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Need Dating Advice
Omeks
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, my minds been on this all day. I'm pretty sure if I don't talk to someone about it or get some kind of idea on where I go next, my head might explode since I tend to over-analyze things to hell.
Some background: I don't do dating. My experience with women is terrible, and I tend to be incredibly shy around people and women. I didn't really go out to clubs or bars until after I was 21, and you could say I was a shut-in until about three years ago. Since then, I've gotten more comfortable with bars and clubs, although I still tend to stand aside while everyone else...grinds and bumps to the music.
Last night, after a friends wedding, we all went out to a dance club to celebrate. I mostly stood back while everyone else danced, though I did attempt to get out there at one point and felt really stupid in the process. At one point, while I'm standing back, a girl comes up and asks my name. Keep in mind it's super loud so we're shouting in each other's ears, I asked her name but couldn't hear it. Otherwise I would have had a much more in-depth conversation with her. She immediately tells me she thinks I look really sexy. I've never been told this and it feels weird and thought IT'S A TRAP, but went along with it. She proceeds to start dancing and I follow along doing the whole...grinding thing and getting pretty touchy with her, which she seemed okay with. She asks for my number which I shout into her ear.
Later that night, after I've managed to get my friend back home and put him to bed after him getting real shitty, I fall asleep at 3:00, missing a call from her at 4:00. I wake up an hour later and feel dumb, but send the unknown number a text simply saying "Hello?" She calls about 20 minutes later and says her name is Kayla, and she was getting ready to go to sleep. We say goodbye, but I tell her to give me a call some other time since I had to tend to my friend.
Again, I over-analyze to crap out of things. I don't know if she was looking for a one-night stand deal or if she's looking for a relationship. I keep running the sequence of events back in my head and count a dozen and one things I wish I had said or done different. I know I should just DO IT and call her but I can't stop I'm thinking, since I work Mon-Fri, of calling her towards the end of theweek and asking her if she wants to do something on Friday or Sat night (what, I have no clue yet). But I don't really know how to approach this at all. Sad as it may be, I've never had a girlfriend or been in even a passive relationship with a girl. I'm completely out of my element here.
Some background: I don't do dating. My experience with women is terrible, and I tend to be incredibly shy around people and women. I didn't really go out to clubs or bars until after I was 21, and you could say I was a shut-in until about three years ago. Since then, I've gotten more comfortable with bars and clubs, although I still tend to stand aside while everyone else...grinds and bumps to the music.
Last night, after a friends wedding, we all went out to a dance club to celebrate. I mostly stood back while everyone else danced, though I did attempt to get out there at one point and felt really stupid in the process. At one point, while I'm standing back, a girl comes up and asks my name. Keep in mind it's super loud so we're shouting in each other's ears, I asked her name but couldn't hear it. Otherwise I would have had a much more in-depth conversation with her. She immediately tells me she thinks I look really sexy. I've never been told this and it feels weird and thought IT'S A TRAP, but went along with it. She proceeds to start dancing and I follow along doing the whole...grinding thing and getting pretty touchy with her, which she seemed okay with. She asks for my number which I shout into her ear.
Later that night, after I've managed to get my friend back home and put him to bed after him getting real shitty, I fall asleep at 3:00, missing a call from her at 4:00. I wake up an hour later and feel dumb, but send the unknown number a text simply saying "Hello?" She calls about 20 minutes later and says her name is Kayla, and she was getting ready to go to sleep. We say goodbye, but I tell her to give me a call some other time since I had to tend to my friend.
Again, I over-analyze to crap out of things. I don't know if she was looking for a one-night stand deal or if she's looking for a relationship. I keep running the sequence of events back in my head and count a dozen and one things I wish I had said or done different. I know I should just DO IT and call her but I can't stop I'm thinking, since I work Mon-Fri, of calling her towards the end of theweek and asking her if she wants to do something on Friday or Sat night (what, I have no clue yet). But I don't really know how to approach this at all. Sad as it may be, I've never had a girlfriend or been in even a passive relationship with a girl. I'm completely out of my element here.
