Long Distance Relationships & DIY [Wedding Planning]
Susan Delgado
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've seen a lot of really great wedding advice threads here in the past, and I'm hoping to get some more ideas and tips for the planning of my wedding. It's still quite a way off (Fall 2012 ... haha no "omg why get married, the world is ending" jokes please 
) but I want to start compiling ideas and forming a plan of action.
This is the set-up.
My fiance' and I live on the east coast, but we will be having the ceremony in my hometown in CO. Basically I'm relying on my family and the interwebs to really be my guide on this.
I only get back to CO about once a year right now just bc of the distance and the cost of flying back and forth...so making frequent trips to check out caterers, florists, vendors, etc. just is not an option.
We are looking at DIY'ing most of the items, like our save-the-dates, invitations, place cards, decorations (well, some of them), and favors. The fiance' is pretty handy and I'm mildly crafty, so we like this kind of project stuff.
Here's where you come in:
Does anyone have any experience planning a wedding in a different state? Any suggestions for dealing with vendors or any pitfalls to avoid when contracting services?
There's about a million and a half invite creation sites and blogs and what have you, but what would you suggest for someone on a budget that isn't so good with graphic design?
What about getting our stuff out there pre-wedding? We'll be driving out for the ceremony, but between our bags, my dress, and our dog, we'll have limited space in the car.
Any and all advice, suggestions, anecdotes, etc. are welcome.
Also our wedding is going to have kind of a nerdy/tech theme so any ideas for decorations or misc. would be helpful too!
Thanks, H/A
) but I want to start compiling ideas and forming a plan of action.This is the set-up.
My fiance' and I live on the east coast, but we will be having the ceremony in my hometown in CO. Basically I'm relying on my family and the interwebs to really be my guide on this.
I only get back to CO about once a year right now just bc of the distance and the cost of flying back and forth...so making frequent trips to check out caterers, florists, vendors, etc. just is not an option.
We are looking at DIY'ing most of the items, like our save-the-dates, invitations, place cards, decorations (well, some of them), and favors. The fiance' is pretty handy and I'm mildly crafty, so we like this kind of project stuff.
Here's where you come in:
Does anyone have any experience planning a wedding in a different state? Any suggestions for dealing with vendors or any pitfalls to avoid when contracting services?
There's about a million and a half invite creation sites and blogs and what have you, but what would you suggest for someone on a budget that isn't so good with graphic design?
What about getting our stuff out there pre-wedding? We'll be driving out for the ceremony, but between our bags, my dress, and our dog, we'll have limited space in the car.
Any and all advice, suggestions, anecdotes, etc. are welcome.
Also our wedding is going to have kind of a nerdy/tech theme so any ideas for decorations or misc. would be helpful too!
Thanks, H/A
Go then, there are other worlds than these.
Susan Delgado on
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I wasn't living nearly as far away as you do, but I didn't have a car while planning my wedding, so I generally got back about once or twice a year as well. You are going to need to be back for the wedding a bit longer than if you were getting married closer to home, but it is definitely doable. You will want to find whatever services you do need before you go back the next time and go meet two or three people who sell each of those services and pick them out now. My experience is that they don't like to book too early, but you can figure out who you like and explain your circumstances and then do the booking by fax whenever they do open up their booking. A single trip for a bridal expo would be a decent idea, that way you can talk to multiple of each type of service provider and taste lots of food and cakes all at once. You probably won't be able to book at the time, but let them know you are interested and then do the booking by fax once they open up their schedule for your planned date.
Get your wedding dress local to you. Otherwise you will have to travel for fittings.
I had a blast doing my own flowers. If you watch salvation army and the like you can frequently pick up vases for a quarter each (but you might want to give someone in CO $5 and ask them to watch salvation army there so you don't have to transport them). I thought about doing my own invitations, but found some on sale that I loved. So if you aren't great at design and you have plenty of time to try this, watch some of the invitation selling sites and see what goes on sale.
Also, VisionOfClarity should be here soon, as she is the repository of all things wedding-knowledge related and I love her for it
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I've gotten some great decoration ideas from there too... stuff that the sellers charge WAY too much for but I can easily make myself.
