Sal wants YOU to read this [Embarrassing Sexual Story]?

VoproSTEIN

This is stupid, but @Sal needs it to be shared with the world. Spoilered for NSFW content.

[12:46 AM] tomtom: sal i am officially a bad kid now
[12:46 AM] tomtom: i did....something bad
[12:46 AM] tomtom: saturday
[12:46 AM] sal: wha...
[12:46 AM] trenog: did you dance in the pale moonlight?
[12:46 AM] sal: what did you do tom
[12:47 AM] tomtom: well
[12:47 AM] tomtom: when a man and a woman are super drunk at a club
[12:47 AM] sal: oh
[12:47 AM] sal: that doesn't sound bad at all!
[12:47 AM] tomtom: well ill let you fill in the gaps. but there was a bathroom involved.
[12:47 AM] tomtom: im not proud
[12:47 AM] trenog: tom, did you sanitize?
[12:47 AM] muse: sure you are
[12:47 AM] sal: you look proud
[12:47 AM] muse: you are telling us
[12:47 AM] muse: smug face
[12:48 AM] trenog: he is kissing a telling
[12:48 AM] muse: lookit that
[12:48 AM] tomtom: well i mean yeah im pretty happy about it but man
[12:48 AM] trenog: lookit that
[12:48 AM] tomtom: crwth put them feet away
[12:48 AM] trenog: crwth's feet got the most class in this chat
[12:48 AM] muse: this pm thread is hilarious
[12:49 AM] skull_man: I could probably make bathroom sex happen tonight
[12:49 AM] skull_man: but I think it would just be confusing
[12:49 AM] trenog: skull man, do not make love to a toilet
[12:49 AM] skull_man: all knocking the good towels over
[12:49 AM] trenog: the toilet is not of age
[12:50 AM] trenog: pervert
[12:50 AM] tomtom: look all im saying is that sal asked what i did
[12:50 AM] skull_man: good bath salts all fallin on the floor
[12:50 AM] tomtom: i had to brag a little
[12:50 AM] tomtom: you know, front
[12:50 AM] tomtom: stunt
[12:50 AM] sal: you did good tom
[12:50 AM] crwth: so ask him then!
[12:50 AM] tomtom: crwth
[12:50 AM] tomtom: did you hear the Great News
[12:50 AM] skull_man: all gettin yelled at for not changing the roll
[12:50 AM] crwth: ??
[12:50 AM] tomtom: scroll up
[12:50 AM] skull_man: all I told you I saw ants
[12:50 AM] natek: thomas is being extra smug, crwth, you should know what he did
[12:50 AM] natek: silly
[12:51 AM] crwth: oh cool tom
[12:51 AM] tomtom: in a club bathroom, crwth!
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i swear to all that i hold dear that i did the cooking dance in the club
[12:51 AM] sal: did you use protection
[12:51 AM] sal: that is important
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i didn't do...that
[12:51 AM] muse: we are just LOOKING OUT FOR YOU
[12:51 AM] sal: ...
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i didnt do much, it was mostly her if you follow me HEH HE HEH
[12:51 AM] muse: you dumb fuck!
[12:52 AM] muse: your dick will rot off now
[12:52 AM] tomtom: protection was not necessary given the events that transpired
[12:52 AM] muse: the odds are not in your favor
[12:52 AM] muse: just fall off in chunks
[12:52 AM] trenog: an album cover eh?
[12:52 AM] muse: like termines
[12:52 AM] skull_man: tom is a lame lay pass it on
[12:52 AM] tomtom: i think her mouth was clean! true story!
[12:52 AM] muse: *termites
[12:52 AM] sal: oh i see
[12:52 AM] sal: just a mouthski
[12:52 AM] sal: not the whole shebang
[12:52 AM] tomtom: yeah.
[12:52 AM] sal: i thought you were pro tom
[12:52 AM] tomtom: im not gonna bang somebody in a bathroom
[12:52 AM] tomtom: i have class
[12:52 AM] sal: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRO
[12:53 AM] muse: dick leprosy?
[12:53 AM] natek: thomas were you sitting on the toilet?
[12:53 AM] tomtom: no i was standing
[12:53 AM] natek: okay good
[12:53 AM] sal: sitting and taking a shit
