Cure for the lonely heart?

<3

This is more of a rant than anything, but lately I've been feeling pretty down and lonely. I don't particularly think I'm depressed, but I'm no doctor. My life is actually pretty great and I'm happy. I go to a very prestigious graduate school, and I'm currently doing an awesome internship in the Bay Area and I'm having a blast. Overall, in terms of my career, everything is looking bright.

However, lately, I can't seem to shake that feeling that I'm all alone and by myself. I keep myself occupied with various activities and social circles. I've been trying to workout a couple of times a week, and I play ultimate and rock climb weekly. So there's plenty of human interactions.

I've been somewhat developing a mushy feeling for a friend who's currently in a relationship, so that probably does't help. And there has been a huge influx of engagements and marriages on Facebook lately. It seems like everyone my age is in committed relationships (I'm 23). I've really only been in one relationship in my life, and it didn't last very long, and that was about three years ago. So I guess I feel slightly unwanted. I think I am craving some sort of intimacy. However, I despise the idea of being dependent on a woman to be happy, and I definitely do not want to settle down anytime soon.

Am I just going through a quarter-life crisis?

Esh

http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/140487/internet-dating-it-built-character.-but-only-after-you-get-them-dates#Item_2717

Make a profile. Let the people in that thread dissect it for you. Go on dates, have fun. You're only 23, I wouldn't worry about having been in only one "relationship" in your life. If anything, people getting married and engaged at or around 23 are jumping the gun a bit (a lot).

ceres

Pretty much. And I guarantee you that every 23-year-old is not married or in a committed relationship. It sounds like you're doing pretty well, and should keep doing what you're doing. I think everyone feels this way sometimes.

Kazaka

Hey, everyone definitely gets that lonely feeling once in a while, regardless of the amount of success that person is experiencing in other areas of his or her life. I'm in a similar position to you on the "feeling good about other stuff" scale and I get a solid amount of human interaction too. It doesn't take your friends being in relationships to suddenly set off that sort of mood.

Just keep doing what you're doing and make sure you stay open to possibilities. You catch no fish if you cast no line.

<3

I don't particular want a relationship nor do I think I'll be happier if I was in one.

I dunno. Maybe I just miss my friends and family and a bit home sick.

Esh

wrote:

I don't particular want a relationship nor do I think I'll be happier if I was in one.

I dunno. Maybe I just miss my friends and family and a bit home sick.

You just said you wanted intimacy and you felt unwanted. I didn't say you should go looking for a relationship. You can date people and have fun and not be in one of those. Beyond that, being in one doesn't mean being "dependent".

Tox

Man, I'm 30 and the longest relationship I've ever been in was six weeks.

Don't take it too hard. You just gotta be happy with who you are.

Esh

Tox wrote:

Man, I'm 30 and the longest relationship I've ever been in was six weeks.

Don't take it too hard. You just gotta be happy with who you are.

No, you don't. It's very easy to improve oneself or change your outlook if you're unhappy.

Infidel

Esh wrote:

Tox wrote:

Man, I'm 30 and the longest relationship I've ever been in was six weeks.

Don't take it too hard. You just gotta be happy with who you are.

No, you don't. It's very easy to improve oneself or change your outlook if you're unhappy.

Yes, you do. "Being happy with who you are" doesn't mean "don't change" at all. Sometimes changing is what you need to be happy with yourself.

But being happy with who you are is key in all things, especially relationships.

Esh

Infidel wrote:

Esh wrote:

Tox wrote:

Man, I'm 30 and the longest relationship I've ever been in was six weeks.

Don't take it too hard. You just gotta be happy with who you are.

No, you don't. It's very easy to improve oneself or change your outlook if you're unhappy.

Yes, you do. "Being happy with who you are" doesn't mean "don't change" at all. Sometimes changing is what you need to be happy with yourself.

But being happy with who you are is key in all things, especially relationships.

That's what I just said.

ceres

All three of you are saying the same damn thing so that's something that doesn't need to continue really.

Esh

OP, a suggestion for something fun and social to do. Go to the California Academy Of Sciences: Nightlife.

http://www.calacademy.org/events/nightlife/

I can almost guarantee that you'll have a great time. My ex-girlfriend goes really frequently and has a blast. And, if she's any indication of the girls that go (law student/ex-Suicide Girl)... :winky: Lots of really smart cookies there. Maybe you'll meet some people that'll pique your interest?

ins0mniac

How bout for someone suffering the same in Massachusetts? (except I don't have a great career)

VeritasVR

Meet up with the PAX people in Boston! We meet on the last Tuesday of every month. There's a few of us who get together occassionally in Cambridge too.

I just got here in May and trying to get involved with as much as I can.

Librarian

Esh wrote:

OP, a suggestion for something fun and social to do. Go to the California Academy Of Sciences: Nightlife.

http://www.calacademy.org/events/nightlife/

I can almost guarantee that you'll have a great time. My ex-girlfriend goes really frequently and has a blast. And, if she's any indication of the girls that go (law student/ex-Suicide Girl)... :winky: Lots of females desperate for attention.

Heh, I'm sorry but this is what this sounds to me when I read ex-Suicide-Girl.

Anyway OP, you are still young and at a bit of a turning point in your life. Quite normal to feel the way you do, so just don't worry.
You say your school and internship are great, the rest will ultimately fall into place. Sounds to me as if you are homesick, like you mentioned yourself. Maybe make plans to go visit your folks and meet some old friends?

SammyF

You can't go too far wrong in meeting new people by trying new things. Not only is it a great way to meet women (it is), it's a great way to meet friends generally as well as to discover interests you may not have even known you had. Years ago, someone randomly asked me to audition for a production of Hamlet, and since I was going through a kick where I said "yes" to just about anything that wasn't illegal, I went to the audition, where I read lines with another guy about my age. I was pretty introverted back then, so I didn't think acting would be my thing, but I actually had a lot of fun. I was cast in the role of Horatio, and it helped me develop a lot of public speaking skills.

All of which were put to the test five years later when I gave the best man speech at the wedding for the guy I auditioned with. He was a groomsman in my wedding a few years after that, but we never would have met if we hadn't both decided to try something completely different. It's funny how saying "yes" to a small decisions that you'd ordinarily answer with a "no" has the capacity to completely change your life.

gvandale

my 0.02 worth:

you're young. i was in a "serious relationship" when i was 20-21 and I'm glad it imploded as soon as we got engaged. i've changed so much since then, and i was able to find the best wife in the world. she's my best friend. I was 27 when we met, and it's been smooth sailing since.

<3

Esh wrote:

OP, a suggestion for something fun and social to do. Go to the California Academy Of Sciences: Nightlife.

http://www.calacademy.org/events/nightlife/

I can almost guarantee that you'll have a great time. My ex-girlfriend goes really frequently and has a blast. And, if she's any indication of the girls that go (law student/ex-Suicide Girl)... :winky: Lots of really smart cookies there. Maybe you'll meet some people that'll pique your interest?

I actually just went to this last Thursday with a couple of friends. It was awesomeeeeeeeee.

Druhim

, it sounds like you've just been very goal focused and busy for years and now that you've achieved those goals (good job!) you're realizing you neglected your dating life. It's cool man. You were focused on school and starting a career. Now that your more established in your career and you appear to have more time for it, just get out there and date. There's nothing wrong with you, you appear to have just had different priorities up until recently. You're still young. Plenty of time to get out in the dating pool.