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Spawning, and how to pretend to be prepared for it
Themindtaker
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi all,
I don't really have anywhere else to go to talk to about this, because we're only telling a couple of RL friends in the first trimester, but my wife and I just found out that we're pregnant!
Which is exciting. However, we are also pretty much big kids in a lot of ways, or at least we don't conform to many societal norms for adulthood. We like to hang out and play video and board games rather than other married people things (I don't know, sitting in different rooms watching the game on one tv and trading spouses on the other, followed by staring icily at each other from across the dinner table? I don't know how people who don't share nearly every interest do it, but that's not the point of this thread), and we will still stay up for midnight releases or 24-hour gaming sessions as the mood and the time off (I'm a high school teacher) strike us while we head into our late 20s. But one side effect of being a big kid is that I don't always know what I need to be doing to be a good father and husband and start preparing for our little (well, knowing my height, not-so-little) bundle of beautiful, if poopy, joy.
A little bit of background circumstance for whatever it's worth: we've got 5 cats and 3 dogs, just moved to a new-ish city (new to her, my old college town) and bought our house this past October to follow my job and her dream major/job.
What I'm curious about is this: Those of you who have done this whole "making a baby" thing, what sort of timetable would you recommend for prepping the home, buying/finding the clothes and books and stuff, fixing up the nursery, etc? I was hoping to at least save the clothes thing for when we know what gender it's going to be (for societal cues if nothing else - not going full-on pink, but a blue-and-green set for a girl would probably lead to some confusion for visiting friends and family). And the nursery is the sort of thing I was hoping I could put off until summer break, since I actually do get about two months off. But I also don't want to put too many things off only to discover I haven't budgeted the time or money properly.
Also, lamaze classes - worth it? When does one start these things?
My insurer supposedly has a pretty awesome pregnancy coverage (my wife read an account of a woman who only paid a 15 dollar copay for her delivery), so I'm hoping some answers will come there, but when should I start childproofing? What all does that entail - I mean, should I even be worrying much about that until s/he is motile, or is earlier better, so we can get used to it/learn from it?
Also, what else can I do to be a more responsible husband/father (I am doing a pretty good job with the doting husband part, fetching anything desired/massages/doing more chores/handling the animals/shutting the hell up, though I need to help her more with starting to eat healthier too, so thoughts there would be nice too)?
TL; DR Newly expectant husband looking for advice regarding when to start worrying about each stage of baby-prep (nursery, childproofing, anything else you can think of) and what unexpectedly wonderful things I can do for my wife. Advice from moms and dads alike would be much appreciated.
I don't really have anywhere else to go to talk to about this, because we're only telling a couple of RL friends in the first trimester, but my wife and I just found out that we're pregnant!
Which is exciting. However, we are also pretty much big kids in a lot of ways, or at least we don't conform to many societal norms for adulthood. We like to hang out and play video and board games rather than other married people things (I don't know, sitting in different rooms watching the game on one tv and trading spouses on the other, followed by staring icily at each other from across the dinner table? I don't know how people who don't share nearly every interest do it, but that's not the point of this thread), and we will still stay up for midnight releases or 24-hour gaming sessions as the mood and the time off (I'm a high school teacher) strike us while we head into our late 20s. But one side effect of being a big kid is that I don't always know what I need to be doing to be a good father and husband and start preparing for our little (well, knowing my height, not-so-little) bundle of beautiful, if poopy, joy.
A little bit of background circumstance for whatever it's worth: we've got 5 cats and 3 dogs, just moved to a new-ish city (new to her, my old college town) and bought our house this past October to follow my job and her dream major/job.
What I'm curious about is this: Those of you who have done this whole "making a baby" thing, what sort of timetable would you recommend for prepping the home, buying/finding the clothes and books and stuff, fixing up the nursery, etc? I was hoping to at least save the clothes thing for when we know what gender it's going to be (for societal cues if nothing else - not going full-on pink, but a blue-and-green set for a girl would probably lead to some confusion for visiting friends and family). And the nursery is the sort of thing I was hoping I could put off until summer break, since I actually do get about two months off. But I also don't want to put too many things off only to discover I haven't budgeted the time or money properly.
