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Spawning, and how to pretend to be prepared for it
the benefit of actually being on top of things as the husband is that when you go to things like checkups/appts/drop the kids off at day care is when you actually can answer questions and know things, it totally blows their mind. everyone expects infomercial husband not someone who contributes.
conversely everyone of these people also automatically assumes you are an idiot
Hooray for babies! I'm actually pregnant with our second right now (due in 6 weeks) so I have a few miscellaneous things to add from the mom side of things.
First, when you leave the hospital take all of the diapers/formula/blankets/whatevers with you. That stuff gets tossed if you don't take it. Those diapers will generally be newborn sizes and will get you through the week or two your spawn will even fit in that size if they are even born small enough to fit in them in the first place. Don't bother buying newborn sizes at all.
Also consider doing the subscribe and save thing at Amazon and signing up for Amazon Mom. It makes diapers like 20% off overall and it's totally worth it. In the beginning the regular deliveries might be tricky because you'll jump sizes quickly but once you get into size 2s it'll be so so worth it.
Second, I'd like to echo what's been said about PPD. Understand that there are so many levels of PPD from minor up to needs hospitalization and everything in between. For me it manifested in the form of extreme anxiety with my son and it took 11 months to really feel like myself again. If I had it to do over I would have pushed back against my OB who was telling me it was only "baby blues" and it would pass. I would have really benefitted from a low dose of an antidepressant for a few months until my body got itself back on track. I won't be making that mistake a second time. Just keep an eye on your wife and if she is still having a lot of trouble after the first 6 weeks make sure she talks to her doc and pushes to get help.
I hope everything goes well for you guys. Try to enjoy the beginning because once they are moving you will never get to sit still again
TL; DR Newly expectant husband looking for advice regarding when to start worrying about each stage of baby-prep (nursery, childproofing, anything else you can think of) and what unexpectedly wonderful things I can do for my wife. Advice from moms and dads alike would be much appreciated.
Congrats! My wife and I just had our first kid about two months ago. It's been pretty crazy. You should try and see what kind of Family Medical Leave Act time off you're entitled to, since having two pairs of hands around the house was pretty handy in the early days. Government employers are pretty generous, one of my friends got 18 weeks off.
sleepers with buttons up both legs >>>>>>>>>>>>>sleepers with buttons up 1 leg>>sleepers with a zipper
This.
True dat. Jeebus, so many little details out there. Too many to cram into your head before the baby is born. You should check out the "Let's Panic about Babies" book, it's a little salty but it really helped us to relieve stress during the pregnancy.
Congratulations! I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my third right now. I read/skimmed what everyone else said as best as I could so I'm going to try to stick with things I haven't seen mentioned:
But first I want to third/fourth/nth everyone else about being prepared for childbirth - educate yourselves as much as you can! The cesarean section rate in this country is over 30%. At this point you can't really think "well, that won't happen to us." Even if your wife wants to have a medicated birth (which is totally fine) I urge you both to research what is and isn't normal during childbirth, what the side effects are to some of the interventions (interventions are anything from having a c-section, an epidural, or even just that band they make her wear that monitors the baby's heartbeat the whole time) and most importantly what steps you can take to avoid a cesarean. Doctors aren't perfect and doctors would prefer to DO something than to not do something and you need to know your rights - one of them being to say NO. I want to stress also that I'm not trying to scare you (believe me, I'm trying to be as un-scary as possible) but just hoping that you'll take it seriously.
Research circumcision. Unless you are yourself intact this might be something that you think is just a knee-jerk, everybody-does-it thing, that it's just the way it is. That isn't true anymore - rates of circumcision are dropping all over the country. I'm not saying you need to do one thing or another, just actually give some thought to the procedure and how you feel about it, since there's no taking it back once it is done. And no, you don't have to do it just because you are (if you are). Lots of cut men have uncut sons. It works out.
When I was pregnant with my first a book called Baby Bargains really helped me. It had a lot of reviews for products and what was and wasn't REALLY necessary to have. They've go through a revision of their paper book every couple of years but now their website has some kind of subscription service. You might want to check it out - I'll probably grab a month of it soon to see what I think of it (it's been years since I was last pregnant and I don't have any stuff anymore).
This is mostly for your wife - in most places on the internet that cater to pregnant women and moms, some issues are a battleground. For some women just saying you cloth diaper, or that you work or don't work, or that you breastfeed or don't, or that you had an epidural or a med-free homebirth, is an indictment against them for doing the opposite. It's probably better for your sanity if you just steer clear of those "discussions." Geeky internet folks like I imagine most of us here are probably already know how we feel about flamewars, but a lot of these women...it's a little different because they think they're being polite and friendly but can come across as quite passive aggressive, until somebody complains about what somebody else said and soon everyone starts fighting for real.
You don't have to move your baby to the next car seat stage as soon as it's legal, in fact it's probably safer not to. Know the height and weight limits on your car seats and use them until you reach them. For example in California you only have to rear-face your baby until the baby is a year old, but it's much safer to just keep them facing the back of the car for as long as you can - sometimes this can mean you don't turn them until they are almost or over 3. I don't mean in the baby bucket you can carry around, they have bigger seats that face the rear of the car.
You will - well, she will - want to get some books on breastfeeding and read up on it some before the baby is born, but I have heard women say that they didn't feel like it really was helpful until the baby came. There's a group called La Leche League that you might want to look up, they have local chapters all over the place. I haven't been to a meeting before, but it's probably the easiest way to get the experience of tons of nursing moms if you need support or advice. Talk to the lactation consultant, absolutely, but in case your LC is crap (like the one at the hospital where my first was born was) that's another good place to go.
