Text Message shows Wrong Dates? *UPDATE She really is a Cheating Girlfriend!*

Element Brian

Oh hey I'm back...son of a bitch.

SO, this week I was with my girlfriend and waiting outside while she had a job interview, she had left her phone with me, i was playing with it and ended up reading a few of her text message conversations from the past couple days. ( YES THIS IS A HORRIBLE THING TO DO, WE ALREADY WENT OVER THAT IN CHAT, LETS GET PASS THE INVASION OF PRIVACY ISSUE) I saw a conversation that went something like this

Guy: So are you going to send me a picture?
GF: *she sends a picture*
Guy: You're really cute
GF: So are you, good answer

it goes on for a bit then he says

Guy: so you should come up here (to his city about 15 miles away)
GF: I want to

thats the end of the conversation.

We have been dating for a month, the date on this was from this past monday.

When she came back I confronted her about it, and she told me that it was from before we met, that supposedly her phone screwed up and she didn't set the date till recently or whatever and so it showed the date of the messages as from Monday Nov 7th but she claims that it was really from a month or so before we met.

The question is, is that is even possible? She has a Samsung Galaxy, if for some reason you don't set the "date" or whatever for the phone, can old messages randomly appear as if they are from this past week.... I just don't know what to believe, I want to believe her, but the story just sounds so odd or hard to believe.

I'm not really asking whether I should break up with her, I know it was wrong of me to read her texts..but regardless of all that, I just wanna know, is that even a thing? Is it remotely possible that what she told me was the truth?

Mojo_Jojo

I've got a Galaxy S, I've never had any such issues but it's possible. Text messages are time-stamped when you receive them so if she had her phone date set incorrectly and then rejigged it, it would keep certain messages with messed up date stamps.

Cambiata

I own a Samsung Android phone (not a Galaxy), and I just checked to see if it were possible to set the date incorrectly, and it is. And as Mojo points out, the texts will be time-stamped based on the date system the phone is set for, so if I changed the date on my phone to 12/10/11, and then got a text, it would get time stamped for that date.

As to whether an incorrect date could have been set on the phone due to a glitch, it's possible. I've had weird things happen to me on different phones depending on provider (things that only happened with that one provider and the phone was fine for everyone else).

godmode

Honestly, I've never had a phone that was receiving service from the cell carrier display the wrong date and time. The only instance I've ever had to set them manually was when I brought a BlackBerry with me to Iraq where there was no service (I was using it as an alarm clock, you see).

Yes, it's possible...but it's highly unlikely, especially if she's not big on tinkering with electronics regularly. If I were you, I would be very skeptical.

Element Brian

So, last night I found another conversation with another guy, they exchanged pictures again. He was trying to convince her to come out and do something with him at about 2AM. She was talking about it and then said "you know i have a boyfriend right" so she mentioned me. They talked about it some more and eventually she tells him she cant, then later he asks her to do something that weekend and she says "yeah". The thing about this is it's time stamped on the 3rd of November, the other one, the one she claimed is from months ago and that got 'messed up' is time stamped on the 7th, just this last week. So supposedly that text got screwed up to show the incorrect date despite it being months old, but this one is from the 3rd and is obviously showing the correct date.

When I asked her about it, she just gave me another excuse, saying that guy was with another girl and they were just old friends that she wanted to get out with so she could go up to her old town where she used to live.

So obviously the case is kind of clear, whether she cheated one me or not, it now looks like she at least toyed with the idea, thought about it and when other guys approached her she didn't immediately shoot them down, you know, like someone in a committed relationship did. So thats it right? She vehemently claims that neither of them were "bad" that she had no intentions like that, but it just doesn't really add up. ON top of that shes mad at me (not for going through her texts in the first place) but shes mad that I can't believe her very unlikely story. Then she switches and talks about how much she loves me and wants to be with me and etc.

So I should stop giving a fuck and just cut the chord, right?

badpoet

Well, first you should stop reading her phone. It's not your phone. I'm surprised she didn't cut the cord when you confronted her.

Second, it looks like she's got other people she's interested in. You've been going out for a month, so that's hardly surprising. If you like the girl, then just chill out and see where it leads. If this is going to totally bother you, then move on.

EDIT: How old are you both?

Element Brian

I'm 24 she's 19

Penguin_Otaku

She's not faithful. Cut the ties and move on.

