Hi. I am seventeen years old; going into my senior year of high school. My girlfriend of two years broke up with me two weeks ago. I would like to note that this post will probably be full of what will seem to you like hyperbole and melodrama, especially given my age. I'm posting this because I don't know what to do and because I feel that getting it out in writing will help somehow. I intend to be honest about my situation and how I feel. I am slightly nervous that this will make me the subject of ridicule or dismissal so if that is your intention at least pay me enough respect to keep it to yourself.
So anyway, here is the tale.
Two Mondays ago, July 18, my (now ex) girlfriend admitted after inquiry that something was wrong. I went over to her house to discuss this with her and she told me she thought that we should break up. To me it seems that nothing caused this, we had had a disagreement the previous day but nothing more serious than things we had worked through in the past. I picked up my friend and drove around essentially rambling in hysterics. At this point I wasn't entirely convinced it was over. A year previous she had broken up with me only to text me the next day asking to get back together. I thought this would happen again.
It didn't. The next day I invited one of my (female) friends over. I pretty fully intended to hook up with her. I think I was trying to grasp at the good parts of no longer being in a relationship. We went up to my room and started hitting my bong. I took too much. I had a panic attack and had to lay on my bed for an hour before I could calm down. My friend left and while still shaken up and only just coming down I called my ex. I asked her to make me understand why this was happening. She essentially told me that she just didn't like me anymore. Just a week or two before we had cuddled on my couch and watched movies, we had fucked in my car on the fourth of july twice, she had comforted me through my anxiety, she had sent me long Facebook message when I was out of town telling me how she missed me. I couldn't - I can't - comprehend how that had all changed so quickly. It literally seems like overnight we just lost all of that. That she transformed into some new person.
That night I slept two hours. I went to the mall with my friends the next day. I tried to be out of my house as much as possible. A few days later we swapped the books we had lent each other. We had a pleasant conversation as I was no longer in hysterics. She texted me afterwards complimenting my hair cut and we chatted a bit. Us hooking up still came up in conversation. I knew it was a bad idea, I just wanted it so bad. A few days passed and I said hey to her on facebook. I just asked how she was doing. During the course of this conversation it was revealed to me that she had attempted to sleep with someone else. Apparently she had gone to a party and while drunk attempted to have sex with this guy. I know him casually but he had been friends with her for a while. She told me that it was terrible, that he had been too drunk to get it up and that she had cried afterwards. I called her and we talked for an hour. I told her that she meant a lot to me, even if we weren't dating, and that I would be there for her. She cried and told me I meant a lot to her too. She admitted to having issues with anorexia again. She said she missed me and asked about being friends. I told her I couldn't make myself stop having romantic feelings for her and said that I didn't know.
That was it until tonight. She texted me asking just casually about some things. Then my friend (let's call him Jim) told me that my other friend (now named James) had been texting her in a very sexually explicit way. He told me that she had sent him nudes. I messaged James and told him to never talk to me or look at me again. I was furious. I called my ex. I said angry things, she said she was allowed to do whatever she wants. Several of my friends called me. I eventually answered the phone for my female friend from before. I broke down crying talking to her about what had happened. Jim told me James wanted to talk. I called him. He told me he was sorry. He meant it. I've never heard him sound so upset or ashamed. I told him it was fine and explained why it had affected me so much. I talked to Jim for a while. Then I called my ex. I told her that it would be the last time we talked for a long time. I told her that I had no problem with her wanting to end our relationship if she no longer wanted it but that her actions had shown a complete lack of respect for how I felt. I told her how much her actions were hurting me. She mumbled some sorry's and then asked "what else do you want me to say?". I hung up. I deleted her number from my phone. I unfriended her on Facebook. I unfollowed her on Twitter.
And that brings me to the present. For the past two weeks I have been unable to sleep in my own bed because I need a TV to distract me or my thoughts keep me awake. Food holds no appeal to me. I don't eat until my stomach starts hurting so bad I can't stand it and even then I have to force myself to choke down a meal. My anxiety has been bad. I wake up every morning with a knot in my stomach that won't go away. When I hang out with my friends I feel distant, like I have to force laughter and smiles. This girl was a huge part of my life for two years. I told her everything. She was my best friend. I lost my virginity to her and her to me. I have spent the last two years of my life feeling like I was wanted and loved and now it's gone. I am completely baffled. Everything seemed to change so fast, this person I talked to tonight isn't the one I was dating. I feel like my best friend and girlfriend has died and been replaced with this emotionless alien being who wants to fuck my friends. I literally feel the worst emotional pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I feel worse than when my grandma died. I don't know how to cope with this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what has happened or what is going to happen.
So there. Typing that out has already made me feel a lot better. I guess I don't have any specific questions. Just whatever advice you have is welcome. Thanks for your time.