I've actually been thinking about doing cloth diapers this time myself but haven't totally committed to the idea. I will try to rustle up links for U.S. companies if you need some. I've got a window open right now to Green Mountain Diapers, they have a lot of good information. What I've heard is that if you're going to do cloth you'll probably have to/want to order most things online. But if you do have any specialty baby shops in your area (not something big like a Babies R Us) you might want to check them out because some of them will offer a kind of diaper trial - for a fee you get a variety of kinds of diapers for a certain amount of time to see what you like best. Because for cloth as well as disposables, your actual baby might do better with one brand over another - better fit means fewer leaks, and some babies might get a rash with some materials.
When my oldest was about 15 months old World of Warcraft launched. We only bought one copy, partially because that was all that was available that morning, but because we figured we wouldn't ever be able to play at the same time. That was actually true for a long time - we did eventually get a second copy but still mostly couldn't play together. Neither of us really play MMOs anymore, though that is partially due to inclination. But honestly as far as gaming and little kids, it's really best if most of the time you're playing something that can be paused.
You can read all of this stuff now but a lot of it isn't going to mean anything to you other than on an intellectual level for a long time. I don't know how often this board gets purged but it's a long time until your baby is due and so I would try to preserve this thread locally if you can to look back on when it is closer to the due date and once the baby is here.
I hope you don't think I was being preachy. I have links to information for a lot of these things that I can give you if you want to know more, and I can tell you about my experiences if you're interested, or answer any other questions.
so as someone who has fostered kittens and has a dog with IBD, the normal day to day things that come out of the baby are nowhere near as gross as dealing with animals.
its the not so normal stuff that puts that stuff to shame
Haha...Yes. And early baby poops don't have much of an odor and aren't all that gross. It's when it starts resembling big people poop that it gets gross. And even than it doesn't bother you. I've changed my son around my parents and they recoil from the odor while I don't even notice it anymore.
And to echo others...The sleep thing can be rough as you go through it but it's not something I remember in any negative kind of way. You and your wife will be even closer during these times than you could have been before. It's a wonderful thing.
I agree with mts. I was ok with the sleep being up and down until I went back to work. While I was on maternity leave I let my husband sleep and I mostly got up with the little guy. Once I went back to work we tried our best to take turns and we were definitely both very tired and it was hard.
I will warn you that everyone handles that lack of sleep differently. My husband and I tended to bicker more about dumb things and pick at each other more. That stuff got much better once our son started sleeping more consistently (which for us took a year but that is SO another whole post/story).
You will - well, she will - want to get some books on breastfeeding and read up on it some before the baby is born, but I have heard women say that they didn't feel like it really was helpful until the baby came. There's a group called La Leche League that you might want to look up, they have local chapters all over the place. I haven't been to a meeting before, but it's probably the easiest way to get the experience of tons of nursing moms if you need support or advice. Talk to the lactation consultant, absolutely, but in case your LC is crap (like the one at the hospital where my first was born was) that's another good place to go.
One note on the La Leche League - some of their positions are definitely not mainstream (like breastfeeding until 4 or 5) but they are still an awesome resource even if you don't plan on breastfeeding that long. Also, if you get in touch with your local chapter they usually have women that volunteer to help out new moms with breastfeeding. At least in my area they happily come and sit with women at 2am if they are frustrated (at the hospital or after getting home) or will run around at 2am and find things to help your wife out if she needs something to help with breastfeeding. And yes, some of these women are the women that do breastfeed until their kids are 4 or 5, but at least the ones I have met are really nice and non-judgemental and are just as happy to help the women combining breast milk with formula or who are only planning on breastfeeding for a month or two.
Animal Crossing: City Folk Lissa in Filmore 3179-9580-0076
Thanks so much for everyone's continued advice. My wife is especially appreciating the female perspective, as we are the first among any of our friends to stumble into this incredible adventure.
So, I have a related but far future question, seemed like the right place to ask: Do I show him/her Star Wars in story order or order of theatrical release? I'm very curious to see how well things flow from a perspective without any nostalgia bias, but I also don't know if a kid would be more (or less?) picky about the change in effects quality from 3 to 4, and I wouldn't want the decrease in technology and choreography to turn my kid off to the story of the original trilogy.
Hey, my son has been sick so haven't been keeping up with the forums much. But noticed about the cloth thing. We use cloth (i'm also a chem eng!), the initial layout can be large, but I think it'll save money in the long run. I'll ask my wife where she got them from, but she would just order them off the internet whenever they had a sale until we got a stack of enough that we need.
We use disposables sometimes and there is really no difference. We found disposable is slightly more absorbent, so you just need to keep on top of the changing if using cloth. A friend of mine started on disposable and his wife wanted to switch to cloth. They swear the cloth were useless. They gave the few they bought to us and we've used them fine, so maybe there is some technique involved?
Thanks so much for everyone's continued advice. My wife is especially appreciating the female perspective, as we are the first among any of our friends to stumble into this incredible adventure.
So, I have a related but far future question, seemed like the right place to ask: Do I show him/her Star Wars in story order or order of theatrical release? I'm very curious to see how well things flow from a perspective without any nostalgia bias, but I also don't know if a kid would be more (or less?) picky about the change in effects quality from 3 to 4, and I wouldn't want the decrease in technology and choreography to turn my kid off to the story of the original trilogy.
