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Am I depressed?
basino
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Let me just say a couple of things about myself and maybe someone that is experienced with psychology can let me know if psychotherapy will help me. I'm 21 and don't have a single friend. I did when I was in elementary school but even then im not too sure if they were really friends in the traditional sense. I've never kissed a girl. I think anyone else with my looks would have been getting laid left and right.
I don't have any hobbies or interests besides listening to music (and even that is wearing away). I enjoyed videogames tv movies when I was younger but gradually lost interest in everything. How normal is it for someone to have literally nothing they enjoy doing?
There's nothing at all I can think of that makes me excited. No career inspirations.. nowhere I want to travel..
My dad killed himself a few years ago. He was a good dad but I never really had an emotional bond with him just like I don't with anyone else. He was the only person I've met that had a similar mental makeup. He never seemed to enjoy anything just like me so I was thinking that it's in our genes. He used to be a big time alcoholic in younger years but went sober in maybe his last 10 years of life.
Now I actually don't really feel like im depressed because my mood is actually pretty good. The problem is more that I seem to be spending all my time bored out of my mind trying to think of something to do. Lately i've been getting drunk every night because that seems to be the only way I can enjoy anything.
I do plan to visit a psychotherapist soon but maybe some people here might have some thoughts as well.
I don't have any hobbies or interests besides listening to music (and even that is wearing away). I enjoyed videogames tv movies when I was younger but gradually lost interest in everything. How normal is it for someone to have literally nothing they enjoy doing?
There's nothing at all I can think of that makes me excited. No career inspirations.. nowhere I want to travel..
My dad killed himself a few years ago. He was a good dad but I never really had an emotional bond with him just like I don't with anyone else. He was the only person I've met that had a similar mental makeup. He never seemed to enjoy anything just like me so I was thinking that it's in our genes. He used to be a big time alcoholic in younger years but went sober in maybe his last 10 years of life.
Now I actually don't really feel like im depressed because my mood is actually pretty good. The problem is more that I seem to be spending all my time bored out of my mind trying to think of something to do. Lately i've been getting drunk every night because that seems to be the only way I can enjoy anything.
I do plan to visit a psychotherapist soon but maybe some people here might have some thoughts as well.
basino on
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You gain no joy from eating, sleep, a hot shower, a good movie or book, a good conversation...?
I'm trying to see where you're at. If you say "well, I enjoy X but not as much as I think other people do." that's just normal self doubt though maybe amplified to an unhealthy degree.
In addition to seeing a psychotherapist, you may want to look into support groups for people who have been affected by suicide or alcoholism. That'll give you more opportunities to interact with people and share feelings you may otherwise be unable to express.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
No the basic animal drives are intact. The good ole food and sex.
But that's about it nowadays. Don't normal people have interests besides this?
Job and school. Other than that I'm pretty much sitting around alone in my room. Worried that alcoholism is eminent at this pace.
I'm having a hard time answering that question. We do things and if they're pleasureable they release good brain chemicals. No one ever thinks about it like that, but that is why anyone enjoys anything.
Something I think the more introspective people go through as they mature is wondering if their emotions/feelings are right or valid. I'm sure a lot of people here would say "Yes" if you asked them if they'd ever thought they might be a sociopath or something. Just in passing as a "Are my emotions calibrated/as strong as other peoples?"
So... still trying to figure out if you've got something like that going on where you THINK you don't enjoy anything, but really do. Or if you have an actual brain chemical imbalance. There's no way for people on the internet to help you out with this though so please do see a professional ASAP.
Why not pick up a book and start reading it or go offer to volunteer somewhere? Do you actively not want to do things or just don't care one way or the other?
Well in last few months i've: bought PS3 and tried just about every well reviewed game finding myself bored in seconds. Looked at one book and movie after the other in vain attempt to find something I could stand. I've bought a guitar. Havent touched since the first day.
I have studied psychology on the web especially the whole intro/extra vert theories. I seemed to be about as far on the introvert scale as possible. That would be find by me if there was something I could actually enjoy doing in my alone time like I did when I was a kid.
About volunteering I unfortunately don't have any interest in others. I mean I always try to be polite and kind when I can but to go out of my way is impossible.
It goes hand in hand with depression, but is it's own thing, as you can totally feel okay and still have it all up ins.
