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I think it's time for another BAD JOKES thread

The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, OmeganautRegistered User, ClubPA regular
edited January 2012 in Social Entropy++
Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth on the pizza?
He ate it before it was cool.

How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?
Oh don't worry, he'll find you.

What do you call a murderous android from the future who has retired and gone into pest control?
The ex-terminator

BLM - ACAB
The Geek on
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Posts

  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    oh no

    Hey Satan!
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    The other day I jumped out of the shower to ask Rachel "If you convinced a man who predicts the future to only make predictions that you tell him to, would you call that turning a prophet?"

  • DysDys Registered User regular
    oh yes

  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Moriveth wrote:
    The other day I jumped out of the shower to ask Rachel "If you convinced a man who predicts the future to only make predictions that you tell him to, would you call that turning a prophet?"

    nMVMSJUD5BLWM.png

    BLM - ACAB
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    knock knock

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are writing a movie about the character of Unferth and the history of the sword that he gave to Beowulf.
    It's called Good Will Hrunting

    BLM - ACAB
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    kim.png

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  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    How many times are you gonna tell that joke, Mori :P

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  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    Sheri wrote:
    How many times are you gonna tell that joke, Mori :P

    This is a bad joke thread! It's appropriate!

  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    There's two muffins in an oven.

    One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, we gotta get the hell outta here, or we'll burn to death!"
    The other muffin looks over and says,
    "HOLY SHIT... a talking muffin!"

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  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    This should be NEW bad jokes only

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  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    wtf dupe posts

    redfenix on
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  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    Dichotomy wrote:
    knock knock

    who's there

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    .

    redfenix on
    9vjk4kkjpxoz.png
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  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    Dichotomy wrote:
    Dichotomy wrote:
    knock knock

    who's there

    it's the police, there has been a terrible accident

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    nevermind

    redfenix on
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  • B_RB_R Registered User regular
    edited January 2012
    Dichotomy wrote:
    Dichotomy wrote:
    knock knock

    who's there


    B_ ....

    B_R on
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    Red.

    Red.

    Fucking goddamn I hate that joke.

  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    Goddamnit redfenix

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  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    haha i got rid of it.

    <3 you all too.

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  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    I used to be able to tell jokes like you,

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  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    Ban redfenix.

  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    A man walks into a bar carrying a crocodile under one arm. Sets it down on the table.
    He says, "I've got a trick. I bet a thousand dollars that there's no one here who is prepared to do this."
    He opens the alligator's mouth, unzips his pants, and puts his penis in the gator's mouth.
    And then he quickly brings down his hand on the alligator's head. BAM!
    He blinks a little while, then says, "Is there anyone here prepared to do that?"
    There's a long pause, and then an old lady at the back of the bar gets up and says, "I don't mind giving it a try but you mustn't hit me so hard on the head."

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    tl;dr redfenix

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  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    what joke dammit now I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what it was

    Hey Satan!
  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    But then I took a
    Rolo wrote:
    what joke dammit now I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what it was
    http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

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  • YukiraYukira Registered User regular
    Skull Man thread.

  • ArangArang HUEY LEWISRegistered User regular
    edited January 2012
    comicphp.gif

    achewood doesn't really belong in this thread, though

    e: god ... damnit

    Arang on
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  • redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    good thing it still isn't, from your atrocious bbcode

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  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    You know what 'joke' is great

    The green golf ball joke

  • LegbaLegba He did. Registered User regular
    Why do monkeys paint their balls red?
    To hide in cherry trees.

    What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
    Giraffes eating cherries.

  • JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requested shelter there.

    Fortunately, she was just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.

    After dinner, she strolled into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers.

    They welcomed her with, "Hello, I am brother Michael and this is Brother
    Charles."

    "I am very pleased to meet you both," replied the nun, "I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

    Brother Charles replied, "Well, thank you sister. I am the fish friar."

    She turned to Brother Michael and said, "then you must be....?"

    "Yes, sister," interrupted Brother Michael you are correct. I am the chip monk."

  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Rectum? damn near killed em.

  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular

    So I was playing Skyrim, the dragon roared at me, I ignored it and carried on.

    The beast, again, roared in a violent temper. Pissed off, I threw my controller down.

    "Okay, I'll go and look for a fucking job", I told her.

  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons here"

    A Tachyon walks into a bar.

  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    Munkus Beaver wrote:
    A man walks into a bar carrying a crocodile under one arm. Sets it down on the table.
    He says, "I've got a trick. I bet a thousand dollars that there's no one here who is prepared to do this."
    He opens the alligator's mouth, unzips his pants, and puts his penis in the gator's mouth.
    And then he quickly brings down his hand on the alligator's head. BAM!
    He blinks a little while, then says, "Is there anyone here prepared to do that?"
    There's a long pause, and then an old lady at the back of the bar gets up and says, "I don't mind giving it a try but you mustn't hit me so hard on the head."

  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    so a man walks into a bar




    he is an alcoholic and he is ruining his life

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    Two peanuts are walking down the street

    One was assaulted

  • JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor into the earth.

    He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him. They're not that close.

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Moriveth wrote:
    You know what 'joke' is great

    The green golf ball joke

    Mori has been hit so many times for this joke

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