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The Rules for One Night Stands?
Mattitude
Paste Pot PeteKicking The BucketRegistered User regular
Paste Pot PeteKicking The BucketRegistered User regular
Okay, So I had my first one night stand.
"Great," I hear you all think "Another chick thread."
And yes. Yes it is.
Okay, the basics:
We were incredibly drunk, both of us. She is petite, super-hot and Mediterranean. I am tall, tubby, and very English. We're at Drama School together but rarely see each other (different courses, different years). She said she was "seeing someone" but "he's not my boyfriend." We went back to hers, fooled around. I didn't stay, she took my number but I didn't get hers. Didn't hear from her. After a couple of days, FB'ed her, had a short exchange, she left to go meet friends. Saw her in school in passing, she says nothing. Twice. Now I'm back home in Manchester (we go to school in London) and she flies back home tomorrow.
So what happens next time we see each other? Do I say hi? Do I ignore her? It just seems like such a waste, 'cos before she pounced on me (yes, she made the move) we were just having a great time talking about stuff. And I imagine it was probably a case of beer goggles for her (No way she would take me to bed sober), so I'm not looking for a repeat performance, but a new friend is always nice. And we're both in the student bar a lot, so I don't want awkward moments. It's not a very big bar.
Well, that was a ramble. A little more than the basics, huh? I guess, for future reference, I'm asking what you guys (and girls) think is the ideal post one night stand etiquette. Is there even such a thing? Or do people just ignore stuff that happens and never ever confront it? What's the deal?
"Great," I hear you all think "Another chick thread."
And yes. Yes it is.
Okay, the basics:
We were incredibly drunk, both of us. She is petite, super-hot and Mediterranean. I am tall, tubby, and very English. We're at Drama School together but rarely see each other (different courses, different years). She said she was "seeing someone" but "he's not my boyfriend." We went back to hers, fooled around. I didn't stay, she took my number but I didn't get hers. Didn't hear from her. After a couple of days, FB'ed her, had a short exchange, she left to go meet friends. Saw her in school in passing, she says nothing. Twice. Now I'm back home in Manchester (we go to school in London) and she flies back home tomorrow.
So what happens next time we see each other? Do I say hi? Do I ignore her? It just seems like such a waste, 'cos before she pounced on me (yes, she made the move) we were just having a great time talking about stuff. And I imagine it was probably a case of beer goggles for her (No way she would take me to bed sober), so I'm not looking for a repeat performance, but a new friend is always nice. And we're both in the student bar a lot, so I don't want awkward moments. It's not a very big bar.
Well, that was a ramble. A little more than the basics, huh? I guess, for future reference, I'm asking what you guys (and girls) think is the ideal post one night stand etiquette. Is there even such a thing? Or do people just ignore stuff that happens and never ever confront it? What's the deal?
I got this Tumblr and I don't know how to use it.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
Mattitude on
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Yeah, I've been getting this from the friends I've talked to. So I guess that's standard procedure, for future reference?
How did you know?
:winky:
Sorry, that was a little crass.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
this. enjoy the memories.
While she's given you plenty of signals in this instance, future one night stands should not be followed with a cold shoulder. Treat this like a unique case.
Secret Satan
I think the fact that she didn't give him her number should be a big hint as to what it was and where it's going.
Actually, I hadn't thought about this until now, because of the circumstances. By the time I was leaving, it was nearly 2 in the morning, and she had to be in class at 8:30 so she was half asleep, and asked for my number. Between that and being drunk, I barely got my number into her phone before she fell asleep.
But now you put it like that... actually makes good sense. I'm not the best at reading signs and signals.
And if they brought it up?
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
If she just brings it up in conversation you can try to see how she feels about it ["Yeah I had a really good time with you" (not exactly that but something with that tone) and see tone of response, follow up or back off appropriately]
If she mentions it dismissively or not at all, I'll echo the sentiments of the thread and say let sleeping Mediterraneans lie.
That being said, you can address her as you would any random classmate/acquaintance/person you met one time at a party. No need to coldshoulder her.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
You are both adults, you were both consenting, and you need to take this in as if you both went on a really long cool date that ended well. Nothing says either of you have to do anything more....you both had a great time.
Treat it as such - if she wants to get together at a later date for another great time..so be it. If she wants to try the relationship route in the future - thats also a possiblity, but certainly not to be considered at this time.
Consider it like this - on the sexual front, you two have had your first date. Don't be that guy who wants to propose marriage after one good date....
Other than that, there are no "rules". Play it by ear, be honest with yourself and her, and it'll all come out okay on the other end.
I know this might seem like such a silly thing to be like, worrying over, but our Drama School is really tight little bubble community (as I'm sure most Universities are) and I don't want to cause a stink. I just wanna do the right thing and everybody be cool.
It was nice to have though. I'm nearly five months out of a messily-ended 2 and a half year relationship, so it was a nice confidence boost.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
Yeah, you're right. I must not fixate. I'll leave it alone.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
The more you think about it, the more likely you are to do something dumb.
Both drama programs I've been in have been very tight little bubbles, its the nature of the beast. You damn near live together.
Everyone has sex with everyone in drama classes. Hyperbole yes, but unless you start making a scene this won't turn into anything negative.
Decide on the next line by the rhyme when I choose it.
Also I put songs on YouTube
The musings of this lonely rube.
I made a thread once. It didn't end well for me.
Seriously though, just be friendly. If anything, she's worried that you're going to make a big deal about it. Honestly, I think the only rule for one-night stands is that you don't brag about it -- to her or to your friends. Primarily to your friends. She's probably not as embarrassed about it as you think, but she's not sure what you've told people or what your own feelings are.
You could try to talk to her, or try to arrange a meeting. But I maintain that the best approach is simply to be friendly, in a "we're in the same program and have talked before" way rather than a "I know what you look like naked" way. It will convey to her that you're cool, you're not being a dick, and that she doesn't need to worry.