I would show the originals first. Maybe never show them the prequel trilogy! I kid(kind of) ;-)
i think you just need to make sure to wash them a bunch of times to get rid of coatings since they will get more absorbant the more they are washed
Our moms both came into town yesterday to help us out, share medical histories (first appointment is in a week and a half) and share stories, and when I brought up cloth diapers, my mom said that the cost of running the washer on sterilise for the amount of loads you do, plus special detergent costs add up to where it's worth it to enlist an actual laundry service. Those of you who've tried both, is the cost really that much for home laundering of cloth diapers?
We put a load on twice a week. We just buy a fairly standard detergent that is for sensitive skin. We run the washing machine on 60°C. Honestly have no idea what the water costs us.
Given our son uses 6 diapers a day on average, that's 21 diapers for every wash, the washing them has certainly got to be cheaper than buying them. I guess its just a matter of how long until the initial investment pays off.
We put a load on twice a week. We just buy a fairly standard detergent that is for sensitive skin. We run the washing machine on 60°C. Honestly have no idea what the water costs us.
Given our son uses 6 diapers a day on average, that's 21 diapers for every wash, the washing them has certainly got to be cheaper than buying them. I guess its just a matter of how long until the initial investment pays off.
Also worth noting is if you plan on having more children those diapers don't just magically go bad. You may have to buy some new inserts or replace a few ratty covers but most of your investment is up front with the first kid.
yea, you don't need to run special sterile loads. sure you have to be careful with how you wash them, but its no that bad.
we just use all free and clear. which is one of the cheapest detergents you can buy. your mom is stuck in the past (no offense).
This doesn't surprise me. I thought that sounded a bit like overkill - I mean, i didn't think you washed the babies clothes in sanitize, even after the poop shoots up the back or down the leg of their sleeper (some stain stick maybe), and I haven't heard of issues from that.
I just hope the baby isn't like me (in the following one particular way - in other ways it wouldn't be so bad) - or maybe that tech has improved in cloth diapers or creams - because apparently I had horrendous rash with cloth diapers that was alleviated by switching to disposable. Though now that I think about it, they didn't know about my horrendous allergies yet, so the culprit there could also have been the fabric softener or detergent.
I read the op, but not the thread, so hopefully I'm not rehashing stuff:
Buy her a boppy body pillow. You can get them on Amazon for a reasonable price. It's my fiancé's favorite thing I've ever bought her, including her engagement ring.
Speaking of amazon, sign up for the amazon mom program now, and as soon as you get in start buying diapers. Between deals, coupons, and the free shipping you can get them for 9-12 cents a piece. Crazy cheap.
Btw: get her a delivery present. Jewelry isnice, but it doesn't need to be expensive. If you can be reasonably sure of the birthstone that's a popular choice.
Make a list of anything you want/need for the birth, hospital visit, and taking the baby home and have it at least five weeks in advance.
FYI the amazon mom program is not currently taking new members (as of the time of this post), but you can sign up for their waitlist to be notified when they are.
So, I have a related but far future question, seemed like the right place to ask: Do I show him/her Star Wars in story order or order of theatrical release? I'm very curious to see how well things flow from a perspective without any nostalgia bias, but I also don't know if a kid would be more (or less?) picky about the change in effects quality from 3 to 4, and I wouldn't want the decrease in technology and choreography to turn my kid off to the story of the original trilogy.
Original trilogy first. The ending of EPIII is pretty gruesome with the fire and limb loss so I avoid it even with my 7 year old. Kids don't mind special effect weaknesses - my son once and awhile will comment on something in movies (in Ghostbusters last week he commented that when the demon dogs ran they look digital) but he could bounce between the 6 SW movies and not care about the tech differences.
I second reading up on all delivery possibilities - we didn't plan on csection but it ended up that way and I wish I had read more on it or was a bit more prepared about what to expect in terms of visuals and recovery. In the time leading up to delivery, try to make sure you both get plenty of rest - you won't sleep much in the hospital as they will constantly be waking her up to monitor things.
The first week after we had Lucas my mom came and stayed with us which actually was really super helpful - it gave us a chance to sleep and recover from the hospital stay and also gave me a second pair of eyes to make sure my wife didn't overextend herself after the csection.
Buy her a boppy body pillow. You can get them on Amazon for a reasonable price. It's my fiancé's favorite thing I've ever bought her, including her engagement ring.
Oh my God, this.
My wife is 22 weeks pregnant and she had a hard time sleeping at night before she got her boppy. Those things are essential for pregnant women.
i think you just need to make sure to wash them a bunch of times to get rid of coatings since they will get more absorbant the more they are washed
Our moms both came into town yesterday to help us out, share medical histories (first appointment is in a week and a half) and share stories, and when I brought up cloth diapers, my mom said that the cost of running the washer on sterilise for the amount of loads you do, plus special detergent costs add up to where it's worth it to enlist an actual laundry service. Those of you who've tried both, is the cost really that much for home laundering of cloth diapers?
When I initially calculated it out I figured it would essentially eliminate any cost savings if I had to pay someone else to do it, but we washed ourselves so don't know for sure. We used biokleen detergent (initially used bac-out for initial stain treatment, but didn't bother after 1st bottle ran out) as normal detergent has components that affect the absorbency; this info was given by the manager of the store where we bought them, it may have been just to sell us detergent, but we found other places to store source it and the additional cost wasn't a big deal.
I don't think washers can sterilize anyways, so I'm not sure what she meant. Due to using special detergent the diapers would get their own load. So initially it was an additional (small) load a day, and after 18 months or so it was more like an extra (small) load every 3 days. I think the additional cost of washing them from a water/electricity perspective was pretty minimal. The real "cost" is having to deal with poops that come from solid food, breatmilk poops are pretty tame.
