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Chewing with mouth open(solved)
JusticeforPluto
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, this year I was assigned to a dorm room with four people. Two rooms with two people each, plus a common room, bathroom, and shower room. I'm relatively okay with my roommate, but we don’t have much in common. The two guys in the other room and I do however share a common interest in video games. I spend a lot of time in their room hanging out with them and playing Xbox. However, one of them must always eat inside his room. This becomes a problem as always chews with his mouth open. Every time he does so I must leave the room because it makes me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t a problem until recently, but now the sound of it and the smell of his food makes me sick. I don’t know how to bring it up with him, as it is his room and I feel it would be rude to begin with. If anyone has any helpful advice, than I would love to hear it. If you feel like it’s none of my business and I should stay out of their room if I don’t like it, well I feel that way too. That’s why I’m asking for help. Also, I like this guy. I feel as if me and the two other roommates are friends of sorts. I would hate to see him go out on a date only to gross out his date.
Tl;dr, how can I politely tell someone that they chew with their mouth open?
Tl;dr, how can I politely tell someone that they chew with their mouth open?
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It is best to bring it up I think, but be tactful. Do it 1 on 1, dont do it infront of a group, even if other people also have a problem with it then it will seem to him that you all are ganging up on him and that can make him defensive.
You can go up to them one on one, maybe admit how awkward you feel to ask tell him this, complement him first about something to get yourself going, and eventually end with a "yanno when you eat with your mouth open around me it makes me feel uncomfortable, how do you think we can improve this situation?"
Alternatively you can look for a way to switch your rooming assignment with someone else. You cant make him change, but you can find out if he wants to change. If he doesn't there is pretty much nothing you can do but move out or get used to it.
Draygo's basically right. Just tell him that you don't feel super comfortable when people chew with their mouth open and ask if it would be a big deal if he were to stop. It's true that he might feel like you've been rude, but just asking isn't rude, and plenty of people are fine with stuff like that. If you're worried that he's going to overreact and get offended, then in my opinion the best thing to do is offend him, because what's the worst that can happen? As long as you're respectful it's not like you've done anything wrong.
It's very normal in some cultures to chew with the mouth open, and this guy may have been doing this for a few decades. He's unlikely to change his behaviour and bringing it up will likely make him feel uncomfortable.
Should you be accomodating of his culture or should he be accomodating of yours?!?
It's a little lie, but is probably the only non-sarcastic way to bring it up. I mean, you could grab some food of your own and smack your own lips at him really obnoxiously. Or you could say "Dude, did you learn to eat on a farm? close your mouth!" But that's a good way to get him pissed at you or, at the very least, hurt his feelings.
You're not in the wrong to bring it up, though. Just try to downplay it and spin it in a "The More You Know" way.
Find a time when you guys are alone and say something like the following:
"Hey man this is a bit awkward for me to bring up, and I'm really sorry, but lately it's been making me very uncomfortable when you eat because of how loud it can be. I realize that this is a bit weird and part of it may be sensitivity on my part, but I would really appreciate it if you could try to find ways to eat more quietly. It would really suck if I had to leave every time you wanted to eat in our room, or you felt like you couldn't eat in here just because I react so poorly to it?"
Make it about both of you, not just him. Because clearly there wouldn't be a problem if you weren't there, so it's not just "his issue". Also, taking the time to ask him if there's anything you do which really bothers him that you can try to mitigate will probably go a long way. Do that afterwards though, hopefully after he's made the appropriate nice-sounding noises - doing it up front just makes you look like a scheming douchebag.
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I have a friend that chews with his mouth open, and it sounds like feeding a steak covered in peanut butter to a rottweiler. It is to the point where when we eat together my food is always cold by the time I get to eat because I have to talk continuously while he eats or I get nauseous. Unfortunately I can't think of a polite way to tell someone they chew so loud that it makes me feel like I sat down to dinner with a large breed dog, so my solution is just to carry on a conversation with myself very loudly until he's done eating.
Letting the guy know might make him defensive but... he really needs to know. You're doing him a favor.
guhhh
You could just outright say that he is gross. It shouldn't be taken too badly if you are friends.
This is not at all necessary, and it's actually pretty rude and unappreciated in this forum. She was directly answering your query and it was not an inappropriate answer.
Just be like "dude, stop smakin' your chops" and be done with it. He'll either be a turd about it, or he'll be like "oh, my bad" and then stop.
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Culture? It's a matter of manners, and it has nothing to do with accommodating someone's culture.
This. My brother in law smacks his mouth as he eats, but after he has swallowed. When it got too much for me to handle one day, this is how I handled it:
"Hey, that's really, really annoying."
"What is?"
"You keep smacking your lips."
"Oh, sorry."
It stopped for a while, but he started doing it again a few hours later:
"You're doing it again."
Different cultures have different manners.
Otherwise the best thing would be to bring it up politly, though dont expect him to change at all just because you dont like it.
Don't do it like this though.
It's completely over the top, passive aggressive, and unnecessary. Just keep it short and sweet. I guarantee he's grossing other people out as well and you have every right to ask someone to stop doing that. It'd be like if someone was burping or farting at the dinner table.
Oh, I didn't realize this only happens in his room. Yeah, not your business. Unless he's doing it in common areas, I'd keep my mouth shut to keep harmony. Grin and bear it, and if it's that bad, request a different room next term.
I agree that it was a silly statement to make, but it's off-topic anyway as the guy is American, so let's move past it.
I live in China where it seems the majority of people, especially lower class, eat with their mouths open, splatter food everywhere, and get sauces and bits on their hands. I was brought up with some serious codes of etiquette and try as hard as I can I can't help but be seriously annoyed by their table manners.
My wife is Chinese but she went to university so picked up manners and some common sense decency, but I can't stand eating with her family because of this. Really its my problem as they aren't harming me in any way.
What I do is I usually have a book to read while I eat and it helps me ignore the smack gobble slurp burp crunches.
If you are merely friendly, and not necessarily friends, I'd keep in mind that you are in his room, not the other way around.
Also keep in mind it is his room. For some people 'home' is sanctuary. He feels safe there, he can do no wrong there, etc. If he does it out in public as well he is either socially inept or has something wrong with his jaw/teeth.
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Edit: For the record, I agree that this is hideously irritating, though.
If it were me I'd probably just make a mild joke about it. If I were the mouth smacker that would be less intrusive than some sort of 1 on 1 sit down intervention where you tell him how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel. Just gently rib him about it, once, and see how he reacts. If he doesn't give a shit, well, there you go. If he blows his top, well, you learned somethign there too. If he apologizes then you can make a Mr. Serious comment about how he might want to get that particular habit under control.