Flowers on a first date?

billwill

I have a date with a friend coming up, and I plan on bringing flowers.

A guy friend of mine, however, says that's ridiculous. He says you never do that on the first date. And even when I respond that this really isn't a first date, since we've been friends for a long time, he still doesn't stand down. Which makes me curious.

Is this the general viewpoint? I can understand not bring flowers on a first date with a girl you just met, because you don't know how it might go, but if it's with someone you know well, I don't see the problem.

Something I AM curious about, however, is how many flowers I should bring? My friend says if I'm going to do it, I should only bring one or two flowers, but I'd rather go with a bouquet. I know her favorite flower and I know her favorite color. And, to me, one flower just seems more corny. I'm not sure why.

Thoughts?

Esh

Wait, don't you have a girlfriend? The one you just made a huge thread about wanting to help her defend herself?

But anyway...

Are you planning on bringing them to her at her place? That way she can leave them there? No one wants to haul around some huge bouquet. What kind of flower it is really makes a huge difference too.

billwill

Esh wrote:

Wait, don't you have a girlfriend? The one you just made a huge thread about wanting to help her defend herself?

But anyway...

Are you planning on bringing them to her at her place? That way she can leave them there? No one wants to haul around some huge bouquet. What kind of flower it is really makes a huge difference too.

Yeah, things are weird with her. I'd rather not get into that. I'm still close and I care about her, but yeah. Different thread.

Yes, I'm picking her up, so she can leave them at her place. And the type of flower is a daffodil.

Hahnsoo1

Flowers are fine, especially if it's someone you've known for a while. Roses might be overstating things, but daffodils are fine. I used to give flowers all the time to my friends to cheer them up in undergrad.

I mean, there might be other weirdness and context that we're missing here that your friend is trying to point out.

Esh

billwill wrote:

Esh wrote:

Wait, don't you have a girlfriend? The one you just made a huge thread about wanting to help her defend herself?

But anyway...

Are you planning on bringing them to her at her place? That way she can leave them there? No one wants to haul around some huge bouquet. What kind of flower it is really makes a huge difference too.

Yeah, things are weird with her. I'd rather not get into that. I'm still close and I care about her, but yeah. Different thread.

Yes, I'm picking her up, so she can leave them at her place. And the type of flower is a daffodil.

I have never seen anyone on these forums with more girl issues than you. Seriously, it's mind-boggling. Wait, I take that back. Slider has you beat.

Daffodils are fine though. Small bouquet. It's cute.

Maguano

small bouquet is fine.

EggyToast

Yeah, flowers aren't necessarily weird on a first date. If it's a first blind date, or you don't know the person, it falls into the category of "coming on strong."

However, if you're friends for a while and you're transitioning into a dating relationship, flowers or other obviously romantic gesture is a nice way to emphasize the transition. The reason you bring a couple flowers instead of a bouquet is because it downplays the gesture -- while still allowing you to make the gesture. A full bouquet seems grand, while a couple is modest and says "I know this is a little cheesy to bring flowers, but I like you romantically and this is what people do so I figured I'd do it to show that I think about you romantically and we've been friends for a while so it's not weird!"

Without you having to say that and come across too strong. So yeah, a very modest bouquet of 3-6 daffodils is probably a nice gesture.

DirtyDirtyVagrant

Get her some daffodils, like Esh says.

Do not get her a $100 arrangement of roses/stargazer lilies.

eponagirl

DirtyDirtyVagrant wrote:

Get her some daffodils, like Esh says.

Do not get her a $100 arrangement of roses/stargazer lilies.

exactly. a few daffodils are ok. don't go into rose territory just yet.

ResidentSleepwalker

Hahnsoo1 wrote:

Flowers are fine, especially if it's someone you've known for a while. Roses might be overstating things, but daffodils are fine. I used to give flowers all the time to my friends to cheer them up in undergrad.

I mean, there might be other weirdness and context that we're missing here that your friend is trying to point out.

No. No no no no no. I know I'm newer here - and also come and go quite a bit - but mark me down as a resounding contrarian.