We got the type with inserts, so we could double up for overnighters. IIRC microfiber was more absorbent, but cotton/hemp was more hypo-allergenic.
I think my sons (who are 8 and just about 6, if I didn't mention it before) have seen the prequel trilogy on television. But we don't actually own them. Actually the first Star Wars they really sat down and watched were the standard def, non-widescreen original versions of the original trilogy that they put on the dvds some years back. (I think that's what they're talking about in this comic here: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/06/07) They are the only ones we own in a disc format (I think we have the VHS tapes around somewhere). But it's been a while since we've broken those out for viewing so the last few times they've seen Star Wars has been on television and on television now they always play the "special edition" versions.
They do like Star Wars, but really at this age they're not super big fans. They probably learned more about the plots of the movies by playing through Lego Star Wars.
My Credentials: 4 kids 3 boys and the last one was a girl!
the 3 boys that are in school get straight a's or the equivilent of.
What works as for as preparing for the dad: NOTHING!
What works as for as preparing for the woman: Everything!
So let me explain the woman part. All this stuff lamaze classes ect. it's to help ease nerves. Your wife needs all this stuff to help her feel secure and prepared. She also needs you to go to these baby things and to read what to expect when expecting because that shows you care and are involved.
As for the dad I'm gonna give you the straight dope: Your wife is going to be moody. Depending on what kind of pregnancy she has she's either going to be ready to jump your bones or not want you to touch her. I haven't found it be one or the other. Either way she dictates the flow of sex so get over even trying to have this fight.
I would prep your house 3 months before the due date. I'd also think about getting rid of your pets or cutting down to one... but that's just a personal thing not really necessary.
About house prepping: Some kids want to get into everything, some kids you say no no and they stop. The thing you can't do without messing them up when they get older is being too hard on them. If you are constantly yelling at your infant to stop I dunno pulling dvd's out of the bottom of your dvd shelf.. move the shelf. When kids get older and the understand restrictions and why they are being punished than start laying down the law.
Now the delivery room: Protip #1: Do not give your wife your wedding ring hand to grip and clench unless you want a messed up hand.
Protip#2: Don’t LOOK at her vagina!
If you for the ungodly reason look down out her woman parts don't be surprised to see her pooping herself. Also don't be surprised at seeing a blueish terd come out that is your baby’s head. It is not pretty and I would recommend not looking. If she asks if you are looking .. look at the floor and lie! Also I won't show you the link but a common procedure is to um cut and also stuff gets torn. One of the births it actually looked like a bad ninja arm cut off special effect and blood was squirting in an arc.
Protip #3: MEDICATE
The first one doesn't just pop out. It's atleast a 12 hour affair. It's gonna hurt. Also when she's under medication and is like everything is fine and enjoying it don't let that fool you. One minute you are watching tv next minute she can't talk cuz of the contractions and you think it's all good. Then she finaly says help... you and the nurse sitting on the bed jump around and start helping.
After the birth jaundice. So jaundice is basically the baby can’t get rid of something and it turns yellow (we have the internet look it up). Well to cure this they put the baby under a sun lamp. THEN they scare the crap out of you telling you that if he takes this little eye cover glasses things they put on him/her it could go blind. BLIND. Oh and the kid will figure out how to take it off by nudging it’s face because.. well that’s kids.
It’s perfectly normal for the wife to overly be protective, check on it to see if it’s still alive, and worry about it when it’s sleeping.
The easiest place to put a needle in the baby is in the head. Yes! SO if some stuff goes down and you see iv needle in the baby’s head… it’s supposed to be ok. This isn’t going to make you feel better. Also if a nurse is messing with your baby and she’s just not getting it.. YELL AT HER TO GO AWAY AND GET SOMEONE ELSE. As a matter of fact throughout your pregnancy and your kids doctors business don’t ever let anyone do something without your ok. This includes sticking your wife’s arm a couple times cuz she just can’t get it right.
I’d like to finish this off with adding a bit about parenting. #1: It’s not you it’s the kid. I have 4 kids all raised the same each of them behaves different. My only problem child is basically stubborn. He’s smart enough to know what’s going on but is willing to pay the consequences. So what do you? Well still punish and make each punishment more severe that the last. Eventually he stops the behavior but it takes awhile. Spanking I only reserve for life endangering stuff and that has been twice in my 10 years of parenting. Hopefully your kids will be little angles.
And as far as education put in the time. Identify there weakness and give them workbooks to do little bits at time to plug up those learning holes.
I'd type more but I'm feeling more like I'm rambling now than being helpful.
OH and "select" (generic) brand daipers don't work and neither does the formula. I also found cloth diapers an insane hassle, gross, and retarded (but that's just me).
Buy her a boppy body pillow. You can get them on Amazon for a reasonable price. It's my fiancé's favorite thing I've ever bought her, including her engagement ring.
Oh my God, this.
My wife is 22 weeks pregnant and she had a hard time sleeping at night before she got her boppy. Those things are essential for pregnant women.
first babies can pop out. my wife labored for maybe 2 and a half hrs and that is from the contraction that broke her water, to the time he was born. all natural.
as far as body pillows, my wife loved her snoogle.
as far as nursing pillows go, look into the my breast friend for early nursing. it will keep the baby up higher and is more supportive than the normal boppy. its nice if your wife is long torso'ed. once nursing was established my wife switched to the regular boppy and it works fine. especially as a tool to prop our guy up
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grouch993Both a man and a numberRegistered Userregular
Check into Bradley/Natural Childbirth classes. You don't have to follow what they teach, but they do stress informed decisions, diet, exercise, getting ready for the baby to come home, etc.
dont forget to spawn more overlords/ build additional pylons.
