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T minus 4 weeks till babby
Killgrimage
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi guys!
Not sure how common knowledge this is, but I've been pregnant for the past oh, eight months and we are finally heading into the home stretch with Operation Fuck Up Our Lives in the Best Way Possible.
So now that the nursery is done, the birthing center attached hospital is preregistered at, and birthing/CPR/breastfeeding classes are all taken, I would like to ask you for some Help and Advice that any of you have about delivery and living and caring for a human n00b. I know we are heading toward amazing and difficult times so I want to gather as many tips and tricks as possible before the big day comes!
Not sure how common knowledge this is, but I've been pregnant for the past oh, eight months and we are finally heading into the home stretch with Operation Fuck Up Our Lives in the Best Way Possible.
So now that the nursery is done, the birthing center attached hospital is preregistered at, and birthing/CPR/breastfeeding classes are all taken, I would like to ask you for some Help and Advice that any of you have about delivery and living and caring for a human n00b. I know we are heading toward amazing and difficult times so I want to gather as many tips and tricks as possible before the big day comes!
Killgrimage on
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Practical stuff:
You don't need most of what you're told you will need for a new baby, just nappies/diapers of some description, some clothes and bedding. If you're planning to breastfeed, cos that's what's best for you both, and the easiest practically once you have the hang of it, you'll need a couple of nursing bras, and some absorbent pads, cos you might leak, and some Kamillosan cream for sore nipples and nappy rash, its brilliant! They don't stay sore for long. If you plan to use a dummy/pacifyer, never, ever put it in your mouth to clean it - you may pass on oral thrush to your baby. If you've not got one, buy a sling, that way, baby can come with you wherever you go.
Sleep when your baby sleeps, don't do chores, they can wait. If anyone asks you if you need help, give them chores to do. If they didn't mean it, they won't offer again, if they did, they will. Make and freeze some meals now, so that in the first few weeks you have food ready. Cook double quantities so you can freeze meals for you both.
Buy maternity sanitary towels/napkins, don't use tampons til you've had your post natal check up.
I'll keep thinking. PM me if you want to.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
As for feeding, breast-feeding was great for us, but rubbish for my sister, so perhaps the best idea is to do whatever suits you and not worry about anyone else's opinions. We actually ended up mixed-feeding after a while, and people on the net etc seemed to think that was basically going to create Damien, but it was fine.
Oh, maybe hold off on the pacifier - my daughter never got offered one and never really wanted one, which meant we could avoid the stress of getting the kid to stop using it. I just saw a 3-year-old boy with a dummy in his mouth today, so that's a bullet I'm glad to have accidentally dodged.
Lastly, my wife had a terrible pregnancy and we had all sorts of (serious and not) problems, but it was still totally worth it and I burn with pride every time my daughter does anything whatsoever.
Hell, she just farted a few minutes ago and I was really proud of how eye-wateringly smelly it was.
Parenthood is great.
Neat things to remember or consider:
1. Tummy time! Every day let your n00b play on his or her tummy for a bit. Five minutes per month in age is the earmark. (5 minutes per day at 0-1 mos, 10 minutes per day at 1-2mos, etc. Until he or she is crawling around and you cannot stop them. :-p)
2. Yes you can still go out. Please hire a baby sitter once every two weeks if you can and get out of the house. Wanting to be away from the infant every now and again so that you can be yourself and do grown up things does not make you a bad parent, it makes you human.
3. Your baby loves you. No matter what. Even if you can't get nursing or bottle feeding down, even if you forget to put on two socks, even if the jumper is on upside down. Chillax this is all going to work itself out.
4. However, your baby does not care even a little that you have been pregnant for 9 months. Your baby will not care that you want to do pilates to get back into shape. He or she will not care that you just want to shut your eyes for a bit, your baby is pretty sure that the world revolves around his or her whims... so be aware of that. My favorite trick was to nap with my daughter on top of my stomach. She felt comfy and cozy and I got a few moments of rest.
1) Make time for you and your husband. If you happen to live near a set of grandparents they are usually eager babysitters so that you can go out, grab dinner, and go to the movies. It's amazing how much time like that means when it's special because it's limited. I know that Green Hornet was in no way a great film, but I loved the night out I got last time my mother-in-law was in town.
