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How long should I wait?
Ormuss
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So for a little while now, I've had a little bit of a crush on a young lady working at the cafeteria of the university where I work. She's funny, seems quite intelligent, and is very pretty to boot. She's a student there still, while I'm a recent grad. I've not had MANY opportunities to interact with her to any depth, however.
It didn't take much detective work to find out she had a boyfriend, so I more or less abandoned any notions of ANYTHING early on. However, today through a small conversation stemming from her mentioning how she was feeling down, she told me she had just broken up with said boyfriend.
Which brings me to the question...I would LIKE to ask her if she'd like to grab a drink after work/school or something to that effect, but I'm completely unsure of A) whether I should at all, and
when would be appropriate, assuming I should at all and given the situation. So...try or don't try? If so...how/when?
I actually feel quite silly asking this question, but I really am this dense when it comes to things like this, despite having at least a few relationships under my belt at this point. Anyways, opinions and thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
It didn't take much detective work to find out she had a boyfriend, so I more or less abandoned any notions of ANYTHING early on. However, today through a small conversation stemming from her mentioning how she was feeling down, she told me she had just broken up with said boyfriend.
Which brings me to the question...I would LIKE to ask her if she'd like to grab a drink after work/school or something to that effect, but I'm completely unsure of A) whether I should at all, and
when would be appropriate, assuming I should at all and given the situation. So...try or don't try? If so...how/when?I actually feel quite silly asking this question, but I really am this dense when it comes to things like this, despite having at least a few relationships under my belt at this point. Anyways, opinions and thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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Just beware of ex-boyfriend rage.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
If it's all good there, just ask her. She'll tell you if she's not comfortable with it.
...shit, that's an EXCELLENT point I had totally glossed over. I don't THINK it would be an issue given the type of employee I am, but I damn well better verify that.
As for ex-boyfriend rage, I'm not overly concerned about that, I suppose. If someone wants to physically assault me, they'll probably easily best me, but they'd be dealing with whatever legal consequences I could bring to bear on them.
Still interested in any further opinions people have.
anyway...
You're just asking her out for a drink, OP, not proposing crazy monkey sex in the supply closet. Just ask her out already, see what she says. Your goal is to spend some time together, get to know each other, see where it goes. Not that big of a deal.
I dated a girl who broke up with her bf around Thanksgiving. We started seeing each other a few days after Christmas. She TOLD him about it 3rd week of January. So 2 months after they broke up.
He found me and hit me in the face with a roll of dimes. No eating for a month while my jaw was wired shut.
So... don't take it so lightly and cavalier, please, if he did approach you.
Fair enough. I didn't mean to imply it wasn't a serious thing in that way. I certainly don't want to get my ass kicked at ALL, let alone over something like this.
Also, the OTHER sort of ex-boyfriend rage would certainly be a problem too. I'd be on the lookout for that.
Yeah, you got me.
I didn't type it very clearly though.
My bad.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
I believe I understand the gravity of the potential danger, but in truth, I'm not entirely sure what I could do to prevent it from happening if a jealous ex decided to go crazy. Did you have a recommendation as to what could be done to prevent it?
The worst that can happen is she says no, in which case no was probably going to happen anyway.
Just a date though, don't do anything like confess love or something stupid like that, she just got out of a relationship after all. Take it slow.
but they're listening to every word I say
On one side, you really shouldn't overthink it. The 'when' in 'when should I ask her out' is the same 'when' in 'when I realized that I wanted to ask her out'. It is, ideally, a zero-time transaction.
On the other side, re: the ex, there is nothing you can really do, it's in the hands of other people so to speak. It's relatively rare*, so you've either spent a portion of your life thus far preparing for random combat, or you haven't.
* rare in general, but there are types of girls who are likely to have raging ex's. If you are unlucky enough to have an intuitive attraction to these types, raging ex's may become quite a common thing for you. Poor bastich. I myself seemingly have an attraction to girls who like to make big scenes in public about what an absolute asshole I am. Super awesome.
Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone. I believe I'll take a chance and ask. Probably won't get to until the week after next anyways, since it's reading week this coming week, so there'll be a buffer time anyways, however short. Gives me a bit more time to work up the nerve, I spose.
If I were you, I'd make a special trip asap, rather than waiting two weeks. If she didn't want you to know she was single, she would never have told you, dude. Go ask her today.
Augh...I've been thinking this too. But here's the problem: I wasn't clear enough when I mentioned reading week. I will still be here during that week, since I work rather than go to school here...it is my ASSUMPTION that she will not, given her status as a student; the caf would likely give her the week off, too. I checked if she was working today, and she was not. I...might be out of luck, given that.
Just casually mention to her you were planning to go for a coffee and would she like to come along.
This is good advice
Also, keep in mind that as she's freshly single she may say "I'm not looking to have a relationship right now". That's good, because then you're clear about what she wants, but also bad because if you keep pushing it too much she'll probably not want to even be friends with you anymore
Without getting to a back story there is a girl I want to see, but her situation is a little different. Well, she was dating this guy for several months, almost a year. They moved to another town together and were quite serious. Well one morning she woke up and he was dead next to her in bed. Yeah, fucked up. That was just about a year ago. Now, I would like to see her. Is there a more tactical/sensitive way to approach this? What I gather from a mutual friend is that she is still feeling the effects of the whole boyfriend dying on her thing.
If not, the likelyhood of a deranged ex-boyfriend causing you severe physical pain is very low.
no there really isn't a way to move in on someone whose last boyfriend died in bed barely a year ago especially when a mutual friend says she's still pretty fucked up over it
like... pretty sure that's when not to hit on someone 101 or maybe even 095
This one is out of my league and I don't really have advice for the situation but I do think you'll get a much better response with a thread of your own because, as you said, it looks like the OP is done and so there likely won't be as much foot traffic in this thread anymore.