First date with someone you'e been friends with for a while? Try to keep a little bit of the suspense alive. Bringing flowers says nothing but "ALL OF YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS WERE TRUE!"

Bring nothing but your charm and wit on the first date, and try to read the first few chapters of Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction" before your date.

Esh

ResidentSleepwalker wrote:

Hahnsoo1 wrote:

Flowers are fine, especially if it's someone you've known for a while. Roses might be overstating things, but daffodils are fine. I used to give flowers all the time to my friends to cheer them up in undergrad.

I mean, there might be other weirdness and context that we're missing here that your friend is trying to point out.

No. No no no no no. I know I'm newer here - and also come and go quite a bit - but mark me down as a resounding contrarian.

First date with someone you'e been friends with for a while? Try to keep a little bit of the suspense alive. Bringing flowers says nothing but "ALL OF YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS WERE TRUE!"

Bring nothing but your charm and wit on the first date, and try to read the first few chapters of Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction" before your date.

This is "the game" territory here. That book is downright creepy.

From the description...

"In part II, immerse yourself in the twenty four manoeuvres and strategies of the seductive process, the ritual by which a seducer gains mastery over their target. Understand how to 'Choose the Right Victim', 'Appear to Be an Object of Desire' and 'Confuse Desire and Reality'. In addition, Greene provides instruction on how to identify victims by type."

Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

Nappuccino

I would definitely go with a small arrangement.

Also ignore that book. It is for people who don't actually care about the women they are trying to seduce.

Laemkral

Everything ResidentSleepwalker said, do the opposite. Small bouquet and treat her like a person, not an object.

Aurora Borealis

Listen to Eggy and Dirty and Esh. For someone you already know and want to date, a small daffodil bunch is perfect. It says exactly what you intend it to say. Have a lovely time.

MichaelLC

PROTIP: Peel off the price sticker.

Trader Joe's or Whole Foods usually have some nice simple bouquets, of course a flower shop will usually have better selections or do custom arrangements. Whole Foods ones are good if you think she'd like that they're fair trade.

TraceofToxin

As someone who has several friends who follow "The Game" religiously...

Avoid everything those type of books say like the plague if you want a meaningful relationship.

I'd give flowers on the first date in a situation like that. Small bouqet, nothing ridiculous.

But seriously, don't take any advice from a book that is based off trying to 'seduce' a 'victim'.

Chop Logic

Dude a single flower is super casual if your showing up at her place.

I randomly do that all the time. Like if your showing up just have a flower and be like hey I sawthis and thought of you or something.

Don't hype it up, it should seem like something little you just decided to do randomly.

Edit: just to be clear, I don't mean this in a 'the game' way of "oh bitches love flowers dude", I mean you like this girl, you thought about getting her flowers, just do it, but play it way way down.

Liiya

I'm a florist.

Daffodils are fine for a first date, don't go mad, BUT keep in mind that when the daffodils are cut their stem releases a latex sap, so ensure that the florist dries them off so they don't get sap all over her outfit.

Also keep in mind that its Valentine's Day weekend so that prices will be crazy high, I'd avoided roses for that reason, and because they're kind of dull. So some cheerful spring flowers like daffs or tulips or iris would be nice.

edit:

MichaelLC wrote:

PROTIP: Peel off the price sticker.

Trader Joe's or Whole Foods usually have some nice simple bouquets, of course a flower shop will usually have better selections or do custom arrangements. Whole Foods ones are good if you think she'd like that they're fair trade.

Most florists won't have price stickers. You'll generally get better quality. I'm biased though!

Klyka

If it was an actual first date, as in the very first time that me and that girl would be spending time alone together, I would not bring flowers.

However, if she is a friend you have known for some time now, some flowers can lighten the mood and she shouldn't take it as "too much" but as a nice gesture to start the day.

Also, never, ever read anything about Pick Up unless you are the absolute trash of society and want to mingle with those kind of people.

Indica1

Everyone in here is wrong. Flowers are all types of corny. As a gift for a girl your have been dating for a while it might be different, a first date hell no.