2) The house can be cleaned later. If you're tired and the kiddo is asleep grab a nap while you can. Seriously, laundry can wait.
3) Don't feel bad when you don't take somebody's advice. You're the parent here, and you're going to do what you and your husband decide is best for your child.
I'm sure there's more. If you have any specific questions that might spark people's memory about how they coped with a baby.
Let me see if I can pare it down some, to the first couple of months. Things change constantly for newborns, so expect a lot of this advice to become useless as they approach a year.
Firstly, congrats on using a birthing center. I wonder if you're doing this natural, no drugs? If so, double props to you. My wife did it with all three, and requested all the nurse/doctor related things happen in the room with us... none of our kids ever left our sight. It was cool and while the nurses might balk, if your partner is firm there's really nothing they can do to force you.
I wonder if your'e staying at home for some time with the new person? If not, much of this advice will be inapplicable - I have no idea how to orient your life to slot a baby into your job schedule, particularly in the first 1-3 months. My main advice on that front would be to take a 3-month leave of absence, and be prepared to want to quit your paying job and raise your child. If you can afford it, do it. There's a lot of pressure on women to "not let the side down" by choosing motherhood as your full-time job. If that feels like the thing for you, don't get pressured into heading back to work.
On the bottles, nipples on the bottles.
My brother and his wife used ours a lot and while it was the only source of pure water here in Africa, the fact that the noisy thing could be put next to their bed and shorten the trips to feed the baby was a blessing.
Be aware that they are noisy as the bubble rise up and you may want to turn the thing off at night.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
We screwed this up with our first, and sleeping was misery for nearly a year. With the second, we threw shoes in the dryer just to make some commotion in the beginning. Leave the TV on, have a fan or the radio running, tell people to talk in normal tones. It helps loads if the baby can sleep through standard sounds of life.
Yeah, I'll second this. Just act normal whether your baby is sleeping or not.
I'm going to caution against co-sleeping. There's really no reason to ever have your baby in the the bed with you, unless you're feeding it there. There's studies I can dig up if you want, but the risk of SIDS is decreased by not doing it, and most professionals recommend against it. The recommended thing for newborns is to have them sleep in the room with you in a crib or bassinet, and then move them to their own room between 6 months and 1 year. We did it at 6 months and our son is an awesome sleeper.
I'll also paraphrase Scrubs and warn you that there will be times that you want to throw your baby out of a window, and yes it's normal. Everyone says say goodbye to sleep and there's a reason for it. You will be tired and your patience will be very thin. Just try to calm down and get through it. This is why 2 parents is good. If you're feeling frustrated, just hand it off, and be ready to pick it up when your SO is feeling the same.
Quite! If you count a slow three before running to see what happened, you'll avoid reinforcing a habit of fall + cry = mom appears, rather than pain + cry = mom appears.
according to my wife with a Phd in sleep research, co-sleeping is just sharing the same room
but yes a baby should never sleep on grown up stuff, just a fitted bedsheet.
they do make attachments to go on the side of your bed if you want to be that close. when our kiddo comes in october I think we are going to do the bassinet in our room at first before moving him to his own room/crib
This was my solution to playpen. I encased my entertainment unit instead of encasing my boys, that way i didn't have to rearrange anything to a higher position. Plus it was great to have while camping.
Otherwise, the best advice I can give is to relax. So many people told us our fun times were done, our money would be gone, and all those other cliches, but it really isn't that bad (or wasn't for us).
Also, I don't know what you and your wife's work is, but if you go back to work and leave her alone try to line up family help to be there for the first week or so. My mother actually stayed with us the week that I had to go back to work which was really helpful - having someone to help with lifting, run the washer/dryer/dishwasher, and some of the little stuff that would seem overwhelming on top of the new baby can really help.
One big reason to have your baby in bed with you: It's really awesome, and peaceful and fun, and you bond with the child relaxing skin-on-skin.
Be sensible. Don't put your baby face down on a fluffy pillow-top mattress to sleep. Don't cover her in giant comforters or big fuzzy fleece things. If you know you can't be woken by crashing cymbals or your partner ninja-kicking you in the kidneys, don't sleep with baby in bed beside you. Main advice on sleeping is to recognize that your child is different from the other ones, and there's no real normal. Be sensible and go with what feels right... at 1-3 months there's no amount of closeness or connection that is too much for the baby. You'll sort of have to learn... one of ours hated sleep, one loved it, one could take it or leave it. One of ours hated being touched or picked up by anyone but us, one was normal, one was outgoing... You just sort of need to be ready to listen what your new person is telling you and go with that.
