Critical Failures Proudly Presents...
Let's Read: TMNT & Other Strangeness
Welcome! Most of you are probably familiar with how this works. I read a book, talk about it, we have a few laughs together, you and I. That sounds like a good time to me.
I'd like to step up and surprise everyone with my Let's Read selection, but you're probably here because you saw the title, so there's no point in being coy about it. We (yes we, more on that later) will be reading a Gaming Cult Classic(tm):
This is what being a kid in the early nineties was about.
However before I delve into this venerable tome, I would like to put forward a disclaimer: this Let's Read will be highly satirical (and maybe a little critical) of the book. I know of Erick Wujcik's legend and anything said is said purely in jest. Also there may be some
Fursecution. With that out of the way, let's dive right in.
--
INTRODUCTION
For an introduction, there is a
lot of text. I mean, it's an introduction, so it's good that it introduces us, but damn. There's no pictures. Not a Ninja Turtle in sight. Hell, there's not even
Other Strangeness.
But that's okay, see, because our author has a
Thesis Statement.
"The concept behind that of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is novel but not new. Over the years there have been animal characters in every comic book ever created."
Hmm. I guess I can buy that. Unfortunately his point is ruined when he uses Howard the Duck as an example and then references furry fandom. Okay he doesn't really reference furries
specifically but it's there. I PROMISE.
Mr. Wujcik goes on to explain that the book is a COMPLETE GAME, because I guess the late eighties/early nineties were filled with half-written books that required other books to pl--
waitaminnit he's talking about D&D.
Clever girl.
Anyway, then he talks about how the Animal Section is "Incomplete" and then basically tells haters to Step Off because there's like a
hobillion different animals and can't be arsed to put artsy descriptions and stats for all of them. And then he thanks his playtesters, all of whom are Manly Men except for Suzie Zick who is probably someone's girlfriend because
come on girls don't play games.
What follows is something Magical, which is essentially a miniature essay (ugh reading) on why Random Character Generation Is Better. Well, he doesn't use the word Better persay and maybe he acknowledges that it's personal preference but
shut up.
I will not repeat the essay verbatim here; I will outline his three major points.
EXCELLENT PLAYERS CAN ROLE-PLAY[sic] ANYTHING
"An excellent player can play any character and sees a weak character as a challenge, not a liability."
Yeah Gamer McIdiot, maybe you should see your crappy character with no stats above below average as a
challenge and suck it up.
I think the best part is his anecdote:
"Recently a pair of players in a fantasy game were captured by enemies. They managed to escape, but they found themselves lost in a strange desert with nothing but a piece of wire. The roleplaying went on for several weeks, alternating between the lost survivors dodging armored hunters and straining to get water, shelter and food in a hostile land. It was an intensely interesting roleplaying adventure."
Kids, this is why Gaming Stories are bad, and Gaming Stories Making It To Print are ten times worse. We were basically just given a "Ya Had To Be There" story that actually had nothing to do with what he was talking about, except that it happened in a roleplaying game. Well, I guess he's trying to say that if we were all
excellent players we could spend several weeks watching Jim and Chuck eat sand while we save the world.
CONVENIENCE FOR THE GAMEMASTER
He basically says that Random Generation makes making NPCs easier. Okay, that actually makes perfect sense; I do that all the time.
That matters dick-all when Sam hits the RPG equivalent of a Powerball Jackpot and emerges with a Giant Mutant Tigerman with Robotic Gun Arms who shoot grenades out of his ass and Jake rolls up an Anemic Mouse Man with a Chronic Fear of Upholstery.
RANDOM ROLLS REFLECT REAL LIFE
I don't know that I can really
say anything here other than to point out that this is a game about people playing Teenage Mutant Animal People Who Might Be Ninjas or Other Wacky Professions (& Other Strangeness).
Oh wait, I have something.
Ready?
Verisimilitude.Next Time: Creating Characters, Featuring Horseshoe!
Posts
ground floor
When I was in middle school, the kid who had this book was the "cool" nerd. Sure, the more popular kids who were good at sports looked down upon him just as much as they did upon me, but I thought he was pretty cool. He had that sorta long in the back hair, wore acid washed jean jackets, had converse sneakers with the batman logo on them, and he could draw as well as Rob Liefeld. He owned a copy of The Dark Knight Returns, and he knew about the Ninja Turtles. Not the cartoon show Ninja Turtles that was for babies, he knew about the short mean little dystopian bastards of the comics who were parodies of the "dark & edgy" antiheroes that had emerged from the pages of DC, Marvel, Malibu, and Image.