MrMonroe

I'm with your friend. This is a super cheesy idea and not appropriate for any first date regardless of how long you've known the person.

Drez

In addition to what others have said and disagreed upon, I'd say it also depends on the cultural background of the girl. I know that sounds kind of shitty, like I'm stereotyping, and maybe I am, but I think it would be weird to show up on a first date with an American girl with flowers and I think it would be almost equally weird to show up on a first date with a Polish or Russian girl without flowers.

I'm not sure any of that is helpful, but I don't think most American girls expect or necessarily even want flowers on a first date. I don't necessarily think it would be that bad, but it might be a bit awkward. Also, I don't like saddling someone with objects. Remember: She's going to have to carry these (or surreptitiously chuck them) in her egress back to her home, or wherever she goes after the date. And if you two decide to go somewhere else together, you're going to have to lug flowers around with you, which is kind of annoying. Then again, that's a New York City concern of mine more than anything.

I think it could be a nice gesture if you know this girl likes a particular flower, so you can bring her a bunch of them and say they made you think of her. That might be a bit cheesy, but sometimes love/lust/both can be cheesy, and that's okay.

So I guess my answer is: It depends. "First date" isn't enough Information for whether or not flowers are a good idea. With who, when, and where are important details as well.

But I'd probably skip them, personally.

Bagginses

I'm going to go with flowers on the first date matching too many unfortunate archetypes. Roses make you look crazy, cheaper flowers make you look like this:


If you want something along the flower line, I'd go with a potted plant.

Pure Din

Bagginses wrote:

If you want something along the flower line, I'd go with a potted plant.

I was once given a potted plant by a guy on a first date. I found it kind of creepy, like, "here's something to have in your house for always, even though it's just our first date," and I was nowhere near thinking about that level of commitment. So I told him he could keep it at his place as a reminder of our relationship. Two years later, we're still together, and he takes the plant on vacation because he's afraid his roommate will kill the symbol of our relationship. I'm not really sure what the moral of this story is.

MichaelLC

Liiya wrote:

MichaelLC wrote:

PROTIP: Peel off the price sticker.

Most florists won't have price stickers. You'll generally get better quality. I'm biased though!

But how do I know how much it costs? Yeah, that's just the grocery store ones.

OP should buy your metal stag, that'll send ALL the right signals.

Noquar

You said you've been friends for a long time. A simple flower will be appreciated.

ceres

Pure Din wrote:

Bagginses wrote:

If you want something along the flower line, I'd go with a potted plant.

I was once given a potted plant by a guy on a first date. I found it kind of creepy, like, "here's something to have in your house for always, even though it's just our first date," and I was nowhere near thinking about that level of commitment. So I told him he could keep it at his place as a reminder of our relationship. Two years later, we're still together, and he takes the plant on vacation because he's afraid his roommate will kill the symbol of our relationship. I'm not really sure what the moral of this story is.

This is adorable.

Bagginses

Pure Din wrote:

Bagginses wrote:

If you want something along the flower line, I'd go with a potted plant.

I was once given a potted plant by a guy on a first date. I found it kind of creepy, like, "here's something to have in your house for always, even though it's just our first date," and I was nowhere near thinking about that level of commitment. So I told him he could keep it at his place as a reminder of our relationship. Two years later, we're still together, and he takes the plant on vacation because he's afraid his roommate will kill the symbol of our relationship. I'm not really sure what the moral of this story is.

Do places sell annuals? Maybe sunflowers?

Alternately, fennel and oregano are both known to flower and are always useful if she likes to cook.

Tox

ceres wrote:

Pure Din wrote:

Bagginses wrote:

If you want something along the flower line, I'd go with a potted plant.

I was once given a potted plant by a guy on a first date. I found it kind of creepy, like, "here's something to have in your house for always, even though it's just our first date," and I was nowhere near thinking about that level of commitment. So I told him he could keep it at his place as a reminder of our relationship. Two years later, we're still together, and he takes the plant on vacation because he's afraid his roommate will kill the symbol of our relationship. I'm not really sure what the moral of this story is.

This is adorable.