As they get older, this advice changes some... but for the first 1-3mo, you should be prepared to flex around the newborn, rather than her falling into the schedule you'd prefer.
Establish a nighttime routine early and stick to it. We started ours about two weeks in.
This does not mean you have to put the little one down at the same time every night (cause that just isn't going to happen for a while), but you can go ahead and setup the Pavlovian queues.
For us our routine involves bath, reading, and feeding. Do this every single night before you put them down. You don't have to do them in the same order every night, but they should all happen to some degree.
Do this and once your n00b is around 6 weeks they will recognize the pattern and respond to it. They will calm down and go to sleep faster and sleep better.
You should also look at: http://thewonderweeks.com/
They do a great job of letting you know what your kid is going through and when you are aware why your kid is doing what they are doing it makes it a whole lot easier to deal with.
Outside that just hang in there for the 6 week mark. That is when everything turns around and starts getting easier. Until then just survive
Some more helpful background:
I (the mother) am not working at this second and probably won't be until she (the babe) is at least 3-6 months. We have enough income/savings/family help to stay afloat without dipping into savings until that time. After that, I'm going to be returning to work and adult life. Also, get this, we have BOTH grandparents in the same town we live in, about 3-5 mins from our house. Blessing or curse? They are both already enamored with this child, so I think it will go well, and there can be 24hr emergency care/advice, though daycare will need to eventually happen because both sets are rather infirm.
No offense to anyone who did natural, but I am DEFINITELY getting an epidural, at least for transition/active labor. BUT I will try my damdest to avoid induction/c-section, if I can.
Breastfeeding is really important to me, and I am going to try very hard to make it work, but I refuse to guilt myself if I can't due to low supply or other medical problems
Co-sleeping will technically be happening, with an Arms Reach Co-sleeper. It's basically a small crib with mesh siding that attaches to the bed, so I think I'm pretty safe. No way I could bedshare and not be a nervous wreck.
http://www.wikihow.com/Soothe-a-Baby
I was never unable to stop my kid from crying with these
Just be sure it's installed properly because bad things can happen with those if it isn't.
Though I have a feeling after a month or two you'll remove it.
And about breastfeeding, sometimes it just doesn't work out. My wife was only able to for about a month. She just wasn't producing much. We supplemented with formula and then went all formula. Our son is fine.
Second, I want you to know, that my boys are only a month old, but they're twins, so clearly my advice is the most important!
The co-sleeper is the best decision you've ever made. It's the best thing in the world to be able to simply reach over and comfort a fussy baby.
Research is great. Customer reviews from places like Amazon, and google searches on products will save both your wallet and your life. Quick, easy, and super super helpful.
The Biggest Best piece of advice I can give you is one you already know a bit obviously, but a little outside affirmation helps. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. It's your baby! Ignore advice as you see fit, no matter who it comes from (ie grandparents).
Take the mini vacations you can get, and don't feel bad about it. Personally I love a quiet minute and a good cup of coffee. My fiance likes a long hot shower.
Definitely don't feel guilty about breastfeeding, or not, as it works for you. Breastfeeding is clearly better, but it's the silliest thing I've ever heard to stress mightily about something that has statistical tendencies
.One big one is, no matter how excited you may be now, be aware that everyone reacts to their baby differently. You may be smitten the moment you lay eyes on him/her, but for a lot of people it takes a little time getting to know their baby before they're really head over heals. Don't let that worry you.
Along similar lines, be aware of Post-Partem. Even if you are aware, ask the hospital staff about it after the baby comes. But don't worry about it. It's a medical thing. If it happens you treat it, it gets better after a little while, and life goes on! Nice.
