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D&D 4e Newbies, Look No Further!
Mustardo
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"Sir!" cries the gangly fellow as soon as he bursts through the double doors to his superior's office. He is out of breath, as usual. He is also remarkably eager to inform his boss of the recent news... as usual. "Sir, we've got new recruits."
The commanding officer lets out a groan of resignation as he finishes the last hearty puff of his fat cigar. "How many this time, Sergeant?"
"Four, Lieutenant, sir," the thin man replies with a salute.
"They look any better 'n the the last ones?"
"Uh..." the Sergeant says, wincing. "Well, one of them is rather large, if that gives you any hope."
"How large?"
"A bit larger than you, I imagine," he shoots back before hastily adding, "But without quite as much muscle."
"Damn it, Sergeant! Your grammy's bigger 'n me, but that don't mean I can't beat her in a fist fight! The hell does it matter if the recruit's a fatso?"
The Sergeant coughs. "That's not quite what I meant, and with all due respect, sir, my grandmother is just big-boned. Sorry, sir. I apologize, sir. Should I send them in?"
"You know, I've had enough of these tools who think they've got what it takes to be adventurers," says the Lieutenant, avoiding the question for the time being. "When I started out, they didn't have this kind of hand-holding, la-dee-da frolicking through easy missions with a commanding officer by your side. When I was a young adventurer, I had to kill kobolds until I was strong enough to kill hobgoblins. Then I had to kill hobgoblins until I was strong enough to kill orcs. Then I had to kill orcs until I was strong enough to kill ogres. Then I had to kill ogres until I was strong enough to kill giants. Then I had to kill giants until I was strong enough to kill demons. Then I had to kill demons until I was stro--"
"Sir, you've never killed an ogre in your life. You saw one last week, and you ran away screaming for the General to save you."
"Shut up and bring in the recruits, Sergeant!" hollers the suddenly red-faced Lieutenant.
"Yes sir!"
The double doors to the office swing open, and four would-be heroes walk through. Their eyes scan the room before finally locking onto those of the Lieutenant, who is now red-faced for a very different reason. Of all the terms one could use to describe him, calm-tempered is not one of them. "THESE are the adventurers you brought me, Sergeant!? Really!?" he fumes. Over the course of the next few seconds, he lets out several less-than-pleasant phrases, then finishes with yet another sigh. "Alright," he at last says with reluctance. "Get ready to learn the ropes, ladies. I'm gonna go and invade the den of a bunch of angry monsters who can bite your head off with a single chomp. And you four are coming with me."
MUSTARDO'S INTRODUCTORY 4E ADVENTURE
You there! Good fellow, the one who's got a craving for D&D. Yeah, the one who doesn't have any books, nor any experience whatsoever. Want to play? Of course you do. That's why I'm here. I'll cut the long-winded introduction right here and right now, 'cause you don't need any more fancy-pants verbosity to drag you down.
I - Mustardo the Mighty, Lord of the Condiments - am running a weekly 4th Edition D&D game that is specifically designed for brand new players. I will personally walk through character creation with you before the game starts, and while the game is ongoing, I will teach you basic combat rules and gradually more advanced tactics as the adventure progresses. You only need two things to play. Thing one is a working microphone, and thing two is a free Google+ account.
Does this sound like your cup of tea? Then add me on Google+ (I'm +Mustardo The Mighty) or email me at mustardincorporated@hotmail.com. We'll work out the rest as we go along.
The commanding officer lets out a groan of resignation as he finishes the last hearty puff of his fat cigar. "How many this time, Sergeant?"
"Four, Lieutenant, sir," the thin man replies with a salute.
"They look any better 'n the the last ones?"
"Uh..." the Sergeant says, wincing. "Well, one of them is rather large, if that gives you any hope."
"How large?"
"A bit larger than you, I imagine," he shoots back before hastily adding, "But without quite as much muscle."
"Damn it, Sergeant! Your grammy's bigger 'n me, but that don't mean I can't beat her in a fist fight! The hell does it matter if the recruit's a fatso?"
The Sergeant coughs. "That's not quite what I meant, and with all due respect, sir, my grandmother is just big-boned. Sorry, sir. I apologize, sir. Should I send them in?"
"You know, I've had enough of these tools who think they've got what it takes to be adventurers," says the Lieutenant, avoiding the question for the time being. "When I started out, they didn't have this kind of hand-holding, la-dee-da frolicking through easy missions with a commanding officer by your side. When I was a young adventurer, I had to kill kobolds until I was strong enough to kill hobgoblins. Then I had to kill hobgoblins until I was strong enough to kill orcs. Then I had to kill orcs until I was strong enough to kill ogres. Then I had to kill ogres until I was strong enough to kill giants. Then I had to kill giants until I was strong enough to kill demons. Then I had to kill demons until I was stro--"
"Sir, you've never killed an ogre in your life. You saw one last week, and you ran away screaming for the General to save you."
"Shut up and bring in the recruits, Sergeant!" hollers the suddenly red-faced Lieutenant.
"Yes sir!"
The double doors to the office swing open, and four would-be heroes walk through. Their eyes scan the room before finally locking onto those of the Lieutenant, who is now red-faced for a very different reason. Of all the terms one could use to describe him, calm-tempered is not one of them. "THESE are the adventurers you brought me, Sergeant!? Really!?" he fumes. Over the course of the next few seconds, he lets out several less-than-pleasant phrases, then finishes with yet another sigh. "Alright," he at last says with reluctance. "Get ready to learn the ropes, ladies. I'm gonna go and invade the den of a bunch of angry monsters who can bite your head off with a single chomp. And you four are coming with me."
MUSTARDO'S INTRODUCTORY 4E ADVENTURE
You there! Good fellow, the one who's got a craving for D&D. Yeah, the one who doesn't have any books, nor any experience whatsoever. Want to play? Of course you do. That's why I'm here. I'll cut the long-winded introduction right here and right now, 'cause you don't need any more fancy-pants verbosity to drag you down.
I - Mustardo the Mighty, Lord of the Condiments - am running a weekly 4th Edition D&D game that is specifically designed for brand new players. I will personally walk through character creation with you before the game starts, and while the game is ongoing, I will teach you basic combat rules and gradually more advanced tactics as the adventure progresses. You only need two things to play. Thing one is a working microphone, and thing two is a free Google+ account.
Does this sound like your cup of tea? Then add me on Google+ (I'm +Mustardo The Mighty) or email me at mustardincorporated@hotmail.com. We'll work out the rest as we go along.
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