Also, lamaze classes - worth it? When does one start these things?
My insurer supposedly has a pretty awesome pregnancy coverage (my wife read an account of a woman who only paid a 15 dollar copay for her delivery), so I'm hoping some answers will come there, but when should I start childproofing? What all does that entail - I mean, should I even be worrying much about that until s/he is motile, or is earlier better, so we can get used to it/learn from it?
Also, what else can I do to be a more responsible husband/father (I am doing a pretty good job with the doting husband part, fetching anything desired/massages/doing more chores/handling the animals/shutting the hell up, though I need to help her more with starting to eat healthier too, so thoughts there would be nice too)?
TL; DR Newly expectant husband looking for advice regarding when to start worrying about each stage of baby-prep (nursery, childproofing, anything else you can think of) and what unexpectedly wonderful things I can do for my wife. Advice from moms and dads alike would be much appreciated.
Themindtaker on
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Shit! I mean, congrats!
That's kind of a lot when you add taking care of a baby into the mix. You know best, but may consider finding new homes for a few of those.
Depends what state the room is in now. We're in a condo, so had to basically re-do our entire place to accommodate what we kept from the office. We did a little at a time over several months. You'll get tons of crap if you do a baby shower, so don't buy anything. For furniture, it may take a few months and you'll probably want the nursery ready to go by Month 8 (in case it's early), so by Month 5 or so you'll want to order it.
We didn't do them, delivery was fine. Up to you.
Start thinking about it, but that won't be until 6 months or so. Just don't buy any more sharp furniture.
Really just relax and enjoy.
First, congrats!
Second, just do things as you, or probably more importantly your wife, feel they need to be done. For example, in terms of a nursery all you really need is somewhere to change him on and somewhere for him to sleep, and even that will probably be in your own room for a while. However, if your wife is stressing because she doesn't feel like the room is ready enough, just accomodate as much as budget/time allows. I had our nursery done 4 months prior to our son being born simply because it was Christmas and I had time off, and the wife was stressing about it. I could have just as easily done it in the first month of our bub being born (I had a month off when he was born).
In terms of clothes, same thing really, 20 little all in one suits should be enough for a week, so once you get that many, anything else is just gravy. Plus you will probably get a lot of clothes at the shower (if you (your wife!) have one). So you can definately wait on this one. Although it might be a bit hard to get out with a new born if you are waiting till then to find out the sex. There are lots of gender neutral colours, our son wore lots of yellow, purple, white and black for the first bit of his life (we didn't find out until he was born).
I am not sure what Lamaze classes are, but we went to Ante-Natal (probably the same thing) which were organised by the hospital and went in a rotation, so you just signed up to the rotation that best suited your expected date. I felt they were useful and worth the money.
I'm Australian, so different health system, but we went private, which was covered by our health insurer. Overall it cost $4000, just over $3500 was covered by the insurance and most of that remainder was paying for the food I ate whilst in the hospital for the week after my son was born (my wife had a c-section, so a longer recovery period). There was also other doctors bills on top of the actual hospital bill as well, which probably took our out of pocket expense to around $1000.
Our son is just about to hit 9 months, doesn't crawl yet, but he can roll around and he can move. We used to have a lot of stuff that we just kept on the ground (e.g. DVD rack) so we just started the process of getting most of that stuff off the ground about 1-2 months ago. I've bought some locks for the cupboards, but really, they are a pain, so I'm not planning on installing them until he gets so mobile that it's an issue. So you don't really need to worry about that for a while.
On the being helpful side, really, just continue being the good husband you have always been (;)). On the eating healthier, read a few websites and decide yourself for the risks. e.g. a friend of mine was horrified when my wife had a glass of wine over Christmas because his opionion was any alcohol is too much, my wife just followed the docotors orders of one small glass is fine.
Hope that is helpful. Good luck.
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Childproofing doesn't need to happen until they can move on their own. When they do, they can't go far and even than there isn't much they will get into.
