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Dealing with the impending

FortyTwoFortyTwo strongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered User regular
edited May 2011 in Social Entropy++
SE. Terrible things have happened.

My soon-to-be-father in law has had a massive stroke. The DNR has been given. Over the next few days, we will see. It is coming, don't know when.

51 years old and the world to my wonderful, gentle, fiancee.

If she knew I was doing this, she would not be happy but I need to get it out. How have you dealt with this? Dealt with the impending, the waiting.

FortyTwo on
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    mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Ah dude I'm so sorry :c

    Usually I just drown myself in distractions, buy up some games I've always wanted to play to feel productive in a way, I dunno.

    mensch-o-matic on
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    DudBoltDudBolt Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    My thoughts are with you and your fiancée. I watched my Dad pass away over a year, so I know that it is not a good feeling.

    DudBolt on
    Gather the faithful and prepose a toast. To an epoch of indifference. - In Flames: Ordinary Story
    http://beta.humugus.com/index.php/auth/register/inv/1966
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    FortyTwoFortyTwo strongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    The worst part of this is that this past January he had a smaller stroke, which revealed an underlying condition of cardiac amyloidosis (advanced, borrowed time at this point). But he had recovered remarkably from the first stroke. He was about to return to work - he was driving.

    then this.

    To be taunted with the hopes of recovery and more time.

    FortyTwo on
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    Muse Among MenMuse Among Men Suburban Bunny Princess? Its time for a new shtick Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Similar thing happened to some aunts of mine. Husband has been kept alive by machine for two years now and they still wait for a miracle.

    Muse Among Men on
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    FortyTwoFortyTwo strongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Similar thing happened to some aunts of mine. Husband has been kept alive by machine for two years now and they still wait for a miracle.

    My mother-in-law will not allow that to happen. He does not want that. But goodness I am sorry to hear that.

    FortyTwo on
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Thankfully I have never had to deal with anything like this. All the deaths in my family have been pretty sudden, and we've only had small scares with stuff like cancer (grandpa fought it off pretty well with localized chemo (or something like that?), despite all his complaining) and strokes (mom had minor ones, but no serious long-term damage).

    So, I can't imagine how tough it must be to deal with that.

    Houk the Namebringer on
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    babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    42, I'm sorry dude. He's too young. Hopefully he recovers, but whatever the outcome, I hope for you and your fiancee it comes quickly. I've been there, man, and the wait is definitely the worst part. Bro hugs and a beer from me to you, man.

    babyeatingjesus on
    hitthatcheeseburgerfatty.gif
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    TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    oh man, 42

    my condolences, dude :(

    TheySlashThem on
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Man fortytwo, don't feel bad about posting that here, I mean I'm sure your fiancé will understand this is just you dealing with it.

    Blake T on
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    Cargo CultureCargo Culture Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Oh, man. I'm sorry.

    In all the times I've been in that gap between something bad happening and the inevitable conclusion, I've just been aware of the passage of time. Know that things won't be this way forever, and every moment that passes is another moment closer to everything being behind you. In the space of a few weeks things will be different. They will still hurt like hell, but this stage will be behind you both and you can move on.

    Cargo Culture on
    [SIGPIC]I did warn you not to trust me.[/SIGPIC]
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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    my grandad passed away last month after being sent to a nursing home with advanced heart failure

    he went in his sleep not 24 hours after he was admitted

    it felt like he had been on borrowed time for over a year

    Beasteh on
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    Bacon-BuTTyBacon-BuTTy Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    A close reletive of mine has recently died (funeral yesterday) and it wasn't sudden either. There were lots of times where things got better, and then worse, and then much better, before suddenly getting worse again. Those ups and downs and then knowledge of the inevitable are a kind of mental drain that I am afraid there is no workable solution to. You just have to push through it.

    Just remember that there is nothing wrong with laughing right now, nothing wrong with trying to have a good a time either. In fact there aren't many better times for it than right now. You don't have to set time aside to feel sad, that will happen all on its own. Do what you love doing when you have time, play games, be productive, reflect, get existential and most importantly just be there for your fiancee.

    My condolences. I hope things aren't too drawn out for you and yours.

    Bacon-BuTTy on
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    EdcrabEdcrab Actually a hack Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    I'm really very sorry to hear that Forty. A friend of mine (a friend's ex to be precise but I've known her for a while) lost her cousin to cancer a while back, and then fairly recently lost another cousin: I can't imagine what it's like to be put in a position where the loved ones of loved ones are in such pain

    And don't feel bad, as coping mechanisms go talking to other people about it is perfectly fine

    Edcrab on
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    Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    42 that is immeasurably shitty. My only real advice is to be available and supportive for your fiancee's sake.

    As far as actually dealing with this sort of shit, my own personal stance is to simply remind myself that it is the way of things. Life is cruel and uncaring at times. Impersonal and brief. It is the way of things. All you can do is look to those around you and support them that they may be strong and in turn support you when you need help.

    Its maybe a bit defeatist? I dunno. It is the way of things.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
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    redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    If you don't already, see if you can get hospice for him, or suggest it
    a good hospice will help both him and his family.

    i can answer probably any questions about how all that works, if you want

    it's free, if that's a thing

    redfenix on
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    my grandfather died a couple weeks ago

    he was cremated less than twelve hours later, there was no service

    c'est la guerre

    Charles Kinbote on
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    Cargo CultureCargo Culture Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    c'est la guerre

    or perhaps even c'est la vie.

