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Help to reduce my drinking.
Sneakert
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, hi.
I messed up.
I got a job as a consultant thanks to my father, the office is within 5 minutes of walking and it pays very decent. I didn't want to accept the offer at first, because my parents and I don't get along very well.
But after a couple of months of unemployment I started to get desperate, and ended up accepting the offer anyway. It's been great so far, I like people I work with and I think that's important.
However, during my unemployment and neverending boredom I got back into my old drinking habit. Which means I drink beer every night and in great quantities. Last night I found myself half a bottle of whiskey and drank that too, which resulted in me being a effing idiot, not getting any sleep and feel like shit in the morning.
I called in sick because I couldn't possibly do my job in that state and they would probably still smell the booze on me. Now I feel like a total dickhead. I can't have this shit effing with my job.
On top of that my dad called me to ask about my sickness, so i made up that I had cramps in my stomach all night and didnt get any sleep. He then asked me if I had been drinking and I lied that I had not. This makes me feel even more like a dickhead, but I couldnt possibly tell him the truth. Even though he might suspect what really happened anyway.
And even though I know I shouldnt, I'm afraid I will continue drinking on workdays. It's easy to be all like "NEVER AGAIN" in the morning, but I know that just before the shops close I get this fear of being without booze for a whole evening and run out to get some.
So my question is: Who of you drank daily and stopped doing so(or know somebody that did) - and did you have any tricks to keep you from getting/drinking more booze?
I messed up.
I got a job as a consultant thanks to my father, the office is within 5 minutes of walking and it pays very decent. I didn't want to accept the offer at first, because my parents and I don't get along very well.
But after a couple of months of unemployment I started to get desperate, and ended up accepting the offer anyway. It's been great so far, I like people I work with and I think that's important.
However, during my unemployment and neverending boredom I got back into my old drinking habit. Which means I drink beer every night and in great quantities. Last night I found myself half a bottle of whiskey and drank that too, which resulted in me being a effing idiot, not getting any sleep and feel like shit in the morning.
I called in sick because I couldn't possibly do my job in that state and they would probably still smell the booze on me. Now I feel like a total dickhead. I can't have this shit effing with my job.
On top of that my dad called me to ask about my sickness, so i made up that I had cramps in my stomach all night and didnt get any sleep. He then asked me if I had been drinking and I lied that I had not. This makes me feel even more like a dickhead, but I couldnt possibly tell him the truth. Even though he might suspect what really happened anyway.
And even though I know I shouldnt, I'm afraid I will continue drinking on workdays. It's easy to be all like "NEVER AGAIN" in the morning, but I know that just before the shops close I get this fear of being without booze for a whole evening and run out to get some.
So my question is: Who of you drank daily and stopped doing so(or know somebody that did) - and did you have any tricks to keep you from getting/drinking more booze?
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Personally, this sends up red flags for me. Why do you "fear" not having booze? I'm no doctor, but phrasing it this way makes it sound a lot more serious than "I just like to drink a little every night".
you're either going to have to quit on your own or get some professional help. And from your post, i pretty much gather that option 1 isn't going to cut it.
I understand the last option might be an issue with your parents finding out and all, but one would assume they'd be supportive in you tackling this problem, no?
Nowadays, I do my thing just like any other working stiff, and indulge in my habits every now and then in moderation, and it hasn't been a problem since. The trick is to wrap your mind around the fact that life without substance usage is, in fact, quite fine and at times, totally awesome. You've just forgotten how to appreciate it. There aren't any tricks to it, you just have to stop drinking. There's no one else who can make that decision for you. It's going to suck at first, for sure, as you have to re-learn how to have a good time in your spare time without indulging, but I guarantee you, it is possible, you just have to try, and be willing to suck up some bad (INSANELY boring) days in the name of a better future that isn't dependent upon ye olde chemistry :] I encourage you to just take a week (preferrably two, or a month if you can swing it) starting NOW (don't put it off!) and don't drink a drop. When you're on the other side of that canyon, you'll already be feeling better about yourself and a future that doesn't revolve around near constant usage to stave off boredom or withdrawal. It's not like you're facing a life without ever touching a drink again anyhow, you just need to get this under control, to use in moderation like anyone else. This is something that is generally impossible when you're already in the state where the thought of going without makes you uncomfortable, so you need to face that fear first and foremost, and the only way to do that is to dry out for a while, to prove to yourself that it's not as bad as you think it is. Because it isn't. Trust me.