[12:53 AM] tomtom: yeah sittin n shittin
[12:53 AM] sal: for maximum efficiency
[12:53 AM] natek: was gonna ask
[12:53 AM] trenog: does tom kiss the lady for a job well done?
[12:53 AM] tomtom: ha
[12:53 AM] natek: if you put pieces of tp down
[12:53 AM] tomtom: not this time trenog
[12:53 AM] natek: so your bum wasnt touching
[12:53 AM] tomtom: not this time.
[12:53 AM] tomtom: that wasnt no lady
[12:53 AM] tomtom: that was a ho
[12:53 AM] natek: oker
[12:53 AM] skull_man: you got a beej while sittin on a toilet?
[12:53 AM] sal: standing
[12:53 AM] tomtom: skullman i was standing up.
[12:53 AM] tomtom: cmon.
[12:53 AM] sal: he was standing on the toilet
[12:53 AM] skull_man: standing on the toilet?
[12:53 AM] natek: standing on the toilet
[12:54 AM] trenog: well a ho's gotta know that it's a blow then a go
[12:54 AM] skull_man: standing IN the toilet
[12:54 AM] tomtom: yeah standing on the toilet tank
[12:54 AM] tomtom: she was splayed on the seat
[12:54 AM] natek: no she was in the tank
[12:54 AM] skull_man: standing on the walls
[12:54 AM] sal: standing with the toilet
[12:54 AM] tomtom: okay yeah good call nate
[12:54 AM] sal: the girl was just a third party
[12:54 AM] skull_man: dancing in the moonlight
[12:54 AM] tomtom: this is the new version of the story
[12:54 AM] skull_man: tom
[12:54 AM] skull_man: did
[12:54 AM] tomtom: what.
[12:54 AM] skull_man: did you press a button
[12:54 AM] tomtom: fraid not
[12:54 AM] skull_man: was there heat coming out
[12:54 AM] sal: press this button to DROP LOADS
[12:54 AM] skull_man: tom did you fuck the hand dryer
[12:54 AM] tomtom: no
[12:55 AM] tomtom: we werent even in a stall!
[12:55 AM] skull_man: man this sounds like hand dryer all the way
[12:55 AM] sal: how was the toilet involved then
[12:55 AM] tomtom: it wasnt
[12:55 AM] skull_man: evidence is pilin up
[12:55 AM] sal: this story is fishy
[12:55 AM] tomtom: the toilet watched
[12:55 AM] sal: ok
[12:55 AM] skull_man: but you weren't in the stall
[12:55 AM] sal: important question
[12:55 AM] skull_man: DETAILS CONFLICT
[12:55 AM] muse: did you put down the little squares across the rim?
[12:55 AM] sal: once you were done
[12:55 AM] sal: did you say
[12:55 AM] tomtom: ?
[12:55 AM] sal: "check please!"
[12:55 AM] tomtom: no i went classier
[12:55 AM] natek: no muse he wasn't sitting
[12:56 AM] natek: his naked bum was in no danger
[12:56 AM] muse: oh that ruins the whole storu
[12:56 AM] muse: *story
[12:56 AM] skull_man: "I would tip you baby but I'm not really very...*flush* right now"
[12:56 AM] sal: he was standing and shitting as far as i can gather
[12:56 AM] tomtom: a player does not sit down on the toilet
[12:56 AM] natek: he was knee deep in a clogged toilet though
[12:56 AM] tomtom: no nate she was
[12:56 AM] muse: I dont know how dudes poop
[12:56 AM] tomtom: out their dicks muse
[12:56 AM] natek: no she was in the tank
[12:56 AM] muse: send me some ethnographics studies
[12:56 AM] tomtom: thats how i poop anyway
[12:56 AM] natek: you were in the bowl
[12:56 AM] sal: we just sort of aim... and...
[12:56 AM] sal: kaPOW
[12:57 AM] tomtom: ill let you guys determine the details okay
[12:57 AM] muse: endlessly fascinating
[12:57 AM] tomtom: lets just say i pooped and climaxed at the same time
[12:57 AM] tomtom: who cares.
[12:57 AM] natek: I think we have determined them rather well
[12:57 AM] skull_man: aim what
[12:57 AM] muse: everything circles back to poop
[12:57 AM] sal: can someone save this chat please
[12:57 AM] muse: okay
[12:57 AM] tomtom: this is your fault sal
[12:57 AM] skull_man: do you have a prehensile colon
[12:57 AM] sal: i think everyone did an A+ job here

