New Comic and Newspost: Friday August 19th 2011
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Writing the backstory for Mojang’s Scrolls has been the most fun I’ve ever had
QUALIFACTORS:
- as an adult
- with all my clothes on
- while not eating chicken satay.
Bethesda is uncomfortable with how scrolly they’re getting over there with all the scroll scrolls. Bethsoft has the Elder Scrolls, which are much, much older in the scroll department, and they believe that the age of these scrolls grants them primacy.
Notch, who may also be called Mr. Minecraft, challenged Bethesda to a Quake 3 Deathmatch as a means of resolving the issue, but no word has been forthcoming because this isn’t how we resolve legal disputes in this dimension even though it would be totally sweet. I think this is how you should solve all problems.
My reaction to legal challenges is typically to run away, run awayi from the pain, yeah hah yeah ah heah yeah. We once had to pay someone thirty-five thousand dollars because they didn’t pay us. That is a real thing, and it happened. Once lawyers get involved all certainties cease. It’s no skin off my nose, in any event; I can fix this kind of thing on my end.
Here is something I’ve never entirely understood; maybe someone can explain the structure here.
Alright.
So, if we’re playing a game, and you defeat me, I’m a gay noob. I mean, this is dumb, but I understand what you’re trying to say, which is that I lack the true vigor of an actual man. Also, my inexperience at the game - as opposed to my experience at having sex with men, which is encyclopedic - renders me unable to repel your onslaught, which is sure to be savage indeed. Let’s set aside the fact that these assertions are made well before the first encounter, when you have no index of my prowess on any conceivable axis, when everyone is situated in a realm of inexhaustible life and couldn’t die even if they wanted to.
When we emerge from the round, though, in the twilight phase between active rounds, your body broken clean in half by my noble order, with your last gulp of rancid air you still call me a gay noob? How does that square with your other shit? Where do you fall in the hierarchy, then? Did I defeat you with all my delicate homomancy? Call me not noob, call me Anoobis; you have entered the realm of the defeated, and you are mine.
(CW)TB out.
nobody believes me
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Tycho's little rant about 'gay noob' is fantastic.
And they really need to fight Notch in Quake 3. I would pay to see that. (And IGN offered to stream it too!)
With real weapons, of course. And multiple combatants on each side.
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
That Scrolls™ business is so incredibly silly. I just hope people realise that's not the Bethesda developers who are suing but rather the evil, corporate masterminds at the head company.
Blaming people is fun, just be sure to blame the right ones.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Classy dude. I think a lot of people would take this personally and try to incite some sort of internet fan rage.
I actually haven't seen as much OMG BOYCOTT BETHESDA raging as I sortof expected. But I'm probably not traveling in the right net-circles.
Nobody needs to link me to the "right" net-circles. I'm okay.
Or, you know, get started on a new game while finishing up the first one, so your fans have less of a wait and can give you more of their money sooner than they otherwise would have. Because it's not like you're the only programmer in the company still.
1) signed over the book rights to kiwi press
2) never got any money from him plus he moved to alaska
3) paid $35,000 either in legal fees or to buy back the rights