Asking someone out via MySpace.

Mikesta

So I've talked to this chick I used to know in high school via MySpace a few times. And I've been thinking about the fact that I used to kinda have a little "thing" for her in high school. So, I've decided that hey, fuck it, why not ask her to have some coffee with me some time?
I mean, I know it's kinda pussy-esque to ask some chick out by way of a text-based medium, but I have no other way of contacting her right now. And I definitely don't want to wait for weeks to go by as I continually talk to her over and over and finally get to the point where I can ask for a phone number or something. I'm just gonna ask her to a little coffee "get together", and if I'm lucky or I play my cards right, maybe it'll serve as a prelude to an actual date.
Anyway, is there a reason not to do this? Anyone got any advice to impart? Should I include my phone number in the message, or just ask her to have coffee in a humorous way and leave it at that? Hopefully, one of you guys will have some experience in this area and can help me out. I'm probably going to message her in a few minutes to do this. Thanks in advance.

solsovly

You could just straight up ask her? Hey, would you like to get coffee sometime (or insert time here). I don't think it needs to be in a witty or humorous way but it can be if you want. You could always include your number if she follows up.

Zek

Well, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it. That depends on how many times is "a few" though. I think it would be a little weird if you were just acquaintances. How well did you know her in high school?

And I wouldn't suggest doing it in a "humorous way" either, whatever that means. You're not trying to make a joke, so don't undermine yourself by not taking it seriously.

Mikesta

solsovly wrote: »

You could just straight up ask her? Hey, would you like to get coffee sometime (or insert time here). I don't think it needs to be in a witty or humorous way but it can be if you want. You could always include your number if she follows up.

Well, I usually include subtle bits of humor in myspace messages anyway, nothing that's likely to offend or anything. So, I'll just act normal and send it right away. No number, I don't want it to seem like anything other than a very casual invitation.

Mikesta

Zek wrote: »

Well, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it. That depends on how many times is "a few" though. I think it would be a little weird if you were just acquaintances. How well did you know her in high school?

And I wouldn't suggest doing it in a "humorous way" either, whatever that means. You're not trying to make a joke, so don't undermine yourself by not taking it seriously.

We used to talk quite a bit in high school, joking around and such. There was one instance in college a year or two ago wherein she actually approached my place of employment in order to say hi to me. Now, it has been a while since we last talked in person, and we've only sent a few messages back and forth, but I think I could ask her to a little "coffee date", if you will, without too much awkwardness.

powerss

I've done it. Sorta. Okay not really.

But just keep it casual.

ege02

Don't make it a question.

Not "Hey, would you like to grab a coffee with me?"
But rather "Hey, I remember I always enjoyed your company. Let's grab coffee together. I'm thinking Sunday 1pm."

Include your number.

You could use an excuse like "we have to catch up on old times" but that would make it more a friends thing rather than a date thing. Up to you.

Aldo

ege02 wrote: »

Don't make it a question.

Not "Hey, would you like to grab a coffee with me?"
But rather "Hey, I remember I always enjoyed your company. Let's grab coffee together. I'm thinking Sunday 1pm."

Include your number.

You could use an excuse like "we have to catch up on old times" but that would make it more a friends thing rather than a date thing. Up to you.

My reaction would be "wow, slow down Sparky!"

You were sorta friends a few years back and she is fond of you, otherwise she wouldn't drop by work or keep contact through MySpace, maybe you're just a friend, I wouldn't want to confess any feelings and share phonenumbers this quick.

Not saying Ege's advice is any less viable and might just go over well, but it wouldn't be what I would do in a situation like this. ^^

Mikesta

ege02 wrote: »

Don't make it a question.

Not "Hey, would you like to grab a coffee with me?"
But rather "Hey, I remember I always enjoyed your company. Let's grab coffee together. I'm thinking Sunday 1pm."

Include your number.

You could use an excuse like "we have to catch up on old times" but that would make it more a friends thing rather than a date thing. Up to you.

Well, I did phrase it in the form of a question, sorta, and I didn't include my number. Maybe I should have, but whatever. The deed is done, I'll just have to see how it pans out. I don't expect anything, but I'm still glad I did this. In any case, thanks for the advice, guys. I'll let you know what the response is.

Spoon

I would just flat out ask her if she would like to have coffee/hang out sometime.
Don't get specific or ask for contact info until she has indicated that she wants to. Also, don't be afraid to get shot down. It's not that big a deal unless you make it a big deal.

WeeSneak

DO NOT ASK HER DIRECTLY

The best way to go about this is to act like you were going for coffee anyway. I take it since you talk to her on Myspace that you dont live too close. Make up an excuse to go to a coffee shop around her area and tell her you are going to be about her area if shes up for grabbing some coffee with you.

If you make it seem like your going to be going anyway, theres more chance of her actually going.

xYUUBINKYOKUx

I asked my wife out over the internet originally. Lame yes... but hell it worked

LondonBridge

The only issue I see here is 'coffee.' Do something a little more exciting, a quiet dinner at least.