Now to try and turn this into a not useless thread.

I don't know when the last embarrassing sexual encounters thread was, and I don't know if the PM counts because I didn't read it all the way, and I don't have any of my own, but

It doesn't matter if you're embarrassing,



Or if you're sexual,



Or you've had an encounter,



Or especial an embarrassing sexual encounter,







You can talk about it here in the:

EMBARRASSING SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS THREAD!

Skull Man

tl,dr: clint eastwood/tom fucked a hand dryer

Skull Man

it wasn't too cool

VoproSTEIN

Didn't finish the chat anyway, just thought it was a good reason to make a thread like this.

Arang

everyone got burned on this deal

TrippyJing

skull man, do not make love to a toilet

Shorty

[12:46 AM] trenog: did you dance in the pale moonlight?

I would have been pleased if it stopped there.

Day of the Bear

Dave I cannot BELIEVE you made this thread

VoproSTEIN

Everyone tell me about your embarrassing sexual encounters.

I am writing them all down.

satansfingers

one time i had relations with a woman to whom i was not married

it was a tawdry affair

Antimatter

one time i was gonna take a dick pic for a girl
but first i had to work it up from flaccid

...and then it went back to flaccid before i could take advantage of what happened in between

Shorty

I've had embarrassing sex

but not embarrassing sex that was also humorous

so I'll just be providing the pithy commentary for this thread

miscellaneousinsanity

yeah, didn't read hardly any of that

VoproSTEIN

I thought the funniest part was

[12:57 AM] muse: everything circles back to poop

I skipped to the bottom and was rewarded well enough

satansfingers

you made a thread for a chatlog even you were unwilling to read?

Skull Man

he was coerced by tom

I saw it

hubris, tom

will you let dave suffer for your sins

Day of the Bear

the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

made it allll worthwhile

VoproSTEIN

I've been meaning to make a thread like this for a while just to hear people's funny stories.

It's not the best reason for a thread but it got me to make it anyway.

animal companion

light the orikae signal

Skull Man

Day of the Bear wrote:

the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

made it allll worthwhile

yes! it just started working for me too

natek

to be fair, nobody involved in the chatlog thought it was any good

FirmSkater

I'd bang Sarah Palin

miscellaneousinsanity

Day of the Bear wrote:

the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

made it allll worthwhile

post pics please, some of us are chromeless heathens

Kusuguttai

one time i literally tossed my penis inside yo mommas butthole

Tonkka

Thomas was just hanging out in a stall in the women's room.

Waiting. . .

VoproSTEIN

I thought about putting Palin in sexual, but

I don't know why I didn't

Kusuguttai

one time i fucked sarah palin - nba superstar

Shorty

oh, here's something I forgot about! after the first time I got laid I went to a messageboard I used to frequent and made one of THOSE threads

you know the kind I mean

FirmSkater

Was it this messageboard?

TheStig

This one time I had sex with all your mothers at the same time.

It was pretty embarrassing when we all woke up the next day.

MetroidZoid

Oh god not this thread. It's only 10:00 and I have to work tomorrow dammit! But if I leave this here, it'll hit 500 pages by morning and then I'm up shit creek without a paddle DAMMIT WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?

Anyways, the only thing(s) I have are me and my-wife-then-girlfriend being caught by her brother, then a month later by mine. Eh, it happens. Mine's done the self-memory wipe, not sure how hers handled it.

godmode

I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
Huge mess.
And I just could not stop laughing.

(So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

Fire Truck

wtf, I was just on tiny chat and noone was there. You guys suck

Shorty

FirmSkater wrote:

Was it this messageboard?

no, I would have done a search if it was

but it is a spinoff board! I'm sure some intrepid detective could find it without much trouble, I can't be arsed myself

it was the Citadel of Truth

Balefuego

do we really need another fucking one of these

FirmSkater

I have no embarrassing sexual stories.

Except I've been almost caught by my parents like eight hundred times

Once my mom walked into my bedroom when both me and my lady were bare-ass naked. Somehow in a matter of milliseconds we managed to be under blankets pretending to be sleeping with no bare skin showing.

Also another time she was on top and behind her through an open window I just see the back of my dad's head. I didn't even know what to do in that situation. I'm pretty sure we didn't even stop and just hoped he didn't turn around.

Skull Man

godmode wrote:

I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
Huge mess.
And I just could not stop laughing.

(So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

holy christ

thread over

Skull Man

Balefuego wrote:

do we really need another fucking one of these

Gatsby

I made a couple of posts after I lost my virginity here.

I blame 2am drunk me for that silly act.

godmode

Skull Man wrote:

godmode wrote:

I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
Huge mess.
And I just could not stop laughing.

(So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

holy christ

thread over

Nah, I know there are better stories.

Shorty

FirmSkater wrote:

I'd bang Sarah Palin

that lantern jaw she's got going on is really off-putting

she's pretty enough I guess

what's crazy to me is that this is the sort of woman, her and michelle bachman, who represents the ideal beauty of the republican party

like, really guys

these crinkled, overpowdered reptiles are the best you can do