Becoming a more positive person

Aphostile

I'm a very negative and pessimistic person, I have trouble finding the good in other people because of my own hangups. I'm not sure if I have signs if depression or not.

I want to change that.

I am taking time to revisit my hobbies that I really used to enjoy, thinking about volunteering, thinking about visiting a counselor, and generally re-evaluating myself as a person.

Tips? Advice?

Entriech

Don't discount physical causes of your attitude. For example, it took me a really long time to realize that the difference of a couple extra hours sleep did wonders for my day to day outlook.

That being said, when you say you have trouble finding the good in other people, what do you mean exactly? Like, if a friend does something nice or good for you, what's your thought process around that?

Ego

Procrastinating less always seems to have a huge impact on how positive I feel. When I don't really have anything 'on my plate,' I'm super happy about everything.

So, on the off chance you procrastinate: try addressing that.

Aphostile

Oh, truly. I've had trouble sleeping for probably a decade. I've also been working on getting back into a solid workout routine and trying to take melatonin before bed / getting to bed at a reasonable time.

I guess that's another issue. I moved to Portland a year ago and don't really have a lot of friends here. I think the best of my friends, they're kindve exempt from that negative line of thought. I guess the best way to put it into words is to say that I think that other people almost always have ulterior motives to what they say or do. It leads me to responding in a negative way or just not hanging out with people at all.

I think volunteering could help with that, meeting and talking to new people and just realizing that people are great.

kaliyama

Being well-rested and getting exercise is the difference between me enjoying my life and hating it.

VeritasVR

kaliyama wrote:

Being well-rested and getting exercise is the difference between me enjoying my life and hating it.

Dare I quote this as truth?

Yes, I dare.

Aldo

Aphostile wrote:

Oh, truly. I've had trouble sleeping for probably a decade. I've also been working on getting back into a solid workout routine and trying to take melatonin before bed / getting to bed at a reasonable time.

I guess that's another issue. I moved to Portland a year ago and don't really have a lot of friends here. I think the best of my friends, they're kindve exempt from that negative line of thought. I guess the best way to put it into words is to say that I think that other people almost always have ulterior motives to what they say or do. It leads me to responding in a negative way or just not hanging out with people at all.

I think volunteering could help with that, meeting and talking to new people and just realizing that people are great.

You sound like me and that's scary. I can totally recommend meeting new people, especially volunteers, because they can show you how awesome other people can really be. You don't have to be buddies with them, but just getting to meet people who have done well in life in non-financial ways helps a lot. "Get inspired" so to say. My dad is just as much of a negative nancy as me and it's rather frustrating to write this down, but when something shitty happens we'll be making jokes about it and act like we totally saw the disappointment coming. Part of placing more trust in other people is accepting that they might disappoint you. You might say "and they will!" but that's something you have to forget. Or when someone surprises you with being fantastic don't immediately go "for now!" or "guess he wants money!" but allow the thought to settle that this person is actually really nice.

This is far easier to write down, than to act upon. Whenever a friend doesn't text me back I immediately assume they didn't like me after all, even though i recognize that this is needlessly negative. I mean, this is shit you don't just fix overnight and I have no idea what it takes to get rid of these negative thoughts constructively.

cryptic_star

I cannot recommend counseling highly enough. It may not seem like it's helping at the time, but down the road, you can tell it had an impact. Also, it can be incredibly embarrassing, but totally worth it, so keep with it.

Volunteering is a great idea, especially if it's somewhere where you can see the same people (like a nursing home or soup kitchen). It helps with the volunteering and meeting new people all in one!

From personal experience, I think it's just about serving other people that will help you get over a lot of it. When you put other people first, a few things happen. First, who cares about their supposed ulterior motives? If you push through those feelings and just help them out, you'll either feel good for being kind (and thus build up confidence in trust), or (on the remote chance they have ulterior motives), you'll discover those whose friendship you may want to reevaluate. Second, focusing on others in general will allow you to recognize your own self-worth and how fortunate you are, which allows for a more positive outlook. Third, you can bet that the vast majority of people don't sit around and analyze your actions as much as you - you are your biggest critic (and that's true for most people). So, relax.

In general, take small steps and stick with it. Counseling helps. Friends who you are accountable to help. A plan helps. Depression is never an easy thing to overcome, and it can take upwards of several months to a few years, but it is completely possible and worth it.

lonelyahava

kaliyama wrote:

Being well-rested and getting exercise is the difference between me enjoying my life and hating it.

i think i will also highlight this.

i've recently started doing more exercise and trying to get into a fitter/healthier frame of me.

the outlook i have on life while doing these things is fantastic. I feel good, and life is good.

Also, counseling is a great thing to try, if you feel that you need it.

I've recently fallen into a bit of a rut (was sick the end of last week and fell down on my commitment to the gym) and i'm now looking into doing some volunteering as well.

all just in the hopes of getting that good vibe back.