You have roughly 9 months. So. Is the room that the baby will be sleeping in in good condition (if so, don't worry about that so much except for furnishing it)? I'm sure you already know the basic stuff you'll need. A bassinet for your bedroom would be a good idea for the first month or so until you and your wife are comfortable having the baby in another room. Besides it makes getting up with the baby during that first month so much easier and gets you back to bed so much sooner.
Be prepared for not much sleep. It's something you adjust to but that first month is a rough one.
Clothes...Won't need much but onesys for a while and some pajamas. It's all almost one piece stuff at the younger ages.
And it doesn't matter what kind of people either you or your wife are. As a matter of fact, that doesn't have to change. Your parental instincts will kick in. And in regards to your wife, the "nesting" phase will start at some point and she will be on top of almost everything having to do with the soon to be born child.
Other stuff...My big sis is a family Dr. and she recommended the book "Caring for your baby and young child" by Steven Shelov for getting prepped and also for those strange fears and worries that pop up after baby is born.
Have fun with picking a name. Seriously. It was one of my favorite things about the pre-baby phase.
Understand that your woman will be coursing with hormones. Be understanding and considerate. She is growing a human inside of her. She will be tired most of the time in the later stages and may be in constant pain if the baby is pushing into her ribs and whatnot.
So. That is a bunch of random shit. My son is 16 months old and that stuff feels so far away but at the same time so fresh.
Just try to enjoy every phase and do whatever you have to to keep your gal happy. She is and will go through so much more than you during this, not least of all the physical trauma of giving birth.
GOOD LUCK. You will soon understand why I wish you an uneventful pregnancy!
EDIT--And start scoping out daycares that will take a baby at the age you think both you and your wife will need it for work/school
of all the classes we did, the lamaze was the best. it is not just about breathing. it was super helpful with regards to preparedness etc. at least the one i took, it was essentially a delivery class. plus your insurance may cover a bit of the cost.
we didn't really do much with the nursury besides paint the room up until the end up the second trimester. we didn't want to jinx anything since we had miscarried before.
also second the start looking for daycare once you see a heartbeat. we started when my wife was 3 months or so along and we were still on a waitlist for most places.
I had suspected the childproofing wasn't a huge issue outside of their wingspan until later, glad to hear that confirmed. I didn't even realize that I might have to order stuff on long wait times for the nursery, I will definitely start looking into all that...probably at the start of the second trimester. Good to hear that hitting that stuff in the summer shouldn't be a huge issue. I hadn't even thought about the premature possibility, I'll shoot for being ready in month 7, then. My cousin just had a 6-week preemie who's doing well, but it's still a scary enough thing without adding the complication of the house being unprepared for them.
Regarding the day care, I am hoping that being in Ohio will keep us from having to deal with too terrible of waiting lists (fewer power couples per capita, In my experience), but I will definitely put in for day care at the heartbeat to be safe. It'll be better to err on the side of caution since my wife is only 100% sure about taking the fall semester off of school, so I'll definitely want something in place should she decide to do even just half-days of classes in the winter or something (though if she wants to do more, I'm behind it completely).
The sleep thing should be okay - we got a puppy in November who hasn't made it through two consecutive nights without waking me at 3 for pee time, so I'm learning to cope with that to a small extent. I don't doubt it will get worse with a baby, but I suspect some nurturing instinct will help supplement much of the frustration I am feeling with the dog. Plus by the time the puppy's sleeping through the night, my wife won't be, so I'll have almost a year of it under my belt before the kid arrives. It'll be old hat. I hope. I'll deal with it either way.
Glad to hear some positive responses with Lamaze. My wife said that it sounds like by the third trimester, it's kind of just something to do. I'm hoping there are no waiting lists for those classes (uh...are there?).
I'm bummed that the book Mulletude recommended isn't Kindle-able, but I'll check Half-Price Books and B&N this week. I already picked out some other books for reading to him or her - The Hobbit and Redwall. We're gonna pillage our parents' old Seuss collections, but I want to be able to read a continuous bedtime story to them once they're talking - maybe even before that. But we only have a couple books on pregnancy, and none on parenting, so that might be good to pick up. As a teacher I have read Teacher Effectiveness Training, so I might pick up the parenting version of that too.