As I say this remember the ignoring advice thing, but don't Furberize! At least as it is popularly conceived. Babies need to feel secure, and in reality a baby that gets comforted when they cry will be a more confident and outgoing toddler. Hand in hand with that though, be aware that babies fuss when they sleep. They wake up frequently, and the coo and grunt and whine. Don't let it worry you, and definitely don't let it make you jump up every fifteen minutes and lose out on what little sleep you can find. If your baby is really upset, they'll cry to let you know, and you'll recognize it.
edit: and the grandparents in town is great news. Just be sure that when they offer to "help" they're doing something legitimately helpful. If necessary let your partner be the bad guy and kick some heads around to make them. For example you get to hold your baby whenever and for as long as you feel like. They can wait until you feel like letting them have a turn, definitely another thing to not feel bad about.
--LeVar Burton
for those with youngin
Any must have registry items that you can't live without? things you regret asking for since they just take up space
feeling slightly overwhelmed with the small things. the obvious stuff is kind of obvious
Boppie and extra covers- My wife loves that nursing pillow, and now we use it for the baby to sit up in or to recline against. That's a must.
Philips (and other companies) make a microwave sanatizer for bottles and stuff. that's much better than hand washing or running the dishwasher.
If you're pumping, buy a high-end unit, and buy an extra set of the tubes, cups, etc.
We bought a car seat base and carrier combo, and the extra bases are cheap. One extra for the cousin or grandparents or whoever wants to take your kid to show off is nice.
Extra bedsheets for the baby's bed are really nice. You could easily have 2 sets soiled in one way or another in a short period of time.
Diaper Genie II. Better than your house smelling like poop.
Easy-clean play mats, like the kind under the play gym things.
A bouncy seat is great for putting baby down for a nap. Get a really basic one that is easy to move from room to room. I would suggest for all battery-operated stuff that you find something with a timer, because we had batteries go out in things we forgot to turn off. We loved this one, battery issue aside.
Bouncy seat at day 1, swing at 1 month, play gym at 2 months, sin-n-spin at 3 or 4 months, jumparoo at 5 months. All are musts in my book. Batteries, too, of course.
We really liked having a video monitor for the baby. That's a preference thing, though.
Generally, extra/spare/too many of something means that you won't ever had to fix of move or repair or wash somehting at 4AM. Same goes for mom's clothes, too, like nursing tops. We went out and bought extra burp rags like 3 days in, and knowing that I'd never be in danger of running out was nice.
For bottles, get the kind that are basically plastic shells that you put a liner in. Put in the correct amount of liquid and then push the air out.
If/when you do formula, don't cheap out. They are not created equally. If your baby is having problems with colic, try using a different one. We liked Infamil.
Don't buy burp cloths. Instead buy a few cloth diapers. They're larger and more absorbent. And usually cheaper.
To stop errant pee while changing, just put a washcloth over the area. Don't leave it exposed, especially for newborns, because you will get peed on.
Not going to go into the circumcision debate, but if you do have it done, all you really need to do for upkeep is get a box of gauze squares and a little jar of vaseline. Every time you change him, wipe him off, put some vaseline on a gauze square, put in on him, then close the diaper. That's it. After about a week to 10 days, he's good to go.
Things we wouldn't have wanted to live without:
bouncy seat
swing
jumparoo
diaper genie
pack and play (great for traveling, and also for use as a playpen)
My wife really liked the boppy pillow, but I didn't use it.
We also got a stroller/carrier combo. It made transporting the baby very simple, and we still use the stroller, almost 3 years later.
We also had a baby bath tub that had a temperature sensor and LCD display that we really liked. Perfect water temperature every time.
Man, I remember all this gear... it's been ages since I thought of the genie. Your life gets taken over by babby l00t!
We still can't travel without filling up the back of the SUV, but it's getting better. Our first time traveling was when he was 1 month old (Thanksgiving), and in a Ford Explorer we pretty much only had room to sit. Stuff everywhere.
space is one of those things that is going to be a nightmare for us. when we travel we usually bring our dog so she has her own ton of stuff. luckily we already have a roof box that will liekly get crammed to the gills
we tried it, but realized tossing it in the trash can was a lot quicker and just as efficient hehe
Space is tough for us also. We have way more space than we need for just two adults, but add a baby and it's like adding 3 more people...
I have no idea what we are going to do about cars. We each have a sedan. I am going to try HARD to make that be enough for the very occasional trip we take. I know my in laws have SUVs, but I am SO not comfortable with someone who is not myself/my husband driving the car (we are not on their insurance.) How concerned should I be about this?