Because it's a fuckuppery in the reward system, it's applies to just about anything- social interaction, games, eating, ambition- it seems like there's no point to anything, because everything is pretty much as good or as bad as anything else. You've got a world of 'carrot and stick' setups but no carrots. So life is pretty much just the stick. Which would be less than awesome.
So ya, dude. I'd see someone about that. There's a lot of options to deal up that sort of thing.
The more you read, the more you worry, the more you read. It's self-perpetuating.
Anyone without external drivers (friends) will fall in to funks like this. You could do what I did in the same situation at the same age (almost 27 now) and take a scattershot approach.
I tried:
Programming
Writing fiction
Writing nonfiction
3D art
2D art
Photography
On top of that I studied bits and pieces of just about all the humanities and sciences. I also went and got a 2 year degree, but that might not be an option to you if you can't get it subsidized.
Try a bunch of stuff until something works. Except drinking. Therapy is good, but you might want to try the free options first. Unless you're feeling self-destructive, of course. Then therapy comes first.
Here's my opinion on the matter though. Take it as you will; depression runs in my family.
Like you I have no standing friends. Through the years growing up I had friends, but they were mostly classmates and kids I was on sports teams with. No one seemed to want to hang out with me after our required time together was over with. When I graduated high school I went into the air force, which took me away from previous contacts and put me in a situation where I literally didn't know anyone, and it was up to me to make new connections. I didn't. For 4 years, all I really did was go to work, come to my dorm, sleep or play MMO's(EQ at the time), then do it all again the next day. I had absolutely no interest in attaining a girlfriend.
The thing about not having friends didn't really hit me until after I left the service and came back home. Of course by this time, I'd been so used to living on my own it didn't really bother me. After staying with my mom for a few months, I moved into my first apartment where I lived alone. I got myself a job and started going to school.
With school I suffered the same social issues; or lack thereof. Relationships with my classmates didn't extend beyond class, but I was fine with it. Work, however, proved a different matter. I got a job at a local Macy's Department store, working in the Women's Shoes department. In sales, especially this particular type, you have to be social and talk to people in order to work up the relationship to make the sale.
I can't say if it was that job which broke me out of my "shell" but I can say that since I started outwardly talking more, I noticed my interest in social activities growing. I went out with my coworkers after work, went to some parties, and went to some clubs - though I never really felt comfortable in the clubs, but I did enjoy being with my friends. I even met my first girlfriend during this time and she ended up moving in with me.
Time passed, as it tends to do, and I ended up finding a new job which took me away from my coworkers, and we all went our separate ways. My girlfriend and I eventually broke up, which hit me really hard and everything kind of came in on me - the loneliness, the isolation, the depression, etc. It took awhile but I got over that too, and felt like in the end I learned something important about myself.
The next couple of years were parts "do nothing" and parts interesting treks of life, though my social life ends when I stop caring. I had a brief bout of depression recently due to being unemployed, broke and on the verge of losing my house, but I overcame that.
You're 21, so you're still a bit young. My "life" didn't start taking off until I was about 23, and I feel it was mostly due to the fact that I got tired of my situation - my "do nothing" life - and wanted to try something else. Don't feel concerned that you haven't done things that society feels is "normal" at your age yet - the girl that I mentioned was my first everything and I didn't meet her until I was older than you are now. And I'm perfectly fine with that. It wasn't out of fear or social awkwardness - the interest just wasn't there. When I wanted it to be; when I felt that I was ready, I put it there myself.
If you've read this far, good for you! I suppose my advice for you is to not rush yourself or feel that you're less of a person or that there's something wrong with you because you don't share the same level of interest like other people out there. That kind of thinking alone will screw with your head.
I feel that your level of interest directly relates to what you expose yourself to. If you're like me, you're fine with just doing the same thing day in and day out, until you're eventually not fine with it and force a change upon yourself. When I surrounded myself with different people with different interests - in this case, working for Macy's and later a chain restaurant - I noticed my level of interest rise. Right now my current "thing" is going to the gym, which I feel is doing wonders for me. I had to force myself to take an interest in it, though.
I can't say what exactly will work for you since everyone is different. But I do feel that variety is the spice of life and the more you expose yourself to, the chances are that you'll develop an interest in something. Don't despair over it; just get out and keep trying new things until something sticks. Or don't, which is fine too. You'll get bored of the same thing eventually though.
