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[PATV] Thursday, September 1, 2011 - Extra Credits Season 3, Ep. 5: Game Addiction pt.2
Dog
Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
This week, we conclude our two-part series on the much-debated topic of "Game Addiction" (in a very, VERY unusual way).
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I would also like to thank the extra credits team, I hope you keep doing what you do as I feel more motivated and inspired every time I watched one of your episodes. The insight and knowledge I gain from watching this series is so valuable and the information I gain from watching I know I will one day put to good use. So now I go to share this to the world, as I hope many other will do the same
Great stuff.
I missed out on so much stuff I could have done in high school, but I do have very vivid memories of my adventures in that game. This definitely hit close to home...thanks so much, James. It felt really good to hear someone else in this situation discuss it.
At first the reason I avoided them was, well, I'm a cheapskate. The idea of paying a monthly fee stuck in my cheapskate craw.
As time went on, I dismissed the 'addiction' stories as more hysteria/internet fodder. It wasn't until those friends lives started crashing and burning that I gave it a second look. Now I'm a believer. My opinion (for what it's worth) is that the reason the MMOs have such addictive power isn't necessarily that they're superior to the stand alones. I think it's because there's nothing to tell players to stop. In a stand alone game, no matter how long, eventually you come to an end. Maybe you go back and play it again but eventually the game begins to pale. With an MMO, that cue isn't there. There's no "I got to the final chapter and now I can stop'. It's a world that keeps growing and expanding and is incredibly immersive. Too many people don't realize that NOTHING IS GOING TO TELL YOU TO STOP.
Makes me thankful I"m such a cheapskate. Probably saved me from my own addiction story.
Meanwhile in my real life things just kept getting worse. Part of it was because I was becoming too impatient and didn't handle failure well, part was medical issues, part was bad luck, but a big part was because things kept spiraling and I spent more time playing MMOs and less time trying to improve my real life.
I finally stopped when I realized that I wasn't actually enjoying my time playing WoW anymore. I was distracting myself from my real world problems, I was hitting the skinner boxes so I got a sense of accomplishment each day, but I wasn't actually having fun anymore. Even then I had to sell my computer before I could stop for good.
Learning to deal with setbacks and bad days is hard. It's taken a lot of retraining for me, and I'm still not doing that great and having to learn real life courage. However, I now only play games to enjoy them and because they make my life more fun, not as a way to escape.
Thank you, James. It took bravery to say the things you did. To be that open and personal. You probably know this poem, actually I'm pretty sure you've referenced it on the show (I'm not going to browse through the episodes to find out.) I believe that this beautiful piece of literature sums up my thoughts about this episode better than I could in the constrains of the web comments section. It's all about rejection, escapism, depression, fear, doubt and about all that pain that comes with these things. Anyways, it's not very relevant I know but I thought I would add it to the discussion, put it on the field, in hopes that it'll resonate with somebody watching this episode, they'll look it up, and find the wisdom in these words older than our hobby itself and certainly older than their compulsion.
I've been lucky enough to have friends who are clearly more openly sociable than I am, and they've given me those opportunities you mentioned. These days, I usually take them up on it. But that wasn't always the case, and it's a gracious and good thing you're doing to let others know that this can be a problem if you let it, and also that it's certainly not insurmountable. Like anything else, Life just takes a bit of practice.
(Okay, now I feel like I'm in a Quaker Oats commercial or something, so I'll just stop.)
Ka-Chung!
Ka-Chung!
But dude - when you said you've seen all the Civ wonders that are still standing I started blowing kisses at the screen so fast I accidentally slapped myself in the face and my labret made my gums bleed.
Like you have no idea, James. This brought back years of depression, fighting, being scared, hiding away, and more importantly, reminded me just how far I've come since then.
I'm not one to cry too quickly but you moved me to tears.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, thank you for this. And to the commenters who acknowledged their issues as well.
My name is Vez'Roth, and I am a game addict.
It started very early in highschool, around 9th grade so nearly 10 years ago now. I had progressed to a point in my life that I was being bullied, constantly. From that point I found an escape in various games. Pokemon was big for the time, then I graduated to higher and higher games. Super Smash Bros. used up a lot of my time and life for a while, then Halo came out and I was lost.
The progression started with Halo and I had a close friend I would spend a lot of time with playing through Halo over and over again. We got to the point where we were so good at the game that we would play through the Library. On Legendary. For FUN.
As time went on I fell along different paths for games, whenever a new Halo came out it was back to the old runs. Harder, and faster. We got good, but neither of us had Xbox Live so it wasn't really a thing for true Multi.
I was truly lost about 2007ish. I had wanted to play World of Warcraft for a while, but never really had the inclination to go for it. I heard about how insanely good it was, and really wanted to learn and try it out. I got in shortly after Burning Crusade came out and I've been trapped in a prison of my own making ever since.
My lowest point ever was near the middle/end of Wrath of the Lich King. I pretty much existed solely in the game. I would wake up and go to the game, no TV, just wake up boot up my laptop and log in. I would chain instance runs for hours at a time ignoring my wife completely for days, weeks at a time. She was sitting right next to me, so what did it matter? We were spending time together!
But we weren't. It wasn't spending time together, it was just sitting next to one another. No interaction. No communication of any sort. Just me, on the computer filling green bars by emptying blue bars. (Shaman healer.)
I have a seizure disorder. I've known about the disorder since I was 16. It's not photoepilepsy, tests have concluded that. But the trigger is unknown, it's believed to be stress-related. I have had seizures while playing games and I know I need to take it easy, because they most often come on when I'm tired, or hungry.