I will definitely keep my eye out for good sales on invites and save-the-dates!
We're planning on getting there about 4-5 days before the actual wedding date to have time to make any last minute changes, and start getting things squared away (like the license)
Thank you for the ideas and advice so far!
Tada!
I love weddings. More than just about everything in the whole world. If you want to PM me just to talk about how awesome all your stuff is I'd die.
Time for porn!
http://thebudgetsavvybride.com/
http://www.inspiredbride.net/
http://www.oncewed.com/
http://www.stylemepretty.com/
http://www.nonpareilmag.com/
http://www.bhldn.com/
The Etsy Wedding Team: http://www.etsy.com/teams/5919/etsy-wedding-team-ewt
There actually is one invite shop that I have had bookmarked for almost a year now because I love the look and will use them one day damn it: http://www.etsy.com/shop/SilhouetteBlue
I have used various Etsy shops for shower favours as well. A lot of sellers are willing to completely customize things for you and at a much better price than if you went to a shop.
I also suggest Martha Stewart Wedding for some really great DIY ideas. She does different colour spreads and things like that as well, it's become my favourite resource very quickly.
Register for The Knot, specifically for the vendor reviews and suggestions.
Go to a lot of Bridal Shows! Most are free or cheap and it's a great way to see a lot of vendors at once and you can win some free things.
I have used VistaPrint for wedding and baby shower invites and really liked what I got from them. You can also buy invite kits in most craft stores.
For your venue, go out for a weekend and book visits at your top places. Pick one. Then ask if they have recommended (or required) vendors. Some venues require you use certain caterers or they may be able to suggest a DJ they see at most of their weddings. Then fly back out for another weekend to do you tastings and meet with vendors. You can pick out your menu, choose your colours and have some favourite flowers before you sit down.
Keep a stash of your favourite porn. It seems silly and cheesy but inspiration boards/books can really help. You can show your vendors what you like (or what you don't like even) and they can serve as a great idea springboard.
If guests are traveling you'll want to talk to hotels about setting aside a block of rooms. Most will do this at no charge and even give a small discount. Some will even give the couple a room for free if enough guests book.
As for your things needing to get to the venue, ask the venue or your hotel if you can have things shipped to them the week of the wedding and held there.
MAKE A BUDGET! This is so important. It doesn't have to be specific but set a final number and rank what is most important to you. Is it having a great photographer, a huge cake, open bar, etc. This will help you immensely.
Set some boundaries early. Decide on a guest count, decide on rules for who gets an invite (will there be kids, random dates or SOs only, friends of your folks coming) and STICK TO IT. This will prevent many headaches down the road when people start to RSVP for 4 instead of the 2 who were invited (tip: on the RSVP write something like ___ of x number of guests on invite will attend). Don't allow yourself to be bullied into things you don't want. Some people are firmly set in the it's a family reunion/party and everyone should get a say but I'm of the opinion that it's the couple's day and they should do whatever the fuck they want and everyone else can deal with it.
I'm definitely forgetting something (I'm running on 3 hours sleep) but I'll remember it later.
For DIY I absolutely love martha Stewart Weddings, and the Knot is fantastic for a good starting point.
You can do quite a bit with very little, and doing your own crafts and things are awesome.
basically, everything that VoC said, but I just had to chip in too.
Don't be afraid to not have flowers. My main idea that I was going to use was little bunches of branches, probably birch or something similar and painted white, strewn with glass ornaments and candles. Both as centerpieces and as aisle markers and things like that.
But then again my whole overall thought was white on white with bits of dark blue and green, so maybe that works for you, maybe not.
Also, color. if you can find a color that you and yours agree on, say Blue, and then you base off of that, it will make it easier for others to help you, "oh, i saw this blue vase at the salvation army and I just had to pick it up for your wedding!" that kind of thing
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I am thinking of starting a wedding blog or webpage for the planning stuff so that my mom and my friends can be in the loop and help me plan. Any suggestions on this front?
VoC, I will totally PM you later with what we're thinking of doing!