Sentry

Look, if you're feeling the need to read her text messages after one month, a length of time where a lot of people haven't even made the decision to date exclusively yet, then yes, you should cut the cord, but I don't think for the reason you seem to think. You don't trust her, and she damn well better not be trusting you considering. It doesn't sound like she ever cheated, she may have been having second thoughts about the relationship (looks like they were warranted) and wanted to keep some options open.

I would say this relationship is probably toast. But I don't necessarily think she was the one that burned it.

naporeon

Sentry wrote:

Look, if you're feeling the need to read her text messages after one month, a length of time where a lot of people haven't even made the decision to date exclusively yet, then yes, you should cut the cord, but I don't think for the reason you seem to think. You don't trust her, and she damn well better not be trusting you considering. It doesn't sound like she ever cheated, she may have been having second thoughts about the relationship (looks like they were warranted) and wanted to keep some options open.

I would say this relationship is probably toast. But I don't necessarily think she was the one that burned it.

I agree with all of this. I would also add that you should work on the fact that you seem to think that it's okay to just go snooping around through a person's phone.

The fact of the matter is, if you can't trust the people you are with, you shouldn't be with them. This is a two-way street: they should be trustworthy, and you should be trusting. Whether or not she failed to hold up her end, you definitely did.

Figgy

You're both fairly untrustworthy people. I would break it off and then seriously start evaluating your own character. You don't want to get into a new relationship and start snooping through her shit again. Figure out what it is that makes you act this way before it becomes a real issue.

Slippery slope.

ceres

Sentry wrote:

Look, if you're feeling the need to read her text messages after one month, a length of time where a lot of people haven't even made the decision to date exclusively yet, then yes, you should cut the cord, but I don't think for the reason you seem to think. You don't trust her, and she damn well better not be trusting you considering. It doesn't sound like she ever cheated, she may have been having second thoughts about the relationship (looks like they were warranted) and wanted to keep some options open.

I would say this relationship is probably toast. But I don't necessarily think she was the one that burned it.

This. In less than a month of seeing her you've been through her things a number of times greater than zero looking for trouble, and you either found it or made it. Congratulations; but you'll probably never know now which it is. Let her go and don't do that anymore. Ever. It's awful.

Zombie Nirvana

This is what I said a month ago on your other thread (http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/150636/so-about-a-girl...#Item_21) about this person and whether you should get involved. You are wasting your time with this girl, always have been. This is what happens with people like this. You are welcome - good luck finding someone who respects you!

"Sure, she was abused as a child and still hasn't recovered, which results in the lack of boundaries that she's already displayed in 2 months and the acts of insecurity that he speaks about in the OP. I'm sure she's an okay human being, but she doesn't sound like she's at all centered in herself and is likely not ready for a serious relationship. This guy is talking about things like love, which generally should be reserved for serious relationships. He's taking on the role of white knight and she's quickly becoming an over-infatuated project girl.

Unless he's just looking to fuck someone for a bit, then go ahead. But it's likely this relationship doesn't end up in a healthy place."

Zombie Nirvana

Your instincts are correct, btw. You don't trust her because she is untrustworthy. That voice of doubt you have going off... that's accurate. You'll be amazed how accurate it can be once you start looking back on things. You can do that now or in 6 months. Either way it'll be an interesting experience.

John Matrix

A 5 year age gap isn't a big deal, but when it's at your ages then I'm not surprised that this is going on. When I think of myself at 19 and then at 24, my priorities, personality, etc. were very different. A frank discussion is the best way to resolve this.

kaliyama

did you guys even have a talk about exclusivity?

tapeslinger

This relationship is not in good health... my instinct on this is that you should move on and work on your own trust issues. This girl is in a very different place in her life, and it doesn't seem like she wants the things you want. I would talk it out with her, but you need to be honest with yourself. A relationship is founded on trust and it does not look like either of you have it.

Tox

I'll just plus-one Sentry, naporeon, and ceres. Whether or not she screwed up, you did. Irrespective of that, though, the fact that you went through her phone a second time clearly demonstrates that you're not able to trust her. You will never be fully committed to someone you can't trust. You need to move on.

Essee

Yeah, uhh, for the future... flipping through messages out of boredom like that is something it's only even kind of okay to do AFTER you've been with the person for a long time, your relationship is solid, you are exclusive, AND you've confirmed with your girlfriend whether she'd be bothered by something like that (I've flipped through my fiance's messages in various places a couple of times to help delete spam because I know it's okay with him and there's nothing there I wouldn't know about anyway, but if he told me not to I'd leave it be). The problem here is that you did this way before any of these things were established. Particularly, if you've only been dating for a month (and only been talking about dating for like... three months maybe?), you are probably not yet "exclusive", EVEN if she's already said so. I don't think a one-month relationship is long enough for someone to really "feel" like they're with you exclusively and stop talking to other guys (although you can see that she was already fending off one guy by saying she had a boyfriend). I know you're aware that it was a bad idea to flip through her phone like that, but I just wanted to make clear why that's a problem.

