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here's a comic

deadbeat comicsdeadbeat comics Registered User
edited December 2011 in Artist's Corner
2011-12-10-BAT7.jpg

let us know what you think

deadbeat comics on

Posts

  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    For future reference, please post a MUCH smaller image.

    Also, are you looking for constructive critique? It would be nice to see a couple of these so we can give you feedback on the comic as a whole.

  • deadbeat comicsdeadbeat comics Registered User
    yeah constructive feedback please. and im not sure how to post a smaller one

  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    well the first constructive feedback item then is 'learn how to resize things.'

    I'm not sure how you're going to run a webcomic if you don't know how to scale and upload images.

  • MangoesMangoes Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    I find the pose of the Manager a bit too "oh well, he's doing a thing" for the situation. If my employee was jumping on a table and shouting rebellious remarks, I'd probably be a bit more emphatic with my body language. Also, the punchline doesn't make a lot of sense without some context. Why is he shouting that? Is he fed up with work, is he just crazy? If the comic is supposed to be a one-off, it certainly comes off as having some back story to it.

    Art-wise, the lack of anti-aliasing on the linework is a bit distracting and calls to mind MS Paint, but the upper half of the pose of the guy on the table is really dynamic and conveys a lot of energy. Good job on that.

    Mangoes on
  • agoajagoaj Now is the time of my revengeRegistered User regular
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I can show you how to use Gimp for resizing. If you want to get into the jpeg industry, you've got to know how to cut the product for distribution.
    Take these criticisms to heart and make the next one better.

    agoaj on
    qnu0EMk.png
  • madmoshermadmosher Registered User
    The only thing that really sticks out to me is line weight. I would suggest either going the american route and bolding your characters outline a little, or the japanese route of fading your line work as it gets closer to your characters (swap characters with whatever you want the eye drawn towards in the image). And though this isn't so much art as it is layout, you cant go wrong dropping your url somewhere in the panel frame.

    divisionlogonew.png
  • Lucky CynicLucky Cynic Registered User regular
    Using lines of different weight would go a long way. It can help separate characters from the background and lighter weights can be used to add subtle details without being too distracting.

  • CurisCuris Registered User regular
    I like the variety of poses between panels one and 2 - nice to see you avoided the temptation to recycle art.

    You need a bit of colour or differing line weights to help make characters and foregrounds pop off the backgrounds.

    I took the liberty of colouring a panel.

    the-deadbeats.jpg

  • deadbeat comicsdeadbeat comics Registered User
    2011-11-15-BAT5done_resize.png[img][/img]2011-11-14-BAT1done_resize.png

    here are few more some of the first ones.

    thank you for all the feedback, the colored panel looks sweet.

  • garytheunicorngarytheunicorn Registered User
    Like other people have said, some bolder lines would help the readability of your images as well as some coloring or shading.

    I think the second comic here has wittier banter, and the punchline has more of a payoff. The first one just kind of ends and leaves me thinking. "So what?" I think the guy in the hat should have less to say, people don't always have to respond verbally one after the other. I think if you took out his dialogue from either the second or final panel it might improve the pacing. Maybe the guitar string in the final panel just needs to "tawng" or "poit" or whatever broken guitar strings say.
    2011-11-15-BAT5done_resize.png[img][/img]2011-11-14-BAT1done_resize.png

    here are few more some of the first ones.

    thank you for all the feedback, the colored panel looks sweet.

  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    The larger text in the last panel of the second comic implies he's saying that louder than the rest of the dialogue. I'm guessing that's not what you were going for.

  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    Do you have any time to commit to drawing outside of the comic?

    I think you have potential, right now the jokes, the timing, and the art are pretty average, which is way better than most people starting out. Iron out the lines and don't be lazy with your formatting and you would have a standard to guys quip back and forth with each other comic. If you push yourself further, solidifying your artistic skills and your writing, You might get something more interesting.

    What comics are you being influenced by? What artists?

  • Tim-YatesTim-Yates Registered User
    I like the style the characters are drawn in, it's fun. Your humor is also good! I'm assuming the sketchy and open lineart approach is intentional, but I would do a couple things to improve it.
    -Vary the lineweight up. The line thickness is pretty much constant throught the drawing. This tends to flatten the whole thing up. Some tricks are making lines on the shaded side or bottom of the form thicker then ones on the lit side/top, lines in the foreground have slightly thicker lines then one further back, lines inside the form could be slightly thinner then the ones outlining the form, etc.
    -I would add some gray areas and a few more black areas so the image doesnt look flat. Even if you don't use a graytone with photoshop, you can imply a gray area with cross-hatching or a number of other techniques.
    -Don't forget the basic form of your figures. If you go straight into the lineart without laying down the form first, the proportions and structure will probably be a little off in the end. Start with basic shapes and build the features off of that.

    Good luck, and keep up the good work!

    failhunter_banner2_by_timyates-d4jn83j.jpg
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