*And congrats, btw. Your life will never be the same!
kbassil on
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ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
double check with your wife's doctor about her nutrition. Make sure she's getting the right folic acid and iron. Anemia and gestational diabetes can be a thing. The diabetes can be a thing even if she's not overweight.
double check with your wife's doctor about her nutrition. Make sure she's getting the right folic acid and iron. Anemia and gestational diabetes can be a thing. The diabetes can be a thing even if she's not overweight.
Oh, good call. With everything else (how far along, possibly gender, what do we dooooo?!?) that we need to ask the doctor, I was forgetting about this, and she has been concerned about possible anemia due to her rather unflinching exhaustion. It's now on my list of stuff to make sure to bring up at the doctors (a week from today).
Thanks again to everyone - even the little things like not giving her my ring hand to hold are the kind of mistakes I should be smart enough to avoid, and totally would have forgotten. That was bad enough when she got her tattoo.
Congratulations! Our daughter was born 12 days ago and it's been an interesting ride so far.
My biggest advice is, don't panic. You've got nearly 9 months to get things ready. Try and have a baby shower, because frankly, family and friends will load you up on tons of stuff you need for the baby. We literally ended up with a closet full of diapers and three high chair/booster seats. It was amazingly humbling to see how many people came out to support us.
We didn't take any Lamaze classes, but we did take a child care class. My wife knows her way around newborns, but they terrified me. Wait until you get a gender scan to start doing any actual work, but it's fun to plan out what you might do for a nursery depending on a son or a daughter. We were going to do an 8 bit Mario nursery for a boy but we ended up with a pink and brown one with cherry blossoms and owls.
I tried to avoid reading any parenting books, but I did read one that took a humorous slant on all other parenting books. Apparently most parenting books will just freak you out by giving you the worst case scenario for any situation.
Mostly just try and enjoy this time. Having a kid is pretty fantastic, so far, but I realized a couple of nights ago, days where I get to do what I want, when I want, are pretty much over now.
Mostly just try and enjoy this time. Having a kid is pretty fantastic, so far, but I realized a couple of nights ago, days where I get to do what I want, when I want, are pretty much over now.
I was struggling with this a little bit early on, but then (being the armchair philosopher that I am) I realized that the only way that's a problem is if what I want to do isn't revolving around the kid. So I'm a lot less worried about it now (maybe I shouldn't be, but for now it's helping a lot).
Mostly just try and enjoy this time. Having a kid is pretty fantastic, so far, but I realized a couple of nights ago, days where I get to do what I want, when I want, are pretty much over now.
I was struggling with this a little bit early on, but then (being the armchair philosopher that I am) I realized that the only way that's a problem is if what I want to do isn't revolving around the kid. So I'm a lot less worried about it now (maybe I shouldn't be, but for now it's helping a lot).
Thanks, she's pretty awesome.
And the free time thing isn't a bad thing at all. I was just taking the trash out yesterday and I was thinking about sitting down to paint some Warmachine but I had to help get her fed, dressed and put to bed first. It's not that you can't do things anymore, you just need to schedule them.
My wife wanted me to ask the following (presumably to the females keeping up with this) :
Do you shave your hoochie for the birth, or for any of your check-ups?
For the record, this is why I asked her to just get her own screen name to participate here.
This question is awesome. Tell her my rule is that once I can't see it I'm not dealing with it anymore. Being pregnant is uncomfortable enough at the end without trying to figure out the logistics of shaving with your stomach in the way. Also, when you are delivering no one is going to give a crap whether you shaved or not.
Mostly just try and enjoy this time. Having a kid is pretty fantastic, so far, but I realized a couple of nights ago, days where I get to do what I want, when I want, are pretty much over now.
I was struggling with this a little bit early on, but then (being the armchair philosopher that I am) I realized that the only way that's a problem is if what I want to do isn't revolving around the kid. So I'm a lot less worried about it now (maybe I shouldn't be, but for now it's helping a lot).
A kid doesn't mean you can't ever do the things you like. It just means you will do them less. It will seem like you won't ever have time for anything again during those first couple months but you and your wife will find the balance.
And don't underestimate the need to get out away from the kid for a few hours every now and again. Even if it just means have grandma and grandpa babysit while you guys nap, or go to dinner or what have you.
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conversely everyone of these people also automatically assumes you are an idiot
First, when you leave the hospital take all of the diapers/formula/blankets/whatevers with you. That stuff gets tossed if you don't take it. Those diapers will generally be newborn sizes and will get you through the week or two your spawn will even fit in that size if they are even born small enough to fit in them in the first place. Don't bother buying newborn sizes at all.
Also consider doing the subscribe and save thing at Amazon and signing up for Amazon Mom. It makes diapers like 20% off overall and it's totally worth it. In the beginning the regular deliveries might be tricky because you'll jump sizes quickly but once you get into size 2s it'll be so so worth it.
Second, I'd like to echo what's been said about PPD. Understand that there are so many levels of PPD from minor up to needs hospitalization and everything in between. For me it manifested in the form of extreme anxiety with my son and it took 11 months to really feel like myself again. If I had it to do over I would have pushed back against my OB who was telling me it was only "baby blues" and it would pass. I would have really benefitted from a low dose of an antidepressant for a few months until my body got itself back on track. I won't be making that mistake a second time. Just keep an eye on your wife and if she is still having a lot of trouble after the first 6 weeks make sure she talks to her doc and pushes to get help.