Anyway, I don't think it really matters at this stage of the relationship whether she talks to other guys. You've barely been going out, so it's understandable that she hasn't broken things off with other guys yet. However, if you feel like her end of things is going to be a constant problem (not just something was going on because your relationship is new, which is what it seems to me), or this isn't something you're comfortable with, yeah, you should drop things with her. She also might not be comfortable with you now that you've gone through her phone and confronted her about it (she obviously probably already lied to you about this, meaning things aren't okay right now). You already seemed to have a slightly unhealthy attitude toward this relationship starting with your last thread, so maybe this isn't something you guys are ready for. Note that I'm not really talking about the age difference so much because, well, my fiance and I have a larger age difference (but I suppose we also have a much smaller mental age difference than most people do). I'm mostly worried about how much trust there is between you in the relationship ALREADY. This is pretty bad, to have a trust issue at the start of the relationship like this. You're starting from a bad place, so I'm not sure how well this will work out if you continue to try to be in a relationship with her.

Dr. Frenchenstein

The fact that you don't trust her enough to not go through her stuff pretty much spells doom for this relationship. You're going to keep looking for trouble, and like Ceres said: you're either going to find it or make it. You are already convinced she is cheating, now you are looking for evidence to back that up. Just take a mulligan on this one, and walk away.

I have 2 friends that don't trust each other (with good reason) and pull this sort of shit. They get into knock down drag out fights (cops have been called) constantly... They are getting married next year. I have a feeling it will end like a damn Eminem video. Its so bad that they have lost multiple friends and don't even go out anymore, because they will get into a fight.

Drez

I feel the same way. Once you're in this situation it's hard to claw back up to a level of trust that works.

Karrmer

Going through her phone after dating for one month is ridiculous. Stop dating her and don't date anyone else until you learn a thing or two about boundaries. Also, you might want to avoid dating nineteen year olds - this sort of behavior is pretty common with that age group.

bowen

There is a level of severity here that is being ignored. Yes, going through someone's phone is stupid and wrong. Fucking someone you're not dating while dating someone is more wrong (allegedly). Girl left her phone with the dude, pretty much gonna guess he's going to stumble through texts or emails at some point, she left it knowingly in his care for him to toy around with. I'm assuming she'd know he'd go through shit on her phone, or else she'd be more hesitant in leaving it in his care.

Also he knows that was wrong, but I think we can all look past this into the fact that she's probably (most likely) cheating on him and he should get out of that relationship post haste and quit harping on something he knows was an abuse of trust (less so than the cheating).

Sentry

bowen wrote:

There is a level of severity here that is being ignored. Yes, going through someone's phone is stupid and wrong. Fucking someone you're not dating is more wrong (allegedly). Girl left her phone with the dude, pretty much gonna guess he's going to stumble through texts or emails at some point, she left it knowingly in his care for him to toy around with. I'm assuming she'd know he'd go through shit on her phone, or else she'd be more hesitant in leaving it in his care.

Also he knows that was wrong, but I think we can all look past this into the fact that she's probably (most likely) cheating on him and he should get out of that relationship post haste and quit harping on something he knows was an abuse of trust (less so than the cheating).

All we have is evidence she was talking to some other guys, there are definitely no concrete plans having been made, yes it sounds like she was flirting with them, and who knows what may have happened in the future. That being said, they were only dating for a month. If he's not finding a ton of motel receipts I don't think this is outside the realm of normality. Frankly, and this is just a best guess from me, it sounds like possible potential internet dates that she was just kind of stringing along while she waited to see how things would pan out for the OP. Is that good? Not really, and if that was the case she should have been honest about it, but again we don't know if they ever had the exclusivity talk, nor do we really know what her intentions were.

Neither of them acted great, but the trust is completely broken so at this point I really don't think it matters.

Drez

Sentry wrote:

bowen wrote:

There is a level of severity here that is being ignored. Yes, going through someone's phone is stupid and wrong. Fucking someone you're not dating is more wrong (allegedly). Girl left her phone with the dude, pretty much gonna guess he's going to stumble through texts or emails at some point, she left it knowingly in his care for him to toy around with. I'm assuming she'd know he'd go through shit on her phone, or else she'd be more hesitant in leaving it in his care.