A-Rod

You can always try and get her on a IM program, chat a bit and then get her number from that and then ask her out over the phone. Personally I think asking online is shitty, but thats just me.....and I missed the post that you already asked. Oh well, best of luck.

DaySleeper

LondonBridge wrote: »

The only issue I see here is 'coffee.' Do something a little more exciting, a quiet dinner at least.

"a quiet dinner" between people who were acquaintances in highschool would be a little off-putting. I'd say go for coffee (as you apparently have) and see if it works out.

Fencingsax

Movie would probably work. As would going to a museum, if there are any interesting exhibitions going on near you.

Preacher

Women like to shop, shopping can be fun. You could always ask if she wants to go the mall? Hell you could say "hey I need some new work pants and you have good taste perhaps you could help me pick out a good pair?" People love to have their opinion considered good, and it would put the day in a positive spin from the get go. Malls are also good for non commital things and can end up being a whole day thing and not some boring coffee shop focus on you thing.

Frenchii5

I think that getting coffee together is a great ice breaker! A movie might be too much at first and seems too much like a date for some.

But don't ask her out for coffee in a humorous or lackadaisical way or else it most likely won't happen.

And yes, I think that you should include your number at the bottom of the message and ask her what time(s) work for her, you don't want to seem too pushy.

Jaiye

honestly, and without sounding like a loser, I have started talking to girls and asked them out to coffee before with no problem. Usually the reason is really flaky something along the lines of

"Hey what going on, you live near me now and we know (some person) from a long time ago, what's going on" and then a few messages later "So hey, we should grab coffee at (good place) sometime, how about (insert night). What's your number? Mine is (number)."

So yeah, without having any prior contact, just make it obvious your not creepy and girls typically don't mind giving guys a chance with something as quick as coffee.

Mikesta

Frenchii5 wrote: »

I think that getting coffee together is a great ice breaker! A movie might be too much at first and seems too much like a date for some.

But don't ask her out for coffee in a humorous or lackadaisical way or else it most likely won't happen.

And yes, I think that you should include your number at the bottom of the message and ask her what time(s) work for her, you don't want to seem too pushy.

I just asked her if she wanted to get some coffee, I didn't use humor and I didn't give some false justification, like saying "I'm in the area" or something. I just asked, then I asked her about some stuff she mentioned in her previous message. And yeah, I didn't want to ask for more than coffee, because it's not really a date.
Now, I think I might be able to turn it into one if she seems to be having a good enough time, but for the moment I only plan on getting coffee with her and talking for like 45min-1 hour.

DaySleeper

Good plan. I hope it works out well for you and you wind up with a friend at very least.

Mikesta

DaySleeper wrote: »

Good plan. I hope it works out well for you and you wind up with a friend at very least.

And as a bookend to the last post I made, I plan on giving my number to her if she responds with a yes. At that point, I think it's safe to give away the number without coming on too strong.
And thanks for the support. Again, I'll let you guys know what she says when I get a response.

SilverWind

I'd agree with the not giving your number initially (just a personal preference from an overly cautious person, really), so thumbs up. Good luck.

kingmetal

I'm meeting up with a girl tomorrow evening that I got to know via the intertubes. I had met her at a few parties previously, talked to her briefly and somehow ended up with her Myspace. we sent a few messages back and forth, we moved to AIM and then we made plans over the phone for her to come down to my place and get dinner.

it's actually really easy to do all this. just initiate some sort of conversation for a while on Myspace, if this works then just say 'hey, do you happen to have AIM/Hotmail/whateveritisyoukidsusethesedays' and then go from there. if that works out, an in-person meeting is pretty much the next logical step and it works itself out.

there isn't anything wrong with meeting people on the internet as long as you develop an in-person relationship with them reasonably swiftly.

Mikesta

kingmetal wrote: »

I'm meeting up with a girl tomorrow evening that I got to know via the intertubes. I had met her at a few parties previously, talked to her briefly and somehow ended up with her Myspace. we sent a few messages back and forth, we moved to AIM and then we made plans over the phone for her to come down to my place and get dinner.

it's actually really easy to do all this. just initiate some sort of conversation for a while on Myspace, if this works then just say 'hey, do you happen to have AIM/Hotmail/whateveritisyoukidsusethesedays' and then go from there. if that works out, an in-person meeting is pretty much the next logical step and it works itself out.

there isn't anything wrong with meeting people on the internet as long as you develop an in-person relationship with them reasonably swiftly.

I might start doing this sort of thing, because I don't really talk much in my classes at school and my only extra-curricular activity (college newspaper) is decidedly lacking in the chick department.
Oh, and she said that coffee sounds great, and asked me to provide her with my schedule so we can decide when to get together. I'm going to include my phone number now, just in case she'd like to call me or whatever. It's nice that I can do this, because then I don't have to be the first one to call.