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The Guiding Principles and New Rules
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Average Joe vs. Beautiful girl (girl crap)
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Try hanging out with her at social events like parties or bars/clubs and whatnot. Expand your horizons. Dont worry about things like relationships, just let things flow. And as for worrying about being in the friend-zone, well, if you become her friend, then you'll no doubt get introduced to lots of her hot friends.
I asked my girlfriend last night if I was handsome or not.
She told me she couldn't tell.
OK, that was a little weird... But true story. :?
As far as you being surprised that a girl seems interested in you, well, I can relate, and I can't tell you anything besides- it is difficult. It is really difficult to stop feeling surprised that a cute girl wants to hang around you. But you seem to be lucky in that one appears to want to be around you, so you either ask her out and discover whether your instincts were right, or you wait another year or so feeling insecure and trying to work up the courage to do something about it.
It's not easy, but at some point you're going to need to work up the confidence to act on your instincts. Now or later, your choice.
http://newnations.bandcamp.com
Now that being said, don't put all your eggs in one basket. It seems like you right now you believe that this is it for you, the hottest girl you will ever see or talk to. You are in college so you will have plenty of opportunities if this doesn't pan out. You have absolutely nothing to lose here, and no matter how the situation pans out, you WILL gain something: experience.
About her mentioning her date... girls do this. One time my ex-gf and I were on a break and she totally made up going on a date to make me jealous. Girls I've been interested in have told me about dates they were going on, only to find out later they were trying to make me jealous.
About her being different from you (more outgoing etc)? Embrace it! It's great to explore new things with a new girl. My last girlfriend loved going out to techno/industrial clubs and at first I was omg wtf lame... but now we're broken up and I still like going. You MIGHT find something you like, and if nothing else she'll have a great night when you guys go out and that makes the sex afterwards oh so much better. Don't be afraid of trying new things, go out to some clubs with her.... go to parties.
Are you this girl? No you are not. You have no idea what shes seeing when she looks at you. Attraction is not a choice and you really need to get over your low self esteem, it is SUCH a damn handicap for you right now. Get the fuck over it, what good is it doing? As someone who was in almost your same position before, take it from me confidence is key. Just ask this chick out, if it works out in any way your ego and confidence will be uncontrollable. If it doesn't you've gained some valuable valuable experience.
One more thing, I give this advice a lot here but it applies..
You're putting the pussy up on a pedestal.
This is basically the reason I have my current girlfriend. I straight up told her I was going to treat her right and wouldn't act like any of her asshole exes. I wasn't worried about her not wanting to date me because hey, if she doesn't want me then why sould I want to be with her?
What you need to think is that the girl is lucky to have YOU. If you really are a cool guy, then it's probably true. Forget about your looks man, just make sure to clean up in the mornings and before you go out and you'll be fine.
Just take her out already, she already does stuff with you alone. Make sure to let us know what happens.
Within the last year I made a great new group of friends and moved in with one of them after just 2 weeks (we decided on the second time of meeting to move in). It worked out great, she was looking for a place, I was looking for cheaper rent (living on my own at that time). So we find a place and move in.
Oh yeah, I should point out we're only friends and that was the intention; just flat mates.
Anyway, thanks to moving in with a lass I got to meet loads of new people. I met this girl called Rachel and she was utterly stunning, literally one of the most gorgeous girls I'd ever met. Stunning body, gorgeous face, incredibly bubbly personality too. We got on well and used to hang out and do things on a Sunday (go for a bit of a drive, head out for a meal, that kind of thing).
Throughout all this time I really wanted to ask her out but knew I wouldn't have a chance (I'm not a looker! At least not in my eyes.) so I didn't. During this time I had a couple of relationships, one with a good friend of hers that didn't work out. Then recently I started seeing my current girlfriend whom I love to bits. Rachel and me still kept in touch and we're still close. She started seeing her ex again around this time.
Anyway, out one night and Rachel came out to meet a group of us. I got talking to her and quite a bit of time passed, eventually I returned to my GF who was quite rightly pissed that I'd left her and she was getting jealous. So we headed off home, broke open the wine and had a few drinks just the two of us.
Incidentally that night Rachel text me and asked me why I'd left. I thought "why the hell not?", she MUST have known I liked her, I made it pretty obvious when we used to hang out. So I text back:
"Oh sorry, My Gf got a little jealous because I told her a while back that I used to have a crush on you. I'm pretty sure you already knew that! Have a good night hun!"
to which I got the reply:
"I didn't know that. Did you know that I like you too? I was always waiting for you to ask me out!"
Which took me a bit by surprise. Time has passed now and things have changed since back then, both of us have partners and I'm thoroughly smitten with my current GF and wouldn't THINK about leaving her for anyone else.
But it goes to show that if back then I'd have put aside the whole "hot girl going for not-hot guy" theory running through my head things could have been different.
