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This world is keeping us alive just so it can fucking kill us when we don't expect it

joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
edited May 2012 in Social Entropy++
GrimReaper-1-.jpg

Earth is a pretty great place, right? It's where we keep all our stuff. The only problem is that everything is trying to kill you. It doesn't have to be dramatic or flashy or bloody, either. You can get a stupid infection from a minor injury and then it's Deadland, Population: You. Or you can have a ticking time bomb in your brain in the form of an aneurysm and one day you just keel over, and that's all she wrote.

But sometimes Earth gets really creative with the ways that it comes up with to off you.
Two fishermen bled to death in separate incidents in June of 2001 along the Sepik river in north-western Papua New Guinea after having their penises bitten off by pacu fish. The fish are related to piranha and follow urine strams in the water, swimming to its source and then biting it off with razor sharp teeth. Some believe the killer may be a fish introduced from Brazil in 1994 as a protein substitute, but marine biologist Ian Middleton blamed another pacu species, introduced from Indonesia. "The killer fish have the most human-like teeth on the bottom jaw I have ever seen and quite possibly feed on insects," he said.

Occasionally our own minds rebel against us. Or we are just total idiots.
Chalil Chathothu Ravindran, 45, retired to a room in his house in Chelora, a town in southern Indian state of Kerala, on 19 December. He told his mother he would come out of the room after 41 days of prayers with complete abstention from food and water, and that he would have divine powers. When he failed to come out after the specified period, neighbors tried to break into the room but were prevented by his relatives. After 50 days, police forced open the door and found Ravindran's decomposed body.

And then there's just bizarre shit like this.
A dwarf nicknamed Od has died in a circus accident in northern Thailand. According to the Pattaya Mail, he "bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus which was waiting to appear in the next act. Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex that automatically caused her to swallow." The vet said it was the first time the hefty vegetarian had ever eaten a circus performer. "Unfortunately, the 1,000-plus spectators continued to applaud widely until common-sense dictated that there had been a tragic mistake".

So let's talk about the many ways that our own home is planning and plotting to coldly murder us.

joshofalltrades on
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    SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    This thread now has only one challenge.

    To beat "Accidentally eaten by a hippo' as cause of death.

    Steam: SanderJK Origin: SanderJK
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    KarlKarl Registered User regular
    SanderJK wrote: »
    This thread now has only one challenge.

    To beat "Accidentally eaten by a hippo' as cause of death.

    I don't know. That's possibly the most fucking crazy way to die.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Whichever way I go, I want a limerick about it on my tombstone, and it had better be a good one

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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    I am plotting nothing really.

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    BugBoyBugBoy boy.EXE has stopped functioning. only bugs remainRegistered User regular
    wikipedia has a great list of unusual deaths

    it creeps me out every time

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    dbrock270dbrock270 Registered User regular
    http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html
    The officer, who has not been identified, approached and saw that the naked man was actually chewing the other man’s head, according to witnesses. The officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he continued the assault, the officer shot him. The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

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    FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    "1830: William Huskisson, statesman and financier, was crushed to death by a locomotive (Stephenson's Rocket), at the public opening of the world's first mechanically powered passenger railway.[45]"

    this is one of my favs

    "892: Sigurd the Mighty of Orkney strapped the head of his defeated foe, Máel Brigte, to his horse's saddle. The teeth of the head grazed against his leg as he rode, causing a fatal infection.[20]"

    reposig.jpg
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    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    Eaten by a fucking hippo? Jesus

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    Butler For Life #1Butler For Life #1 Twinning is WinningRegistered User regular
    BugBoy has "died" after being ascended to godhood by divine insects, who have aided him in his departure from the mortal plane so that he may lead them

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    BugBoy wrote: »
    wikipedia has a great list of unusual deaths

    it creeps me out every time
    Sigurd the Mighty of Orkney strapped the head of his defeated foe, Máel Brigte, to his horse's saddle. The teeth of the head grazed against his leg as he rode, causing a fatal infection.

    Ah yes, our old enemy: Tooth decay

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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    sa has a thread on this

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    GatsbyGatsby Registered User regular
    I once read a story about a couple driving down a road, and the husband inexplicably jumped out the car, killing himself, screaming that he had just seen Jesus Christ with the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as apparitions above him and that this was the end of times.

    It turned out to be a fellow next to his broken down car dressed as Jesus with three blowup dolls he filled with helium, stuck on his way to a costume party.