If on the other hand, you find that that is not doable, you can't stick it days on end without a drink to lighten things up, well.. I strongly encourage you to attend some form of rehabilitation facility where you'll be pulled out of your normal places and faces for a while. It does help. For me, the hardest part was the shame and defeat in admitting to the world, to my family, my friends, my coworkers, that I had a drug problem that I couldn't solve on my own. But it turns out, when you show that you're taking steps to solve your own serious problems, people are universally supportive. Don't be afraid, and do what you got to do man :] I wish you the best of luck, addiction (even purely psychological) is not an easy fish to toss back into the river!
do you have much social pressure to drink? if you can clear out like a three week period where there's no outside obligation to drink, if you can arrange to just smash that stretch sober without raising eyebrows, it'll do you good. for me the social thing has always been the hardest chicane to navigate. maybe it's a sad facet of certain cultures, but it makes it so much harder to eliminate drinking from your personal life when social interaction also deems it a necessity. if you have to go AWOL for a bit (socially), do it. it's worth it. if you're anything like me it won't remove booze from your life for good - it never could - but it will make you feel a hell of a lot better and reset that little accumulative meter that tells you what you 'have to drink'.
I'm not sure exactly how much OP has been drinking, but from the sounds of it, quitting cold turkey sounds like a terrible idea. If someone's been drinking a lot every day for a while, their body gets used to it. Suddenly quitting tends to lead to delirium tremens (autonomic instability, seizures, death).
Alcohol detox can be really dangerous if it's not done right. If the OP wants to stop drinking period, I'd recommend seeing someone who could help taper him safely.
I'm an alcoholic. Since Christmas I can count my sober nights on a single hand. As someone who has started and stopped drinking a number of times for long stretches of time, the biggest assistance I've had is somewhat two-fold. First, an event like you describe is a huge motivator. Guilt and shame are huge tools in getting sober. That's not to say that you should feel terrible about yourself all the time, but very real reactions of disgust at oneself is the first step toward motoring past habitual drinking. Secondly, the thing that always helps me (and I have an irrational fear of not being able to sleep without chemical assistance) is replacement. Just like nicotine, a replacement can help calm the nerves and will assist in killing those nasty cravings. I know that THC tends to very much fit this sort of bill for me, with zero of the side effects of alcohol. Aside from that, I have, in the past, sometimes taken benadryl or another downer agent before bed.
Going a few days without hangovers can be huge. The difference in one's quality of life is apparent after a few days, this is usually enough to keep me straight once I get over the initial few days of residual effects.
Otherwise, therapy and assistance can be huge. AA or other organizations that deal with substance abuse can really help you to get both perspective and support.
Best of luck.
I used to drink a lot each night, but focusing on the money aspect of it has helped me as well as keeping myself focused on other activies.
Also, save your drinking for the weekend. It sounds more like you have a problem with binge drinking rather than just plain drinking. If you want to moderate your drinking, stick to just beer. A bad night for me will start off with me drinking a beer or two and then turning to liquor then me waking up feeling like shit.
Always do research. For example, when I started taking Adivan for sleep issues, I wasn't really aware that it caused alcohol's effects to become way more amplified. I don't remember that evening, at all, but I apparently trashed my whole apartment and scared my friends so much that they came and babysat me until I pulled out of it. That was a horrific day.
As was said, I can understand having a fear of being without the agent that has allowed you to sleep and cope. That's mostly why I suggest replacement of some sort, at least initially, as that irrational fear can cause anxiety and insomnia all of its own.
Honestly? You're showing some pretty classic signs of alcoholism here. Drinking is impacting your ability to carry out a normal, daily life. You're lying about your drinking. And you don't feel like you can stop drinking during week days.
Maybe you need to just stop drinking altogether. Go to some AA meetings. Hear other people's stories that you can compare against your own life.
Thanks for sharing your story, I don't think a rehabilitation facility is a realistic option for me though. I have to work and also graduate from college, there is simply no time for a measure like that. I'm also afraid of what others might think of me if I were to admit that I have a problem, let alone having to go to rehab.
I do have much social pressure to drink, it varies but tuesdays and thursdays I usually have friends over. Strangely I tend to drink less when I have friends around though, I guess the fun keeps my mind from constantly grabbing more booze.
I will try to stop but I think I will call my doctor tomorrow morning, I read there are some pills that doctors often prescribe to help you be less anxious without booze. Also to ask if I dont endanger myself by going cold turkey. Although I reckon she would write my alcoholism in my medical file though? I'm not sure how i feel about that.