This roleplaying game is about those Turtles. The ones that only the cool nerds knew about.
This book was published in the mid-80's when the Turtles were still a comic book that most people (including my young self) hadn't heard of yet but would come to love. This book was reprinted many times and its mechanics would later be featured in Heroes Unlimited. There were several supplemental books, but the only one that really rings a bell was called "After The Bomb". Despite all of this great stuff, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & Other Oddities probably wasn't the most popular Palladium title. It should have been, though.
It is written by Erick Wujick, a dude who is sometimes forgotten because he co-founded Palladium Games, which turned out games that were less popular than, for example, Dungeons and Dragons. And unfortunately the guy who most people remember from Palladium is Kevin Siembieda, who is (thankfully) not the author of this book... nor its illustrator.
This book is illustrated by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. That's right. The creators and illustrators of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you were a young person in the late 80's, this fact is goddamned amazing. Right here you have a roleplaying game of one of your favorite cartoons/comic characters that was written with the contribution of the people who actually created those same characters!
I think that Wujick must have been a fan of the Turtles. It captures the sort of disgruntled teenage-comic-and-gaming audience feel that the comics had, before the cartoons came along and steered the Turtles toward a younger audience. The book seems to have a wierd sense of humor about it that seems to go along with the work of Eastman & Laird. Not like in its language, but it's quirkiness. It's odd mechanics seem to fit in in strange and funny way. Maybe the Turtles are the actual punchline to the joke that is the Megaversal System?
Did I say punchline? Because I meant
Reading is bodacious!
I'll do a post about character creation but it's going to be a long one. Get your dice ready!
Yeah, but let's not go off the deep end: This is a case of, "Times Were Different Back Then."
You could roll-up your character and win the generator lotto - and then you could get instantly killed in your first session by some other totally random bullshit, because these were the days when traps tended to outright kill you and characters didn't last multiple sessions.
It is much more sensible in that environment to just quickly rol-up a randomly generated character and make due with what you get, because he or she is probably going to just die in a hilarious way anyway. "Oops, Tolstoy the Iguana Commando got decapitated by a buzzsaw; so just give me a few seconds to roll-up a replacement."
Character Creation: An Introduction
In the TMNT RPG you play Heroic Mutated Animals.
This was a great premise for comic book characters, and it's a great premise for RPG characters as well. Your mutant character could look exactly like a housepet, or could look uncommonly human. It could depend upon its natural characteristics, have incredible intelligence, or even psychic abilities! The possibilities are... well, they're not endless, but they are many.
Your character might be a hyperintelligent armadillo that looks like a regular armadillo but can do the kind of math that make the smart guy from Good Will Hunting look like the dumb guy from Good Will Hunting. On the opposite end of the spectrum, your character might look like a perfectly human pretty lady with only a few odd features to betray that she possesses the ferocity of an angry mutated iguana, much like the pretty lady in Good Will Hunting. Or, your character could have a more dramatic hybrid appearance, like a mutant hamster that walks like a man but is uncommonly strong, hideously shaggy, and talks with the manic tempo of a coffee-fueled rodent like the psychiatrist from Good Will Hunting.
To this day Good Will Hunting is still one of the best movies ever to be written by mutant animals and feature a cast of mutant animals. In fact if you decided to set your game in Boston you might get something uncommonly like it. Including the scene deleted from the final print where Matt Damon kung-fu fights with Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
But back to Character Creation in this game...
THE BEST PART
Your character is an accident. Neither they nor you have any control over the unfortunate fact that they were a mostly helpless animal that was turned into a monster by the hubris of mankind. That last sentence is part of the subtext of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I think it's the thing we subconsciously find intriguing. There is the representation of innocence destroyed by ambition, tradition struggling against modernity, nature spoiled by man, children harmed by adults... within the amazing cultural mashup that is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there is some very compelling stuff.
...or maybe some baby turtles just happened to get hit with the same chemicals that made Daredevil a super-powered-martial-arts-and-crime-fighting blind person. Because it was so plausible when it happened the first time, you see.
But who cares about that philosophical crap anyway? The Ninja Turtles are awesome, we all know it, and that's all we need to know!
