Problems at home, the next step.

Re: nholder

dsaf

meatflower

Have you discussed the way you feel about your mother's lack of effort to find a job with her personally?

If not: You and Amy should sit her down and basically tell her how you guys are both working 30 hours a week each to support her and if she doesn't actually get a job within a definite time period (you can decide this, a few weeks or something) than you guys are leaving and she can fend for herself.

Also you mentioned her boyfriend, does he live with all of you? If so, he should be paying some of the rent/bills and if he's not then this should also be brought up with your mother.

Either way, I think your eventual goal should be to move out. I'm assuming you guy's don't want to live with your mother forever, or with her parents for that matter.

Perhaps the best solution would be to tell her that you're moving out (preferably to your own place), then she (your mother) can move to a smaller apartment that she can afford on her new lower salary.

Best of luck.

ApolloTreatingYou

Eh, I would just move out man. If you are not on the lease then you owe her nothing finacially.

You will be surprised at how much happier you will be with your own place. You and your lover can concetrate on eachother and grow as a couple. While I can see that you care for you mother, she is a much older person than you and is responsible for herself. If she has made it before she will make it again. It seems that she is using you as a crutch in this case anyway.

Try to be civil and work something out with her about moving out, but be firm and don't conceed. It's your life, not hers.

Zeon

How old are you?

Because if youre under 18, im not going to recommend moving out.

If youre over 18, and dont have any other responsibilities other than work, go for it.

Grimm

What about you getting a smaller place now that you don't need the extra room for your aunt? Or even getting your own place with the girlfriend and having your mother find a small single bedroom place that she could afford on her own?

supabeast

You and Amy should try finding full-time jobs that actually pay well and move out on your own.

Afty

Perhaps you could sublet the extra room ?

crake

If you move into your gf's parents' place, or to a place of your own, be sure to give your mother a healthy amount of time to prepare. She'll need to find a better job, and save up for first/last on a new, smaller place. Make sure to set the deadline and stick to it though.

Wylder

Im a little confused. From the figures in the OP, you and your GF bring in about $180 each /week, and your mother earns $800 /week.

And you are bitching about how you are supporting her? Did I read that right?

Re: nholder

ff

Feral

Re: nholder wrote: »

I should clarify, she (Mom) has been calling out and working every OTHER week at best. Like, three days. We're giving her our entire checks just to LIVE here, not to mention food, gas, cable, internet, etc. She literally sits on her ass, uses the money she has to self-medicate her depression with alcohol and does NOTHING. Sometimes for two weeks at a time.

We (Me and Amy) bascially do everything. We clean, we work, we do what we can to keep the house not looking like shit... and try not to get fed up with it. And we are, quick. I feel we just need advice on what do to next, and I think it's to move out.

So what you're basically saying is that you're codependent to an alcoholic.
If that doesn't answer your question I don't know what will.

Wylder

Re: nholder wrote: »

Thanks for the responses. (We're both nineteen and we make about 1400 combined a month)

I should clarify, she (Mom) has been calling out and working every OTHER week at best. Like, three days. We're giving her our entire checks just to LIVE here, not to mention food, gas, cable, internet, etc. She literally sits on her ass, uses the money she has to self-medicate her depression with alcohol and does NOTHING. Sometimes for two weeks at a time.

We (Me and Amy) bascially do everything. We clean, we work, we do what we can to keep the house not looking like shit... and try not to get fed up with it. And we are, quick. I feel we just need advice on what do to next, and I think it's to move out.

We've done the math, we can do it and live well, we just need to save money first. Bascially we just want to know if it's the best decision.

Ah. This makes more sense.


Yes. You should move out.

cuntstarrunner

Hi. I am Amy. So after some events that happened earlier today we are for sure moving out. To be nice we would like to give said mom some notice so she can find a new apartment for herself. How long would be a reasonable notice? Also how much money should we have saved up before we move out? The apartment we found is $475 a month and then whatever bills....for everything I believe it's going to be $700-$800. How much more should we have just in case?

meatflower

cuntstarrunner wrote: »

Hi. I am Amy. So after some events that happened earlier today we are for sure moving out. To be nice we would like to give said mom some notice so she can find a new apartment for herself. How long would be a reasonable notice? Also how much money should we have saved up before we move out? The apartment we found is $475 a month and then whatever bills....for everything I believe it's going to be $700-$800. How much more should we have just in case?

From the sounds of it she doesn't deserve much notice but two weeks is probably a good number. You'll probably have to pay the first and last months rent, so that's $900 right there. $800 for bills and then another $300 or so to deal with any emergencies, more if you want to be more cautious.

Have you considered furniture (I don't know if the place is furnished) and other things you will have to buy now that you won't be dependent on the possesions of your boyfriends mother? Pots and pans, appliances, dishes, etc.

So we're talking at least $2000, and that doesn't factor in the things I just mentioned above.