Really I could have written that exact same post a few years ago (apart from the dad thing and drunk thing). I saw a doctor and went on medication. I think it helped a little. I'm not a totally changed person or anything. I'm still pretty apathetic toward a lot of activities, but I feel a lot more willing to go out and do things than I used to be. Before I was afraid of going to new places simply because I didn't want to get lost. That rarely seems to be a concern in my mind now.
You should see a doctor yourself and see what he says. This is really the first step I'd take before just lobbing suggestions at you saying "why don't you try this? or do this?" because some people don't realize you need motivation to get out and be active and someone in this state of depression has no motivation, not necessarily no interests like stated.
Another point I'll add is I've also felt a bit better since I've started a normal exercise routine and put an end to falling asleep at like 4am. Honestly the fact that you have a job and are going to school at 21 make you better off than I was then.
Changing your diet can also help. Hate to say it, but if you're vitamin deficient that can screw with you too. You might try getting more vitamin C and eating an orange a day, especially after the walk.
My sleep schedule is great no problems. In the past i've went through an exercise phase where I was hitting the gym and jogging but found it pointless eventually.
As far as my diet it's not that fantastic now but I've actually used to be in to nutrition. Exploring vegan diets and stuff like that but also alas lost interest.
Thanks maybe this might be what I have. It sounds on target as im not really all mopy depressed but things in life just seem pointless if there is no reward in terms of happiness.
Thanks for the post man but I feel like I pretty much did similar actions as you in my life already. It's not really that I do the same thing over and over. Rather i keep trieng one thing after the other and nothing seems to work except drinking.
Like you, I haven't had any long term interests - they come and go, though some remain longer than others. I find I almost always end up returning to a "do nothing" phase which can last for months at a time, until I end up coming across something else that garners an interest, or I force a change upon myself.
I would cut out the drinking, though. Drinking alone is the one thing I swore to myself that I'd never do. Alcohol is proven to fuel depression, especially when combined with a stagnent lifestyle and isolationism.
I was actually really anti alchol when I was younger and critized people that drank. But at this point I feel like alcoholism is the better alternative. Hopefully the psychiatrist will help.
Edit: When it comes to alcohol, I actually just meant drinking alone was a taboo for me. I will absolutely drink socially when with friends or family. And hell man, if you enjoy drinking, just go to a bar with people and do it there. That could lead to all sorts of interesting opportunities.
Long story short, I had to see a psychiatrist, got prescribed meds (citalopram) that didn't seem to have any effect at first (aside from mild nausea), but slowly, over the following weeks and months, the colors seemed to return to the world and I found myself wanting to do things again. I was on the meds for a bit less than a year, during which I gradually started having fun again, making new friends, and making long term plans. I even managed to salvage some of my professional career. I still can't believe how emotionally dead I had become during the preceding years, all because there was something wrong with my brain chemistry. My greatest regret is that I didn't seek help before it caused major problems in my life.
So yeah, to me it sounds like you might be depressed, and a visit to a doctor could be a big help. If they suggest medication, I'd give it a try if I were you.
Thanks that encouraging.
The second time was at the beginning of last year, when I was just an emotional wreck due to school/social/career/immigration issues. Instead of moping about it this time, I forced myself to keep busy and took up a shit ton of hobbies and interest (both old and new). We're talking everything from working odd jobs to knuckling down on guitar hardcore to extreme physical fitness training to singing lessons. Of course I had to stop a good chunk of them due to finances, but i'd always find something else to cover in its place.
It literally took an entire year to get over that phase, but I got through it in a healthy way. Keep yourself busy with something, no matter what it is. It will distract your mind from your depression until you move on.
Speaking to someone will help, certainly, but in the end it's all up to you. I'm an alcoholic with severe depression, mild anxiety and sometimes chronic, severe insomnia. I started drinking when I was around 20, and I'm now 26. At a certain point, my depression and pre-disposition for alcohol created a sort of echo chamber exactly like what you describe. When I'm sober I hardly ever actually "enjoy" myself, and even the simplest of things are simply only fun when I'm messed up on something.
Now, what could help you is that this is really only true when I'm either A) in a terrible place with my mental health, or
That is not to be construed as a "alcohol is good" statement, in fact the alcohol itself, after awhile became my biggest issue.
