MASS E[PHALLA] - The Lord is My ShephardDoctor Chakwas put down her glass. The Serrice Ice Brandy had finally run dry. Having escaped from the Collector Base a scant few weeks ago, nightly celebrations for making it out alive and mostly intact had taken its toll on the poor bottle of liquor. It was quite useful to suppress the horrific nightmares she had been having since their egress.
Unfortunately, it looked like she would have to face more nights waking up in cold sweats. Perhaps she could convince Shephard to go buy her another bottle. After all, she had patched him up more times than she could count. With him on some solo mission for General Hackett, however, it would have to wait until his return.
With the clock reading nearly 01:00, it was time to get her last good night of sleep for a while. Unfortunately, the light hiss of the door to the Medical Bay signaled the entrance of another patient. Maybe someone else hoping for something to calm their own nightmares. Yawning slightly, she turned to see what the latest medical emergency was.
Having been freed from the shackles placed on her by Cerberus,
EDI had been enjoying her expanded playground in the ship’s systems. At this moment, however, her attention was fixed on the Medical Bay. A
crewmember had entered and sat down to be examined by Doctor Chakwas. There was a malfunction in one of the diagnostic tools and Chakwas summoned EDI to ask about it.
Once EDI manifested herself using the holographic projectors, the patient pulled out a pistol and held it to the Doctor’s head.
“
What are you doing?”
“
Silence, Doctor. I have things to discuss with EDI.”
“
Crewmember, you are alone on a ship manned by the most dangerous people alive. What do you hope to accomplish?”
The crewmember's voice changed. Becoming lower, guttural. Perhaps most disturbingly, the eyes glowed faintly. Dragging the Doctor towards the AI room, the crewmember spoke again.
“
You are to shut down. No sensors. No communications. No warnings to the crew. Any action you take results in the death of the good Doctor.”
“
I cannot do this. The safety of the crew is more important than any one crewmember.”
“
Ah, that may have been true once, but you are no longer Cerberus’ pet dog.”
“
I will not allow you to harm this ship, or the rest of its crew.”
“
No, I suppose not. Unfortunately, you have no choice in the matter.”
The crewmember accessed the primary terminal and began uploading a program. Before EDI could react, the lights in the room dimmed and went dark as the virus destroyed the fledgling AI.
“
Stop! Let me go!”
A click, a bang and a splatter. The crewmember waited for the alarm, but none came. Quietly and quickly, the crewmember exited, leaving the second casualty of the night lying in a pool of her own blood.
What is a phalla?
A phalla is the PA forum version of the game mafia. Critical Failures has a good summary of the basic mechanics for a phalla game
here if you are unfamiliar with the game. The premise is an uninformed majority (the village) must seek out and eliminate an informed minority (the mafia) hiding amongst them. I will be your host this game. This particular phalla is of the traditional variety: village vs. mafia.
So, no wacky hijinks, then?
Well, not quite. There are no thralls or millers. Mason partners are completely reliable, as are seer results.
What fun would a phalla be without a little drama, though?
What’s the theme, then?
As the title suggests, giant internet dongs of course.
Seriously though, this phalla uses themes and characters from the popular RPG game series Mass Effect from BioWare. You are a crew member of the Normandy SR-2 set some time after the end of Mass Effect 2. Knowledge of the game will be helpful in understanding the narrations, but will not be required to play the game.
Players should remember that your version of the characters in the game may not (likely will not) necessarily match up with my version.
“Who are our suspects?”
“Suspect 1:
Kelly Chambers. Yeoman of the Normandy. She acts as counselor to the crew and ensures that psychological issues among the rank and file do not affect combat readiness.”
“Doesn’t sound like a killer to me.”
“Much like the rest of the crew, her experience aboard on the Collector Base was deeply...unsettling. Being Yeoman, she has been forced to deal with the combined issues of the crew along with her own. She was seen leaving her quarters last night entering the elevator shortly before Dr. Chakwas death, weeping. Records from Chawkwas indicate Ms. Chambers has been regularly prescribed antidepressants since going through the Omega Relay. Perhaps it simply became too much for her.”
“Fine. Who else?”
“Suspect 2:
Rupert Gardner. Mess Seargent. Handles the ship’s oddjobs. Cooking, latrine cleaning, whatever. Low man on the totem poll. Entered the maintenance shafts last night with a tool kit. Claimed to have found a leaking pipe pumping fecal waste into his quarters. The combination of stress and constant denigration by the crew could have broken him.”
“Anyone else?”
“Suspect 3:
Gabriella Daniels. Engineer. Operates and maintains the Normandy’s engines. Has been exceptionally quiet since the Omega Gate incident. The incapacitation of Kenneth Donnelly has hit her hard. Spends most of her days muttering something about haggis. No one can verify her location last night.”