Thanks again so much for helping me out everyone. I welcome continued feedback. I know I will never be fully prepared, but I would be a fool not to learn from those who have gone before me.
Those classes have a student cap, so if it gets filled up, or if the next class is after your due date you might miss it. Even if that wasn't the case I'd recommend you guys take the class early, while your wife can still move around without swollen feet and having to pee every 5 minutes. Contact your wife's medical insurance provider or the hospital you're planning on giving birth in and see if they offer the classes.
Seriously though, those classes are fantastic. It's not just those breathing things they show in the movies, they explain a lot of information on what your wife is going through now and what to expect during the delivery and after birth. At my class, we even had a work shop on massage therapy to relieve pains associated with pregnancy.
Also, BabyCenter.com is a fantastic resource. They have a weekly email that informs you about what's going with your baby.
They're exactly the same thing and a fraction of the cost.
how to expect when you are expecting is the staple book
i liked Happiest Baby on the block by Dr. Karp. it helped a lot.
as for the room, if you start early you can take your time, but her nesting will kick in and then it will be a flurry. our guy was 3 weeks early and we didn't even have the hospital bag packed.
Sign up for coupons on-line wherever you can.
Pre-natal classes are useful. Don't be too upset if none of the planning actually comes in to play on the day (or, hopefully not, days).
Don't expect to do anything but hold a baby for about six months. Maybe you're little guy/girl will sleep like an angel in any situation, maybe he/she will be a colicky rage engine that doesn't fall asleep until four in the morning and then only for three hours. You can't really plan for any of that but you can at least steel yourself.
Try to buy clothing second hand if at all possible if you don't have a network of friends that are parents to take advantage of. From 0-9 months or so clothes are usually pretty spotless even second hand as they're usually barely worn and the babies aren't doing anything other than squirming, pooping and vomiting.
Get your sleeping in now, I haven't seen later than 7 am in 6 years.
I'll echo what everybody else here has said, but with particular emphasis on the diapers.
Stock up on the diapers. And baby powder, and diaper rash cream. baby wash and baby oil and things like that. Also, if your wife isn't going to be breast feeding, start at least a small stock of formula. Maybe not this early, but around 5 months, I would suggest starting the stock on that.
other than that, best of luck! enjoy the ride!
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There are also other options besides Lamaze. Google pregnancy or birth classes and read the different descriptions and find one that sounds like a good level of detail and a good level of "woo-woo" for you guys (some of the classes/instructors can be really into the magic and spirituality of pregnancy and childbirth - find this if you want it, be aware that there are classes without it if you don't). Talk the the people running the class, they should have some suggestions for when to take it, but I would recommend planning on finishing by mid-month 7 or so because sitting still is likely going to become rather uncomfortable for your wife around then. The classes definitely aren't necessary, but unless one of your wife's support persons has been to (or participated in) several births and you guys are all pretty knowledgeable about the delivery process they can be very useful. And yes, there will be caps on the classes and that might mean you have to register several months in advance for the more popular ones.
Since I just went through this about 6 months ago I have a few things to add.
Sleep: Realize that newborns generally eat every 2 hours. That doesn't mean 2 hours from when you finished feeding him/her to the next feeding but 2 hours from when they started. If feeding the baby takes 45 minutes, that doesn't leave a whole lot for mom. As with most things, this doesn't apply to every baby...but it does for a lot of them. Sleep when the baby is sleeping. You'll think you can get away with doing other things, but just sleep at first. It does get better.
Preparing: Childbirth classes can be useful depending on how much you inform yourselves. We found a lot of the information from the classes redundant as we had already read most of it online or in books. That being said, we did learn a few good things from the classes. I would also suggest taking a class on infant CPR, it's a scary thought, but it's better to know what to do if it's needed.
Pregnancy: Any and everything can apparently be a symptom when a woman is pregnant. It's astonishing.
