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So conflicted (girl thread)

JeanJean Heartbroken papa bearGatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
edited January 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
I'm up this early because I can't stop thinking about this situation. I do not know what to do and it's driving me crazy!

So, I work for my father's bar . Very soon, he will pass the torch to me and I'll be the boss :) We're gonna sign to sign the papers to make it official next week in fact. This is common knowledge among the customers.

2 days ago, I was having a few drinks with the customers after work, just joking arround and having fun.

I never mixed work with love/sex before but booze did lower my guard.

This is where this lady come in the picture, a fairly regular customer. She have a flirty personality but with me she turned it up to 11. She was making very obvious advances to me and she was being very touchy feely. No use in denying it, I loved her attention We spent lot of time hugging, kissing and talking dirty. Had I been a bit more aggresive I could had had sex with her . Part of me definitively wish I did since I was having such a great time just kissing her, sex with her have to be awesome! She is older than me and very experimented, liberated :) I guess you could call her a MILF, she is quite attractive.

But they're is a reason I wasn't more agresive, something she said rang a warning bell in my head : She wants me to hire her as a waitress. This bring the obvious question, was she being so nice to me because she's geniuenly attracted to me or just because she wants a job?

I have no intention of hiring her. All our waiters are doing a good job, I have no reason, no desire to fire anybody. Even if somebody did volontarilly quit his job, I would be hesitant to hire her (I'm afraid her flirty personality would create jealousy issues with the customer's GF/wives)

TL;DR I want to have sex with her so badly on a physical level but on a rational level I'm afraid of the drama it could create. What to do?

"You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
Jean on

Posts

  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    If it is a bar you are going to own, you will probably spend most of your time there, especially if it is a small family deal. Makes it hard to rule out dating people that come in. Where else would you meet them?

    If you want to date her then do it. You already said you can't hire her.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Susan DelgadoSusan Delgado Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Personally, as soon as you said that she wanted you to hire her red flags and alarm bells started going off in my head.

    Has she ever been this forward with you before or expressed any kind of romantic interest in you prior to finding out that you'd soon be the man-in-charge?

    Also, if you did decide to hire her and give her a chance, do you really want the rest of your staff thinking that that's how you're going to decide who gets a job at your business. (whether you hook up or not, they're going to assume things)

    Susan Delgado on
    Go then, there are other worlds than these.
  • NylonathetepNylonathetep Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Your Spider sense is tingling...

    Danger Roger Wilson!

    It's actually damn good that you can sense what she's really after and have a sound mind to separate between business and pleasure. That's definitely one of the reason why your dad want to pass the ownership of the bar to you and to keep it in safe hands.

    I'm kinda surprised that she's only after the job thou. I mean if she somehow gets into a common-law relationship with you she could technically split half your house, and if you two somehow got married and then get a divorce she could force you to sell the bar, split half the money, and make you pay for child support if you two end up having any. I guess not only is she a tramp but a very short-sighted one as well.

    The way she's using you to get a job isn't indicative of whether you are attractive or not on your own personal level but rather her own values and what kind of person she is. It's best to leave it and play it on the safe side.

    Nylonathetep on
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  • CliffCliff Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I seriously doubt she is trying to sleep with you to land a job as a waitress. I'd say the worst that could happen is you lose a customer if she feels awkward about coming in after your fling is over.

    Cliff on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited January 2011
    Personally, I wouldn't go there. I also probably wouldn't hire her if that's how she acts when she's trying to get a job with you. :P

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    There's no harm in seeing if she's genuinely interested in you. Just be straightforward with her about not getting the job so she's not "laboring" under false pretenses so to speak.

    Druhim on
    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • FantasmaFantasma Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Druhim has given a very good advice. Let her know very clearly you can't hire her, and see how she reacts, of course, she could try to mesmerize you with sex and then once again request or demand that you hire her.

    Fantasma on
    Hear my warnings, unbelievers. We have raised altars in this land so that we may sacrifice you to our gods. There is no hope in opposing the inevitable. Put down your arms, unbelievers, and bow before the forces of Chaos!
  • FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Whatever you do, don't ever, ever put yourself in a position where you're in a relationship with one of your employees. I know you said you won't hire this woman anyway, but it doesn't seem too far off from your post to imagine an attractive employee making advances and you responding because you're a little drunk.