In my next post we will make our own little accidental hero!
oh absolutely, Times Were Different
that doesn't mean times were better
and don't get me wrong, this is a game that's actually way ahead of the time in a lot of ways
buuuut it's also not in a lot of ways (hello megaversal)
It's Thread Participation Time.
Let's Make A Character!
STEP ONE: BORING ATTRIBUTES
If you are like me you will never be able to remember this crap and always have to refer back to it. Yeah, it's not actually that difficult but my brain is still on vacation and there are too many P's. Palladium, once again you are trying a little too hard.
You roll 3d6 for each attribute. BUT WAIT! Balance is for sissies and people who hate fun. So it actually doesn't stop there. If you roll a 16, 17 or 18 that means your character is especially good at that attribute. Roll another d6 and add that to the total! Sweet!
Finally, your hit points are your P.E. plus 1d6. In addition to Hit Points there is also another of Palladium's favorite abbreviations, S.D.C. I also frequently forget what this one stands for. It means "Structural Damage Capacity". Hit points represent, like, how much actual physical damage you can take in cuts and bruises. SDC on the other hand represents something more akin to your physical toughness or endurance... stuff like superficial damage or aches and pains. We will calculate S.D.C. later in the character creation process.
Okay!
Somebody other than myself or Arcanis, roll us some stats!
<.<
>.>
I hate you, Horseshoe. You and your silver tongue.
IQ 14
ME 8
MA 6
PS 9
PP 13
PE 13
PB 13
Spd 12
The bell curve makes itself pretty apparent, here. Tolstoy the Iguana is perfectly average.
Oh, I totally agree. I just said that in defense of TMNT's design, because it's not like other designers at the time were making things much differently.
Houserule!
3d6=14
3d6=9
3d6=14
3d6=7
3d6=12
3d6=12
3d6=8
3d6=16 + 1d6=5 = 21
Twitch Stream
Curse you Ender. :P
Twitch Stream
Houserules are for those who aren't up to the challenge
Maybe he's autistic?
Yay for poor design decisions!
Let's have much of that. So far @The Ender and @Capfalcon are rolling characters. It's not too late, though. I am happy to refer to the book for others. The more the merrier!
Now for...
STEP TWO: WHAT KIND OF MUTANT ANIMAL ARE YOU?
That's a pretty good one. But oh no... you don't get to choose. That's why we have dice!
First you have to determine what category of animals you're dealing with. Was your character rural, urban, wild, or raised in a zoo? The possibilities are... okay they are not many in this case. They are a few, though. Roll a d100 to find out!
Each category has several different animals. Urban animals are usually pets. Rural animals might be found on a farm. Wild animals include mountain lions and bears. Zoo animals, of course, have some of the craziest shit. Like Elephants. Once again, only the d100 knows for sure.
Hey everybody! After you roll stats for step one, you should throw two d100's for step two!
I was playing this (with the After the Bomb books) all throughout Middle School. I once GMed a campaign of After the Bomb with 11 PCs. Count them... 11 PCs. It was insane.
And then we found about Furries. And never played this game ever again.
EDIT: Physical Prowess (PP) was basically the God stat. Every character that I ever saw with a high PP basically ruled every combat, with the single exception of my brother's character, who happened to roll up as an Armadillo. You know, with the natural AC of "Fuck You"? The dude that can't be damaged? Also, one of my friends rolled up a midget Kung Fu Polar Bear.
EDIT: Aww, fuck. The dice hate me:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314335/
IQ: 3d6 → [5,6,4] = (15)
ME: 3d6 → [4,1,1] = (6)
MA: 3d6 → [5,2,1] = (8)
PS: 3d6 → [3,4,4] = (11)
PP: 3d6 → [3,2,1] = (6)
PE: 3d6 → [4,3,4] = (11)
PB: 3d6 → [2,4,2] = (8)
Spd: 3d6 → [5,3,4] = (12)
My 2d100 rolls:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314336/
1d100 → [41] = (41)
1d100 → [89] = (89)
EDIT: I can't wait until we get to the discussion about the villains, and meet the Principled mad scientist. And his mutant rat manservant.
My main appreciation of this game now, in my history as a Pen and Paper gamer, was that it was one of the few Palladium games that didn't go down the road of MDC. Good god. It also made me realize how dumb the alignment 2-axis system was in Dungeons and Dragons. Or alignment in general. But I digress... WANT MORE READIN' AND ROLLIN'!