I hope everything goes well for you guys. Try to enjoy the beginning because once they are moving you will never get to sit still again
Congrats! My wife and I just had our first kid about two months ago. It's been pretty crazy. You should try and see what kind of Family Medical Leave Act time off you're entitled to, since having two pairs of hands around the house was pretty handy in the early days. Government employers are pretty generous, one of my friends got 18 weeks off.
True dat. Jeebus, so many little details out there. Too many to cram into your head before the baby is born. You should check out the "Let's Panic about Babies" book, it's a little salty but it really helped us to relieve stress during the pregnancy.
But first I want to third/fourth/nth everyone else about being prepared for childbirth - educate yourselves as much as you can! The cesarean section rate in this country is over 30%. At this point you can't really think "well, that won't happen to us." Even if your wife wants to have a medicated birth (which is totally fine) I urge you both to research what is and isn't normal during childbirth, what the side effects are to some of the interventions (interventions are anything from having a c-section, an epidural, or even just that band they make her wear that monitors the baby's heartbeat the whole time) and most importantly what steps you can take to avoid a cesarean. Doctors aren't perfect and doctors would prefer to DO something than to not do something and you need to know your rights - one of them being to say NO. I want to stress also that I'm not trying to scare you (believe me, I'm trying to be as un-scary as possible) but just hoping that you'll take it seriously.
Research circumcision. Unless you are yourself intact this might be something that you think is just a knee-jerk, everybody-does-it thing, that it's just the way it is. That isn't true anymore - rates of circumcision are dropping all over the country. I'm not saying you need to do one thing or another, just actually give some thought to the procedure and how you feel about it, since there's no taking it back once it is done. And no, you don't have to do it just because you are (if you are). Lots of cut men have uncut sons. It works out.
When I was pregnant with my first a book called Baby Bargains really helped me. It had a lot of reviews for products and what was and wasn't REALLY necessary to have. They've go through a revision of their paper book every couple of years but now their website has some kind of subscription service. You might want to check it out - I'll probably grab a month of it soon to see what I think of it (it's been years since I was last pregnant and I don't have any stuff anymore).
This is mostly for your wife - in most places on the internet that cater to pregnant women and moms, some issues are a battleground. For some women just saying you cloth diaper, or that you work or don't work, or that you breastfeed or don't, or that you had an epidural or a med-free homebirth, is an indictment against them for doing the opposite. It's probably better for your sanity if you just steer clear of those "discussions."
You don't have to move your baby to the next car seat stage as soon as it's legal, in fact it's probably safer not to. Know the height and weight limits on your car seats and use them until you reach them. For example in California you only have to rear-face your baby until the baby is a year old, but it's much safer to just keep them facing the back of the car for as long as you can - sometimes this can mean you don't turn them until they are almost or over 3. I don't mean in the baby bucket you can carry around, they have bigger seats that face the rear of the car.
You will - well, she will - want to get some books on breastfeeding and read up on it some before the baby is born, but I have heard women say that they didn't feel like it really was helpful until the baby came. There's a group called La Leche League that you might want to look up, they have local chapters all over the place. I haven't been to a meeting before, but it's probably the easiest way to get the experience of tons of nursing moms if you need support or advice. Talk to the lactation consultant, absolutely, but in case your LC is crap (like the one at the hospital where my first was born was) that's another good place to go.
I've actually been thinking about doing cloth diapers this time myself but haven't totally committed to the idea. I will try to rustle up links for U.S. companies if you need some. I've got a window open right now to Green Mountain Diapers, they have a lot of good information. What I've heard is that if you're going to do cloth you'll probably have to/want to order most things online. But if you do have any specialty baby shops in your area (not something big like a Babies R Us) you might want to check them out because some of them will offer a kind of diaper trial - for a fee you get a variety of kinds of diapers for a certain amount of time to see what you like best. Because for cloth as well as disposables, your actual baby might do better with one brand over another - better fit means fewer leaks, and some babies might get a rash with some materials.
When my oldest was about 15 months old World of Warcraft launched. We only bought one copy, partially because that was all that was available that morning, but because we figured we wouldn't ever be able to play at the same time. That was actually true for a long time - we did eventually get a second copy but still mostly couldn't play together. Neither of us really play MMOs anymore, though that is partially due to inclination. But honestly as far as gaming and little kids, it's really best if most of the time you're playing something that can be paused.
You can read all of this stuff now but a lot of it isn't going to mean anything to you other than on an intellectual level for a long time. I don't know how often this board gets purged but it's a long time until your baby is due and so I would try to preserve this thread locally if you can to look back on when it is closer to the due date and once the baby is here.
I hope you don't think I was being preachy. I have links to information for a lot of these things that I can give you if you want to know more, and I can tell you about my experiences if you're interested, or answer any other questions.
Wii: 4521 1146 5179 1333 Pearl: 3394 4642 8367 HG: 1849 3913 3132
Haha...Yes. And early baby poops don't have much of an odor and aren't all that gross. It's when it starts resembling big people poop that it gets gross. And even than it doesn't bother you. I've changed my son around my parents and they recoil from the odor while I don't even notice it anymore.
And to echo others...The sleep thing can be rough as you go through it but it's not something I remember in any negative kind of way. You and your wife will be even closer during these times than you could have been before. It's a wonderful thing.
I will warn you that everyone handles that lack of sleep differently. My husband and I tended to bicker more about dumb things and pick at each other more. That stuff got much better once our son started sleeping more consistently (which for us took a year but that is SO another whole post/story).
So, I have a related but far future question, seemed like the right place to ask: Do I show him/her Star Wars in story order or order of theatrical release? I'm very curious to see how well things flow from a perspective without any nostalgia bias, but I also don't know if a kid would be more (or less?) picky about the change in effects quality from 3 to 4, and I wouldn't want the decrease in technology and choreography to turn my kid off to the story of the original trilogy.
