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So. My mother is cheating on my step-father.
The Ender
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
...Funny; for the longest time I suspected it was the other way around.
My parents recently bought a place on Vancouver Island. We've been getting non-stop 'telemarketer' calls ever since they installed the land line here, which I've been answering because my parents have mostly been getting business settled elsewhere (they're both working overseas right now, in fact, for a few weeks). I found it strange because, well, they just didn't sound like telemarketing calls. I thought maybe it was some kind of local fraudsters or something.
Then everything came full circle this morning. I get a text & picture message, obviously intended for my mother but sent to me because we have identical numbers except the last digit and this clown must've mis-dialed as a result, and it's... pretty damn graphic. Dude was also the one constantly calling the damn house, according to this text message, looking for some phone sex and 'lonely' because he hasn't got any from her for a while.
So I'm pretty mad. I'm not even sure why, but I'm mad.
And I don't know what I should do, if anything.
My parents recently bought a place on Vancouver Island. We've been getting non-stop 'telemarketer' calls ever since they installed the land line here, which I've been answering because my parents have mostly been getting business settled elsewhere (they're both working overseas right now, in fact, for a few weeks). I found it strange because, well, they just didn't sound like telemarketing calls. I thought maybe it was some kind of local fraudsters or something.
Then everything came full circle this morning. I get a text & picture message, obviously intended for my mother but sent to me because we have identical numbers except the last digit and this clown must've mis-dialed as a result, and it's... pretty damn graphic. Dude was also the one constantly calling the damn house, according to this text message, looking for some phone sex and 'lonely' because he hasn't got any from her for a while.
So I'm pretty mad. I'm not even sure why, but I'm mad.
And I don't know what I should do, if anything.
With Love and Courage
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She's an adult and it's her life.
As far as what you should do, this is the extent of what you should consider for the moment.
This should not be misconstrued in any way to invalidate your right to feel upset about it. When one immediate family member betrays the trust of another family member, that can be an upsetting thing even for the family members who aren't involved. It may, for instance, call into question whether or not you can trust your mother. Or you might be having a hard time reconciling this fact with the longstanding impression you have of your mother. Perhaps this is reminding you of an instance in which you felt betrayed either by a family member or a girlfriend. Depending on the circumstances by which she and your biological father ended up splitting, it may be causing you to retroactively have doubts about what happened in that relationship, too.
Lots of good possible reasons to feel justifiably upset. I'd encourage you to explore what specifically is bothering you while you take a cooling-down period because when you do eventually talk to your mother about this, it can help you have a more-rational conversation if you can explain not only what you're feeling, but why.
Oh and hey, dude, sorry you had to find this out, and sorry you had to find it out like this.
I'm gonna agree with Esh. Go as far as letting her know what you know then stay the ever loving fuck out of it. There's still room for this to be a misunderstanding however unlikely it may seem.
If you are a person who is cool with keeping a secret from him, that's your business. If you are a person who would wanted to be told, well it's a decision you need to make. Again though, you need to decide what you are comfortable in doing, because if you do tell him it could very well damage your relationship with her.
Satans..... hints.....
i know this is slightly off topic... But i'm also on Van Island
Anyhow, more on topic. I want to reiterate what an above poster said and dont do anything until you have calmed down the anger a bit. Think shit through properly, then think it over again to make sure. You dont want to go all throwing it in anyones faces. As shitty as cheating is it usually means there is some kind of problem in the relationship between your step father and your mother. Or at least thats usually the case. So tread extremely lightly.
a) Cool down first. Don't do anything while angry. That is the path to emotional distress and burnt bridges. This is a delicate matter and you should recognize that you are making pessimistic conclusions in the heat of anger that may or may not be true.
b) Don't make any assumptions. As Ceres said, all you know is that you got a lewd text from someone. You are assuming that it was meant for your mom because of the proximity of your phone numbers. You are assuming she is reciprocating this person's intentions. These are assumptions you really don't have enough evidence to make. It may very well turn out the way you fear, but it's not a given at this point.
c) Talk to your mother, if you're going to talk to anyone. I'm not saying it's not your place to tell your step-father, but I definitely recommend talking to your mother FIRST, if you're resigned to get to the bottom of this. And for what it's worth, if I were ever put in a position like that, I would confront my parent about it. But that's just me.
That said, I'm really sorry you have been put in this position. I can only imagine how distressing it must be.
Also, this.
Goosey, Goosey idea. Like Ceres said, no one knows what's going on right now and nothing is certain. It's very much the wrong thing to do.
The only time he would have ANY business going to his step-father was if they (he and him) were extremely close and his mother continued philandering even after being confronted with the text.
but they're listening to every word I say
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Or maybe it was an completely outside wrong number, I mean did he mention your mum by name? Seeing as how little you actually know, throwing the match at this powder keg by going right to your step-dad is crazy. I'm not saying you shouldn't be put out by this or anything but really, I reject the notion that some people have raised that it's dishonest not to go running to your step-dad with this. There is absolutely nothing dishonest about not taking a side or getting involved in something that really only peripherally involves you. This is entirely a matter between two other adults who make their own decisions for good or ill.
I wouldn't say that it's the ONLY instance; you don't, for instance, want him discovering that she's cheating when he catches syphilis or something. But the larger point that you shouldn't make any sort of decision based on incomplete information is a good one.
That said talk to your mother first.
Yes, exactly and it doesn't change my point. It's not the OP's.
I think Quid's point is the husband doesn't get to make a decision.
First because of a lack of information:
You get weird telemarketing calls you suspect aren't real.
You get a text that is "obviously intended for your mother".
How so? Context here... Did he use her name? What did the actual text say?
Lets be completely candid here - I can shoot a dick pic to anyone with a "Hey baby, we haven't gotten together in awhile, you still in town?" message.
I've received spam along those lines even!
YOU seem sure - but we're skeptical and we want confirmation. That is why you've got a lot of people telling you to cool off and confront her directly.
That being said, if you are sure she is cheating and you've got pictures that hint at that, YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO TELL THE STEP-DAD.
Slightly off-topic but I don't understand why some people believe this. There are no unavoidable tells for lying. If there were then we'd have a perfect lie detector by now, but even when you hook someone up to monitors for very subtle and non-voluntary biological cues you get nothing better than a wild guess as to whether or not they're telling the truth.
If you believe that you can always tell when someone is lying then you are setting yourself up for a disaster.
0431-6094-6446-7088
I didn't say anything. I didn't ask him why he was on that site. I didn't take that information to his wife. Part of me wonders what would have happened if I'd approached either person about the web site, but for the most part I'm happy that I didn't bring it up with them because this couple have been notoriously mum on their marriage issues and trying to get an explanation from either of them would have likely resulted in a lot of hurt feelings and little clarification. I have no idea what caused the initial rift in the first place, and for all I know this is something they're both already familiar with.
I don't know what would be best for you to do, but I agree with everyone saying that you should step back and not jump to conclusions about the text you received. Even if the text explicitly mentions your mother as the intended recipient, it's still possible that she's not involved in a relationship with this guy and he's harassing her.
Because if he walks up to his mother, takes out his phone, and says, "hey, what's this all about?" her reaction will likely be very telling.