Anyway, thanks for the stories and advice everyone.
Maybe I will buy some carrots and chew on those while doing something that actually needs attention to do. Like playing a game. I feel that the craving for booze gets worse when watching boring tv and the like.
2)Buy the minimum amount of beer that you think you will need to get through the night.
3)Start cutting back from there.
4)Only have the amount of alcohol that you plan to drink on hand. Pour the rest down the sink.
e.g.- If you drink a six pack every night, buy one six pack today as normal. Tomorrow, buy a six pack, but pour one down the sink and just drink five, maybe starting a little later in the evening. Drink five for a couple days, then cut back to four etc.
Taper off slowly, don't keep extra alcohol on hand even if it seems wasteful. You can also try swapping in light beer. Try asprin if you have difficulty sleeping, nothing with tylenol.
You could also go to a doctor and get a scrip for something like Xanax, which will help a lot, but you run the risk of becoming addicted to the drug and the alcohol.
I did, however, have a pretty long good stretch where I was getting ridiculously drunk every night.
The thing with drinking is that it's a habit, and if you're going to have any luck at changing any habit then changing your routine is the way to go.
I went from heavy to moderate drinking basically when I went back to school. My whole routine shifted so it was easy to avoid repeating the scenario where I get black out drunk. When I go visit my parents (they live in another state) I find I hardly drink at all.
I'm not suggesting going back to school or moving in with your parents, but do find some way to change your routine. If you generally come home from work and fix a drink, find something else to do instead (go to the gym, join a bowling league, go play pick up, etc).
If you don't make an actual attempt to curtail your drinking, either through quitting outright, or checking into rehab, it's only going to get worse. You're going to miss more work, and start lying to more friends and family about it. How much of a dickhead do you think you'll feel like then?
Let me ask you a question: do you hide your alcohol? You said you "found" a half-empty bottle of whiskey last night, which indicates it was somewhere out of the way or hidden. This is already bad enough, before getting to the fact that you felt compelled to drink the whole damn thing, after already drinking your usual allotment of beer.
Frankly, you sound like my father. His alcoholism killed him in his 50's, for what it's worth. Quitting is only going to get harder, the longer you put it off.
I mean, it all sounds very serious and etc, but are you like, 21-22, in your first or second year of college?
Because, and I'm not like, glorifying terrible decisions or anything, if you're just sort of figuring this drinking thing out and its recently become apparent that yes, people do retarded things when they're drunk, things that affect the next day and thier lives and so forth, then really, just stop doing retarded things already.
Some things have bad consequences; don't do those things. Not a lot of secret sauce involved there.
Now if you can't stop.... well then you have a problem and you should listen to the dudes above up thar, cuz they sound like they know what's up.
It is what you choose to do now that you realize it's not a cool thing to do.
Sadly, it's not easy to quit. It will be a combo of willpower and not buying alcohol that will stop your drinking. If you must buy beer, don't buy a six pack, just buy a single beer. Also, try to fill up your time after work. Exercise for a couple hours. Cook your own dinner. Go out and do something that is not a bar.
I'm not going to tell you if you should confess all to your dad or not but your family could help you.
I don't hide alcohol, it was a bottle a friend had left in the living room. Since I don't spend much time in the living room (only when I have friends over), I hadnt noticed earlier.
I'm 23 and technically i'm in my 5th year of college. Since it's legal here to drink beer when you're 16, I don't think this is just a "phase".
I'm going to sign up for krav maga classes, should keep me busy on monday and thursday nights. Cooking my dinner instead of buying microwave food sounds like a good idea. thanks
I would prefer doing this on my own without people knowing about it. Least of all my family. I'm not sure how they could possibly help either. Call me crazy but I feel like AA meetings must be one of the most depressing PLEASE GIVE ME A DRINK TO GET THROUGH THIS places a man can go to. Wouldn't it also be a constant reminder of alcohol?
Bad news first: not clueing people in is flat-out not going to work. Those who know you, care about you and see you drastically change this aspect of your life will either figure it out themselves or simply ask you what's going on. Buddies you hang out with will likely try to push alcohol on you - then there will be social pressure, since you'll want to drink so they don't find out.
Good news: you don't have to tell people you're an alcoholic per se. Simply tell them you don't want to drink as much as you used to anymore. Tell them you're done with that kind of thing. It doesn't have to be a big thing: if it comes up, just say so and move on. That's enough to get out of awkward conversations and questions you don't want to answer. It's also enough for people who care about you and are wondering if you're nearing the drowning point to know you're moving in the right direction. And even if you don't think your family can help you, their knowing you're aware of this problem and are doing something about it will help. No more having to lie to them. No more feeling guilty. That helps.