We use disposables sometimes and there is really no difference. We found disposable is slightly more absorbent, so you just need to keep on top of the changing if using cloth. A friend of mine started on disposable and his wife wanted to switch to cloth. They swear the cloth were useless. They gave the few they bought to us and we've used them fine, so maybe there is some technique involved?
Origin: KafkaAU B-Net: Kafka#1778
I would show the originals first. Maybe never show them the prequel trilogy! I kid(kind of) ;-)
Our moms both came into town yesterday to help us out, share medical histories (first appointment is in a week and a half) and share stories, and when I brought up cloth diapers, my mom said that the cost of running the washer on sterilise for the amount of loads you do, plus special detergent costs add up to where it's worth it to enlist an actual laundry service. Those of you who've tried both, is the cost really that much for home laundering of cloth diapers?
Given our son uses 6 diapers a day on average, that's 21 diapers for every wash, the washing them has certainly got to be cheaper than buying them. I guess its just a matter of how long until the initial investment pays off.
Origin: KafkaAU B-Net: Kafka#1778
we just use all free and clear. which is one of the cheapest detergents you can buy. your mom is stuck in the past (no offense).
This doesn't surprise me. I thought that sounded a bit like overkill - I mean, i didn't think you washed the babies clothes in sanitize, even after the poop shoots up the back or down the leg of their sleeper (some stain stick maybe), and I haven't heard of issues from that.
I just hope the baby isn't like me (in the following one particular way - in other ways it wouldn't be so bad) - or maybe that tech has improved in cloth diapers or creams - because apparently I had horrendous rash with cloth diapers that was alleviated by switching to disposable. Though now that I think about it, they didn't know about my horrendous allergies yet, so the culprit there could also have been the fabric softener or detergent.
Buy her a boppy body pillow. You can get them on Amazon for a reasonable price. It's my fiancé's favorite thing I've ever bought her, including her engagement ring.
Speaking of amazon, sign up for the amazon mom program now, and as soon as you get in start buying diapers. Between deals, coupons, and the free shipping you can get them for 9-12 cents a piece. Crazy cheap.
Btw: get her a delivery present. Jewelry isnice, but it doesn't need to be expensive. If you can be reasonably sure of the birthstone that's a popular choice.
Make a list of anything you want/need for the birth, hospital visit, and taking the baby home and have it at least five weeks in advance.
--LeVar Burton
Original trilogy first. The ending of EPIII is pretty gruesome with the fire and limb loss so I avoid it even with my 7 year old. Kids don't mind special effect weaknesses - my son once and awhile will comment on something in movies (in Ghostbusters last week he commented that when the demon dogs ran they look digital) but he could bounce between the 6 SW movies and not care about the tech differences.
I second reading up on all delivery possibilities - we didn't plan on csection but it ended up that way and I wish I had read more on it or was a bit more prepared about what to expect in terms of visuals and recovery. In the time leading up to delivery, try to make sure you both get plenty of rest - you won't sleep much in the hospital as they will constantly be waking her up to monitor things.
The first week after we had Lucas my mom came and stayed with us which actually was really super helpful - it gave us a chance to sleep and recover from the hospital stay and also gave me a second pair of eyes to make sure my wife didn't overextend herself after the csection.
Oh my God, this.
My wife is 22 weeks pregnant and she had a hard time sleeping at night before she got her boppy. Those things are essential for pregnant women.
When I initially calculated it out I figured it would essentially eliminate any cost savings if I had to pay someone else to do it, but we washed ourselves so don't know for sure. We used biokleen detergent (initially used bac-out for initial stain treatment, but didn't bother after 1st bottle ran out) as normal detergent has components that affect the absorbency; this info was given by the manager of the store where we bought them, it may have been just to sell us detergent, but we found other places to store source it and the additional cost wasn't a big deal.
I don't think washers can sterilize anyways, so I'm not sure what she meant. Due to using special detergent the diapers would get their own load. So initially it was an additional (small) load a day, and after 18 months or so it was more like an extra (small) load every 3 days. I think the additional cost of washing them from a water/electricity perspective was pretty minimal. The real "cost" is having to deal with poops that come from solid food, breatmilk poops are pretty tame.
We got the type with inserts, so we could double up for overnighters. IIRC microfiber was more absorbent, but cotton/hemp was more hypo-allergenic.
My cousin suggested: 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 6. Which I am considering doing.
They do like Star Wars, but really at this age they're not super big fans. They probably learned more about the plots of the movies by playing through Lego Star Wars.
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the 3 boys that are in school get straight a's or the equivilent of.
What works as for as preparing for the dad: NOTHING!
What works as for as preparing for the woman: Everything!
So let me explain the woman part. All this stuff lamaze classes ect. it's to help ease nerves. Your wife needs all this stuff to help her feel secure and prepared. She also needs you to go to these baby things and to read what to expect when expecting because that shows you care and are involved.
As for the dad I'm gonna give you the straight dope: Your wife is going to be moody. Depending on what kind of pregnancy she has she's either going to be ready to jump your bones or not want you to touch her. I haven't found it be one or the other. Either way she dictates the flow of sex so get over even trying to have this fight.
I would prep your house 3 months before the due date. I'd also think about getting rid of your pets or cutting down to one... but that's just a personal thing not really necessary.