PPD: Acquaint yourselves with they early warning signs of postpartum depression (or whatever they call it now). This is super serious and affects lots of women. The earlier you can catch it and get help, the better. I've been on the bad end of this one and I can say without a doubt that taking care of a baby is hard enough when you aren't visiting your wife in a hospital.
You'll get the hang of the rest pretty quickly. A lot of the stuff I was worried about (diaper changes and such) aren't a big deal and watching another human (that you made!) grow and learn is pretty amazing. Enjoy it!
I echo what Felix says about Post Partum.
We've actually been trying to find cloth diapers, since as a Chemical Engineer I hold sustainability and efficiency in high regard. We haven't had much luck finding them yet, but we have been mostly checking department stores; we're kind of afraid to visit too many specialty stores until we've been to the doctor. In any case, I don't really want to throw a half-dozen wads of plastic and foam away every day if I can help it. I should definitely stock up on the powder and oil and creams and whatnot though, I hadn't even thought of that. Is there a particular type of cleaning solution used on cloth diapers, to prevent staining/maintain their structural integrity?
PPD I know is serious, because I watched way too much Scrubs in college. And I had no idea how to prepare for it as a husband. Thanks for the advice on that, I'll make myself aware of warning signs and how to get help.
Yeah, the wife and I discussed this over dinner last night. The only people who get any credibility are those who have kids that we like, and even then we're planning on doing our own thing mostly - not discounting advice out of hand, but keeping in mind what we want to emphasize for our child first - curiosity, learning, and the truth. We're still figuring out how to handle Santa and those things - how to teach our kid the truth without having him or her mess with all their friends at school - but we have a clear goal in mind, and we're working on it and talking about it regularly, which is I think the best we can do right now.
as far as cloth goes, we have been saying we are going to do cloth diapering. we bought a bunch of all-in ones that are bumgenious i think. that or fuzzy buns. you can buy them through amazon though you can find deals through boutiques. the other option is get plain cloth diapers and then through a cover on like thirsties.
regardless definitely add plain old cloth diapers to your registry. they make great spit up/milk soaker/anything clothes
If you're a sappy sort, like me, then try to keep a journal of what the baby does. Initially, few weeks after the birth, it won't be much. Then at 4-5 months new things will start happening day to day, then a personality really kicks in.
My daughter is 3 years old now and I look back on pictures and movies from 2 years ago an I barely remember that baby, she changed so much.
I'm trying to do a paragraph a day, there's always plenty of material
Oh, and Congratulations! Being a daddy is awesome.
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
Prep-wise:
If you want to redecorate a nursey, I'd start as soon as you go public. You have the time now and your wife is physically able to help. These things will not last.
Clothes. If our experiences are anything to go by, get in a bunch of simple vest tops and babygrows in newborn size. Then be amazed a how much everyone else buys for you. As long as you have the essentials it's much better to pick things up as you need them or you risk buying vast amounts you never use.
Musiln cloths. By a vast pile and always have them on hand. Babies make mess and these will be your best friend.
For the big items like car seats, high chairs, cots etc. You can buy new, but these are V expensive. On the other hand the second market is extensive. We got 90% of our big items from carboots, charity shops and hand-me-downs for a fraction of the price of new stuff and it has all been fine. Also true of clothes!
Otherwise, the fact that you are worrying about this now and in a rational way says to me that you're going to be just fine. It will turn your life upside down but it's amazing how you gain the ability to just roll with it.
Oh and check out baby wearing/slings. The single most useful thing in the early months was our moby wrap. (http://www.mobywrap.com/) as it lets you comfort and hold a sleeping baby without utterly incapacitating you on the sofa! We graduated from there to being utter baby wearing sling zealots and could probably count on two hands the number of times we've used our baby buggy. It's just so much easier!
we had maybe only 3-4 newborn outfits when our guy was born, i ended up going out and buying some more stuff right away but would rather have done that then have a ton of extra stuff he wouldn't fit into.
while i am rambling
sleepers with buttons up both legs >>>>>>>>>>>>>sleepers with buttons up 1 leg>>sleepers with a zipper
I'll repeat some commonly stated advice : those first weeks are insane and exhausting and not especially fun, but they pass very quickly and you'll slowly start to find time here and there to enjoy yourself. For the first two weeks I thought glumly that I would never have time to play another game for the rest of my life. This was not the case -- the little man does sleep and I've been able to resume adventures in Skyrim in the last week or so.