Also he knows that was wrong, but I think we can all look past this into the fact that she's probably (most likely) cheating on him and he should get out of that relationship post haste and quit harping on something he knows was an abuse of trust (less so than the cheating).

All we have is evidence she was talking to some other guys, there are definitely no concrete plans having been made, yes it sounds like she was flirting with them, and who knows what may have happened in the future. That being said, they were only dating for a month. If he's not finding a ton of motel receipts I don't think this is outside the realm of normality. Frankly, and this is just a best guess from me, it sounds like possible potential internet dates that she was just kind of stringing along while she waited to see how things would pan out for the OP. Is that good? Not really, and if that was the case she should have been honest about it, but again we don't know if they ever had the exclusivity talk, nor do we really know what her intentions were.

Neither of them acted great, but the trust is completely broken so at this point I really don't think it matters.

I agree. I mean I think it's likely that she may have cheated or whatever but whether or not she did at this point is irrelevant. It's not a healthy relationship.

Esh

bowen wrote:

I'm assuming she'd know he'd go through shit on her phone, or else she'd be more hesitant in leaving it in his care.

I would think this should be the exact opposite. I would leave my phone with someone knowing they weren't going to go flipping through my messages, photos, emails, etc.

Dr. Frenchenstein

I gave my ex a key to my house, i don't expect her to go rifling through my tax records. The same should apply to a phone

Regardless, like sentry and Drez said, whether she did or did not cheat is irrelevant at this point. OP will never be able to get it out of his head that she did.

Tox

bowen wrote:

Girl left her phone with the dude, pretty much gonna guess he's going to stumble through texts or emails at some point, she left it knowingly in his care for him to toy around with.

BZZT!

Wrong, she left it in his care to hold on to, not look through. When your girlfriend says, "can you hold my purse?" it does not mean "would you like to rifle around in my purse for a while?"

darkmayo

I think he should cut her loose and move on, and next time dont look through people's messages, emails, journals etc.

ihmmy

Sentry wrote:

Look, if you're feeling the need to read her text messages after one month, a length of time where a lot of people haven't even made the decision to date exclusively yet, then yes, you should cut the cord, but I don't think for the reason you seem to think. You don't trust her, and she damn well better not be trusting you considering. It doesn't sound like she ever cheated, she may have been having second thoughts about the relationship (looks like they were warranted) and wanted to keep some options open.

I would say this relationship is probably toast. But I don't necessarily think she was the one that burned it.

Fully and whole-heartedly seconded (or thirded or fourthed or wherever we are on this thread).

I have a Samsung POS that *constantly* timestamps my texts with the wrong time. But it's only off by an hour. No matter how many times I set it. I think it's in part because I'm in one of those wonky time zones that doesn't bother with changing our clocks, so it gets extra stupid about correctly stamping the time the text was received. Regardless, it's never been off by more than an hour, let alone days and weeks

Element Brian

We'd talked about being exclusive, she far more than me. I don't know if she was just bored and wanted attentioned, but when she was with me it was like she was infatuated. I even compared the times of her text to me to the ones she was sending to other guys. One text shed send me going on and on about how much she was in love with me or something, and then in this next text she'd send some guy talking about how cute he was and its a good thing she thought he was cute.

I've had plenty of relationships at this point, and I've never gone through anyones phone before, I've never felt the need to. I know it was wrong and I'm not trying to justify it, but i will say that i had suspicions from the way she acted, how she would always talk about some guy friends and constantly be texting someone while she was with me, to the point she'd spend more time texting than talking to me at all. Then when she'd talk to me she'd go back to how much she loves me and such. it all seemed very two faced and thats why I felt compelled to read her text, whether it was ok or not.

We had a huge fight today, and she once again just stormed off without talking about it. This is the 5th time in the last week she has done this. She WILL NOT TALK about anything, everytime a serious issue comes up she storms off, refuses to talk to me, tells me to get away from her. Then an hour later comes back to me acting like everything is ok. Today as i was dropping her off she asked if I was going to break up with her and I didn't answer, i didnt know what to say. She got out of the car without saying anything, i sat there for 10 minutes waiting for her to do something and she didn't, then as i was leaving i saw her outside so came back to her, tried to talk to her, but she was keep walking away, i tried talking to her about how i felt, how I wasn't sure if she was ready for as serious a relationship as I was looking for and she just got hysterical about how "she gets hurt everytime and she was stupid to try and such and just knew she was going to get hurt again." then she just storms off as always i try to talk to her but she refuses and walks away from me telling me to get away.