Animal Type: 2d100 55, 81
This is bringing back memories.
Memories of the wrong sort.
3d6 → [1,3,4] = (8) IQ
3d6 → [2,3,4] = (9) ME
3d6 → [4,4,2] = (10) MA
3d6 → [1,6,3] = (10) PS
3d6 → [4,5,5] = (14) PP
3d6 → [4,5,1] = (10) PE
3d6 → [3,4,4] = (11) PB (average peanut butter)
3d6 → [2,5,1] = (8) Spd
1d100 → [74] = (74)
1d100 → [19] = (19)
The Ender:
INeedNoSalt:
Horseshoe will give you further instructions.
Named Bucky!
Someone won out here, and it was me.
I'm a mole and I digs me hole.
Diggy diggy diggy hole!
And I'm a billy goat. A SMART billy goat. Possibly a sophisticated one.
...
Okay, maybe not.
Do we have to roll whether or not we have Hands and walk Bipedal and shit?
It's a Palladium game.
The next step in character generation will probably involve rolling on the Coma table.
This thread is great!
Stats: http://4e.orokos.com/roll/57531
IQ: 10
ME: 13
MA: 18 + 1 = 19
PS: 13
PP: 7
PE: 8
PB: 6
Spd: 9
D100's 79 & 48
Stats:
IQ: 11
ME: 13
MA: 12
PS: 17+1 =18
PP: 8
PE: 9
PB: 5
Spd: 6
17 & 49
Huh...Steel and I are going to be bros, unless the brackets divide differently!
dresdenphile:
Next post coming soon!
Gross. Anyway, the three categories of Mutation are Random Mutation (rare), Accidental Mutation (fairly common), and Deliberate Experimentation (most common). Maybe it's just me but I think it's kind of interesting that deliberate experimentation is the most common of the three. The Turtles are kind of a manifestation of humanity's careless treatment of animals, but in this game you are more likely to be the result of humanity's cruel curiosity. Yikes.
The origin of your mutation will also affect how your character learned about the world or even what resources they might have as a starting character! There's some interesting possibilities here. And to be fair, some uninteresting one. But rest assured, this will effect how viable your character will become. No roll is too pointless.
Roll a d100 to determine the cause of your mutation!
But... knowing whether you were made into a freak by way of chance, accident or experimentation is only a small part of the picture. You didn't just turn into a mutant prodigy right away. You must have had some experiences afterward. How else are you going to learn how to do kung fu, or use psychic powers, or fire automatic weapons? Your "education" can have mechanical effects as well as flavor effects. You might have had experiences that inclined you toward being a scrappy fighter, a learned scholar, or a self-taught savant.
Roll a d100 to determine how you were educated after your mutation!
And because of the necessity of randomness, sometimes you roll a d100 and the book tells you you need to roll another d100.
Roll another d100 just in case!
Stats
IQ:13
ME: 11
MA:9
PS:8
PP: 8
PE:9
PB:15
Spd:8
Species:23, 94
Cause: 6, 78, 73
Make me a mutant, you glorious bastards.
Stats
IQ: 7
ME: 10
MA: 4
PS: 9
PP: 10
PE: 14
PB: 14
Spd: 11
Species: 63, 54
Cause, Education, just in case: 44, 59, 68
Hope I end up something at least half as awesome as a badger.
IQ: 3d6 → [5,6,4] = (15)
ME: 3d6 → [4,1,1] = (6)
MA: 3d6 → [5,2,1] = (8)
PS: 3d6 → [3,4,4] = (11)
PP: 3d6 → [3,2,1] = (6)
PE: 3d6 → [4,3,4] = (11)
PB: 3d6 → [2,4,2] = (8)
Spd: 3d6 → [5,3,4] = (12)
My 2d100 rolls:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314336/
1d100 → [41] = (41)
1d100 → [89] = (89)
I am a goat.
New rolls for edumacation:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314798/
1d100 → [77] = (77)
1d100 → [87] = (87)
1d100 → [65] = (65)
: 3d100 6, 73, 5
*facepalm*
Cause: 43, 33, 8
Invisible Castle is down, so I'll just use the honor system here.
Twitch Stream
It's probably different ranges for each. Like, 70%, 20%, and 10%.
