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She is just an obstacle.
SoFail
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I just have a some questions about dating women.
Background
Its not that I'm new to the scene of dating Ive had many good and bad relationships over the years but for the past year now Ive been restricting myself from having a very serious and committed relationship with the opposite gender, mainly because in the next few months ill being leaving for basic training, ill be gone for three months plus the some odd months my training will be afterwords with only a 10 day break in the middle.
The thought of me being gone for so long in what would most likely be a fresh relationship, i assume could put a lot of stress on a relationship thus why Ive been avoiding the commitment. In fear of getting myself or my significant other hurt emotionally through an inevitably fail relationship.
But recently i went on a trip to with a big group of people and Ive become quite fond of a girl that was on that trip with me, in the past Ive always just stuck to the more "free spirited" women who are willing to do the friends with benefits deal, it was easy to be with a women but be free of any commitment.
This girl that i met on the trip is very outgoing and has a lot of friends and shes a person that likes to hang out in big groups and go to dances. We have more in common than i would like to admit, and i can honestly say Ive never felt this strongly about a woman.
Now what i wanna know is.
A) How do i cope with her style of free time aka hanging out with all of her friends and partying occasionally.
(Ive always considered myself an introvert i like to sit in a quite house and just play video games or read a book, i absolutely dread dancing...id rather be tortured. When i say I'm an introvert i don't mean it as an extreme case, I'm usually the loudest kid in the group and i usually talk the most when with a big group of people that i know, but if I'm given a choice of either staying home alone of going to a party or something i usually choose staying home alone without hesitation.)
Trust her to not leave me when I'm at basic.(Ive always had trust issues mainly from stories Ive heard of people getting cheated on when there away from there wives due to military related duties)<----sounds silly i know but its a fear of mine
C) Shake off my feelings for this girl(which I'm usually quite good at, as Ive done it for a lot of women in the past year, but this girl just feels different)<---last ditch effort
Extra Question: Is there any good way to get used to her friends or feel a little more comfortable in a big group of strangers?
Disclaimer: Sorry if this is very fragmented and broken up, all these thoughts are fresh in my head and there going a mile a minute plus I'm not used to pouring out my feeling like this to anyone, i usually don't feel this way about anyone thus why i made this thread.
Background
Its not that I'm new to the scene of dating Ive had many good and bad relationships over the years but for the past year now Ive been restricting myself from having a very serious and committed relationship with the opposite gender, mainly because in the next few months ill being leaving for basic training, ill be gone for three months plus the some odd months my training will be afterwords with only a 10 day break in the middle.
The thought of me being gone for so long in what would most likely be a fresh relationship, i assume could put a lot of stress on a relationship thus why Ive been avoiding the commitment. In fear of getting myself or my significant other hurt emotionally through an inevitably fail relationship.
But recently i went on a trip to with a big group of people and Ive become quite fond of a girl that was on that trip with me, in the past Ive always just stuck to the more "free spirited" women who are willing to do the friends with benefits deal, it was easy to be with a women but be free of any commitment.
This girl that i met on the trip is very outgoing and has a lot of friends and shes a person that likes to hang out in big groups and go to dances. We have more in common than i would like to admit, and i can honestly say Ive never felt this strongly about a woman.
Now what i wanna know is.
A) How do i cope with her style of free time aka hanging out with all of her friends and partying occasionally.
(Ive always considered myself an introvert i like to sit in a quite house and just play video games or read a book, i absolutely dread dancing...id rather be tortured. When i say I'm an introvert i don't mean it as an extreme case, I'm usually the loudest kid in the group and i usually talk the most when with a big group of people that i know, but if I'm given a choice of either staying home alone of going to a party or something i usually choose staying home alone without hesitation.)
Trust her to not leave me when I'm at basic.(Ive always had trust issues mainly from stories Ive heard of people getting cheated on when there away from there wives due to military related duties)<----sounds silly i know but its a fear of mineC) Shake off my feelings for this girl(which I'm usually quite good at, as Ive done it for a lot of women in the past year, but this girl just feels different)<---last ditch effort
Extra Question: Is there any good way to get used to her friends or feel a little more comfortable in a big group of strangers?
Disclaimer: Sorry if this is very fragmented and broken up, all these thoughts are fresh in my head and there going a mile a minute plus I'm not used to pouring out my feeling like this to anyone, i usually don't feel this way about anyone thus why i made this thread.
SoFail on
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Posts
If you like her, ask her out. See where it goes. Don't worry so much about all the what-ifs.
Playing out fictions in your head only serves as a disservice to you, since it will un-ground you mentally, probably make you anxious about certain things, and you will never know for sure her true thoughts or whether the situation will work unless you just go for it and see for yourself.
You gotta make the observation, man.
Having said that, if you go out with her, just really, really listen to her. You'll be amazed how honest girls are about the kind of relationship they want to have. I doubt she'll tell you she wants an open relationship and then want the opposite.
This about sums up my feeling on the matter. After reading both the thread title and the OP, I'm not really sure where you're going with this.
Those were the days. Saying that about a girl you just met and spent little to no alone time with.
It's not me!
I think the OP already said it. He joined the military and will be leaving soon. That doesn't leave very much room to begin a relationship. Be patient and focus on more immediate priorities.
C) Act on them. Either it pans out and you won't want to shake them off, either it won't in which case you'll know that. Until then you'll only be thinking "what if". Alternatively, wait it out until basic training. Once you're there you'll be otherwise occupied.
That aside, I don't particularly care for the "obstacle" terminology either. Aside from being more than a little derogatory, it doesn't even make sense. Obstacle to what? To staying in the same phase of your life you're in? That's called "not growing up". You should avoid it.
Basically what i got from this thread, Ive been misunderstanding the way relationships work out, like i stated before most of the relationships Ive had have been "friends with benefits" where we just fuck around and don't worry about the emotional connection, yes you could assume i have a lot of sluts in my town (rich white suburbs)
Another point people have been missing or i didn't make clear last night, me and this girl have been friends for a year prior to this trip so fortunately it is not one of those love sick puppy dog senior high dilemmas.
That phrase just shows how far you have to go before you're ever going to be ready for any sort of real relationship. You really need to not throw rocks in glass houses.
I honestly don't see the problem in that statement..its very true and they admit it and enjoy the "title"
You're still choosing this to be the model for your relationships. Yes, that is *your* choice. And I don't need any "healthy young guy" or "sowing wild oats" crap. At some point you need to move past this if you want to get into a serious relationship. Everything you've posted so far indicates you haven't - no offense.
If you seriously believe this garbage you deserve to die alone.
Shogun Streams Vidya
You REALLY missed the point. You're doing the same thing they are which makes you a slut also.