I'll strongly second the recommendation of Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block but in DVD form. You and your wife are much more likely to find the time to sit and watch this together than each read his book cover-to-cover, and all the important ideas are there in the DVD.
One of the the biggest keys to soothing an infant is swaddling, and we love the Miracle Blanket. I'd put a couple of those on your registry.
Congratulations! It's a crazy but awesome time.
This thread has also given me the excuse I was looking for to post these pics:
First, you are already WAY ahead of the game by trying to be an informed parent. Just the fact that you want to do a good job pretty much guarantees that you will at least do a pretty good job, if not a great job. You will be a good father, regardless. So don't worry about that! My hubby and I had our little one almost six months ago, so I will try very hard not to make this some epic 10k word post.
General stuff: Your wife is in the first tri, so you still have a lot of time. However, there is a LOT of info out there that you need to read and sift through. Babies are honestly not that hard (feed when cry, also check for poops), but there's tons of different parenting styles, tips, tricks, stuff that works and stuff that won't work for your specific kid. Read read read and then read some more. As a woman who always knew she wanted kids, I was knowledgeable before I got preggers, and read all parenting blogs/sites thru pregnancy and I'm STILL learning new stuff. But the more informed you are, the less anxious you will feel, especially for the birthing process. I read up on all the different ways a baby could come out, so when I unexpectedly had to have a spinal, this was not scary for me. Knowledge is power!
Also I was just thinking about this today. The internet is great for info, but you will hear LOTS of horror stories on the net. "My kid didn't sleep through the night till 24 months!" "My baby had colic for a year!" "I wanted to nurse but my breasts didn't produce any milk!" These are understandably terrible and those people have every right to be upset. Statistically? Your child will not have these problems, so don't stress about them until they actually happen. I was SURE my kid would have colic (it was reflux, check for that if you think the baby has colic and GET MEDS) and we would never sleep through the night. No, turns out she is a normal/easy-ish baby. Also, if your wife wants to nurse, take FULL and UNAPOLOGETIC use of the lactation consultant at the hospital. Babies know how to suck, they don't know how to latch. It doesn't come naturally like you think it should but if you can stick with it for two weeks, you are golden. Also, since they are on the rise, have the LC check if your baby has a tongue tie in the hospital. This can affect nursing, and it's a very simple (2 seconds, literally) operation to fix a very annoying problem.
Okay, pre baby stuff. Nursery. You will need: A crib, a chest for toys, a chest for clothes, a closet for extra/too big clothes (yes, they get bigger!) and random junk. Don't forget a baby med kit (thermometer, medicine spoon, etc, they have something from the red cross on amazon). Things you should buy new: Crib (no drop side), car seat (everybody loves graco). Almost everything else can be second hand. Personally, I didn't bother with a changing table because I'm worried about falls, so I just change my kid on the floor. You can buy wet pads for like 2 for $5 or something on amazon. Amazon is your great friend because if you sign up for Amazon Mom, you get free shipping and percentages off/special sales on kids stuff.
Lamaze classes? Sure, if she wants to go the natural route. Otherwise just take a normal parenting class (they also talk about lamaze) and a breastfeeding class at the hospital.
OMG this is getting too long. Okay, here's Killgrimage's Parenting Bullet Points
-Listen to your gut, your heart, your instinct, whatever you call it. YOU are the parents, you have a special bond with your child, YOU KNOW when something isn't right. I seriously cannot stress this enough, don't listen to anyone else until you've listened to yourself first.
-Ask for help! I still kind of regret not asking for more help while I was in the hospital and had 24 hour access to all the labor and maternity nurses/doctors. If I had to go back, I would say PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON every hour on the hour, whether you have a question or not. Don't be afraid you are “imposing” or just a worrywort. That's what those people are there for, so ASK.