And you should totally do a wedding blog Susan, wordpress.com or blogspot.com would be good (free!) places to start
If you want flowers and have a certain budget, your florist should be able to work it for you and give suggestions. If you just want a small bridal bouquet then just have that, don't feel pressured by them - if they pressure you then they're not listening to you and not very good. Take in pictures if you like or ask them to find pictures for you if you have something in mind!
A hand-tied bouquet would be cheaper, and suits most figures and is easy to carry:
As opposed to a tear-drop or shower bouquet which would have to be wired and shoot your cost up. Choose seasonal flowers to keep your cost down. Bring in your own ribbon if you like for the handle to match the colour you want exactly.
A groom's buttonhole will often match the flowers of the bridal bouquet. If guests want them and things are expensive, only get one or two eg: Best man.
Bridesmaids don't need flowers, but if you want them to and to keep the cost down they could carry a single flower or three (tied in with the bride's bouquet) with a small it of greenery to keep costs low. Keep to odd numbers.
Table arrangements can consist of just one or two flowers in a vase (which the venue may have to hire) to keep simple and at a low cost. You don't need them if you don't want them.
PM me if you have any questions, though keep in mind that I'm a Brit and won't be able to quote you prices.
My mom knows a florist who is willing to do my flowers at cost so that's encouraging... I don't think I want big centerpieces or floral arrangements, but a little something might be nice.
Do you have any suggestions for pink fall flowers? I'm not a huge fan of daisies I love orchids but I know they're probably very expensive even at cost. Also I hate baby's breath... so help me if they try to drown my bouquet in that stuff lol
Usagi I will check out those blog sites... I've never made a blog before, so that should be an adventure.
OK, off to peruse the links you've all shared
I have never heard the name "cockscomb" before, I've know it as celosia - do mean the fluffy one
or the one that looks like brains?
The first could look nice! Perhaps if you wanted to keep it as a natural bouquets with some eucalyptus to keep it loose? Or more formal, with some lighter pink roses and the celosia threaded in? I'm not sure how you feel about roses, but they are usually a great price all year round.
"Aqua" roses are usually a pretty decent price (over here) but they are quite a bright pink,
I suppose it depends on the shade of pink!
Sweet avalanche are a much lighter shade but may cost a tad more:
I think the best thing to do would be to decide what exact shade of pink it is and then maybe get your florist to suggest some things, but often the rarer the colour the more expensive it is. And yes, unfortunately orchids are expensive - we had a wired cymbidium orchid wedding hand-tied last week and it was near £200 because it was all wired and needs a lot of skill.
I'm not a much a fan of gerberas either, and I can't stand gypsophila! So I agree with you there.
Hm, I suppose you could also try calla lilies,
But they could be expensive, depending on where you get them sourced from! We get all ours via the Dutch markets, they'd be available in Autumn I'm sure. The good thing about callas is you don't always need loads. Most flowers are available all year round!
I hope that helps a bit!
Usagi suggested some great blog sites. I'm going to add that The Knot and some other site have space dedicated to creating a free website for your wedding. I suggest his as well because it's great for putting info on like directions, hotel info, take electronic RSVPs, put up a schedule and include an FAQ (will there be veggies options or can we bring guests, things your guests might ask.) Some people include their story or list the wedding party as well. It's also a good place to put registry info (NEVER put that on the invite, with the invite, or the like. It's a bit tacky.)
directions, formal/informal,gift registry information, as well as pictures of the couple, etc.
If you're going to be having people in from the country, a good suggestion would be to do food that's more local in flair. I dunno what Colorado has going for it other than cowboy steaks and things, but something along those lines, perhaps. Or whatever comes with the venue.
My favorite dessert ever is chocolate peanut butter pie. I am not going to have a cake if I can help it. I'm hoping to get small chocolate peanut butter pies. But again, this is all in my folder, somewhere.
VoC is totally right though, the folder idea is the best. Pour through magazines or online, take the pages that inspire you and put them all together in a folder, it's the best thing. gives you a great idea for what you're leaning towards.
