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What is wrong with me? Mental health query
Scorched
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I don't know exactly how to write this, or how to ask for help in this specific way. I am currently in the final year of my degree, and I am struggling. Badly. Last year, I was working 6-8 hours a day on my university course solidly for the year - through good and bad moments. This year, I am lucky if I manage 10 hours a week. And even then, my concentration is so low and fractured, I don't get anything useful done.
Whenever I start work now, I feel that I am not good enough, and won't ever be good enough. Because my university tutors said I have plenty of potential, I feel I've let myself down now that I am so behind in work. I can't really think of anything else but how much of an ass that makes me, how I've dissapointed myself and everyone in my life. The thought of redoing this year - a real possibility at this point - is confusing because I think I could fuck that up too and be in an even bigger hole in life. And then the thought of moving away from this town scares me, because this is the first place I've really felt at home in a long time.
What really brought it home for me that something is wrong is an university assignment I had to do. It was relatively easy - a 6000 word plan and evaluation covering the start-up of a business you potentially wanted to run. It took me a week to do, and I could hardly concentrate for more than 30 minutes at a time. I was used to writing 4000 words or so a day including research for previous assignments.
I can't really have a professional relationship anymore either. Someone asking me how I am doing is already too much to deal with, because I run the above thoughts through my head.
I don't have a history of inattentiveness or concentration problems. In my second year of university we had a team project that where three group members went AWOL and we still managed to get it done to a reasonable standard. I was an underachiever in high school, but still got 80% overall and plenty of outstanding marks on my exams and assignments - I didn't have any trouble doing homework. I did plenty of art, and could concentrate for hours at a time on whatever I was working on without getting distracted.
I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know it's mental health, and probably a lack of confidence. But the concentration issue scares me incredibly, and it's something I need to sort out because I feel it's literally ruining my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Whenever I start work now, I feel that I am not good enough, and won't ever be good enough. Because my university tutors said I have plenty of potential, I feel I've let myself down now that I am so behind in work. I can't really think of anything else but how much of an ass that makes me, how I've dissapointed myself and everyone in my life. The thought of redoing this year - a real possibility at this point - is confusing because I think I could fuck that up too and be in an even bigger hole in life. And then the thought of moving away from this town scares me, because this is the first place I've really felt at home in a long time.
What really brought it home for me that something is wrong is an university assignment I had to do. It was relatively easy - a 6000 word plan and evaluation covering the start-up of a business you potentially wanted to run. It took me a week to do, and I could hardly concentrate for more than 30 minutes at a time. I was used to writing 4000 words or so a day including research for previous assignments.
I can't really have a professional relationship anymore either. Someone asking me how I am doing is already too much to deal with, because I run the above thoughts through my head.
I don't have a history of inattentiveness or concentration problems. In my second year of university we had a team project that where three group members went AWOL and we still managed to get it done to a reasonable standard. I was an underachiever in high school, but still got 80% overall and plenty of outstanding marks on my exams and assignments - I didn't have any trouble doing homework. I did plenty of art, and could concentrate for hours at a time on whatever I was working on without getting distracted.
I really don't know what is wrong with me. I know it's mental health, and probably a lack of confidence. But the concentration issue scares me incredibly, and it's something I need to sort out because I feel it's literally ruining my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Scorched on
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Indeed, this is the best advice. Don't let yourself slip through the cracks: our minds require professional assistance as much as our bodies do. We go through chemical imbalances, upheavals in life... don't be afraid to seek good, qualified assistance that can truly help you. You can do it.
You're on the verge of a whole different kind of life, and that means big changes and reasonable doubts and fears. All I can say is, dude, don't worry about it, its all gonna be okay. A year from now you'll be wondering what you thought the big deal was.
Don't get down to hard on yourself just because it's a struggle. What you're doing right now is really just practice. Practice can be tough, you can get busted up a bit, but it's still just practice. That it feels a bit rough just means it's all that more important to go through with it no matter what. You can't stretch your limits by staying in your comfort zone. If it was all easy and all routine, you'd be wasting your time.
Remember that in facing difficulty, you're getting what you came for. A chance to learn and grow with lots of help in a relatively safe environment. I'd also take a look at counselours while you can, depending on your field it might be your last chance to get solid tips and advice on how to organize and deal up these kinds of situations.
Most of the time people get through these difficulties with practice, like Sarcastro said. Positive reinforcement is important: accomplishing one goal gives you confidence to tackle the next problem. It often helps to split any project into small sub-goals (these can be stupidly simple, really; no need to be ambitious here) and then just work on them one at a time. The idea is to avoid the perception of a looming, vague, massive project that never seems to end.
Having said that, I'll also point out that an inability to focus on even simple, familiar tasks is a classic sign of burnout. Severe burnout can render you extremely depressed and unable to do anything productive for months (been there, took me a full year to recover), so you do need to take your stress symptoms seriously. Counseling would definitely be a good idea. Make sure you get enough sleep, and try to ensure you're enjoying your private life outside of school. Physical exercise can also improve your mood and self-esteem a lot. Taking a vacation would probably help, but doesn't sound like this is feasible right now. Although if your stress keeps getting worse and having to redo the year is objectively a realistic danger, it might not be a bad idea to consider redoing the year voluntarily and effectively take a long vacation now.
I didn't actually want to read anything in the thread, if I'm at all honest. No one around me (friends and tutors) are saying that I should quit the course and do something different with my life (which is the one thing that upsets me most of all) but I was afraid you'd guys probably do. Even though I am not having the easiest time with it right now, I feel like if I quit now, I'd never know what I could do if I wasn't struggling.
I originally went to a uni counselling session but I felt like I wasn't getting anything from them. They didn't have a slot for me on my campus, and they told me they'd have rotating counselors so I wouldn't get the same person every time. I felt that'd be an issue.
I've gone to the doctor and made an appointment though, to lay out what I said in this thread. Hopefully I can get a referral or something. I don't particularly look forward to it, but if it gets me out of this mess I'm in...
My diet seems alright to me. I still eat most of my meals. My staple vegetable is pretty much fresh tomatoes though, but that never seemed an issue to me? I've got a very boring diet in the sense that it's pretty much pasta with fresh/canned tomatoes with whatever meat I can get. I'm trying to save money, but I still dice up chicken and stuff to make sure I get enough protein.
Exercise is a mixed bag. I joined a gym, but have only gone twice so far. I don't know if it helps, but I guess it has to be a constant thing then? I'm not overweight or anything; and did/do plenty of walking. (Last year I walked 2 1/2 miles to uni and back pretty much every day.)
I guess I should probably say what I am studying. I do Animation over here in Bristol. I know I'm defo not the worst student or anything, but if there was such a thing as a ranking list I'd say I was slipping this year. I guess that makes sense. Anyway, like I said, my tutors have more faith in me than I did in myself, as did everyone around me. I just have a hard time convincing myself I can do it and picking up the skills I want to learn, which makes no sense since I used to be pretty good with getting stuff done. It's not just my study though, I'm pretty much afraid I'll fuck up anything in life at this point.
I'm looking forward to that doctors appointment actually. Hopefully good things will come from it.
Oh, and here's some of my personal work so you can judge whether or not you'd actually want advice from me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nds1T7U9FqY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N9Zq-_9Er8