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Coworker being a dick. How to report this?
Librarian
The face of liberal fascismRegistered User regular
The face of liberal fascismRegistered User regular
I live in Germany, so I am not asking about specific workplace related laws, but just what would be a correct form of telling this to my boss so this is documented in writing for future reference.
And if I really should go that way.
I have a coworker who has given me crap before. This is always about minor things where she totally misinterprets things I have said and done in the worst imaginable way.
This woman is 20 years my senior, I have no personal relationship with her and never had any, so there is no possible grudge she could bear. I also never had this kind of aggression directed towards me in the workplace by anyone else and everyone I know agrees she tends to go psycho on other people as well, so I really do not think this is about what I did wrong.
Today for example, I just wanted to make some easy small talk about something she had been working on which I had found interesting, ironically my intention was to calm things down a bit because it was pretty tense after her last episode.
I just basically said I noticed x and I found it really interesting and how did it come up. I was being friendly and interested, I was not in any way criticising her work. She answers something completely forgettable and is off to do something else.
5 minutes later, when I am alone in my office(which I normally share with 4 other people) she comes in and closes the door. This is a common pattern(isolate me and then start with her bitching).
She then tells me very aggressively not to question her work and not to interfere with her work.
When I try to argue and elaborate my point that I was just asking out of interest she gets louder and louder(this is also a common pattern, whenever I try to put forward a rational argument she will get louder).
So this went on for a bit and I always stay calm during this, but it pisses me off that nothing I say will matter to this woman and that any kind of rational argument against her point will just cause her to get louder.
I have complained about this to my boss twice before, the reaction was something along the line of "yes, we all know what she is like, but she will calm down again".
I really don't care about that anymore, because "that's just what she is like" is a poor excuse, or else I could be the guy who smacks annoying persons in the face because "that's just what he is like".
I also do not intend to ever speak to this woman in private again and want to end any similar conversation in the future on the spot.
I guess I just needed to vent a bit, but is it alright to just point this out to my boss again, this time in writing, just to be save?
A coworker who is a friend of mine and who knows my boss pretty well told me that most likely it will just end with a talk with her, me and my boss and in the end nothing will change, because people like her don't, but I don't want to let this slip, because she is beginning to piss me off a lot.
And if I really should go that way.
I have a coworker who has given me crap before. This is always about minor things where she totally misinterprets things I have said and done in the worst imaginable way.
This woman is 20 years my senior, I have no personal relationship with her and never had any, so there is no possible grudge she could bear. I also never had this kind of aggression directed towards me in the workplace by anyone else and everyone I know agrees she tends to go psycho on other people as well, so I really do not think this is about what I did wrong.
Today for example, I just wanted to make some easy small talk about something she had been working on which I had found interesting, ironically my intention was to calm things down a bit because it was pretty tense after her last episode.
I just basically said I noticed x and I found it really interesting and how did it come up. I was being friendly and interested, I was not in any way criticising her work. She answers something completely forgettable and is off to do something else.
5 minutes later, when I am alone in my office(which I normally share with 4 other people) she comes in and closes the door. This is a common pattern(isolate me and then start with her bitching).
She then tells me very aggressively not to question her work and not to interfere with her work.
When I try to argue and elaborate my point that I was just asking out of interest she gets louder and louder(this is also a common pattern, whenever I try to put forward a rational argument she will get louder).
So this went on for a bit and I always stay calm during this, but it pisses me off that nothing I say will matter to this woman and that any kind of rational argument against her point will just cause her to get louder.
I have complained about this to my boss twice before, the reaction was something along the line of "yes, we all know what she is like, but she will calm down again".
I really don't care about that anymore, because "that's just what she is like" is a poor excuse, or else I could be the guy who smacks annoying persons in the face because "that's just what he is like".
I also do not intend to ever speak to this woman in private again and want to end any similar conversation in the future on the spot.
I guess I just needed to vent a bit, but is it alright to just point this out to my boss again, this time in writing, just to be save?
A coworker who is a friend of mine and who knows my boss pretty well told me that most likely it will just end with a talk with her, me and my boss and in the end nothing will change, because people like her don't, but I don't want to let this slip, because she is beginning to piss me off a lot.
Librarian on
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Something like:
"Coworker X has been creating a work environment around me which feels hostile and negative. Previous requests to cease have gone unheeded. Please investigate and assist."
Perhaps?
Mmmmm....toasty.