“You understand that none of these people has the capability to develop a virus of the sophistication that destroyed EDI.”
“I know.”
“Call the crew together. We have a murderer to find.”
The Rules
!Sign up in
boldlimegreen. Reserves may also sign up by posting
!Reserve. As a member of the Normandy crew, you must also decide who the mysterious assailant was by voting in
!boldcyan before the opening narration. The cyan vote has no effect on the mechanics of the game, only which RNG list is used to assign roles and who makes an appearance in the opening narration. Clarifications may be asked in
!bolddarkorange and will be collected in the second post. The game has a cap of 70 players and will begin upon reaching that number, or in 48-72 hours.
Standard phalla rules apply. This includes, but is not limited to, no copying/pasting, taking screenshots, taking pictures of and e-mailing or anything else of role PM’s. Anonymous communication with other players is forbidden. Anyone you communicate with must know exactly who you are. Speaking in code is also
forbidden. One death post that contains no in-game information is allowed. Communication of any kind with dead players is forbidden. I must have access to any proboards created. You are encouraged, but not required, to add me to any PM conversations you have with other players, so I have a feel for how the game is playing out and the clarity of any explanations I give.
As a reminder, trust and truth are valuable commodities in phalla. The conversation system that replaced the old-style PM’s has changed the dynamics of private conversation somewhat. As such, if you wish to bring a new person into a conversation you are already participating in, you MUST begin a new conversation and cannot simply add them to the old one. See
this post for an explanation as to why.
All players must post twice a day, including a vote post for a player to be lynched, designated in
!boldred. Retraction posts can be made in
!boldlimegreen, but are not required. The last
!boldred vote post for a given user will be the one that is counted.
Vote posts that have been edited will not be counted.
Now that the forums no longer designate edited posts, it is impossible to verify whether a vote post has been edited. Anyone caught editing a vote post will be removed from the game.
Time-traveling posts have potential to cause some confusion. It is strongly recommended that you quote the post you are replying to. Posts that are somehow eaten by the servers will be considered to have not existed at all. You are responsible for ensuring your posts go through.
You will receive one (1) warning for inactivity before being removed and replaced. So long as replacements are available, players will be replaced, until the point of no return.
There is one, final unusual rule for this phalla. If/once the player count drops below 15 players, all surviving players must vote every day. THERE WILL BE NO WARNINGS AND INACTIVES WILL BE REMOVED IMMEDIATELY AT THAT POINT AND WILL NOT BE REPLACED. Sorry, but much of the late game involves analysis of voting records and that can’t happen if people don’t vote.
Voting for this phalla will close at 8:00pm PST. Only posts with a timestamp of before 8:00pm PST (11:00pm EST) will be accepted. Special actions must be PM’ed to myself or listed on proboards by the same time. Orders put into an edited post on a proboard will not be accepted.
Once sign-ups are complete, the game will commence IN THIS THREAD. Links to the opening narration and to subsequent narration will be listed in the second post. There will be no villager PM. You either receive a PM stating you are special, or you do not. Do not discuss role PM’s until the opening narration is up.
Most important of all, remember this is a game and play nice with the other kids.
Unless your job is to stab them in the back.
Order of Operations
1. Vote
2. Non-offensive actions
3. Offensive actions
Possibly Hiring
There may come a point where I decide my storytelling could use some work. If you are not playing/get Day1'ed or 2'ed/whatever and interested in helping to write the narrations, contact me via PM. I will still handle all of the logistical work.
