or extreme measures like platform shoes or traveling outside the U.S. for some radical surgery. So accept that you're short and work with it. If you hate the fact that you're short, women will pick up on that and someone that's not comfortable in their own skin is a huge turn off to most people of either gender.
For example, I'm a really hairy dude. My back is really hairy. Now, conventional wisdom if I accept what society has to say is that I'm disgusting and gross, and I get that some people even think that. That's fine, I'm not going to hold it against them but I'm also not going to waste my time with a lady that thinks my back hair is disgusting. It hasn't really been a problem for me from a dating perspective. I just don't hide the fact and there are definitely women that are fine with it. I'm in a fantastic relationship right now.
You can't change this fact about yourself, so find a way to accept it and women will find you more attractive if you're happier and more confident. That's a fact.
Also, I'll add that I'm happy with the person I am; I wouldn't trade in the strength, willpower, and perspective I've gained from my hardships for an extra two feet, and I'm sure as hell not going to wear platform shoes or try to make myself look taller unless I'm trying to infiltrate Outer Heaven.
edit: durrr, I'm stupid. Nonplussed wasn't the word I was looking for, it's the exact opposite of what I meant.
But since you can't magically change your height, there's no point in worrying about it. Just keep asking girls out.
I worked with a woman a while back who was 6'2". Her husband was about 4'11" and asian, and she told us that she absolutely LOVES tiny men.
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You're right, and I've always had that same attitude, but lately, as I've kind of become more focused on finding someone, I'm interested in other's thoughts. Not so I can worry about it, but so I can have a fuller perspective. I've always always gone after girls that I think are amazing (there's lots of pretty girls, but there's not as many that are also intelligent, strong and have a great personality) because hey, why the fuck not, I'm badass, I'm going to go after badass girls (though the ones that rejected me are not as badass as I thought, as someone mentioned above), and I have no plans to change that, no matter how many times I'm rejected. I'm just really curious as to how the outside world interprets me. Not so I can be down in the dumps or whatever, but to laugh about it, process it, and move on. Before I was about 15, when it came to girls I was just like "fuck your opinions I don't care", and in all likelihood I'll transition to that attitude about girls very soon (it's already in place for the other aspects of my life), but now that I'm questioning things, I want to hear about different points of view.
This is the absolute BEST attitude to have. Seriously. Keep that attitude, and I'm 100% sure you'll find a lady who thinks you're fucking awesome.
Confidence is the sexiest thing in the world.
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Confidence (not arrogance) and a bitchin' smile will get you a long way
edit: Also, Dru really is a hairy bastard
edit: usagi's full of shit, I know who my father is!
And never doubt the capacity of people to feed you sunshine and lollipops. That's almost all any adult has fed me for 19 years. It feels so much better to say that to someone than to say "You're fucked. Deal with it". I hate pity and I can pick up on it pretty quickly. I immediately want to pummel those people. Although most of the time I want to pummel most people, so...
"When I was younger, definitely, I let it get to me. As an adolescent, I was bitter and angry and I definitely put up these walls. But the older you get, you realize you just have to have a sense of humor. You just know that it's not your problem. It's theirs."
And his wife is pretty beautiful.
And then the timing also has to be right. If she just started seeing someone else and thinks it is getting serious she might turn you down even if she would otherwise be interested. Or if a grandparent died last week. Or if she decided that she would rather be single for a while. Or whatever.
You keep harping on your proportionality. It seems to me that being proportional would actually make you more attractive in terms of body structure.
That said, you sound more mature than most 19-year-olds and it seems like you already have things pretty well figured out. In my experience it's the most physically attractive people who generally have the least attractive personalities.
If so I recommend joining some local groups for little people or traveling to their large conventions to meet women, they are probably having a much harder time with dating than you are.
If not, I recommend online dating and getting a wide social circle, as you'll find some good women there moreso than drunk people at bars.
For some truth: I probably wouldn't date you. I absolutely don't date anyone that I wouldn't marry, and I honestly see serious medical conditions as a barrier to having kids and a long life together. But I'm definitely not the norm, most girls like casual dating and aren't as worried as I am about a perfect future. And hey, I don't know your specifics so maybe I'm being ignorant.
Like I said, it's the rule to assume you are who you say you are. It seemed odd, but eventually your intentions became clearer. Your post edits after the fact change your tone considerably, so the response has been removed from play. If you seriously wanted a straight answer I've given you one. If your trawling for cuddlez you've got those too. Either way, I'm done here.
We now return to your previously scheduled program.
Oh yeah, I agree. I don't want people to pretend they're not grossed out by my hairy back if they are. But there's a difference between accepting that some people are going to be grossed out by my hairy back, and thinking that I'm fucked and will never date attractive, interesting women. That's demonstrably false.