Is this woman your superior in any way? If she doesn't have the ability to tell you what to do, I'd make it a point to never be in private with her ever again. If she comes into your office like that again and closes the door, ask her to please leave. If she doesn't, then you get up and leave, and tell her you're not getting into this with her.
And from now on, document any and every interaction you have with her that is anything other than the height of professionalism and courtesy.
She is not my superior, in fact she only works part time and our work does not interfere in the slightest, it's just that her office is next to mine.
I guess just removing myself from the situation next time might be a good idea.
Yeah, if you don't report to her, remove yourself from the situation. Don't say, "I am not talking to you," Just say you have work or a meeting to go to. Are headphones/earbuds allowed? Maybe say you have work to do, then put on headphones.
I am not sure if this is worth pissing my boss off by going one step higher.
I just want to make sure this is documented in case this person keeps at it, I guess.
In the future, if she tries to isolate you, I would just say that you aren't going to talk to her about this right now, but she's welcome to send you an e-mail (where everything she says is documented and gets her out of your face.) If this doesn't work, you should get your phone# on speed dial on your phone, and call yourself, and then tell her you have to take this call, or if you are really cruel, you can say "Yeah, she's in my office right now....." and then just stare at her.
Other then that, or some other method of going over your bosses head, is you giving him the same treatment she gave you. Go to his office, close the door and talk increasingly louder until he gets you are not willing to put up with this woman's behavior just because "that's how she is".
Or, get mad right back at her, with yelling, and don't back down. You two having all out holla' wars regularly might get the issue addressed, eventually. But you may not come out of it looking very good.
Or, suck it up and avoid her. This is the one least likely to get you into trouble. But living as a doormat is not good for your emotional health. So I recommend any of the others unless you plan on leaving this job within the next few months.
Pretty much this. Only speak to her if your work requires it. Seriously, treat her as a non-person unless you are obligated to work with her on something. If she gets in your face over something trivial again, just tell her you aren't interested in talking to her. After that point, your best friend is the phrase "I said I don't want to talk to you, if you continue this I will go to HR". And then go to HR if she continues.
Document all future incidents. Even if it just means an e-mail to your boss about it letting him know what happened. Never yell back, never escalate. You don't have to put up with her crap, just don't sink to her level. HR departments frown on both parties in those kind of situations, so make it clear you aren't participating. If she tries to isolate you, leave the room. Leave the building if you have to.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Yeah... I would not take these two into serious consideration. They're unprofessional, immature, and likely to get you in trouble or outright fired. They're just outright bad advice.
Siska, just because he doesn't address the situation with hostility and aggression doesn't mean he's acting like a doormat, and it will not be detrimental to his mental health. There's an adult, professional, and responsible way to go about handling this situation, and it does not involve acting just like that woman.
If she corners you like that, ask her politely to leave your office. You can always say you're busy and if she wants to talk she can send an email.
It seems like you think you can change this woman's behavior by being interested in her work and treating her like you would other co-workers - you can't. It isn't about you, it's about her and more than likely, she's not going to change.
Yes it will.
The one thing true of HR the world over, they don't do shit until they have a documented paper trail. Report every incident to your boss, via e-mail. Save it. Back it up to a flash drive if you have to.
Then when this woman crosses the line again, (and she might), you've already got a documented list of bad behavior that you can send to HR. This will make it a LOT easier for them to do something.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
This might not be legal where you are. If it isn't, don't be stupid.
I would send your boss an E-mail for this interaction, try to be as exact as possible as far as what she said, and how it upset you. She is creating a hostile work environment for you, and it is unacceptable.
They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.
It's pretty much this. I fear this is just going to annoy my boss who will not actively interfere and that it is not going to help things.
Going to H/R is sort of last resort and a pretty big deal here, people working here just don't do that and we have several "emotional" coworkers, so I really don't want to do this unless things get really really bad.
I have told some people from my office about this incident and the guy I told it initially is pretty close to my boss, so if she really should complain I know that several people will know what the deal is and won't believe her.
I will remove myself from any situation involving her and I do have some stuff in writing about previous encounters.
Will it be of help in the future if I write this incident down and sent it to myself(Outlook timestamp etc.), or is this something I have to forward immediately if I want to be able to use it at a later date?
If she tries to bother you or goad you into an argument, simply say that you're working and go back to work, ignoring her.
Documenting things via email is fine, but understand that if your boss mentions that they know how she is, they are aware of the problem and doing nothing about it. Maybe she's a valuable employee in the eyes of your company, maybe her cousin is the VP of something, it doesn't matter. They haven't taken steps and the likely won't. The documentation would only be if they took steps against you because of her.