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how to deal with primary school friends adding me to facebook?
Aldo
Hippo HoorayRegistered User regular
Hippo HoorayRegistered User regular
So this is probably not an issue any more in the US, but over here Facebook has only just become the #1 social networking site. This comes with a little problem for me: kids I went to school with 15-20 years ago are adding me to their friendslist.
The first one who did this was a guy I really liked way back when, but we only went "oh my havent seen you in aaaaaages" and haven't really said anything besides a mutual "so what are you up to?" To put it bluntly, he isn't a friend of me any more and I feel conflicted about having him on my friendslist.
Now two other kids (ok, they're in their 20s now) I used to play tag with added me.
I dunno if I should add them and move them to a list of folks who don't get my status updates or if I shouldn't accept their requests. I'm a big fan of moving forward and not looking back, but I am also flattered they added me. I'm cynical that is because they felt like I was a cool kid back then, maybe they're the kind of people who think 3,000 friends is a goal in life.
I'm looking for opinions. How did you deal with primary schoolmates adding you to social networking sites? What do you do with these people?
The first one who did this was a guy I really liked way back when, but we only went "oh my havent seen you in aaaaaages" and haven't really said anything besides a mutual "so what are you up to?" To put it bluntly, he isn't a friend of me any more and I feel conflicted about having him on my friendslist.
Now two other kids (ok, they're in their 20s now) I used to play tag with added me.
I dunno if I should add them and move them to a list of folks who don't get my status updates or if I shouldn't accept their requests. I'm a big fan of moving forward and not looking back, but I am also flattered they added me. I'm cynical that is because they felt like I was a cool kid back then, maybe they're the kind of people who think 3,000 friends is a goal in life.
I'm looking for opinions. How did you deal with primary schoolmates adding you to social networking sites? What do you do with these people?
Aldo on
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If you haven't been interacting with these people, then they won't even notice you've done it.
Freshman year of college, I got into Facebook and discovered I could find all the elementary school friends I had back in the day (long story short, I moved in 5th grade and haven't had good social experiences since except in college). I would add or whisper those people I hadn't seen in almost ten years and it would be great since I could hold on to my past a little bit longer
Eventually, I realized that aside from the initial "Hey, how are you?" conversation, I had barely talked to these people. It wasn't healthy to cling to the past and the chances of seeing or talking to them face-to-face was minimal so I started to delete them. I've been doing that with people I haven't talked to for a while, even high school and college classmates (I'm almost two years out of college)
Anyway, it's perfectly fine to have a reconnecting conversation but it's also acceptable to ignore their friendship requests. It's kind of cool to see a face you haven't seen in a long time but don't feel pressured to accept every request that comes your way
These are not professional contacts, though, so I don't have to play nice I guess.
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Thanks for your opinions, everyone. I guess there's no ideal solutions, but feel free to post your solution here.
celestialbadgers idea is a good idea, they wont notice if you remove them a while later
though i don't really care if people i knew 15 years ago see what i'm up to, ain't even a thing, the vast majority of people on my facebook are acquaintances
it's not really a big deal either way whether you accept or ignore
no one will really care, it's just facebook
Don't feel bad about rejecting the requests. I mean, you don't have to enjoy it as much as I do but it's perfectly acceptable to ignore them. It's not like they get a message saying "Aldo has ignored your request."
I think people put far too much thought into social networking, especially Facebook/MySpace. Just because you accepted someone's friend request it doesn't mean you're obligated to do anything, or that it even means anything. Really, who cares?
yeah, basically this
listen to him
no one really cares, if you feel like ignoring, ignore. accepting a friend request means nothing.
However that backfired once, when my aunt called up and bitched me out about keeping my cousin in facebook limbo
It's kind of weird I guess.
Needless to say, I had no qualms with removing them all from my Facebook.
for others, it's become a way of saying 'hey, that's what so and so did'.
and others, I've been threatened within an inch of my life if I didn't accept them (the real best friend from forever and ever).
I see it as a high school reunion that I can attend in my pyjamas.
I ignore some, I laugh at some, I outright want to stab others. But then I remember, I'm just as happy as they are, if not happier, and I move on.
If you dont' want to deal with it, jsut ignore them. They won't even notice. they'll probably in a few months time cull you off their list as a 'man, why did i add them' thing and you won't even know.
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This thread reminded me to clean out my friends list. I probably unfriended close to 20 people.
and if they do get offended, it's okay
you haven't seen them for 15 years
But they can't see that you blocked their first attempt because when they go to your profile they also see that their request is still pending.
Requests drop out of your queue after one year, by which time the person will have forgotten all about you.
tadaa.
I generally accept people who I know at all. They learn what I watch on tv and I get to see who's getting fat.
The whole thing is really a 'what im doing' christmas card
This is pretty much my opinion of facebook as well. I mean is your facebook that private that you need to stop people looking at it?
The only person I have ignored is a creepy stalker lady.
Because she would stalk me.
If there is anyone I don't like because they post dumb stuff I would put them on ignore.
Satans..... hints.....
Being "friends" on facebook doesn't necessarily mean anything other than "oh yeah I met them this one time." If you're interested in reading their status updates or otherwise reconnecting with them, fine, friend away. Otherwise, who cares.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
My circumstances in this case probably aren't very applicable to your dilemma anyway.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
If someone I like or used to like wants to friend me I say yes.
If for some reason someone I don't like or never liked asks I hit ignore.
Then they stay on my friend list and see my status updates and stuff.
Doesn't bother me whether I have 3 friends or 3000. Why would having too many facebook friends matter? How does it affect you whether all of those 'friends' are close busom buddies or not?
So I say hit yes and don't worry about it.
I don't want to cast aspersions or argue with anyone in H&A, but it does seem a little OCD or neurotic to worry about it at all.
So what if your 'facebook friends' are not really friends?
So hey, I realized what my advice is. As long as they don't make you look bad, there shouldn't be too much harm. Just generally keep the info locked down
I do a Social Networking crash-course every few months for older people getting into new tech. It's amazing how paranoid some of these people are when it comes to Social Networking.
They would rather be shot and arrested then have a facebook profile and put in a status update.
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I use facebook to keep up to date on people I actually keep in touch with and whom I like. I have ~80 people on it, with about 5 of them on my "professional folks" list. I like to take a peek at the places they're going to and their successes and will mail them to ask how they're doing besides their successes. Or meet with them IRL of course.
I guess this makes me a different user of the website than most of you here. I ended up ignoring the requests and putting the other primary school friend on my "professional folks" list for a while. If nothing happens I'll delete him soonish.
This is basically what I do. Honestly, I use facebook as an RSS feed to share links with friends, then keep everyone else on viewing limits just so that we can all see who lives and works where, so as to reach out when appropriate. I might not want to talk on a regular basis to someone I haven't spoken to since middle school, but if I happen to be traveling in their city it's useful to quickly realize that and see if they want to grab a beer or whatever.
This made me laugh!
My facebook is as private as I can make it - mainly because of my job, though, I don't want to be hounded by the people I train, and also cos we're not allowed to use facebook at work. I'm only friends with people I'm friends with irl, and ignore requests from most people. I'm not unfriendly, I just choose carefully who has access to it.
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