    Cargo Culture on
    [SIGPIC]I did warn you not to trust me.[/SIGPIC]
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    redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    such is war?

    redfenix on
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    c'est la guerre

    or perhaps even c'est la vie.

    nothing vivant about this

    Charles Kinbote on
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    Cargo CultureCargo Culture Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    c'est la guerre

    or perhaps even c'est la vie.

    nothing vivant about this

    C'est la vie: such is life.

    Cargo Culture on
    [SIGPIC]I did warn you not to trust me.[/SIGPIC]
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    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    it's like I always say, Omelette du fromage.

    Kuribo's Shoe on
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    c'est la guerre

    or perhaps even c'est la vie.

    nothing vivant about this

    C'est la vie: such is life.

    uh thank you I know?

    who is this guy

    e: educate yrself http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=C'est%20la%20guerre

    Charles Kinbote on
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    Ruby RhodRuby Rhod Multipass!Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Watching my uncle waste away from his brain tumor was the worst thing in the world. Sorry you're having to deal with this dude.

    Ruby Rhod on
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    PhonehandPhonehand Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    don't do things that would make your fiance unhappy

    Phonehand on
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    also I'm sorry to hear about that, 42

    strokes and seizures terrify me most in life, always have

    didn't get better when my brother spontaneously became epileptic at the age of 13

    Charles Kinbote on
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    Cargo CultureCargo Culture Registered User regular
    edited May 2011

    uh thank you I know?

    who is this guy

    e: educate yrself http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=C'est%20la%20guerre

    uh thank you I know?

    you do realize they colloquially mean the same thing, right?

    Cargo Culture on
    [SIGPIC]I did warn you not to trust me.[/SIGPIC]
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011

    uh thank you I know?

    who is this guy

    e: educate yrself http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=C'est%20la%20guerre

    uh thank you I know?

    you do realize they colloquially mean the same thing, right?

    sort-of-not-really!! "c'est la vie" is typically single-entendre

    and if you think they mean the same thing, why were you trying to correct me on the usage of the term?

    Charles Kinbote on
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    redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    get your semantics crap outta here

    redfenix on
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    EdcrabEdcrab Actually a hack Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    The hell are you people doing

    Edcrab on
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    well I was talking about my grandfather's very recent passing and then a lurker tried to tell me I used a term incorrectly

    which, neat, cool guy

    Charles Kinbote on
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    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    and then I referenced a cartoon

    got a rep to maintain you know

    but seriously it sucks when a loved one is in poor health

    my bro's been slowly wasting away for like 10 years now, Muscular Dystrophy

    it sucks to think about, so I mostly don't

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
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    CogliostroCogliostro Marginal Opinions Spring, TXRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Sorry about this dude :( It's never easy to lose a family member.

    Cogliostro on
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    Cargo CultureCargo Culture Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    well I was talking about my grandfather's very recent passing and then a lurker tried to tell me I used a term incorrectly

    which, neat, cool guy

    No dispresect, FortyTwo. We're clearly we're both a pair of heroes here. Mea culpa.

    Cargo Culture on
    [SIGPIC]I did warn you not to trust me.[/SIGPIC]
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    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    my brother's seizures have been getting worse since he became epileptic 6 years ago

    he goes in and out, and sometimes it takes him a day or two to really...rejoin the world. More and more.

    he's also autistic, so he doesn't really understand what is happening to him, but he's been trying ever since they started

    my grandmother is also pretty far into alzheimer's, and there are some uncomfortable parallels

    wow, hi forums!

    Charles Kinbote on
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    ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    last week i asked my mom point blank if she'd rather go to therapy or never talk to me again. She chose never talk to me again.

    Today someone broke into my apartment and stole everything that wasn't bolted down. TV, ipods, checks, x360, ps3, bondage collar, a bucket full of change, laptop, grandmother's wedding ring, grandfather's pearl harbor survivor medal. For some reason left pc, kindle, DS.

    changing everything
    kinda bummed

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
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    EdcrabEdcrab Actually a hack Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    That's awful Zoel

    Are you insured?

    And if they treat medals over there like they do over here, at least the courts will utterly shaft the thief if they catch them

    Edcrab on
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    ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    yeah i'm insured.

    dunno what they'll actually cover. It's not like I kept serial numbers or nothing. I'm going to clean up what i can clean up and then move all of my stuff over to my dads house or something

    they left enough stuff here that i'm worried they'll come back if I leave it

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
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    babyeatingjesusbabyeatingjesus Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    stealing war medals is... I mean, Jesus.

    babyeatingjesus on
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    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    that is dick moves

    I would be down with grabbing a bat and administering some street justice to that guy

    Kuribo's Shoe on
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    FortyTwoFortyTwo strongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    What is killing us all is the fact that we don't have any real indication how much of "him" is in there right now. And we don't have any real idea of how much of "him" will be left afterwards.

    My Mother-in-law, literally the sweetest woman in the world, has been prepping for this day due to his underlying condition. But not like this.

    FortyTwo on
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