-The 5 S's work! (sucking, swinging, swaddling, shushing LOUD, side lying) Don't forget to do them when you need help. Also, don't forget that heat is a good tranquilizer too, and can do wonders helping a baby to sleep (as long as you are monitoring them, as in the case of them falling asleep on you.)
-When you are putting babies down for naps, use the same or similar way you would get them down for night. Don't worry about swaddling for long periods (read, ALL DAMN DAY), your baby will not end up acting like a harbor seal later in life. And get them to nap! Your kid NEEDS at least four hours of nap a day, I don't care if s/he's acting wired, s/he's TIRED.
-The Angelcare Monitor is your friend as long as you calibrate it correctly. (It's a breathing sensor so you don't go crazy wondering if your baby is okay in the crib, but you don't want to go in and accidentally wake them. Best way to get a good nights sleep).
-Try new things. Try anything. If something isn't working, move on. SOMETHING will work, but you have to figure it out.
Short post FAIL. This is just the tip of the iceberg too. Good luck!
Baby sleeping bags are brilliant. Means they don't get the shock of going into a cold bed and you can at least cross 'smothering themselves with blankets' off the paranoid new parent fears.
Closer to the time of birth, having a big old cooking session and filling the freezer with pre-made meals will pay off in dividends for the mad sleepless haze of the first couple of weeks.
A more personal one, but community support, especially for your wife is a massive help. Find local Mother groups, find internet groups, whatver works best for her but I'm told being able to talk to other people doing the same thing as her right now helped out my wife immensely. She found most internet forums to be the usual ghastly uniformed pile of humanity but that Live Journal had a bunch of really good communities.
Re: Cloth nappies. My wife recommended http://www.thenappylady.co.uk/articleGalleryAll.asp UK site but lots of articles, advice and youtube videos etc and I'm sure you can find the brands on sale somewhere in America.
Edit: You've got her started now. More American links below.
http://www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com/basics.htm
http://www.abbyslane.com/Cloth-101_ep_42-1.html
Just be glad we didn't get her started on the topic of breast feeding! She's a right lactivist.
something about new parents where you get them talking about babies and wham, out pops a ton of rambles.
swaddlers are great. we used the summer infant ones and they are fine, though be aware that we found the swaddles with the cute patterns were smaller than the solid color and striped ones
i also managed to get some computer time in when he was very young. I played a lot of Shogun 2 and DoW II since they are easily done with one hand. so i could craddle him in my left, and slaughter clans in my right.
as stated every baby is different. Our guy is super easy. Doesn't really cry, all smiles and doesn't need to be held all the time. once he got a little bigger, i would just put him in his bouncer while i gamed and he would fall asleep.
one big thing is listen to your gut when it comes to things and don't be afraid to ask questions of the doctor. our guy was throwing up a lot and we felt it was more than a normal baby should be doing. our doctor sent us to get him an ultrasound and it turned out he had developed pyloric stenosis and have to have immediate surgery.
oh. also when you go home from the hospital he likely won't poop for like 3 days. its normal but they don't tell you that, so don't freak out.
All sorts of random stuff happens with poop, and it's almost always normal. Our guy started pooping regularly while we were still at the hospital. He was ten days late so that may have had something to do with it.
Some weeks later he had a phase where he switched from pooping four or five times a day to exploding every 28 hours or so, filling a diaper and whatever he was wearing and splattering anyone and anything in the blast radius. Stressful at the time but rather hilarious in retrospect.
Like this! I'll tell anyone who listens stories about poop. Being a dad is funny like that.
I wouldn't splurge on his first car seat as he might only be in it for 6 months like my son.
This.
First of all, congrats to all the new parents helping with all the great advice (and those pictures are adorable, Drake)!
Second, I mentioned the thread to my wife, and while she hasn't started an account to reply to everyone (even though I've been telling her to get one for a while now) she read everything and she's very grateful for all the information - as extremely nerdy people who don't want to reinforce gender role stereotypes or force religion at our kid, we find that mainstream parenting advice, and even things from relatives are often...not a great fit. Hearing things from other people who are concerned with returning to Tamriel (or Azeroth, or Alderaan, or wherever) after the baby comes is so refreshing. Jam mentioned finding internet support - I'll try not to abuse the help of this awesome community, but this thread has already been a huge help!