Regardless, I think that the issue is social in nature. Do you have anxiety about social situations? just generally misanthropic? These are the sorts of things that a doctor can help with. Social isolation, in my experience, has been one of the biggest issues for me. When I'm being social I tend to be happier (even if I am still drinking myself to sleep each night) and things tend to get better in small strides.
Have you tried meetup.com? gone to a con? attended community events?
Best of luck, but I think seeing someone, in your case, would be very helpful.
This. Anhedonia usually (but not always) accompanies depression. I can always tell when I'm getting depressed by what I did that day. If I stop playing video games and just stare at the wall for a while trying to think of something fun to do, I know shit is about to get real. That's just my personal experience.
It's definitely possible that you have anhedonia without depression, you may want to go talk to someone about it. However, if you've started drinking regularly by yourself, that's definitely worrisome. Good on you for being proactive about this, by the way. Depression has really messed up my life in a lot of ways, and waiting to see if it will go away is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself.
I'll share with you the words of wisdom my Doc shared with me . . . The second you think to yourself that maybe you should see a psychologist, is exactly when you should see a psychologist. The moment you think you need help, you need help.
Seemed both simple and profound at the time. Hope it helps.
Good luck to you.
A thousand-times-yes.
Speaking with a doctor is exactly for the purpose of figuring those exact questions out.
Hell, I just recently was weaned off of Celexa (an anti-depressant) which caused me to level-out in a terrible, no-motivation type of way. No lows but also no highs. Even though it didn't do anything for me, positively, it has provided me with invaluable knowledge of my own moods which, in turn, have been leading to me appreciating my good moods even more. I think Ceres made a point like that in an older thread.
I'm almost certain I will be seeing a psychiatrist soon. I've done a lot of research on anhedonia - depression without sadness and it appears to be very rare but it does exist. Hopefully medication will work.
I don't really have anxiety. I can talk to anyone no problem but unfortunately I feel the need to get out within seconds as I am bored and uninterested.
Probably best to go see someone.
I'd suggest also trying to make friends with someone as well. It just takes some effort, and surely someone will have something interesting to say to you. Or at least better than sitting at staring at the ceiling.
but they're listening to every word I say
This is probably one of the main roots of your problem here.
When you're in the field of going home and working with no clear direction, it's very easy to fall into the habit of a depressed state. Personally for me, i'm a guy that has to keep himself busy, else I go stir-crazy. Right now i'm sort of stuck in a loop myself; i'm stuck in Toronto, Canada until the beginning of April, with no school to study at and no legal way to work thanks to immigration issues.
Sounds like a dream come true right? It's not.
When you go from booked line-up to cold turkey, it's very taxing on your emotional state. I'm 1600 miles away from all my family, all the friends I have up here are usually neck-deep in school work/regular work, and i've had to give up the profession I was studying for the past three years due to circumstances. The best way I countered this was just filling my day with something (anything) that could make a positive influence on my well being, even if it was something I didn't feel motivated to do at all. For me this was practicing guitar, meeting new people around the city, learning about various Creative Suite programs for my potential other job, doing a shit ton of legwork to solve future immigration problems, etc. It can be exhausting at times, but at the end of the day i'm too tired to be depressed and I felt like I really got something accomplished during the days.
Right now you have a job that keeps you busy, which is a great start. Try and focus on making the best out of that work, and really push yourself to be a better employee just for the sake of doing it. You say that there aren't any hobbies that interest you, but it also sounds like you give up on it before you've even worked up a sturdy sprint past the starting gate. You play guitar, so sit down and force yourself to commit to a block of practice time each day, no matter how badly you may not want to. Maybe even throw down some money for lessons so you're put in a position to keep at it regardless.
It all comes down to you and how badly you want to be out of your funk. Don't give up on this, you deserve to be happy.
Do you have any kind of curiosity at all about anything? There might be something you really want to do but you suppress yourself from thinking about it because you feel you'll never be able to accomplish it. If your life is so stagnant then I don't see why you shouldn't try.
Start with getting laid. Put yourself out there. Accept the failures and keep trying.
I have a few friends that battled some psychiatric/depression issues, and one of the big themes I noticed when talking to them is that after you try so many different things that don't work, you begin to think that nothing will. Of course, they kept trying and eventually found the right combination/treatment that worked for them, but while they were looking it just seemed incredibly bleak.
In other words, just because nothing's worked so far doesn't mean that nothing ever will.
Good news on hearing that you'll be talking to somebody.