::Edit:: Oh and I used to do the whole "mentioning dates" tactic with this lass. I was trying to make her jealous.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Totally. It doesn't help that men are typically poor judges of male hotness. After all, most males aren't attracted to males.
This also works the other way around. Most girls will only compare themselves to women on surprisingly stereostypical attributes -- boob size, thinness, skin tone, hair color, etc. When they see some male they like going out with a girl, they often state the same thing -- "what does a hot guy like him see in *her*?" Which is why it makes it all the more valuable to have friends of the other gender around that you're comfortable asking questions of (or webforums that tell you to just ask and stop worrying about it!).
From the way they dress you can tell sometimes tell what kind of hobbies they have and occassionally a little bit about their taste in music, or if they're one of those no-images dressers you can see a bit of what kind of impression they try to make on people if any, and how well they take care of themselves grooming-wise. Girls generally don't like guys who don't groom properly, I'm not saying gel and make-up or anything but if your hair needs to be conditioned, and you in turn condition it, most girls will note it as a plus. I'm not saying yours does or that you don't, it's just a random example of what I'm talking about. You don't have to be all high-fashion to be attractive, you can get by with just making sure what you wear matches and makes some sense or adopt a particular style or several styles that just frankly work for you. And I'm told girls pay attention to shoes, but can't confirm.
I don't know why I'm going off on this rant but it seems relavent, and I've done a fair bit of exploring the concept because I personally am convinced I'm one of the ugliest people I know, but at the same time I know more than one really cute girl who think I'm totally full of shit in that regard.
Are you interesting? Are you funny? Are you talented? Do you have integrity? Can you be honest and open? Are you passionate about something?
All of those things are ten times more attractive than hotness.
Hotness is like a resume. It can get you an interview, but once you sit down and start talking, it don't mean shit. If you already have an interview, it doesn't matter much what your resume looks like.
Talk to this girl like you want to know more about her and spend more time with her. Tell her she looks nice today. Tell her you like it when she smiles, or compliment the way an outfit makes her look. In other words, build an atmosphere that shows you find her attractive in multiple ways including physically. Then ask her if you can take her out for coffee and conversation. Don't ask if she wants to grab some coffee with you. Ask her if you can take her out for coffee.
Easy as pie.
She says or has something else going on, don't let it be devastating. keep up the charming, and your window is still open.
I'd venture to guess she's mentioned it around you to hopefully spurn you to action before it's too late, given everything else you've said about her.
Just go for it, if it doesn't work out, whatever, you've invested very little at this point, so there's nothing to lose.
Yo, the last thing you want to do is shower her with compliments. She knows she looks good and I'm sure she hears it a hundred times a day from other guys. Don't gush over her. By not complimenting her looks every second, you'll seem different from other guys, which is also a good thing.
No, but I've always found it awkward still trying to hang around a girl that's rejected me. Perhaps it's not weird for them, but I figure it's weird for most of us (Them being girls and us being boys).
http://newnations.bandcamp.com
In fact, I would generally avoid making remarks on her looks altogether. Try complimenting her other qualities instead.
"I find it attractive that you're passionate about what you do."
"Quite assertive, aren't we? That's hot."
If you have to compliment her looks, combine it with a compliment about a non-physical quality.
"Wow, not only are you pretty, you also have a great sense of humor. I like that."
One exception to this "avoid complimenting her on her looks" rule is if it is obvious that she dresses in a way that attracts attention. Say, you go to a business party or some formal event together and she spends hours getting dressed up and putting on make-up. At the end you should compliment her on it, because that's like rewarding her on her efforts.
P.S. Forget about the “she’s gorgeous and I’m not†bullshit right now. It obviously doesn’t matter to her, why should it bother you?
oh and by the way, she used to do the same tricks you're talking about here: talk about past dates, upcoming dates, etc to make you a little jealous...
trust me dude, there's nothing to lose if you don't make a move. i've been thru this situation at least 2 other times with other cute girls i liked and they eventually got sick of dropping hints and moved on. then i finally decided i'm not letting this one go and now i have a 4-year long relationship with a great girl.
And furthermore, since you're insecure about your self worth, why are you going to date someone who puts herself in situations which will probably make you more insecure?
That generally pisses me off, though. Every girl I've known or gone out with that said she liked me but was just waiting for me to ask ended up being really boring and unmotivated. They waited for me to suggest things to do, and otherwise just sat around. Bah!
I don't think the OP needs to ask her out, but he should get over the "different league" thing. She sounds kind of flaky to me, and a clash of personality types in general with how the OP describes himself (barring the self-deprecation). Still, good practice to ask people, and if even one person says yes that's a huge ego boost
yeah, the dude shouldn't be all down on himself, but i wouldn't ask her out either. it's possible that maybe because he is usually so down on himself, that if a hot girl shows even a slight hint of being interested in him, he'll be super excited and make it into something it's not.
if i were him, i'd take it easy and find out more about what's going on with her first.