This is important because Dead Space (the original) caused a seizure. The asteroid part, along the spine of the ship? Yeah, you know the part. Well, when I woke up... my wife asked me if I knew where I was. I told her that I was on the Ishimura. She was confused, and I looked right at her and said that I was on the MEDICAL BAY of the SS Ishimura. The SHIP that Dead Space took place on.
I struggle every day with my addiction. I struggle with the rejection of reality on a daily basis. Dozens of applications and resumes have been sent out. All I receive are rejections.
But it's not all negative. I've taken my step. I've begun my fight for self control. As of January 4th I begin college at my local Community College. Much of it is back to basics (I dropped out in May 2001) but god dammit. I will do it. I can devote two nights a week to struggling against the same raid boss over and over again? I do devote the SAME devotion to getting through college.
James?
Quest Accepted!
I went to community college, but dropped out when I only needed one more class to transfer to a 4 year university. The fact that it just felt like high school 2.0 (so much general education) was a total turn off, and the fact that after transfering I was just going to be in high school 3.0 (MORE GENERAL EDUCATION), where most of my classes were irrelevant to my interests, defeated me. It's not like it was hard, I maintained a 3.0 without ever opening any of my text books.
Luckily, I should be getting a life time career sometime next year, and it's a good career with practically guaranteed job security, so I should have plenty of motivation to stick with it.
P.S. You had an RX-7? I am fucking jelly. So fucking jelly.
For myself, I wouldn't consider it an addiction. Instead, gaming just happened to be There, it presented itself as A Thing To Do. I could just as soon stare at a wall as play games, but I needed something to fill my time. A 'healthy' analogy is to read, or craft, or Learn. Despite the years poured into gaming, it never cost me sleep, or meals, or friends, or grades, or employment. Even today, I don't particularly enjoy the time I spend gaming. It's just something to do, for a lack of anything else.
That doesn't mean that my history isn't damning and shaming - perhaps even moreso than is evident here. James, even in the depths of his 'compulsion,' still maintained friends, even lovers, even if some other interests decayed for lack of care. Myself, I had no friends to lose. In fact, I distinctly recall the moment where I realize, in retrospect, that I stop even trying to make friends. It wasn't anything hurtful or obvious, just the usual inclusion/exclusion that adolescents practice. The other outcasts with whom I temporarily bonded were hateful and pathetic (two attributes that likely could also describe me then, and likely now) so I quickly let those ties rot away.
Maybe that's just a sad, pitiable lesson I must unlearn, but today, other forces stop me from bothering. Chiefly, a lack of desire, but also the realization that yes, I am 'behind,' or I'd describe it as out of sync: all those experiences and desires and dreams that define a person, their only answer is NULL. It should think it quite impressive that I don't drink at all, or do drugs. While I suspect a lack of access is the major factor, not any strength of character, I also suspect that I'd try them willingly, but find - like gaming - I wouldn't enjoy it. I would only continue as A Thing To Do, something to occupy my time.
'Life will always welcome you back'? Life never welcomed me in the first place. I spit on it today. And I assure you this isn't me just being shy or depressed or whatever else. I won't describe my specific life story, and I'll accept culpability for my later and current years, but the early years that taught this attitude is certainly no fault of mine.
Now, it is entirely possible that whatever issues I may have differ from what was described in the video and presented in the comments, and it is only the very minor intersection of gaming that brought me here. Indeed, that seems the story of my life, as ridiculous as I know it to be: 'Oh, so you think you're Different? How novel.'
.
All joking aside, that was beautiful. Thank you.
You looked like you were rather upset by this story, and reminiscing on that part of your life looked like it almost had you to tears, but I understand. I feel a large amount of shame at the time in my life I have wasted to video games, late nights just watching videos on the Internet(like tonight), and adding drugs into the mix, like especially weed, although I can happily say I haven't smoked in a very long time.
Video games are extremely easy to fall into, especially given the accomplishments they offer you in a virtual world, that you would love to feel in your real world, but find too hard to accomplish. I have been trying to get back into making something of myself, but the career prospects are daunting. Nevertheless I will persevere and continue trying to make something of myself. Thanks for the episodes, and your words of encouragement to anyone with these issues. I try to be an optimist in spite of my past and present issues, and it's nice to have someone else sharing that same view. You can't ever give up.
What you said about the void that games (or drugs, gambling, etc...) fills is spot on. I am also impressed that you had enough insight to realize that it wasn't just *anything* that you chose to fill the void with, but that games have special qualities that pulled you away from real life.
I hope you know that what you did is powerful, brave, and absolutely worth it.
This rule especially blocks the realy compulsing games like MMOs from doing harm.
I used to play like there's no tomorrow after my first girlfriend dumped me for someone else (that's when I started playing WoW). After a few months of that I realized, that the larger part of my gaming time was spent on doing things that were boring: grinding, grinding and more grinding. I realized, what I did was not fun, but rather work to earn my entry to all the high level stuff. That was when I stopped playing, since it was neither more fun nor more rewarding than the real life.
Also, in the last few years I added: "No guild play." Guilds (almost) always tell you "There are no obligations" and stuff, but it is always the same: as soon as you get to the higher levels and want to get into the end game you need to play with your guild and then they require you to follow the schedule: "Be there, do that" and not only that, but you have to do it regulairly, no matter if you want or not, you have to go, else you might get kicked out of the guild.