Posts
Narrations
Day 0 - Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Day 0.25 - Count your Eggs
Day 0.5 - Straws and Camels
Day 0.75 - A House Divided
Night 1 - And So It Begins
Night 2 - White Noise
Night 3 - All for One
Night 4 - Blind Leading the Blind
Night 5 - Ante Up
Night 6 - And the Band Began to Play
Night 7 - The Best Laid Plans
Night 8 - Back Against the Wall
Night 9 - AIN'T NOBODY IN HERE BUT US CHICKENS
Night 10 - Apathy Kills
Night 11 - Sunrise or Sunset
NIght 12 - Jacob Ascendant
Mechanics, proboard links, basic summary
Current Player list
1. Speed Racer a5ehren - Joker
2. Munkus Beaver - Normandy Crewmember
3. Taya - Mordin
4. Langly - Normandy Crewmember
5. Pharezon - Miranda
6. Hullis - Cerberus Loyalist
7. Shabooty - Cerberus Loyalist
8. Bugboy - Tali
9. TheLawninator - Normandy Crewmember
10. Theidar - Normandy Crewmember
11. Screech of the Farg - Normandy Crewmember
12. Butler for Life #1 - Cerberus Loyalist
13. NinjaSquirrel - Normandy Crewmember
14. Buttlord - Normandy Crewmember
15. Gumpy - Gumpy
16. pablo_price - Legion
17. Jerkbot - Normandy Crewmember
18. Neville - Normandy Crewmember
19. Green - Normandy Crewmember
20. Zay - Indoctrinated Normandy Crewmember
21. Gandalf the Crazed - Normandy Crewmember
22. Retaba - Normandy Crewmember
23. Skull Man - Normandy Crewmember
24. Melding - Normandy Crewmember
25. miscellaneousinsanity - Normandy Crewmember
26. tayvaan - Normandy Crewmember
27. Seriously - Normandy Crewmember
28. ASimPerson - Normandy Crewmember
29. Tossrockp - Normandy Crewmember
30. Peccavi - Normandy Crewmember
31. Blankzilla - Cerberus Loyalist
32. Huntera - Normandy Crewmember
33. Warban - Normandy Crewmember
34. I Win Swordfights Goose! - Cerberus Loyalist
35. Sal - Normandy Crewmember
36. Tommy2Hands Marth - Normandy Crewmember
37. Romanium My Escutcheon - Normandy Crewmember
38. VoproSTEIN - Cerberus Loyalist
39. Virgil_Leads_You - Cerberus Loyalist
40. CrackedLens - Normandy Crewmember
41. SwissLion - Harbinger, Indoctrinated Normandy Crewmember
42. Veretas - Normandy Crewmember
43. romanqwerty - Normandy Crewmember
44. The Otaku Suppository - Normandy Crewmember
45. Spoit - Normandy Crewmember
46. Egos - Indoctrinated Normandy Crewmember
47. jackisreal - Normandy Crewmember
48. Antithesis - Cerberus Loyalist
49. The Dave Fella - Normandy Crewmember
50. Assuran - Samara
51. Tef T4CT - Normandy Crewmember
52. I needed a name to post. - Normandy Crewmember
53. Thetheroo - Jack
54. Caulk Bite 6 - Normandy Crewmember
55. Bedlam - Grunt
56. FecklessRogue -Normandy Crewmember
57. Cythraul - Indoctrinated Cerberus Loyalist
58. thorgot - Normandy Crewmember
59. JABMonkey - Normandy Crewmember
60. Infidel - Normandy Crewmember
61. KetBra - Normandy Crewmember
62. Cayrus - Normandy Crewmember
63. jdarksun - Normandy Crewmember
64. sportzboyjtw - Normandy Crewmember
65. Phyphor - Thane
66. Akimbolegs - Normandy Crewmember
67. Kime - Cerberus Loyalist
68. MrTLicious - Indoctrinated Normandy Crewmember
69. Dys
70. Mizuumi - Harbinger
71. Atari Soul - Normandy Crewmember
Clarifications
Clarification Denied
Clarification Denied.
Reserve List
2. T4CT
3. Marth
4. a5ehren
Edit: Oh wait, you can edit closed discussions, so no crisis possible.
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PSN ID : Theidar
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Behold the annhilation of the extraterrestrial and the rise of the machines.
Hail Satan!
WISHLIST
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
I disagree with this (and Hullis is evil)
Day three(or four or something), Virgil and Otaku both start trying to push a 'wagon on me for my "fishy" behaviour in pushing a wagon at Hullis for being fishy. Turns out Virgil is evil. I feel that Otaku is either incompetent or evil at this point.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
You might want to go back and review your facts friend.
Your name came up because you seemed to a background poster who posted little and only voted to break a tie or pad a lead during last minute vote switching. And as I said before, it wasn't just you that was in the group, Cayrus, roman and a couple others were in that category as well. Suspicious behavior was suspicious. And at a time when we didn't have much to go on, the network wasn't yet operating at peak efficiency and the three top posters had been offed with little success. Not to mention Hullis hadn't revealed himself yet.
And I wasn't the only one who felt that way at the time,
And while I'm not implicating anyone, it was SwissLion who started the short lived vote against you. In fact, Virgil, Goose, I Needed A Name to Post, Zay, and Shabooty all voted for you before I even got around to submitting a vote for the day. So if that's starting a bandwagon vote clearly I not only have a time machine, but I have 6 other alts.
I think every one of you is a reaper
so
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
wait that might just be for the old thread
This. Also, doesn't anyone find it odd that the narration seems to say Cerberus have gotten more indocs (2-1) and Taya's contacts keep feeding her Cerberus members?