Diaper goes from baby butt to airtight bag in 2 seconds. The resulting trash bag is a tightly packed piece of toxic waste that doesn't get caught up or torn open in a trashcan before it hits the curb. If you didn't need one, either your nose doesn't work or I need to know what you were feeding your baby
My wife had a mini-ute and I have a coupe. We got by, but we didn't have any long road trips. The fact of the matter was that the inlaws ended up buying a lot of their own stuff, like a bouncy seat and toys and even a booster highchair, so we never had to travel with that.
As for drivers, you'll get over that after the baby comes. My wife insisted that she sit in the back seat on the way from the hospital, but now she'd strap him onto the spoiler of an IndyCar. Parents either go insane trying to avoid everything that could go wrong, or realize that every person you see made it through childhood in a more dangerious time. My wife was carted around in the back of a Pinto FFS, and she made it out of the 80s despite her mother and the Russians. Don't worry, you'll be worrying less very soon.
Yeah, if you use it correctly, it really does cut down on the smell. You'd be really surprised how much odor those diapers can give off. You get a nice whiff when you cut off the bag and tie it. It doesn't completely eliminate the smell, especially when it's full, but it's much, much better than otherwise. We keep ours in our sons room right next to his changing table and most of the time you don't even notice it's there. Definitely worth the money. With our 2.5 year old son, I have to empty it out about once a week, and it just takes a minute.
I will say about it, we bought two thinking it would be handy to have one in our room and to have to take with us on trips, but used that second one maybe 2 times, so you really only need one. They're kinda bulky, but extremely light.
Funny story: our oldest hated cloth diapers, from the time she was a month old. Now, 2-3 days isn't uncommon if you're exclusively breastfeeding - there's just not much waste in breast milk for a baby to need frequent poops. You wouldn't think somebody that age can express any sort of preference, but she did... she refused to do any sort of solid bowel movement in them, ever. Pinned loose, tight, differentconfigurations, whatever, it didn't matter. We thought she had digestive problems... once she went 8 straight days without a bowel movement. We were sort of freaking out... doctor could find no blockage, we massaged her tummy, nothing. She would screeeeam, too... we knew she was upset and feeling terrible. Then we ran out of clean cloth ones (service hadn't delivered fresh yet) and threw a disposable one on her... nonstop poop inside of 15 minutes. "No effing way" was our response, so... after that we experimented for a month, and yep. She hated pooping in cloth.
*shrug* kids are weird.
(Yes, it's entirely normal for your 2-3yr old kids to occasionally see your junk. Yeesh.)
Decided after going through the process that we wouldn't do it with our second boy... cleaning is more of a hassle when they're young kids - you definitely will be more involved with the boy's johnson if you don't, just by cleaning him while in diapers and being sure he cleans himself properly while potty training. Pretty much the first time he gets a rash or a mild infection down there from slacking off will also be the last time it happens, though. That sort of thing will make an indelible impression on a young kid, heh.
Now with them 13 and 11, they know they're different and we don't have a very good explanation as to why, except to say that our opinion changed in the two years between them. Pretty lame explanation, and honestly I think we're both still conflicted about both decisions.
Yep, she did, probably because dirty cloth diapers can be more irritating to a baby's skin than disposable ones, which will wick away any moisture as soon as it touches them. Most CDer's consider this a bonus because it means your kid will hopefully potty train earlier. Your baby was super stubborn though...imagine if she was born before disposables were available! I'm glad you were able to find and fix the problem. We've had a couple friends who's babies hated cloth too.
I've thought about CDing, but numerous studies/articles have convinced me it's six of one, half dozen of the other. Either you hurt the earth with trash, or you use way more water from all the laundry. What counts is what works for your family, and I think disposables are just going to work for lazy people like us.
BTW, the baby is a girl, so no worries on circumcision. However if it had been a boy, I would have staunchly been in the "Care for an open wound for weeks? Fuuuuck that." party. Did I mention I am lazy?
You still have to care for the cord stump for about that long.... I actually found that more annoying that the gauze/vaseline.
Speaking of, basically every time you change their diaper, you have to wipe around the cord stump with an alcohol wipe. That thing is pretty gross.