Also, davidsbridal.com has a really nifty free feature where you can dress your bridal party. your dress, the tux, and all your bridesmaids and flower girl, etc on this virtual mannequin type thing. any dress style you want, in whatever colors you want, etc.
One of my thoughts was to just pick the color and tell the bridesmaids to get their own whatever they want, in that color. That way, they can find something that they'll be able to wear again.
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This is what my friend did; it worked out pretty awesomely. It's the only time I've had to do the bridesmaid thing but it was way less stressful than I imagine the traditional route. Especially as there was a wide range of heights and weights among the women in the wedding party. And many of us traveling from other states, so no group fittings possible, etc.
One of the neatest things I have seen though was an outdoor summer wedding with a very playful feel that did a rainbow wedding party. Same dress but it was ROY G BV (I guess they didn't have someone for the Indigo dress) and it was really cool looking. It's also something that is definitely not for everyone, while I loved it I doubt I'd ever do it.
Personally, I really don't like Davids. They kind of just churn everything out and I don't feel like they have the most knowledgeable staff. It is a place that really varies from store to store but most people I know don't trust them to do alterations (and they tend to really over charge for them).
My dream wedding dress has always been styled after the blue dress that Maria wears in Sound of Music during the scene where she and Captain VonTrapp admit they love each other. trying to find that though for a girl my size....
Anyways, play around on the internets. Lots of things to have fun with!
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There's soooo much I want to do, but we have a teeny tiny budget.
Liiya, I love those pink calla lilies... I hadn't considered a colored lily before...and as for the cockscomb, I was thinking more the ruffly-brain looking variety. Any suggestions (other than the lilies) that that might look nice in a bouquet with?
One of my friends asked me what we were going to do for favors... and I hadn't even thought about favors... but I guess that would be something nice to do... Any ideas...cute nerdy whimsical type stuff that would be nice both for our nerd type friends and family but also for our more "serious" folks as well?
I really don't want to go through David's but it seems like they're the only folks with samples in my size
I plan on buying my dress through a shoppe on etsy that I'm totally in love with, but I had wanted to try on a lot of different styles and shapes to see what actually looks good on me.
Hopefully I'll have some luck looking when I'm back home to visit next month.
As for dresses, don't get discouraged! Some big salons will carry plus size samples. Hit bridal shows and check out the web for ones near you. Or travel to NY and hit Kleinfeld's so I can be crazy jealous.
I think if you were keen to use the cockscomb/celosia (which I love the texture of buy the way!), it might be a nice idea to go for a mix of flowers, more than two flower. Like this one,
Which uses (I think, its hard to tell) the pink callas, trachelium, "aqua" roses, phlox and bupleurum. Those are nice, and aren't too traditional which I think it best if you're using celosia because its an unusual flower.
So here are some pics of those in that bouquet and a few others,
trachelium
calla
'aqua' rose
celosia
lisianthus/eustoma
Hydrangea
Nerine
Um, price has gone out of the window, some of these may cost a fair bit, I'm not sure about US prices!
My mom has a friend who has a cotton candy machine and we're going to have that there, which I think is fabulous. I'm not too sure about a candy bar, though... I know they've become quite popular.
I love the comic book program idea. It's adorable. It'd be more awesome if we had an artist friend that could draw a little comic for us to go along with it...Oh so many ideas!
Favors, I was always a big fan of bubbles. just little containers of bubbles.
I am also a big tea person, so for a while i was leaning towards small tea caddies with tea bags in them (harney & sons has a 'wedding blend' that is amazing and they come in these metal tins for travel size!! they also have individual ones but they can't be reused later)
One idea that a friend of mine had that his fiance vetoed (ugh) was to have each place setting at the tables get a few pieces of lego. and to have a table set up near the cakes where the guests could head over and basically build something from the lego for the bride and groom. We thought it was great, she was afraid that there would be a big wang by the end of the night...
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Admit it, that's why you thought it was great.
we were going to make dueling lightsabers.
it was going to be awesome.
stupid female. :P
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Stupid female nothing.... I would have also vetoed that because, while I like the idea, I have met my fiance's friends and building a giant "wang" out of legos is EXACTLY what his friends would do. LOL