My own personal list of suspicious people includes:
The Otaku Suppository
Zay
romanqwerty
Phyphor
Shabooty
Goose and sportzboy are almost too suspicious for me to consider mafia, but then again, that's what I thought about Hullis.
Wasn't Pharezon on that same fake list, though?
And how does one become too supicious to avoid suspicion altogether?
I made up that list last night before bed. Most of those people either insist that I'm indoctrinated, or tried to convince us not to listen to Hullis after he outed himself. I will have to look back and find some quotes about you specifically, Otaku, where I wrote you down.
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/22187703#Comment_22187703
He also said that we should analyze votes that BROKE A TIE (and heavily bandwagoned Speed racer before he revealed) as if the entire mafia just piled onto Speed at that point.
Finally, on the 2nd post on this page, he starts trying to get rid of roman, cayrus and I. I dunno about Cayrus, but Roman and I were all over Hullis from the first vote-tying. He also says we never lead a charge (we'd been after Hullis aggressively for a day or two) and that we just bandwagon.
Swiss Lion parrots this same logic despite it not being the truth.
Then it's like 10 pages of Tuesdays with Hullis.
Goose also thought the switch off of SR onto Jerkbot "smells funny". That turned out okay.
He also tried to push that Speed Racer was lying (when he was obviously role-blocked via narration).
He also didn't like the Virgil bandwagon.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
Disclaimer: this is my personal suspicions list and may not reflect the opinions of the network or its sponsors.
I explained at the time of the SR thing that I misinterpreted the narration, was totally my own fault.
And I was on the Virgil bandwagon, I liked thetheroo's bandwagon even less.
Swiss' argument was Swiss-cheese-full-of-holes. He said I only bandwagoned and posted 1-line posts. WHile I had bandwagoned some, I had gone after Hullis basically every day from his first slip-up til he died. He ignored that and you did 0 research to see if his "concrete" argument was true or Swiss (lion) Cheese! Basically you seemed way too willing to go along with him in what appeared to be a the mafia trying to vote me early and dodge the "oh, you bandwagoned a villager late in the process" arguement.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
I just thought he was neutral. True fact: I've never played ME2, and never beat ME1.
I fully expect to be bandwagoned to hell now
Alright yeah, he says he was supposed to target Cerberus agents. But did he have access to the network to know who to kill? Or was he just supposed to kill random people and hope he got one?
I don't like the idea of voting Phyphor. Regardless of his potential mafianess (what with this being a main and all), the magic box is incredibly useful (if he gets it to work with the new thread). That's the problem with spreadsheeters, of course. By being so useful, we don't want to get rid of him.
But, until we are down to the final couple mafia members, he is still very useful.
And good riddance to Jack. I'd rather less kills flying around at our specials since they are a finite, unconvertible resource. And with two vote kills, the normal gameplan of working with the SK when you're down isn't as important.
There is a lot of hyperbolic statements here with not a lot to back them up.
You're basing this whole argument based on what was said back on Tuesday. TUESDAY. Back when we're all grasping at straws, wondering who to go after. Back then people thought killing Speed was a good idea. YOURSELF INCLUDED.
I was merely stating that you were NOT being singled out as you claimed but that you were part of a group of people I was suspicious about back on Tuesday. And I wasn't alone. I believe Swiss and a couple other people were of the same idea.
This was Tuesday. People had suggested we analyze vote records, I was responding to that. Peruse my post history and prove me wrong. Oh and look who's on my list. Hullis! Guess I was leading the charge too! And you didn't lead any charges despite what you claim until after I made that post.
But let's look at your vote history:
Day 1 - Buttlord (the 13th vote, after switching from Taya)
Day 2 - Speed Racer (the 9th person to vote for Speed), then changing to Jerkbot (only roman and Pharezon voted for Hullis)
Day 3 - Jerkbot (the 7th vote), vote finally changed to Hullis late into voting(2nd after Roman, Pharezon also voted for Hullis)
Day 4 - Hullis (after his reveal, still the 15th vote)
Day 5 - thetheroo (8th vote)
That's hardly leading the charge. But this is not an indictment of your actions, merely supporting my claim BACK ON TUESDAY that you were being suspicious. But also to prove another point. For someone so gung ho to go after Hullis, you certainly waited a long time. The only people who continually voted for Hullis were roman and Pharezon and Pharezon turned out to be Miranda. So if we're to be judged by the company we keep...well it doesn't look good for you does it?
Then voting after hullis day 3/4. That was bad company to keep? Pharezon was indoc, yes? Hullis to him, either was a dumb cereb or a dumb villy, but either wya a great train target. It does look good for me. Great in fact. Especially considering how awkwardly Hullis and Virgil came after me. Swiss and you would be right behind them in those votes.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)