I've had lots of opportunities to meet LPA girls or whatever; when I was about 11 my parents signed me up for LPA. I never ever identified with it and after the first meet-up I went to I just came home and cried. I was not raised in that culture and, honestly, I illogically resent it. At that age I basically felt that people were expecting me to hook up with some achondroplastic girl and deal with it, and naturally I have a huge negative response to that. Jason Acuna (Wee Man from Jackass) basically said how I feel in that he was generally only around and attracted to normal sized girls. Personally I don't like the idea of dating from LPA on an intellectual level and I resent the fact that I should be restricted to dating "freaks like me", and that's immediately how I feel when I think about it. It's a very strong psychological force and it's very hard to explain. I love small, petite girls though.
While I applaud your overall attitude, unless you know that those three girls turned you down because of your height the middle part is extremely misogynistic.
Why shouldn't women be allowed to have preferences just like you do? Or lives that just happen to not be conducive to dating you at the moment? My now husband asked me out three times before I said yes (over the span of four years). I would have happily said yes earlier if he had better timing, but if had dismissed me as no longer being badass enough to ask out we wouldn't be married now.
Speaking from experience, nothing will wreck your dating life more than a pessimistic outlook. Women can sense that shit (just like everyone else).
Everyone gets down on themselves at times. Sometimes it is necessary to feign optimism, but if you remain mindful of your outlook the rest will follow.
Yes, looking over that it does seem really arrogant and misogynistic. I personally believe it was because I'm different and they would have had a different answer if I was the same except for size. Either way, I worded that terribly. I meant that if a girl is repulsed by me than I shouldn't bother with them and care so much, but I always do. I meant it as an attack on shallowness and maybe it came out wrong.
But, you're also being just as shallow. Do you see that? I'm not at all saying that you should be encouraged to date woman closer to your size, but you're saying you aren't interested in them, but then you're calling taller women who find your height unattractive shallow.
I mean, yes, you're saying you're not interested in LPA women on an "intellectual level," but that's not really true, is it? How can that be true of women you've never even met or gotten to know? Be honest with yourself. It's fine not to be attracted to them, but just keep in mind that the opposite is going to be true as well. That doesn't make the women shallow.
He means the concept of "having" to date little people bothers him. He's not calling them dumb.
You need to be careful about how you think about it. If your attitude is "I am so awesome, the only reason you wouldn't consider dating me is because you are a bigot" girls will pick up on that and it isn't an attractive attitude.
Look back over the early responses to this thread. Dating is a numbers game. You have found three girls that you consider badass enough to ask out. That is three out of how many girls you have ever met? That is a tiny percentage and you clearly don't respect those three enough to acknowledge that they might have just as stringent criteria that you don't meet irrespective of your size.
I didn't say that he was calling them dumb. I was assuming he meant "on an intellectual level" as opposed to physical attraction.
I concede that my rationalization of those three girls' rejection is flawed. They are probably just as "shallow" as I am, which is to say, I hope not very much.
As far as the LP girls go, my lack of attraction is more than intellectual, but I really do believe it is more of a result of my experiences at LPA conventions and my feelings towards them when I was little (younger
It's very complicated and to tell you the truth I don't feel like I have to justify those feelings to you.
I am very open to dating an LP with a genetic condition like me, but as of right now I'm not going to go out of my way to find girls just because they're short and different just like I don't go out of the way to find girls that have glasses. All my crushes have developed naturally and I'm willing to go on at least one date with anybody who asks me out; it's just never happened.
The whole point of this thread was for me to get the average girl's perspective on my size, not to delve into my personal preferences in a girl (which have nothing to do with height, barring she's not the size of a penny or a small building). I'm very glad this discussion is taking place, however, because it makes me think about things. Bottom line is, you are right that those girls don't have to justify their unwillingness to date me, but I don't have to justify my emotional reaction of saying "not worth it" when a girl rejects me.
trust me.
I'm 5'4, and just under 300lbs. My boyfriend is 6'0 and not even 150lbs.
I could not be more in love and neither could he.
Be confident in who you are, no matter who you are.
Kinda different, but I remember back at University there was a guy on campus who was not technically a 'little person' as his was a birth defect where his growth stopped at his elbows and knees when he was in utero.
I swear to you, I have never met a person, man or woman, with more confidence, more strength, and more friends than he had. He got dates all the time with 'normal' girls and I think he's happily married right now.
Just be true to yourself, have some serious confidence, and you'll be fine. it might take you a few years to find a girl, you might not even end up with a 'girl' but an older woman who is old enough to not give a rats ass about your size, she just wants somebody in her life to share it with.
patience and confidence.
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You're 19, if you exude even an ounce of confidence, there will be women.
If they blow you off...always remember:
Fuck em dude. Conquer half of Europe.