So i said screw it and left, at that point I thought it was over, that she didn't want to be together, but she sends me another text an hour later saying asking me if I'm breaking up with her..at the same time all of this has been going on she just recently got kicked out of her aunts house because in all honesty her aunt has been very abusive, this girl is trying to quit smoking and drinking but its all her aunt ever does, so she tries to stay away from that situation. anyway, she got kicked out and I was able to organize a few people from our church to come help her out, we found a place for her to stay for a few days while some people from our Church help her to find a job. I didn't want to break up with her right now just because there was already too much going on for her and i didn't want this to be the thing that throws her over the edge...but at this point i don't even know what to do, I'd stay with her if she were able to mature and grow up, as in get to the point where she can atleast have a conversation with me and acknowledge that while yes what i did was horrible, that was she did was wrong too. but if I want to break up with her, its almost like she will try to make me feel so guilty that I cant.

Druhim

bowen wrote: »

There is a level of severity here that is being ignored. Yes, going through someone's phone is stupid and wrong. Fucking someone you're not dating while dating someone is more wrong (allegedly). Girl left her phone with the dude, pretty much gonna guess he's going to stumble through texts or emails at some point, she left it knowingly in his care for him to toy around with. I'm assuming she'd know he'd go through shit on her phone, or else she'd be more hesitant in leaving it in his care.

Also he knows that was wrong, but I think we can all look past this into the fact that she's probably (most likely) cheating on him and he should get out of that relationship post haste and quit harping on something he knows was an abuse of trust (less so than the cheating).

BULL
SHIT

if Usagi ever left her cell phone with me for some reason, I damn well wouldn't go rifling through her messages. It's still a betrayal of trust.

Druhim

Jesus Brian, you need to grow a spine and get out. This "relationship" is toxic on both ends as others have repeatedly pointed out. You're not responsible for her. That's great that you helped arrange for someplace for her to stay, but that does not mean you shouldn't break up with her ASAP. Get out of the relationship NOW and stop letting her manipulate you with her dependency.

Figgy

Yeah, it doesn't matter how long you have been with someone. Going through text histories is a terrible thing to do.

Would you pick up another phone and listen in if your significant other was talking on the phone? Looking through texts/emails is 100% the same idea.

godmode

I think the horse has been beaten enough.

Brian, the relationship isn't healthy, and it's clearly going nowhere good. End it immediately.

Zombie Nirvana

Brian, this isn't your fault. She is broken. Do not let her guilt you into staying in this relationship.

ceres

She should have broken up with you after the first time you looked through her phone, so you would be wise to do so now, because she might not know how to. It's nice you've helped her find somewhere to sleep; now leave her be.

Why? Because she comes from a place where she can't trust, and through no fault of her own. So what's the first thing you do? Reinforce that for her - confront her about something you think you've found while rifling through her private chats.

I think you've done enough.

Element Brian

I got the proof I needed. I'm not proud of how i got it, but i have pictures of messages to prove that she hasn't been faithful, that after lying to me about this she has promised someone to go and hook up with them. its absolutely over. I may be a horrible person for this, but I have never felt so suspicious of a girl until this one.

You can call me whatever you want, but i did what I needed to do to get the proof, and its pretty damnable.

Druhim

You don't have the moral high ground here. If you didn't trust her, you should have just ended the relationship instead of rationalizing why it's supposedly ok to go through her messages. So yeah, you are pretty messed up if you think you did the right thing and that's something you should really address before you date again. Who gives a shit about proof? It's not like you have to take her to court to end the relationship.

evanismyname

She has a right to be crazy... But you don't have a right to her private information

Element Brian

she wasnt going to let me end it, i really dont care, i wanted to know, she kept lying and i had the strongest feeling that she was lying, but i told her when we first started dating not to hurt me. Its like i said before, ive dated plenty of girls before, and ive never gone through their stuff, ive never felt i had to, but she was different. This girl had talked about how she thought i was perfect for her, that she could never want anyone else, she told me she wouldn't dream of being with another guy of doing anything, but from the day when i read the first text i knew something was up, shit, i knew something was up before I read it.

After i read it the first time she told me i could read her messages, because she had nothing to hide, well, she didn't hide it well enough. Im not saying what i did is right, and this point i just dont care, but after she begged me and begged me to stay with her, and swore by everything that all those texts were out of context or whatever. It just doesn't matter now, i'm not happy, but i can move on.