    You don't want that. Bad for business. Bad for family. Bad for everything.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited January 2011
    Tell her you're good on employees. If she stops chatting you up, then you made the right decision. If she stays, then maybe consider that she really likes you.

    Sheep on
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Sheep wrote: »
    Tell her you're good on employees. If she stops chatting you up, then you made the right decision. If she stays, then maybe consider that she really likes you.

    This only deflects. What happens when they do need to hire? If she's a regular, she'll know. Be honest with her.

    Esh on
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I highly doubt she wanted to sleep with you solely for a waitressing position at a bar, especially if she is older than you.

    I also don't think you are responsible for expectations, unless you lie to her or manipulate her. Like "I'll see what I can do" -> bang bang bang -> "don't ever show up at my bar again" isn't cool.

    And you wouldn't be the first or last bartender/bar owner to sleep with a customer. I don't think there's a hard rule here on how smart this is - you're probably a much better judge of the situation than any of us could hope to be.

    Drez on
    Switch: SW-7690-2320-9238Steam/PSN/Xbox: Drezdar
  • JeanJean Heartbroken papa bear Gatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    If you want to date her then do it

    I should had been clearer in my OP. I do not want to date her/have a relationship with her but I do want to have sex with her. From what she told me, she would be perfectly fine with that (unless she's lying and only saying what she thinks men want to hear).

    She have a very agressive, take the first step, not shy about anything type of personality that I find that very attractive. For instance she's the one who kissed me first, I really liked that.

    Also by ''older'' I meant ''twice my age''. I'm 27. Many girls in their 20s would kill to have a body like hers :winky:
    I know you said you won't hire this woman anyway, but it doesn't seem too far off from your post to imagine an attractive employee making advances and you responding because you're a little drunk.

    All my employees are straight males so your concern doesn't applly for now tough it is something to keep in mind, just in case.
    Be honest with her.

    Yeah I don't want to mislead.
    Has she ever been this forward with you before or expressed any kind of romantic interest in you prior to finding out that you'd soon be the man-in-charge?

    Yes, she did. What changed tough is than I usually get red as a tomato and try my best to ignore her until she goes away. I really tought I was douing the smart thing by not mixing sex and work before but after tasting a bit of the forbidden apple, I am not so sure anymore.

    Jean on
    "You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I should had been clearer in my OP. I do not want to date her/have a relationship with her but I do want to have sex with her. From what she told me, she would be perfectly fine with that (unless she's lying and only saying what she thinks men want to hear).

    She have a very agressive, take the first step, not shy about anything type of personality that I find that very attractive. For instance she's the one who kissed me first, I really liked that.

    Also by ''older'' I meant ''twice my age''. I'm 27. Many girls in their 20s would kill to have a body like hers

    Women like to have sex too. There is no reason to doubt the fairer sex when they say they're fine with just having sex. Just be straight up like everyone else said.

    Have the best time of your life with that lady, in fact.

    edit: And just like you enjoyed her aggressiveness, she may have heard you were inheriting and found that kind of a turn on. That's not a bad thing at all. Most everyone enjoys confident, delightful and put together people.

    OnTheLastCastle on
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    IMHE older women are far better at having little trysts and then letting them go after. Still, a regular? That'll be awkward if things go wrong.

    Up to you. I'd probably do it, but if anything that should be a warning for you to not do it.

    So what you're saying is, if I rub the meat on my naked body, and manage to outrun the dogs, you will have sex with me on this narrow ledge before we dive into crocodile infested waters?
    Yes.
    So like, ribbed condoms or non-ribbed? Because I'm not taking any chances here.

    Sarcastro on
  • JeanJean Heartbroken papa bear Gatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I'd probably do it, but if anything that should be a warning for you to not do it.

    :lol:

    Well anyways, I can't wait to sort this out with her. SOBER.

    O, and OnTheLastCastle I'd just like to add a little correction : I will not inherit, I will fully repay my father for that bar. That dinstinction is quite important to me (and to him!)

    Jean on
    "You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Sounds like a Cougar! But seriously, single women her age tend to be pretty sexually active (I'm assuming she is not actually 54? and more like in her 40s?) and open. They know what they want, and aren't afraid to say it. at first glance i'd say she's not trying to butter you up to hire her, but you never know.

    aside from that, the bar owners i know tend to get lots of attention from ladies (even the really creepy one!). i guess it's the whole "i own a bar" thing, that is attractive? i dunno.

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
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