Third...okay I can't sort through this all mentally yet to come up with coherent replies - I signed up with an insurer-provided "healthy pregnancy package" but haven't gotten the info yet, when I do I'll be cross-referencing it with all these bits of advice - lactation specialists, birthing classes, etc.
Awesome stuff re: swaddling and cloth diapers, it's nice to hear testimonials. Has anyone tried both disposable and cloth, have any kind of comparison between them?
I guess I'll specify button-clothes on the registry. One of my earliest memories is an accident involving me being in too big of a hurry to watch out for the zipper, so I'm definitely in the "buttons!" camp already, no need to convince me.
Thanks again all! If there's anything else I'd love to hear it, and I'll see if my wife has anything specific on which she wants the thoughts of other new (presumably, if we're on here, nerdy) parents.
we have used both cloth and disposable. the pain about cloth is that they can be huge when they are little, and are really bulky. plus they can be hard to tell if they have gone or not.
i would suggest that you do disposables for the first couple months and then try the cloth. unless you have a maid or something to do your laundry
We did cloth (not just a cloth, but an engineered cloth diaper, with velcro, and elastic, and inserts, and whatnot, BumGenius 2.0/3.0 or something) for our 1st for about a year. For our 2nd we didn't even bother to break out the cloth diapers.
It's a front-loaded investment, and it's cheaper, but you're washing poopy diapers everyday initially (unless you buy like 2 dozen, in which case every other day), and maybe every other day after about 6 months. When you're changing every 2 hours (newborn) it doesn't make any sense to me, and you'd need smaller cloth diapers that they'll grow out of in weeks ("one-size" will not fit a newborn, or even a baby really before maybe 12 lbs).
That's my general perspective, if you have any specific questions fire away.
You will talk more about poop than you ever had before or ever thought anyone could.
In all seriousness, I don't doubt I'm on an uphill climb toward poop mountain. It'll be okay though, I know s/he is worth it.
If you do go disposeable I'd avoid the cheapest, though it could be your store brand doesn't suck. The cheapest diapers have a higher incidence of poop ... containment failures.
As for the cost, don't forget to factor in the "cost" of your having to clean the diapers (as opposed to just tossing them). That's all I was saying. I know cloth is supposed to be better for the environment and all, but even when we were doing cloth diapers, we'd have disposeables on hand for convenience, travel/diaper bag, and for caretakers other than ourselves.
its the not so normal stuff that puts that stuff to shame
If you're not planning to breastfeed, this doesn't apply, but there is a benefit to it.
Even now with the baby only six weeks old, I can intellectually tell you about how hard those first couple of weeks were but I can't really recall how it felt or remember many specific details at all. It's like he transmits some kind of baby-roofie directly into my brain.
And when he/she first starts doing this it's one of the best things that's ever happened:
Holy crap this. Keeping up with breastfeeding and pumping is an incredible amount of work. For people who seem at least moderately prepared for the baby-care basics (like you do) I'd say make breastfeeding classes a priority.
My wife is still obsessed with poop. My son is 6 and the girl is almost 2. First questions is "did you poop?", "did they poop?", or "did so-and-so say if they pooped?"
It's ridiculous.
It's great though. I wouldn't trade them in for the world....most days.
Plus you can groom him/her to take on your interests so that you can buy "them" stuff. My kid is a Star Wars freak, see my avatar. Next he wants to play D&D and is pretty upset I am going to the PAX East, or as he calls it the game show, without him.
Hah1 My daughter is 10 and was pissed that she did not get to go to PAX Prime with us last Aug. She is currently playing Skyrim, finished Portal 2 mostly on her own, ( I can't for the life of me play first person), Plays Munchkin, and uses my DS way more than I do. It's great fun.
On PPD from your side of things just be there. My husband went to most of the newborn doctor visits and he is the one that when my doc asked me how I was feeling kept saying " tell him how you really feel" When i ansered I'm fine. It was a huge help.