Twitch Stream
How many results are there?
1d100 will still produce a bell of results if there's 0-5 and then 5-15 and then 15-30 and then diminishing the same up at the top end. Achieving the same end by weighting the result board rather than the randomly generated value.
Here's the awesome badger's dice:
87, 46, 2
51, 22 & 65
Maybe it wasn't that nefarious, because you were educated and trained as if you were a normal human! You have good relationships and a balanced outlook on humans. Your education is equal to one year of college.
You may select two skill programs and 8 Secondary skills. Skill bonus + 10% on scholastic skills only. You have separated from the organization, but with a good relationship. You can buy weapons, armour and equipment with 2D6 times $2,000 in savings!
However... those responsible for your transformation were a Secret Espionage Organization... DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNN
The Ender:
Also like Master Splinter, you were adopted by a "mentor" who taught and guided you with special training. This is often Ninjitsu (of course), but all areas of special training can be selected. As a part of your training, you learned to "be philosophic about all creatures". You tend to think that some people are good, some bad, and everyone deserves a chance to earn your trust.
You learned 3 military/espionage skills, 10 secondary skills (with a skill bonus of + 5%) and Hand to Hand Ninjitsu. In addition, you get a choice of 3 ancient or ninja weapon proficiencies. Character has scavenged and build 3D6 times $100 worth of equipment!
INeedNoSalt:
It seems that you were raised as a caged, experimental animal. You escaped and now want to destroy the organization in addition to having a strong distrust (and possible hatred) of all humans!
The very picture of neglect, everything you know was self-taught as you animal lived in the wild with no help or assistance. You mistrust not only humans, but other animals as well.
Your reading, writing and arithmetic are at a low level. Wilderness skills include Prowl (+ 24%), Survival Skills (+ 24%), Escape Artist (+10%), Climbing (+ 15%) and Swimming (+10%). There is an S.D.C. bonus of + 10%, a P.E. bonus of +6, a P.S. bonus of +3, and a P.P. bonus of + 2 and two additional attacks per melee. You can pick only one (1) Secondary skill. You have scavenged
3D6 times $100 in various equipment, most in poor condition.
But who did this terrible thing to you? It was a Secret Military Organization. Of course!
dresdenphile:
But! In spite of this difficult beginning, you "went public" and were educated at a major university! You like and trust humanity in general. Your education was four years of college!
Game-wise, this means you would select 3 skill programs and 10 Secondary skills. The skill bonus is +20% on all scholastic skills only. Although
struggling for financing, at least 2D6 times $500 worth of equipment has been collected. Nice!
By skulking around the fringes of society you picked up a rudimentary education. You probably have a small
number of human friends but distrust people in general. You know 14 Secondary skills. You also have Prowl (+ 12%), a P.P. bonus of +1, and Hand to Hand Basic. You have scavenged 3D6 times $200 in equipment!
IQ:9
ME: 11
MA:12
PS:10
PP: 8
PE:8
PB:5
Spd:11
Species: 22, 46
Mutation: 28, 59, 51
I wants it, my precioussssssss...
Also, I am hideous and otherwise incredibly average. Heehee.
Zithra Melitch in Star Wars: An Empire's End
Jellica in In the Shadow of Zeus
IQ: 3d6 → [5,6,4] = (15)
ME: 3d6 → [4,1,1] = (6)
MA: 3d6 → [5,2,1] = (8)
PS: 3d6 → [3,4,4] = (11)
PP: 3d6 → [3,2,1] = (6)
PE: 3d6 → [4,3,4] = (11)
PB: 3d6 → [2,4,2] = (8)
Spd: 3d6 → [5,3,4] = (12)
My 2d100 rolls:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314336/
1d100 → [41] = (41)
1d100 → [89] = (89)
I am a goat.
New rolls for edumacation:
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3314798/
1d100 → [77] = (77)
1d100 → [87] = (87)
1d100 → [65] = (65)
Oh snap! I AM sophisticated and well-educated. I even work for a Secret Espionage Organization! I can be Baaaaahnd. James Baaaaahnd. Agent Double Goat Seven.
I can also revert some of those crappy physical attributes with two, count 'em, TWO Skill Programs. So I'll probably pick up Espionage and Physical/Athletic, or whatever is the equivalent in this game.
EDIT: Or I can be "The Goat Who Stares at Men"