New Trenches Comic for Tuesday, August 16, 2011

facetious

Subterfuge

http://trenchescomic.com/comic

facetious

Also, today's tester story:

The Clenched Fist

Placed through an online professional network, the employer gave me the location and details on the phone. I was to test for one week, and test one specific feature. Travel expenses were not paid, naturally. I would find out the rest when I got there.

The place was a barn. Not a large storehouse, room, basement or warehouse. A real barn, red with a large door. Like in a cartoon. As it turns out, the owner’s horses were killed a few months back by Gypsies, and he was leasing the barn for various purposes. One weekend it was a rave. The next a wake. This month, it was this little studio that needed a test facility.

They brought in plywood sheets for desks, 15” CRT monitors, garden chairs and a metal barrel of lemonade from the owner’s wife. You did your private stuff out back, or if you had to drop a deuce, there were two porta-potties out front. Not once were they cleaned during my contract. To this day, my bowels make a clenched fist and punch me from the inside when I think of that period, for they were kept full.

My job was to test a new kind of engine that would sometimes overlap textures abnormally when the player jumped. So in essence, my “character” was placed in a large windowless building with hallways and told to jump over and over.

For one week, I did nothing but jump and look at texture seams, eat sandwiches and drink lemonade, never shitting, stuck in an infinite loop of sadness and misery with my in-game character.

Antimatter

Comic: Hrm.

Story: HOLY SHIT WHAT NO

Gatsby

Oh my god that story

bwanie

man has shit in the woods forever, i don't see why gametesters can't.


the rest still sucks though.

facetious

I'd go for the Highlights even if I wasn't trying to appear dumb.

Fuckin' Highlights is the shit.

Antimatter

time isn't exactly the best magazine anyway

Raneados

man that doesn't seem like a huuuuuuuugely bad story

they seemed like decent people at least

wifey making lemonade

and pfft you ain't too good for a portapotty

Ringo

Okay that woman's orange nose is just going too far

the line must be drawn here

and not colored orange

Rankenphile

I enjoy this comic, but I am loving getting these stories twice a week

Framling

I would take five years of that barn over the previous story.

Maigaard

Ringo wrote:

Okay that woman's orange nose is just going too far

the line must be drawn here

and not colored orange

I agree. Combined with her hair it makes her look like a mess. The thing is, as valid a critique as this is, it'll be a long time 'til we see whether or not it's taken into account, as it would appear they've been buffering this comic for at least 6 months.

faits

sandwiches and lemonade?

oh poor baby

Henroid

I'm wondering where that story came from because what the hell.

Squall

i am sincerely enjoying both this comic and the stories

keep up the great work folks!

jackal

You the prince of France or something? You aint need your porta potty cleaned more than once a week, high-falutin jackass.

Sticks

Must be one of them there city boys.

Ain't ever worked in a barn or pooped in a hole or nothin.

Rayze

At this point, the tester stories are more entertaining than the comics

I have a feeling it'll remain that way

Druhim

Maigaard wrote: »

Ringo wrote:

Okay that woman's orange nose is just going too far

the line must be drawn here

and not colored orange

I agree. Combined with her hair it makes her look like a mess. The thing is, as valid a critique as this is, it'll be a long time 'til we see whether or not it's taken into account, as it would appear they've been buffering this comic for at least 6 months.

It's cute that you think they should change the comic based on your feedback.

vermiculture

I like her banana computer. Or maybe her chili computer. Either way.

joshua1

I thought the 11pm-7am graveyard shift at a bar was hell.....

some of those stories....

maritzac

I get the feeling he's going to get the job this time.

Godspeed Isaac! Play dumb!

I like the fact he's reading upside down

kingworks

wtf ... horse-killing Gypsies?

Where did this take place? What century?

Hunter

Druhim wrote:

Maigaard wrote: »

Ringo wrote:

Okay that woman's orange nose is just going too far

the line must be drawn here

and not colored orange

I agree. Combined with her hair it makes her look like a mess. The thing is, as valid a critique as this is, it'll be a long time 'til we see whether or not it's taken into account, as it would appear they've been buffering this comic for at least 6 months.

It's cute that you think they should change the comic based on your feedback.

Leave the snowflake alone, you're eroding his self esteem.

Squall

folks get upset over orange noses i guess

Ringo

Squall wrote:

folks get upset over orange noses i guess

My grandpa died while snorting a mountain of cheeto dust

it is a sore subject

Aneurhythmia

Squall wrote:

folks get upset over orange noses i guess

I don't know if anyone is really upset about it. Seems like reasonable criticism.

End

I think the orange noses look dumb but whatever

banana fingers over orange noses any day I say. Take that scott kurtz!

skettios

Raneados wrote:

man that doesn't seem like a huuuuuuuugely bad story

they seemed like decent people at least

wifey making lemonade

and pfft you ain't too good for a portapotty

have you ever seen a full portapotty?

skettios

vermiculture wrote:

I like her banana computer. Or maybe her chili computer. Either way.

probably banana
fruit and all

bwanie

like i said, no need to shit in a filthy portapotty, get those buns out in the open and do your business.

Squall

shovel with a roll of toiler paper on the end is sufficient

skettios

bwanie wrote:

like i said, no need to shit in a filthy portapotty, get those buns out in the open and do your business.

yup

Peter Ebel

skettios wrote: »

vermiculture wrote:

I like her banana computer. Or maybe her chili computer. Either way.

probably banana
fruit and all

A chili is a god damned fruit.

PwnanObrien

Man fuck that. No "foot in the door" into the games industry is worth getting dysentery.

Unless you're testing a new Oregon Trail.

Langly

so's a tomato but no one ever calls it that.

Peter Ebel

skettios wrote: »

bwanie wrote:

like i said, no need to shit in a filthy portapotty, get those buns out in the open and do your business.

yup

I don't mind shitting in the words under certain circumstances. For work purposes, I will cut a bitch if you tell me to shit in the woods.

Langly

yeah uh, if I took a job and they were like "just go take a shit out in the woods/this over full portapotty"

I might just tell them to fuck off.

Peter Ebel

Langly wrote: »

so's a tomato but no one ever calls it that.

This sounds like some of that Anglophone sickness.

Kuribo's Shoe

stephen king wrote a story in one of his recent books about a man getting trapped in a portapotty

it was pretty gross

maritzac

"A Very Tight Place"

I sort of skipped lunch after reading that one.

And dinner.

And breakfast.