I know you don't want to tell people. I've had periods in my life I'm not proud of too. But what you need to realize is that your family and friends don't think less of you because you drink. They think less of you because of what you do when you drink - and to be frank, they already know about those things or might still find out. If this turns worse and you lose your job, for instance (and I have to tell you, if your office environment is anything like most are there's a good chance you'll already have a reputation there for liking to drink, no matter how well you think you hide it) - what will you tell your family? You don't think they'll know?
In short, don't make a big deal of the problem but do make a big deal of the solution. I promise you, it will not reflect poorly on you, neither with your family nor with your employer and colleagues.
good work on the social thing, too. i remember when i was having time off all i got was snide comments about my sandy vagina, etc, and even ended up with several beers ordered or brought out for me despite my repeated suggestions that no, i really wasn't going to have anything. it can be hard, you end up wanting to drink just to get the jerks off your back. but you've started tackling that hurdle early on which i think will be a huge thing
and don't listen to anyone who says you can't help yourself. since you've gone a day without and are already feeling better, it's pretty unlikely that you're physically dependent. now it's just getting in the right mental place to not want to drink, to want to not drink, and you can absolutely do it without sitting with a therapist or a support group. support helps, but there are other kinds of support.
p.s. there's a classic australian book (which was subsequently made into a very good film) called wake in fright. it's a terrifying horror story about a teacher who is stranded perpetually in a dry outback town where he is plied with beer constantly and ends up unable to escape this horrible, dehydrated, hungover lifestyle. it really puts a fine point on the absurdity of a society that exists on a currency of booze, and while it is specifically satirizing australia i think it's essential reading for anyone who needs inspiration to stay dry. if you can find it, grab it. it will help a lot.
This is a very dangerious line of thought that will at best result in nothing changing and at worst make things much worse. I'm not trying to insult you here or anything but if you had the will power neccisary to drag yourself out of this on your own it wouldn't have become the problem it has in the first place.
On some level you clearly know this because you came here asking for help. You already said this youself but your dad isn't an idiot, he already seems to have clocked on to what is happening here. Do not wait for things to get worse, get some proper help. Telling your family what is going on will make it way more likley you will get help because they will check on you. If you tell no one you'll always be able to make excuses to continue this self destructive behaviour.
I know the idea of going to an AA meeting sucks, but the simple fact is that AA has been around as long as it has because it works. Provided you're willing to put in the effort of course.
Well, to add to this, tell them, but give them a separate true reason. If you're taking martial arts classes, well, tell people you want to get very fit. Hell, start training for a marathon in addition to martial arts. If you're drinking a couple gallons of water every day (depending on climate) you won't really want much alcohol after.
I know all about drinking because sobriety isn't a reality you want to live in. I thought I was happy, but I was still a miserable piece of shit. I pray you wake up and realize sober life is okay. It really is.
I feel pretty motivated and allready feel more energetic than before.
I told my mate I share the apartment with I'm going to not-drink for a month so I can get in better shape. He called bullshit, but if anything that just makes me more resilient. I'll tell my friends and family the same thing, it's true anyway; I want to get into better shape.
I'm convinced telling my family the whole story would end up in my dad disowning me.
I don't know if this has come up yet, but working out is awesome for this whole thing. I had a few experiences that led me to do the same thing you did and I really don't drink anymore. My commitment to working out made this whole process just about effortless. I'd hit the gym, and if there was a happy hour going on afterwards my response to people asking was generally "I just got through a brutal workout and I'm not going to negate it by drinking a six pack."
Of course you have to keep that mentality and not fall into the "I just got through a brutal workout, so I earned a six pack." Which is generally people's first response.
Working out and improving your diet not only gives you a good scapegoat for not drinking (especially when people see you making other changes), but it's obviously great for your body, and gives you mental boost that can help make the desire for booze diminish, especially if y ou see your body getting awesome and you have a ton of energy every morning when you wake up. It makes hangovers seem worse than death and the worst possible route you could take.
I went through a rough patch in my life and was drinking quite a bit. Things improved and I made the choice to cut back on my drinking. I didn't tell everyone in my life I was doing so, I just did. And while I'm not a fan of anecdotes as solid advice, I know it is possible because others besides myself have also done it.
But if you CANNOT have one drink without having ten... that is serious business.