Blake T

I wouldn't do it.

Nothing wrong with doing it though.

Keep in mind the overall tone of the evening.

If its light and casual, maybe a walk in the park and some coffee sure it would give the date a light hearted start.

But if you are going to a restaurant and picking up the tab as well it's going to look like you are buying stuff to impress her.

Conroy Bumpas

i'd take into account what your doing for the "date". flowers work better if your are picking her up and give them then. she can leave them in water at home. if you are meeting for a film or a dinner etc. shes gonna have to carry them around with her. not ideal. also some people get a little embarresed carrying flowers haveing strangers know they are on a date. lets face it you dont want her feeling uneasy.

Indica1

Bagginses wrote:

This picture really says it all.

If you bring flowers on a first (or second, or etc.) date, You are this guy.

Edit: Seriously posting that picture was brilliant and made me laugh very hard.

Elin

When my husband and I were dating he once came home with a bouquet of origami lillies that he colored himself with crayons. Perhaps you could make her some flowers? If you can't do origami there are many other processes - like tissue-paper roses and the like.

Kurnea

Flowers might be a bit much. If you want to get her something, I'd suggest picking up something cute during the date if possible, like a teddy bear or something.

Julius

Drez wrote:

I'm not sure any of that is helpful, but I don't think most American girls expect or necessarily even want flowers on a first date. I don't necessarily think it would be that bad, but it might be a bit awkward. Also, I don't like saddling someone with objects. Remember: She's going to have to carry these (or surreptitiously chuck them) in her egress back to her home, or wherever she goes after the date. And if you two decide to go somewhere else together, you're going to have to lug flowers around with you, which is kind of annoying. Then again, that's a New York City concern of mine more than anything.

He said he's picking her up at her place. I don't think bringing flowers if you're meeting somewhere else is a good idea really.

And I'm with Eggy. It's kinda "too strong" if you don't know her, but in this case it's probably cool. You know her and it thus gives of the signal that it's a date now.

sacreandprofane

Conroy Bumpas wrote:

i'd take into account what your doing for the "date". flowers work better if your are picking her up and give them then. she can leave them in water at home. if you are meeting for a film or a dinner etc. shes gonna have to carry them around with her. not ideal. also some people get a little embarresed carrying flowers haveing strangers know they are on a date. lets face it you dont want her feeling uneasy.

Yep. If you're picking her up and she can leave them at home, that's smart planning. (She won't want to carry them around the whole night.) In general, a few flowers are sweet - and I do mean a "few". No more, or else it's creepy, but I have no idea how long you've known this person. If there's more of a history here, flowers are more appropriate.

Kurnea makes a good point too. While you're out, if there is the opportunity (a fair, a hike, etc.), you can win (a teddy) or pick something (a flower) for her.

On a side note, there's this amusing dialogue in When Harry Met Sally:
[Harry: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Sally: Why?
Harry: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?
Sally: Its amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.]

I guess what i'm saying is you're setting a standard for yourself in doing this, which I think is rare, and wonderful. Good for you. Some will say it comes back to haunt you, and it may, but I say life's too short. Go for it.

Draygo

Kinda half suprised no one has suggested chocolate. My brothers wife absolutely loves chocolate. And it helps get around the 'I have to put them in a vase thing'. For a first date I recommend something temporary and enjoyable, and definatly something that isnt going to dent your wallet in any significant way. A small box of gormet chocolate for the most part is a safe bet. I would avoid nuts unless you know she isn't allergic to them.

And besides, valentines day is just around the corner.

And good luck with your date.

mrt144

Flowers on the first date mean you are carrying flowers around on the first date. Which seems like a pain.

Druhim

There is no rule for this. Whether or not it's appropriate or appreciated on a first date depends entirely on the girl.

ahava

I'd say go for it.

Flowers are awesome. If you're going to her place to pick her up, that gives her a chance to put them in water, and a chance for you guys to both relax a bit and lighten the mood.

You've been friends for a while, so the flowers will also help signal that this is possibly the start of something new and different, rather than you guys just going and hanging out one night together.