    Later when questioned he expressed regret, saying he "should've gone as Nero" instead.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    dbrock270 wrote: »
    http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html
    The officer, who has not been identified, approached and saw that the naked man was actually chewing the other man’s head, according to witnesses. The officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he continued the assault, the officer shot him. The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

    The officer, Jill, is reportedly the master of unlocking

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    dbrock270dbrock270 Registered User regular
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byford_Dolphin#Diving_bell_accident
    The first two steps had been completed, and D4 was about to carry out step 3 when, for some reason, one of the tenders opened the clamp, which resulted in explosive decompression of the chamber. A tremendous blast shot from the chamber through the trunk, pushing the bell away and hitting the two tenders. The tender who opened the clamp was killed, and the other was severely injured.

    Diver D3 was shot out through the small jammed hatch door opening and was torn to pieces. Subsequent investigation by forensic pathologists determined D4, being exposed to the highest pressure gradient, violently exploded due to the rapid and massive expansion of internal gases. All of his thoracic and abdominal organs, and even his thoracic spine were ejected, as were all of his limbs. Simultaneously, his remains were expelled through the narrow trunk opening left by the jammed chamber door, less than 60 centimetres (24 in) in diameter. Fragments of his body were found scattered about the rig. One part was even found lying on the rig's derrick, 10 metres (30 ft) directly above the chambers. His death was most likely instantaneous and painless.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    dbrock270 wrote: »
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byford_Dolphin#Diving_bell_accident
    The first two steps had been completed, and D4 was about to carry out step 3 when, for some reason, one of the tenders opened the clamp, which resulted in explosive decompression of the chamber. A tremendous blast shot from the chamber through the trunk, pushing the bell away and hitting the two tenders. The tender who opened the clamp was killed, and the other was severely injured.

    Diver D3 was shot out through the small jammed hatch door opening and was torn to pieces. Subsequent investigation by forensic pathologists determined D4, being exposed to the highest pressure gradient, violently exploded due to the rapid and massive expansion of internal gases. All of his thoracic and abdominal organs, and even his thoracic spine were ejected, as were all of his limbs. Simultaneously, his remains were expelled through the narrow trunk opening left by the jammed chamber door, less than 60 centimetres (24 in) in diameter. Fragments of his body were found scattered about the rig. One part was even found lying on the rig's derrick, 10 metres (30 ft) directly above the chambers. His death was most likely instantaneous and painless.

    For some reason this story always freaks me out a little bit

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    Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    That sounds like the plot of an awful B-movie horror film

    "What happens when a dwarf and a trampoline interact with a hippo yawning nearby?

    DEATH

    BY

    YAWN

    Whatever you do, don't yawn in the theaters while seeing this. It could be the last time you see the person beside you."

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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Thread title made me think of this song for some reason:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBs3ived_Zw

    Also if you want read about about awful ways to die, look up the wikipedia article about deaths at amusement parks.
    And on that note I am going to mostly ignore this thread because I know from experience I will get really depressed..

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    TefTef Registered User regular
    I found out a guy that I worked with died at work a month or so ago. He was working on a pier expansion. The scaffold he was attached to via his fall arrest harness (it's pretty much the same harness rock climbers wear) broke free and fell into the water. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to free himself so he drowned.

    The company he was sub-contracted to had banned the guys from carrying knives on their belts about the months ago, saying that the guys could injure themselves with them. The reason why doggers carry knives is for exactly this reason.

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    facetious wrote: »
    Thread title made me think of this song for some reason:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBs3ived_Zw

    Also if you want read about about awful ways to die, look up the wikipedia article about deaths at amusement parks.
    And on that note I am going to mostly ignore this thread because I know from experience I will get really depressed..

    I saw them in concert last month

    AJJ is great.

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    LegbaLegba He did. Registered User regular
    A dwarf nicknamed Od has died in a circus accident in northern Thailand. According to the Pattaya Mail, he "bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus which was waiting to appear in the next act. Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex that automatically caused her to swallow." The vet said it was the first time the hefty vegetarian had ever eaten a circus performer. "Unfortunately, the 1,000-plus spectators continued to applaud widely until common-sense dictated that there had been a tragic mistake".

    Snopes says nope.

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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    Beasteh wrote: »
    sa has a thread on this

    good for them?

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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    This is as good a place as any, I guess.

    Unwittingly, I have been playing a drinking "game" since like 2007

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    FoolproofFoolproof thats what my hearts become in that place you dare not look staring back at youRegistered User regular
    I think my favorite weird death story is the one where the lady got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. In the dark she tripped and fell, the glass broke and cut her and she bleed out either because of the seriousness of the wound or because she was knocked out and couldn't stop the bleeding.

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    Romanian My EscutcheonRomanian My Escutcheon Two of Forks Registered User regular
    dbrock270 wrote: »
    http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/26/2818832/naked-man-shot-killed-on-macarthur.html
    The officer, who has not been identified, approached and saw that the naked man was actually chewing the other man’s head, according to witnesses. The officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he continued the assault, the officer shot him. The attacker continued to eat the man, despite being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

    See, now I really wish I hadn't finished rereading World War Z last weekend.