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|Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
|PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
|Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
|Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
|PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
|Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
Omeks on
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Call her, ask how shes doing, and then ask if she wants to have dinner with you on Friday/whatever night. Have a specific restaurant in mind.
If she wanted a one night stand, she wouldn't have called you as she was going to sleep
I dated a girl for a while who I met (and made out with) while we were both completely wasted at a party. I called her up the next day and asked her if she wanted to meet up somewhere where we could actually hear one another to see if we clicked as well sober as we did while drunk. She agreed, we got dinner, went to a lake, and hung out and talked for hours before heading back to her apartment.
So call her up during the week and ask her out. Tell her you thought she was cool and you want to get to know her someplace where you don't have to yell to be louder than the bassline. The worst that will happen is that she'll say no, which would suck a little, but hey, you got to grind on some ass at a friend's wedding reception, so no matter what happens in the end it wasn't all that bad.
Some dudes don't get into dating until they're older. It happens. It might be weird at first, but like everything else, practice makes perfect. If you stress out over it you will become your own worst enemy, so try to relax.
Good luck.
You will miss more than you hit, but guess what, the misses won't make you feel all that bad because at least you tried. That is dating. You're only scared because you haven't tried yet.
Life's fun. A hot girl was interested in you at a club. That's fun. So if you can stop worrying all the time even when fun things happen. That's just your brain moving out of its comfort zone.
don't let 'call her later in the week' turn into 'friday' and then 'sorry i already made plans'
Also, obligatory: Skoal Cat is correct.
There's no reason to worry about what kind if any relationship she wants right now; she's not in your doorway half-naked and asking about kids, she called you on the phone. Just call her.
It may seem weird, but knowing that someone thinks you're cute counts for a lot in a relationship, especially when it's just starting out. This isn't rocket science, and she's not asking you to marry her and father her children.
While I was talking with a co-worker today I decided to shoot her some texts. The texts back seemed friendly enough, but at one point she asked if I had Facebook and I gave her my full name. She claimed she couldn't find me (which is impossible as I gave her my city and state) and gave me her name, but now that I'm trying to find her she doesn't show up in the list of names but comes up first thing when my friends search for her. This leads me to believe she looked up my name and blocked me.
She had a kid anyway, so I'm not too broken up about it.
|Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
|PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
|Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
note: Kids are cool, she is not.
Dating's like baseball. If you manage to hit .300, you're doing pretty damn well.
In regards to facebook, unless you got some 'leave me alone creeper' vibe from her texts or other correspondence, don't assume anything based off of something like facebook.
This could certainly be that she blocked you, but not ALWAYS the case.
I had this happen recently with my girlfriend, we both had definitely not blocked each other, but didn't show up in searches (even searching by email). Sometimes facebook is just shit.
No, that is not "exactly what happened."
As with Photon, my girlfriend and I couldn't find each other at all when searching through Facebook, no matter how specific we got.
So it's not a guarantee that she blocked you. Now, if you shoot her another text and she seems stand-offish or whatever, she probably did do what you think she did. But don't assume.
I have a friend up north, and for months she and I have been trying to friend each other. No matter what we type in, she can't see my facebook and I can't see hers. So I'm going to reiterate: don't make assumptions.
This same thing happened to me as well. Except i actually talked to the girl and hung out with her for a few weeks on and off, and then she added me on facebook, and for some reason by the next day she had blocked me on it, and did not return my phone call or e-mail. So i gave up and moved on. Not entirely sure what made her turn the other way, I didn't have anything weird on my facebook, just pretty normal pictures of friends and myself, some shit about video games and technology. Maybe she just really hated gamer dudes? No idea, I mean I take good care of myself, i work out every day, clean shaven, good skin, didnt do anything wrong really.
I don't worry about it much, and you shouldn't either. If she doesn't return anymore texts or if you call her and she never calls back, shrug it off and move on. Some girls can be extremely picky/princess's and one little thing can make them go the other way.
Well I'll be damned. I had no idea.
But yea, you lose nothing by following up with on the phone.