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Newly launched webcomic. Looking for comments or tips.

DavethedemonDavethedemon Lead Writer/Co-FounderThe CompanyRegistered User regular
edited October 2011 in Artist's Corner
I write and storyboard, my older brother is the artist. This is both of our first ongoing publication of any kind so we're looking for feedback. Below is page 3, which is the latest.


Davethedemon on


  • SiegfriedSiegfried Registered User regular
    I think the word bubbles and type are probably the weakest aspect. Try to stick with a consistent type size, and perhaps choose a thicker typeface. Also, in the 2nd panel, I read the bubbles from left to right, so you've got to work on your placement. Top-bottom does not trump left-right due to the way we read.

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  • DavethedemonDavethedemon Lead Writer/Co-Founder The CompanyRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Our original text was too small and light colored, so we made it bigger. Darkening and standardizing it may be a good idea too. I definitely see what you mean about the word bubbles

    Davethedemon on
  • MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    I would tell your brother to drop anything that isn't line work at the moment. It's beyond his skill set right now and all that black makes the panels incredibly confusing, especially in such small panels. I have absolutely no idea what is going on in the 5th panel (BREEEEEEE? Is that what it says?)

    Few other things

    - You should never have to point something out with an arrow, (pee -->) if you do, drop it altogether.
    - Text that goes outside of the speech bubbles is worse than Hitler, so keep that in check.
    - Bong humour hasn't been funny since 1995, so leave the weed out unless it's absolutely necessary and not just "Oh cool, that guy is doing bong hits bro".
    - Try to do something a little more interesting with your panel layout, it looks like it wasn't really even considered.
    - The art needs a lot of work, doing drawing studies outside of the comic is going to do wonders.

    Sorry if this all comes across as harsh, but if you are serious about this you need to get some perspective about where this stands in comparison to successful web comics. I'm not saying you have to be at that level right from the word go, but if you want regular readers you are competing with them whether you like it or not. I have looked at hundreds of web comics and currently I'm only regularly reading four of them.

  • NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    pretty sure you can't post art done by other people.

  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    I'll second that the panel layout needs work. Black gutters are really only good if you're Kate Beaton (not that she uses them, but she could pull them off) or Charles Addams.

    I don't hate the art. Every panel except for panel 4 in the middle of row 2 is pretty detailed and that's a good start, definitely.

    My only real crit is with the punchline. Why is the devil so impressed with an evil sandwich he made?

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  • squidbunnysquidbunny Registered User regular
    I wouldn't even call those gutters so much as black borders with no gutters. Put gutters.

    In any case I can't even intelligently advise on art because I'm too distracted by those slapdash word balloons and the baffling font within (is that Trajan Pro? Really?). Hand-letter, and hand draw panel borders; the art is too melty and organic for the super digital rectangles and lettering.

  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    squidbunny wrote:
    I wouldn't even call those gutters so much as black borders with no gutters. Put gutters.

  • wtfbingowtfbingo Los Angeles, CARegistered User regular
    While I like that you want to get really "psychedelic" with your style, I think that you could really benefit from the whole "silhouette test" exercise. In other words, if you put your characters in silhouette, would their actions appear clear?

    Are you using Trajan Pro as a font? Sans serif type fonts (arial, verdana) tend to be more clear to the reader.

    And I completely second Mustang's suggestion that if you have to explain what something is, either redraw it or forget the gimmick.

  • webofinkwebofink Registered User regular
    Watch the spelling too. Consequence is incorrect.

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  • DavethedemonDavethedemon Lead Writer/Co-Founder The CompanyRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Thanks for the advice guys. I don't think we're gonna take all of it, but the suggestions about gutters, font and paneling we probably will.
    As for this not being my art, Nakedzergling, it's my writing/panel design and my brother's art and we're asking for tips on both, so i don't think that really applies.

    Davethedemon on
  • Spectre-xSpectre-x Rating: AWESOME YESRegistered User regular
    You kind of need all of that advice, though. Badly. It's impossible to tell what's going on in your comic because the art's all over the place, which I mean literally. The lines wobble and squirm all over the place to the point where it's impossible to tell anything from anything else. Everything's so noodly and distracting and without any kind of discernible structure that it's almost like you slapped some grayscale onto a plate of spaghetti.

    So your brother should really work on cleaning up his lines and his figures. He has a negligible grasp on proportion, anatomy and perspective and he doesn't know what he's doing with the grayscale and shadow effects. He really needs to go back to the basics and build some kind of foundation because man, this is pretty dire. There's no consistency at all so the reader has to try and figure out which character is which from context alone, and that's a problem in this case becuase, as I mentioned before, the whole thing is nearly indecipherable. It is not a good comic. It's not even a passable comic. It is actually really, really bad.

    I'm not saying it won't be good or can't be good, I'm just saying that the both of you need a lot of practice because this would be unreadable even if you'd picked a better font. Your comic's awful, but that's okay. Nobody starts out perfect. Most people actually start out being pretty terrible at stuff, and they get better by practising.

    So that's what my advice is. Practice. A lot. Not by making comics, mind you. You can do that, but if you want to get better you need to do a lot more than just that. Start out with the absolute basics. Anatomy, perspective, life drawing, creative writing exercises, stuff like that. Build a solid foundation, because right now you're building a castle in a swamp, and that's just going to sink.

  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    I was wondering if anyone was going to point out that the first panel really looks like he's...doing himself. But nobody did, so perhaps I have some serious issues.

    But anyways, Spex, and everyone is on the money. You really shouldn't be probably taking advice right now if you want to improve. I mean, nobody can make you take advice, but if you want to see results, you may want to take heed. Have you seen some of Squidbunny's work? If you haven't you should really check it out. I'm not saying if you should compare yourself to those comics, lord knows I wouldn't put myself in that ballpark, but it may open your eyes to how to tell a story within the comic medium.

    Anatomy is all right, but is shows a lack of basic structure. Look at the second panel, faces/mouths/necks could never do that. No matter how exaggerated something is, it still has to have some underlying understanding of structure, in order to break those rules. The art looks better in panels 3 and 5, but only because they're more heavily stylized, and its masking some of the anatomy issues.

    When you can't even take the time to make your words fit inside your word bubbles, it looks lazy, and makes me wonder why I'm reading it if the artists couldn't take the time to do things proper. As far as utilizing space within the panels to their full potential, you're either squeezing too much in, or have too much empty space. These things figured out in an early stage, much before the comic is inked.

    The biggest problem for me though is just the story-boarding and execution of ideas. What is the point of this comic? Is the layout dynamic, and are the angles within the panels interesting? Is there any unnecessary dialog? Is every panel completely necessary to tell the story? Ask yourself things like these when you're in the planning stages of a comic and iron out the kinks early on.

    It's not all negative though, so you've got a leg up. Only way to get better at comics, is to keep learning and keep comic-ing.

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