About house prepping: Some kids want to get into everything, some kids you say no no and they stop. The thing you can't do without messing them up when they get older is being too hard on them. If you are constantly yelling at your infant to stop I dunno pulling dvd's out of the bottom of your dvd shelf.. move the shelf. When kids get older and the understand restrictions and why they are being punished than start laying down the law.
Now the delivery room: Protip #1: Do not give your wife your wedding ring hand to grip and clench unless you want a messed up hand.
Protip#2: Don’t LOOK at her vagina!
If you for the ungodly reason look down out her woman parts don't be surprised to see her pooping herself. Also don't be surprised at seeing a blueish terd come out that is your baby’s head. It is not pretty and I would recommend not looking. If she asks if you are looking .. look at the floor and lie! Also I won't show you the link but a common procedure is to um cut and also stuff gets torn. One of the births it actually looked like a bad ninja arm cut off special effect and blood was squirting in an arc.
Protip #3: MEDICATE
The first one doesn't just pop out. It's atleast a 12 hour affair. It's gonna hurt. Also when she's under medication and is like everything is fine and enjoying it don't let that fool you. One minute you are watching tv next minute she can't talk cuz of the contractions and you think it's all good. Then she finaly says help... you and the nurse sitting on the bed jump around and start helping.
After the birth jaundice. So jaundice is basically the baby can’t get rid of something and it turns yellow (we have the internet look it up). Well to cure this they put the baby under a sun lamp. THEN they scare the crap out of you telling you that if he takes this little eye cover glasses things they put on him/her it could go blind. BLIND. Oh and the kid will figure out how to take it off by nudging it’s face because.. well that’s kids.
It’s perfectly normal for the wife to overly be protective, check on it to see if it’s still alive, and worry about it when it’s sleeping.
The easiest place to put a needle in the baby is in the head. Yes! SO if some stuff goes down and you see iv needle in the baby’s head… it’s supposed to be ok. This isn’t going to make you feel better. Also if a nurse is messing with your baby and she’s just not getting it.. YELL AT HER TO GO AWAY AND GET SOMEONE ELSE. As a matter of fact throughout your pregnancy and your kids doctors business don’t ever let anyone do something without your ok. This includes sticking your wife’s arm a couple times cuz she just can’t get it right.
I’d like to finish this off with adding a bit about parenting. #1: It’s not you it’s the kid. I have 4 kids all raised the same each of them behaves different. My only problem child is basically stubborn. He’s smart enough to know what’s going on but is willing to pay the consequences. So what do you? Well still punish and make each punishment more severe that the last. Eventually he stops the behavior but it takes awhile. Spanking I only reserve for life endangering stuff and that has been twice in my 10 years of parenting. Hopefully your kids will be little angles.
And as far as education put in the time. Identify there weakness and give them workbooks to do little bits at time to plug up those learning holes.
I'd type more but I'm feeling more like I'm rambling now than being helpful.
as far as body pillows, my wife loved her snoogle.
as far as nursing pillows go, look into the my breast friend for early nursing. it will keep the baby up higher and is more supportive than the normal boppy. its nice if your wife is long torso'ed. once nursing was established my wife switched to the regular boppy and it works fine. especially as a tool to prop our guy up
*And congrats, btw. Your life will never be the same!
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Oh, good call. With everything else (how far along, possibly gender, what do we dooooo?!?) that we need to ask the doctor, I was forgetting about this, and she has been concerned about possible anemia due to her rather unflinching exhaustion. It's now on my list of stuff to make sure to bring up at the doctors (a week from today).
Thanks again to everyone - even the little things like not giving her my ring hand to hold are the kind of mistakes I should be smart enough to avoid, and totally would have forgotten. That was bad enough when she got her tattoo.
My biggest advice is, don't panic. You've got nearly 9 months to get things ready. Try and have a baby shower, because frankly, family and friends will load you up on tons of stuff you need for the baby. We literally ended up with a closet full of diapers and three high chair/booster seats. It was amazingly humbling to see how many people came out to support us.
We didn't take any Lamaze classes, but we did take a child care class. My wife knows her way around newborns, but they terrified me. Wait until you get a gender scan to start doing any actual work, but it's fun to plan out what you might do for a nursery depending on a son or a daughter. We were going to do an 8 bit Mario nursery for a boy but we ended up with a pink and brown one with cherry blossoms and owls.
I tried to avoid reading any parenting books, but I did read one that took a humorous slant on all other parenting books. Apparently most parenting books will just freak you out by giving you the worst case scenario for any situation.
Mostly just try and enjoy this time. Having a kid is pretty fantastic, so far, but I realized a couple of nights ago, days where I get to do what I want, when I want, are pretty much over now.
I was struggling with this a little bit early on, but then (being the armchair philosopher that I am) I realized that the only way that's a problem is if what I want to do isn't revolving around the kid. So I'm a lot less worried about it now (maybe I shouldn't be, but for now it's helping a lot).
Thanks, she's pretty awesome.
And the free time thing isn't a bad thing at all. I was just taking the trash out yesterday and I was thinking about sitting down to paint some Warmachine but I had to help get her fed, dressed and put to bed first. It's not that you can't do things anymore, you just need to schedule them.
Totally worth it though.
Do you shave your hoochie for the birth, or for any of your check-ups?
For the record, this is why I asked her to just get her own screen name to participate here.
A kid doesn't mean you can't ever do the things you like. It just means you will do them less. It will seem like you won't ever have time for anything again during those first couple months but you and your wife will find the balance.
And don't underestimate the need to get out away from the kid for a few hours every now and again. Even if it just means have grandma and grandpa babysit while you guys nap, or go to dinner or what have you.
honestly that is that a bizarre question, my wife asked the same thing