    [IMG][/img]
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Legba wrote: »
    A dwarf nicknamed Od has died in a circus accident in northern Thailand. According to the Pattaya Mail, he "bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus which was waiting to appear in the next act. Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex that automatically caused her to swallow." The vet said it was the first time the hefty vegetarian had ever eaten a circus performer. "Unfortunately, the 1,000-plus spectators continued to applaud widely until common-sense dictated that there had been a tragic mistake".

    Snopes says nope.

    Welp

    I for one am shocked that something I found out about online turned out to be false

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    KwoaruKwoaru Confident Smirk Flawless Golden PecsRegistered User regular
    Karl wrote: »
    SanderJK wrote: »
    This thread now has only one challenge.

    To beat "Accidentally eaten by a hippo' as cause of death.

    I don't know. That's possibly the most fucking crazy way to die.

    I'm reasonably sure hippos kill more people every year than any other animal?

    Because hippos are giant fucking assholes (pygmy hippos are super fucking cute though)

    2x39jD4.jpg
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    Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    Pygmy hippos are cute to hide the fact that they could kill you fairly easily

    Koalas are the same way

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    BugBoyBugBoy boy.EXE has stopped functioning. only bugs remainRegistered User regular
    there's a kind of caterpillar that causes massive hemorrhage and death when touched

    they're very easy to step on or accidentally brush up against

    I like

    bugs

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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    From Wikipedia:
    Michael Anderson Godwin, convicted of murder and facing the electric chair, had his sentence commuted to life imprisonment in 1983. On March 5, 1989, however, while trying to fix some earphones plugged into the TV in his cell, he bit into a wire and electrocuted himself. He was sitting on a steel-rimmed toilet.

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    agoajagoaj Top Tier One FearRegistered User regular
    I wonder what killed the guy in the hippo...
    Suffocation
    or getting crushed by the swallowing muscles.

    because you'd think someone kicking around in there would induce vomitting...

    ujav5b9gwj1s.png
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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    Foolproof wrote: »
    I think my favorite weird death story is the one where the lady got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. In the dark she tripped and fell, the glass broke and cut her and she bleed out either because of the seriousness of the wound or because she was knocked out and couldn't stop the bleeding.

    what

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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    Garry Hoy, a 38-year-old lawyer in Toronto, Ontario, fell to his death on July 9, 1993, after he threw himself against a window on the 24th floor of the Toronto-Dominion Centre in an attempt to prove to a group of visitors that the glass was "unbreakable." The glass did not break, but popped out of the window frame.

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    Romanian My EscutcheonRomanian My Escutcheon Two of Forks Registered User regular
    Garry Hoy, a 38-year-old lawyer in Toronto, Ontario, fell to his death on July 9, 1993, after he threw himself against a window on the 24th floor of the Toronto-Dominion Centre in an attempt to prove to a group of visitors that the glass was "unbreakable." The glass did not break, but popped out of the window frame.

    Am I a bad person for laughing at this?

    [IMG][/img]
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    Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    zachary taylor: death by drinking too much milk

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    The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    kill all bugs

    7656367.jpg
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    SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    Garry Hoy, a 38-year-old lawyer in Toronto, Ontario, fell to his death on July 9, 1993, after he threw himself against a window on the 24th floor of the Toronto-Dominion Centre in an attempt to prove to a group of visitors that the glass was "unbreakable." The glass did not break, but popped out of the window frame.

    Am I a bad person for laughing at this?

    There is a bit of irony that it was a lawyer who died proving a fact technically correct.

    Steam: SanderJK Origin: SanderJK
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    Speed RacerSpeed Racer Scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratchRegistered User regular
    did the glass break when it hit the pavement

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    This thread isn't about the Final Destination movies?

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    Bluedude152Bluedude152 Registered User regular
    Wikipedia is great for these.
    1923: Frank Hayes, a jockey at Belmont Park, New York, died of a heart attack during his first race. His mount finished first with his body still attached to the saddle, and he was only discovered to be dead when the horse's owner went to congratulate him.

    1814: London Beer Flood, 9 people were killed (some drowned, some died from injuries, and one succumbed to alcohol poisoning) when 323,000 imperial gallons (1,468,000L) of beer in the Meux and Company Brewery burst out of its vats and gushed into the streets.

    A 25-year-old woman from Ottawa, Ontario and Steven Leon, 40, of Gatineau, Quebec, died after an airborne American black bear smashed through the windshield of their SUV near Luskville, Quebec. The bear had been hit by another vehicle, launching it into the oncoming lane where it landed on the SUV.

    Acton Beale, 20, died after falling from a balcony in Brisbane, Australia, the only person known to have died while participating in a fad known as 'planking'.

    p0a2ody6sqnt.jpg
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